In DC: "White Parents Horrified by George Floyd Video Still Go to Great Lengths..."

[Anonymous]

But saying “white tears” is easier than doing to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents at low performing schools just cared more, those schools would improve. How about encouraging that? Instead, this just sounds like another rehash of "white man's burden". Seriously, woke people, this has been done, and that’s where this road will lead you.

That's a bit harsh. I personally think that a lot of parents actually don't really know what to do. I think a lot of parents think that education is the schools "job", while their "job" is to feed and cloth their kids. It is the idea of education as a service provided by the state and not a lifelong process that has its own value. For kids that do well in school, education does not end when they leave school, parents are involved in homework and in providing added enrichment. My biggest problem is that somehow, parents that care about their kids education are also supposed to be guilted as "dream hoarders" for providing enrichment. Justice will not be served by making all kids ignorant, but more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success, like limiting screen time, promoting reading outside of what is assigned at school, etc.

I think everyone understands that kids that excel in sports or dance put in the work on their own time outside of practice, however somehow this same notion does not carry over to school and education for some reason.

This seems to be a great example of prime DCUM. I have no idea of PPs race or SES, but she sure sounds a lot like a lot of well meaning white liberals I know. The attitude seems to be "I'm a white person who doesn't actually know any Black people and hasn't set foot in a DCPS outside of upper NW, but I'm going to potificate about the values of people that I actually know NOTHING about, and I think that my ignorance should be listened to because of my privilege."

"more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success". FFS -- really? That's your take? It's nothing to do with parents working multiple jobs, kids living in insecure places, kids witnessing trauma, food insecurity, systemic racism or the carceral state. Parents just need to "limit screen time." Got it.

PP here. Despite your pre-judgment of me I’m actually Black and grew up getting my food from the food bank. I really do wish that my road could have been a lot easier and a big part of that would have been what my parents could have done to help me. But like many kids in my neighborhood, I grew up relatively unsupervised. What I have learned through my life journey is that to actually make it out of a less than ideal situation requires hard, sustained and dedicated effort. I liken it to rockets reaching orbit, to reach that escape velocity requires tremendous amounts of energy. It’s really hard to do unless you have booster rockets. The amount of energy and dedication required can be overwhelming at times, particularly if you are trying to do it alone. The reason immigrants can do it is because the ones I know look at their lives as inter-generational. A parent sacrificing literally every to provide that boost for their kids to make it into orbit. The trick is that once you are there, it’s not so hard to move around. I consider myself lucky. Very few people go from where I started to where I have ended up. I am not leaving that same chance to my kids and I am also personally adopting an inter-generational view of sacrificing everything for them. If people don’t want to hear truth that Black parents are not helping their kids enough, then I don’t know what to tell you that can help you to understand or believe to know what it takes to be successful. Everyone will listen to Kobe Bryant or whoever talk about their single minded dedication to achieve their goal and nod their heads. But seldom do people consider that approach and apply it learning. So believe what you want, but I can personally tell you that there is no easy way. It’s all hard work.

Amazing perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents at low performing schools just cared more, those schools would improve. How about encouraging that? Instead, this just sounds like another rehash of "white man's burden". Seriously, woke people, this has been done, and that’s where this road will lead you.

That's a bit harsh. I personally think that a lot of parents actually don't really know what to do. I think a lot of parents think that education is the schools "job", while their "job" is to feed and cloth their kids. It is the idea of education as a service provided by the state and not a lifelong process that has its own value. For kids that do well in school, education does not end when they leave school, parents are involved in homework and in providing added enrichment. My biggest problem is that somehow, parents that care about their kids education are also supposed to be guilted as "dream hoarders" for providing enrichment. Justice will not be served by making all kids ignorant, but more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success, like limiting screen time, promoting reading outside of what is assigned at school, etc.

I think everyone understands that kids that excel in sports or dance put in the work on their own time outside of practice, however somehow this same notion does not carry over to school and education for some reason.

This seems to be a great example of prime DCUM. I have no idea of PPs race or SES, but she sure sounds a lot like a lot of well meaning white liberals I know. The attitude seems to be "I'm a white person who doesn't actually know any Black people and hasn't set foot in a DCPS outside of upper NW, but I'm going to potificate about the values of people that I actually know NOTHING about, and I think that my ignorance should be listened to because of my privilege."

"more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success". FFS -- really? That's your take? It's nothing to do with parents working multiple jobs, kids living in insecure places, kids witnessing trauma, food insecurity, systemic racism or the carceral state. Parents just need to "limit screen time." Got it.

PP here. Despite your pre-judgment of me I’m actually Black and grew up getting my food from the food bank. I really do wish that my road could have been a lot easier and a big part of that would have been what my parents could have done to help me. But like many kids in my neighborhood, I grew up relatively unsupervised. What I have learned through my life journey is that to actually make it out of a less than ideal situation requires hard, sustained and dedicated effort. I liken it to rockets reaching orbit, to reach that escape velocity requires tremendous amounts of energy. It’s really hard to do unless you have booster rockets. The amount of energy and dedication required can be overwhelming at times, particularly if you are trying to do it alone. The reason immigrants can do it is because the ones I know look at their lives as inter-generational. A parent sacrificing literally every to provide that boost for their kids to make it into orbit. The trick is that once you are there, it’s not so hard to move around. I consider myself lucky. Very few people go from where I started to where I have ended up. I am not leaving that same chance to my kids and I am also personally adopting an inter-generational view of sacrificing everything for them. If people don’t want to hear truth that Black parents are not helping their kids enough, then I don’t know what to tell you that can help you to understand or believe to know what it takes to be successful. Everyone will listen to Kobe Bryant or whoever talk about their single minded dedication to achieve their goal and nod their heads. But seldom do people consider that approach and apply it learning. So believe what you want, but I can personally tell you that there is no easy way. It’s all hard work.

This. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

This perspective/post about immigrants is really eye-opening. I am a child of immigrants myself and never thought about it quite so starkly. Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents at low performing schools just cared more, those schools would improve. How about encouraging that? Instead, this just sounds like another rehash of "white man's burden". Seriously, woke people, this has been done, and that’s where this road will lead you.

That's a bit harsh. I personally think that a lot of parents actually don't really know what to do. I think a lot of parents think that education is the schools "job", while their "job" is to feed and cloth their kids. It is the idea of education as a service provided by the state and not a lifelong process that has its own value. For kids that do well in school, education does not end when they leave school, parents are involved in homework and in providing added enrichment. My biggest problem is that somehow, parents that care about their kids education are also supposed to be guilted as "dream hoarders" for providing enrichment. Justice will not be served by making all kids ignorant, but more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success, like limiting screen time, promoting reading outside of what is assigned at school, etc.

I think everyone understands that kids that excel in sports or dance put in the work on their own time outside of practice, however somehow this same notion does not carry over to school and education for some reason.

This seems to be a great example of prime DCUM. I have no idea of PPs race or SES, but she sure sounds a lot like a lot of well meaning white liberals I know. The attitude seems to be "I'm a white person who doesn't actually know any Black people and hasn't set foot in a DCPS outside of upper NW, but I'm going to potificate about the values of people that I actually know NOTHING about, and I think that my ignorance should be listened to because of my privilege."

"more work really needs to be done to show parents in low performing schools how to model behaviors for success". FFS -- really? That's your take? It's nothing to do with parents working multiple jobs, kids living in insecure places, kids witnessing trauma, food insecurity, systemic racism or the carceral state. Parents just need to "limit screen time." Got it.

PP here. Despite your pre-judgment of me I’m actually Black and grew up getting my food from the food bank. I really do wish that my road could have been a lot easier and a big part of that would have been what my parents could have done to help me. But like many kids in my neighborhood, I grew up relatively unsupervised. What I have learned through my life journey is that to actually make it out of a less than ideal situation requires hard, sustained and dedicated effort. I liken it to rockets reaching orbit, to reach that escape velocity requires tremendous amounts of energy. It’s really hard to do unless you have booster rockets. The amount of energy and dedication required can be overwhelming at times, particularly if you are trying to do it alone. The reason immigrants can do it is because the ones I know look at their lives as inter-generational. A parent sacrificing literally every to provide that boost for their kids to make it into orbit. The trick is that once you are there, it’s not so hard to move around. I consider myself lucky. Very few people go from where I started to where I have ended up. I am not leaving that same chance to my kids and I am also personally adopting an inter-generational view of sacrificing everything for them. If people don’t want to hear truth that Black parents are not helping their kids enough, then I don’t know what to tell you that can help you to understand or believe to know what it takes to be successful. Everyone will listen to Kobe Bryant or whoever talk about their single minded dedication to achieve their goal and nod their heads. But seldom do people consider that approach and apply it learning. So believe what you want, but I can personally tell you that there is no easy way. It’s all hard work.

PP again. After re-reading this, I think there are some points that I did not explicitly state but are important to clarify. I am not critical of any parent's choices. Everyone is doing what they think is best for their kids for their circumstances. As I alluded to in my prior post, there are a lot of signals or noise that society puts out that really do need to be ignored. I honestly believe that the people who promote these terms like "helicopter parent" or "dream hoarders" are extremely cynical in attempting to socially shame people for doing everything to increase the success of their kids.

There are also just a lot of things, in my experience, that many white parents are doing that many Black parents do not - many times just because they don't know - that can make a huge difference. But obliviously these groups are not monoliths. Generally though, the biggest difference I see is that a lot of white (and Asian) parents understand that the details and fine margins are important, while a lot of Black parents don't and primarily I think it is because they are listening to social cues - even from other white parents. There was a lady at my kids school who when I would express apprehension about things at the school used to respond saying things to me like, "these kids are great, they are going to be alright no matter what" and other things. If one were to believe her, I would have relaxed and assumed that everything was good. Obviously I did not and she enrolled her kid in private school for fourth grade.

In any case, I honestly wish it did not have to be so hard. I am not sure how to make it easier, but it does not need to be as hard as it is.

[Anonymous]

This thread is toxic.

[Anonymous]

While I haven’t read the entire thread I will note that I don’t actually ever hear white parents reject low income housing in bounds for “better” schools. There was opposition to homeless shelters due to issues related to families in crisis, but not to permanent housing. I think what researchers failed to discern was that white parents will not bus their children across town to attend lower-performing schools. It’s just not gonna happen. Would an adult go out of their way to take on a lengthy commute to go to a job that pays less and provides less satisfaction? I love the PPs rocket booster analogy! Let’s do EVERYTHING we can to support those efforts and provide extra fuel for the launch. Low-income housing in Ward 3, OOB set-asides, free aftercare, extra social work supports, free tutoring, etc. I also want to say that I have witnessed how the addition of even one student with extraordinary mental health/ PTSD issues can impact a classroom. It can shut down opportunities flat the entire class ( no, can’t take that field trip because X students might become out of control, pause class while X student overturns desk and curses at teacher, X student brings up lives gun violence or even sexual abuse in class). These are things NO child should EVER be exposed to. But we can’t be surprised if parents aren’t chomping at the bit to expose their young children to these traumatizing experiences. Who voluntarily does that? But that doesn’t mean those parents want George Floyd to be murdered. And it doesn’t have anything at ALL to do with race. It’s about trauma and spreading the exposure to trauma ting experiences and their impacts. Those students need INTENSIVE therapy built into each day. It’s way more than a typical school can provide. But race? Poverty? No, it’s not about those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I haven’t read the entire thread I will note that I don’t actually ever hear white parents reject low income housing in bounds for “better” schools. There was opposition to homeless shelters due to issues related to families in crisis, but not to permanent housing. I think what researchers failed to discern was that white parents will not bus their children across town to attend lower-performing schools. It’s just not gonna happen. Would an adult go out of their way to take on a lengthy commute to go to a job that pays less and provides less satisfaction? I love the PPs rocket booster analogy! Let’s do EVERYTHING we can to support those efforts and provide extra fuel for the launch. Low-income housing in Ward 3, OOB set-asides, free aftercare, extra social work supports, free tutoring, etc. I also want to say that I have witnessed how the addition of even one student with extraordinary mental health/ PTSD issues can impact a classroom. It can shut down opportunities flat the entire class ( no, can’t take that field trip because X students might become out of control, pause class while X student overturns desk and curses at teacher, X student brings up lives gun violence or even sexual abuse in class). These are things NO child should EVER be exposed to. But we can’t be surprised if parents aren’t chomping at the bit to expose their young children to these traumatizing experiences. Who voluntarily does that? But that doesn’t mean those parents want George Floyd to be murdered. And it doesn’t have anything at ALL to do with race. It’s about trauma and spreading the exposure to trauma ting experiences and their impacts. Those students need INTENSIVE therapy built into each day. It’s way more than a typical school can provide. But race? Poverty? No, it’s not about those things.

It's a yes and - it's absolutely about poverty (which begets trauma) and race (which, in DC, is associated with poverty and trauma). If I had a magic wand, I would get rid of charters schools, institute a busing initiative ensuring racial diversity similar to what MoCo/Takoma Park manages, increase supports for at-risk students, and get rid of OOB lotteries. Sadly, none of use have magic wands. Our current feeder TEC, Wells, Coolidge is largely filled with OOB kids and abysmal test scores. These schools are not economically diverse or racially diverse (beyond PK). So, the ask of MC or UMC families IB is send your kid to the school but do not open your mouths and ask for changes or accommodations or language immersion or specials. If you send your kid OOB, you are racist. If you send your kid to racially diverse charter school, you are racist. If you move, you are racist. If you go private, you are racist. If you home-school, you are racist. We decided to enroll our kids in a language immersion charter that is largely AA. Neighbors did OOB lottery. Other neighbors went private.

[Anonymous]

Systemic racism is a real thing and many of the choices we make are "problematic" in that context. No serious person of goodwill can deny that.

But, as a black parent, I can't really bring myself to judge white folk for doing the same thing I do for my own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can confirm that he's a parent at my kid's school in DC.

Hmmm….what school?

Are we sure he lives in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can confirm that he's a parent at my kid's school in DC.

Hmmm….what school?

Are we sure he lives in DC?

yup. I see him and his family in my neighborhood, but not sure what school their kids attend

[Anonymous]

I’m trying my best to do away with this high SES white mindset. We moved EotP and both my kids attend DC public schools that are majority minority. It has been a positive experience! We could easily afford private but decided we didn’t want our kids to live in such a cloistered environment. It is adding to our society’s problems by selecting to segregate.

Oh and oddly enough no one has ever suggested that we are gentrifying anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying my best to do away with this high SES white mindset. We moved EotP and both my kids attend DC public schools that are majority minority. It has been a positive experience! We could easily afford private but decided we didn’t want our kids to live in such a cloistered environment. It is adding to our society’s problems by selecting to segregate.

Oh and oddly enough no one has ever suggested that we are gentrifying anything.

Maybe off topic, but if you haven't listened to the podcast Nice White Parents, it may be eye opening, providing some history and context for things you may not have noticed. And some good pitfalls to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying my best to do away with this high SES white mindset. We moved EotP and both my kids attend DC public schools that are majority minority. It has been a positive experience! We could easily afford private but decided we didn’t want our kids to live in such a cloistered environment. It is adding to our society’s problems by selecting to segregate.

Oh and oddly enough no one has ever suggested that we are gentrifying anything.

Maybe off topic, but if you haven't listened to the podcast Nice White Parents, it may be eye opening, providing some history and context for things you may not have noticed. And some good pitfalls to avoid.

There's a 700 page thread on that somewhere. It has been discussed ad nauseum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying my best to do away with this high SES white mindset. We moved EotP and both my kids attend DC public schools that are majority minority. It has been a positive experience! We could easily afford private but decided we didn’t want our kids to live in such a cloistered environment. It is adding to our society’s problems by selecting to segregate.

Oh and oddly enough no one has ever suggested that we are gentrifying anything.

Maybe off topic, but if you haven't listened to the podcast Nice White Parents, it may be eye opening, providing some history and context for things you may not have noticed. And some good pitfalls to avoid.

There's a 700 page thread on that somewhere. It has been discussed ad nauseum.

Good point if someone wants to read 700 pages of blather about it, but that wasn't the recommendation.