"You're not as hot as when we got married"

[Anonymous]

This is a direct quote from my husband when I asked him if he thought I had a flabby belly after two kids. I lost a huge amount of weight following my 2nd pregnancy but still have a chubby abdomen from excess skin. Husband considers himself "direct, no nonsense". Is there any way to interpret this in other than a completely insulting light? He said in the same sentence that he is still very turned on by me...but needless to say I am furious.

[Anonymous]

I'd be furious, too.

[Anonymous]

So you wanted him to lie in answer to your question?

[Anonymous]

You can't ask your husband a question when you know you may feel insulted by his answer. You knew he was a direct type of man.

[Anonymous]

Why did you ask? Did you want him to tell the truth or be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious, too.

Furious that he was honest? He didn't say it out the blue... She asked.

[Anonymous]

Well, did he think you'd be as hot forever? Will he be?

For me, as long as we are eating healthy, taking care of ourselves, working out, etc., that's all we can do.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I knew I'd get responses to this, but had no idea how many so quickly. I had asked him the question because I need to get some surgery and during a consultation it was recommended to me to get the extra abd. skin removed (by a plastic surgeon, so am dubious). It is not very noticeble except when I am naked. So I thought I would check in with him...I guess I got my answer.

[Anonymous]

Be glad your DH Is honest. Be glad you can afford to take care of it with surgery.

No reason to be furious over facts.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. That would really hurt my feelings - I'm sure you're pretty upset by his comment. I wouldn't want to hear that from my husband, even if I was 80 and knew it was the truth. It's just not something that feels good to hear.

[Anonymous]

You know you have a chubby belly and you asked him if he thought so. Why would you do this? If he said no, you would know he was lying and probably get angry or keep taking about how it really was flabby. He said yes. No reason to be mad at him- you asked. BTW, you sound like you should be in high school. Your husband doesn't want to talk about your insecurities all day.

[Anonymous]

There's a huge difference between saying, "do you think my belly is chubby/flabby" versus "do you think I'm hot?" She asked question number one, he answered that with question number two. He took it too far. It was an honest question that could have been answered honestly but not insultingly. He missed the opportunity, let's put it that way.

[Anonymous]

OP here: If you ask your husband about a specific body part, isn't it kind of gratuitously mean to add the part about "not being as hot"? I would have been fine if he said my tummy was bigger from kids. I am really trying not to take this to heart, but it's very hard to have your spouse make an insensitive comment like that and just let it go. What do the husbands on this site think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: If you ask your husband about a specific body part, isn't it kind of gratuitously mean to add the part about "not being as hot"? I would have been fine if he said my tummy was bigger from kids. I am really trying not to take this to heart, but it's very hard to have your spouse make an insensitive comment like that and just let it go. What do the husbands on this site think?

Yes. It is SO mean. You did not ask him if you were hot and he chose to tell you this. I don't think I could forgive a man who would say that. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would not be mad about it, unless it was said in a mean or nasty way. I'm not as hot as I was when I got married. Almost no one is as hot age age 40 after 2 kids as they were at age 27 with no kids. If my husband said I was just as hot as I used to be, he would be lying.