HR people, please tell me how to handle this

[Anonymous]

I work with a person who has always been known in the company for her negative demeanor, her disrespect and her ineffectiveness. This is a non-profit that would never fire someone for that, plus, this person has managed to convince the small unit I work in that she is indispensable. She clearly does not like me, and I am not too fond of her either, but I firmly believe in showing people respect and trying accept them for who they are unless it affects my work performance. I got pregnant, had a complicated pregnancy and was on leave for 7 months. While I was out the company hired a temp, she is younger than me, and much more like the person referenced above, just more inexperienced in all areas (including backstabbing, manipulation). They got along very well, so the mean person tried to get HR to create a permanent position for her. She was told that my job was not available and that she should lay off. In the meantime, she got cancer, but delayed treatment because she felt she needed to work (uhm... what?? Is any job ever worth risking your life if you have very generious benefits that protect you for a long time?) By the time I came back she was on short-term disability. But despite being told numerous times to not answer emails or work or even show up in the office she continues to do it. Emails that should come to me get delayed because she cannot forward them in time. She spends a lot of time with the temp, telling her what to do, sending emails, talking on the phone about things the temp should talk to me about. It makes the entire working environment very uncomfortable.

I talked to HR, and they are fully aware of the situation, but feel that their hands are tied. They asked me to push back as much as I can. I was becoming increasingly unhappy, so I applied for another position that was a promotion. When I got the job offer, my boss asked me to stay offering me the same promotion. I stayed.

What should I do? I do feel sorry that she has cancer, but her behavior is intolerable, and I am not willing to let her push me out. I am actually pretty good at my job and I enjoy working with the other people there. I just can't stand having to constantly deal with her. She coldly tells the temp that she *might* let her stay a little longer once she is back. (She wants to come back soon and only work part-time, which is not really an option in our job) She is constantly overstepping boundaries.

Sorry this is so long, I just feel like I am in an impossible situation.

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to get rid of the first or second person?

[Anonymous]

OP you can absolutely get rid of someone who is toxic to the work environment. I'm not HR, but we had this in our company - an admin person who kept wanting helpers so she didn't have to do her job; toxic and gossipy and unprofessional and wanted very much to surround herself with others having her awful toxic attitude. Me, me, me.

Bottom line was she was easily replaceable, and most people were extremely relieved. You can say you are having cutbacks.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks. I don't want to "get rid off" anyone. However, the first person is VERY old (most likely in her late 60s, early 70s) and should have long retired, instead she outlives one young admin after another. People typically quit 1-2 years into working with her, which then means she can yet again "prove" how indispensable she is since she has to train new people all over again and works for two, etc. It's messy. The 2nd person is actually young enough and "trainable", so if the first person was out of the picture, I wouldn't have a problem with keeping her around. She has told me that this type of job isn't really "her thing" anyway.

I am sure the first person thought I would have quit by now, but I refuse to give up a good job with good potential for someone who shouldn't be there anymore in the first place. I guess my question is how does one handle this when the person that is acting so inappropriately suffers from cancer. If she did not have cancer I would honestly go all in and document everything and inform HR that this is unhealthy. I have told our HR person that I find her behavior to be abusive not only to me but especially to the second person by assuming a sense of control and power she really does not have.

[Anonymous]

I assume you are not this person's supervisor, so this is HR's problem to handle. They refuse to handle it, they have always refused to handle it, and you know this. You knew this when you found a new job and you knew this when you decided to stay at your company. I mean, I'm not sure what you're looking for. You are looking for the magic bullet that's going to make this woman start behaving professionally, and it doesn't exist if the people in charge of making sure that happens won't do their job. You know what YOU can do ("go all in and document everything") but you choose not to do so. Sorry, but there's no fix to this situation because everyone is sitting around wringing their hands instead of making the tough decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are not this person's supervisor, so this is HR's problem to handle. They refuse to handle it, they have always refused to handle it, and you know this. You knew this when you found a new job and you knew this when you decided to stay at your company. I mean, I'm not sure what you're looking for. You are looking for the magic bullet that's going to make this woman start behaving professionally, and it doesn't exist if the people in charge of making sure that happens won't do their job. You know what YOU can do ("go all in and document everything") but you choose not to do so. Sorry, but there's no fix to this situation because everyone is sitting around wringing their hands instead of making the tough decisions.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here, while I definitely get your point, I have to point out that the new job was within the company in a different department. I am worried about HR's lack of action though, but if I am the first one to speak up to them directly, how could they actually take action against her? The others chose to silently leave when it got to be too much. Without enough documentation in hand, it is very difficult to take any action. I don't choose NOT to do this. I actually AM choosing to do it, but I am asking whether this is actually appropriate when the first person is suffering from cancer. HR made it sound as though they want me to continue reporting to them so they can have something on record. But you are right, maybe they are just wringing their hands, and I do need to be mindful of that.

[Anonymous]

Since her behavior has been bothering you (and I sure can't blame you, it sounds maddening) and HR effectively told you they would take no action, you probably should have taken that promotion.

You opted to stay. You are not going to change your colleague. Focus on changing your reaction to her. Like water off a duck's back. Or imagine you're an anthropologist and detach and just notice her behaviors without taking them personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since her behavior has been bothering you (and I sure can't blame you, it sounds maddening) and HR effectively told you they would take no action, you probably should have taken that promotion.

You opted to stay. You are not going to change your colleague. Focus on changing your reaction to her. Like water off a duck's back. Or imagine you're an anthropologist and detach and just notice her behaviors without taking them personally.

OP here, thanks PP! I didn't take the promotion (remember, ultimately I got the same promotion within my current department) because what I had been told about the other boss (by reliable sources) was a million times worse than my current. It's one thing to work with a horrible co-worker, it's another to work for a horrible boss. And it would have been just me and the boss vs. having additional staff around.

You bring up an important factor, which is my reaction to her. I think I should definitely work on that. I have already outlasted my predecessors, so I might have a much better chance at succeeding if I simply decide not to let her get to me at all. Ultimately she is battling health issues and will have to retire at some point. And if she doesn't, at least I'll be able to apply for jobs at a higher pay-ranger than before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since her behavior has been bothering you (and I sure can't blame you, it sounds maddening) and HR effectively told you they would take no action, you probably should have taken that promotion.

You opted to stay. You are not going to change your colleague. Focus on changing your reaction to her. Like water off a duck's back. Or imagine you're an anthropologist and detach and just notice her behaviors without taking them personally.

OP here, thanks PP! I didn't take the promotion (remember, ultimately I got the same promotion within my current department) because what I had been told about the other boss (by reliable sources) was a million times worse than my current. It's one thing to work with a horrible co-worker, it's another to work for a horrible boss. And it would have been just me and the boss vs. having additional staff around.

You bring up an important factor, which is my reaction to her. I think I should definitely work on that. I have already outlasted my predecessors, so I might have a much better chance at succeeding if I simply decide not to let her get to me at all. Ultimately she is battling health issues and will have to retire at some point. And if she doesn't, at least I'll be able to apply for jobs at a higher pay-ranger than before.

PP again. With that additional info about a bad boss, taking the promotion in your current dept definitely makes sense! Maybe search amazon for books on dealing with difficult people and tips for disengaging. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks PP! I'll definitely check that out! It might just be the one thing she has never had to put up with - someone disengaging.

[Anonymous]

I would also suggest you document, document, document. From the sound of your company they are not going to let her go so you will not be the cause of her loss of medical coverage. They may, however, move her to a less intrusive position or find a way to occupy her that is not as destructive, effectively marginalize the damage she can do. It is always worth it to document so that when someone arrives that is willing to take action there is the basis to do so. I am sorry that she has cancer and that may be a reason to lower the demands on her at work. That is entirely separate from and does not excuse her history of unprofessional conduct.

[Anonymous]

I am sure the first person thought I would have quit by now, but I refuse to give up a good job with good potential for someone who shouldn't be there anymore in the first place.

At my last job, I felt something similar. I wanted to "outlast" the horrible people to prove that I was better than them. Eventually I left, and I couldn't be happier. They are still at the same place, pulling the same old b.s., continuing to torture coworkers with their toxicity. I've moved on. It did temporarily feel like they "won" -- but now I am happy and successful in a new position, and that's truly winning. Good luck.