Families who can afford private but go public, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent suburb outside of NYC. GS 10, small classes (under 22), and involved active parents. In our district, people only send their kids to private school if they have attention or behavioral problems. We briefly looked into the private schools and they have graduating classes of like 20. Seems stifling to the child's social development. If you want something ultra special, then you'd do boarding school (but I'm personally against that and would never agree to it).

Are the public schools in VA really that bad?

I find that to be true here for K-8, but by HS age many of the really bright, zero behavioral or emotional needs break off for private HS. It’s the rigor/writing/not teach to the test mentality and the limitations of a big public school system that are the impetus for this change.

[Anonymous]

Not all publics or privates are the same.

There are a lot of generalizations and misconceptions on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent suburb outside of NYC. GS 10, small classes (under 22), and involved active parents. In our district, people only send their kids to private school if they have attention or behavioral problems. We briefly looked into the private schools and they have graduating classes of like 20. Seems stifling to the child's social development. If you want something ultra special, then you'd do boarding school (but I'm personally against that and would never agree to it).

Are the public schools in VA really that bad?

I find that to be true here for K-8, but by HS age many of the really bright, zero behavioral or emotional needs break off for private HS. It’s the rigor/writing/not teach to the test mentality and the limitations of a big public school system that are the impetus for this change.

My experience is the HS experience for DD has been excellent. FCPS public. Challenging with mostly caring teachers. When we had a problem, they bent over backwards to accommodate. HS is Madison. DD is probably in the top 1/5th of the school, not sure (no rank).

It is competitive, but not cutthroat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- We really want a neighborhood school and school friends who are close by / involved in other nearby activities. This is the most important factor.

- A big diverse school has more opportunities to find your "niche" which helps protect against suicide, drug use, etc.

- Nearby private school options not very impressive.

- I went to private K-12 and saw many weaknesses. Other than my high school being single sex (which was positive) I have little good to say and don't think I got a great education.

These first two reasons are our main reasons. Our third is being uncomfortable with our kids growing up with peers at the level of wealth seen at these schools and them thinking this is normal. To be blunt, we have a lot of money (although neither of us grew up with money) and are at a level of wealth where our family would fit in to this scene. I have friends and close relatives in this scene. I don’t want my kids growing up like that and one of the several ways our lifestyle is more “normal” is public school.

Agree 100%! We’re at a W school in MCPS and public school is enough of a bubble. Many of the families we know at area privates are over-the-top... lots of family money. No limits. Too showy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s just not worth it. We are wealthy enough to be able to afford it without any significant sacrifice, but not so rich that spending $1M+ on education would be meaningless to us financially.

In my view, any marginal benefit to private just isn’t worth the tremendous cost. In my view, there are pros and cons to public and private and, although we strongly value education, I don’t believe that means we should entirely disregard the value proposition when deciding whether to do private.

Is it “tremendous”? What kind of money are we talking here, since people will drop 1.3 to live in a “good” zone but could spend half that to live in an “average” one. Is private school tuition really half a mil?

Those numbers are off. More importantly, you ignore that you get a house to live in and have an asset you can then sell. You don’t get that with private school. $1M+ v free (zero marginal cost given taxes) is a tremendous expense.

I’m saying, if the choice was a 600k house in a crappy public zone and private school, or a 1m house in a good public zone, how is the latter such a good deal? We’re talking about 4 years, maybe a few more with additional kids. I think you’re just reluctant to admit you paid at least as much for your public via real estate as you would’ve living in a cheaper, equivalent house and going private.

This is a silly argument because it ignores reality. Do you think most people who pay 20-40k+ for multiple kids to attend private live in a 600k house in a not so amazing neighborhood? Most ppl who spend that much money can easily afford to live in expensive homes, and often much more, evidenced by overwhelmingly preppy atmosphere at privates, dominated by wealth. I personally think it would be a pretty bad decision to choose to live in a just ok neighborhood with the intent of using all the money "saved" by doing so, on a private school. Even excluding real estate appreciation and selling at some later point, kids would be more isolated in both private and maybe in their own neighborhood too. I can see if a family lives in a nice urban area with all bad schools but they do not want to move elsewhere for schools. In that case private is totally sensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly argument because it ignores reality. Do you think most people who pay 20-40k+ for multiple kids to attend private live in a 600k house in a not so amazing neighborhood? Most ppl who spend that much money can easily afford to live in expensive homes, and often much more, evidenced by overwhelmingly preppy atmosphere at privates, dominated by wealth. I personally think it would be a pretty bad decision to choose to live in a just ok neighborhood with the intent of using all the money "saved" by doing so, on a private school. Even excluding real estate appreciation and selling at some later point, kids would be more isolated in both private and maybe in their own neighborhood too. I can see if a family lives in a nice urban area with all bad schools but they do not want to move elsewhere for schools. In that case private is totally sensible.

+1

My DS attends Potomac school and three of his best buddies live: BFF #1: 10,000sqft home near Ballantrae and Waverly; BFF #2: 8,000sqft home in Mackall Farms; BFF #3: 10,000sqft home on Kirby Road and Dolley Madison. My house is a small one, 3000sqft in a older Langley neighborhood. 600K house is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly argument because it ignores reality. Do you think most people who pay 20-40k+ for multiple kids to attend private live in a 600k house in a not so amazing neighborhood? Most ppl who spend that much money can easily afford to live in expensive homes, and often much more, evidenced by overwhelmingly preppy atmosphere at privates, dominated by wealth. I personally think it would be a pretty bad decision to choose to live in a just ok neighborhood with the intent of using all the money "saved" by doing so, on a private school. Even excluding real estate appreciation and selling at some later point, kids would be more isolated in both private and maybe in their own neighborhood too. I can see if a family lives in a nice urban area with all bad schools but they do not want to move elsewhere for schools. In that case private is totally sensible.

+1

My DS attends Potomac school and three of his best buddies live: BFF #1: 10,000sqft home near Ballantrae and Waverly; BFF #2: 8,000sqft home in Mackall Farms; BFF #3: 10,000sqft home on Kirby Road and Dolley Madison. My house is a small one, 3000sqft in a older Langley neighborhood. 600K house is laughable.

We live in one of these 10,000+ sf houses and send our kids to public. Most of our neighbors send their kids to private.

[Anonymous]

10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

Price per square foot means nothing. No one cares if you live in a closet.

It’s the price of the property that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

We live in McLean, not Aldie. Our house doesn’t feel that big. We do live in an affluent neighborhood and many kids attend private school.

DH and I come from humble beginnings so we didn’t want our kids to only attend school with rich kids. DH and I are Ivy League educated and came from public schools. Our public school is rich enough. I actually wish our kids went to school with more economic diversity but it is what it is. It is diverse enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

We live in McLean, not Aldie. Our house doesn’t feel that big. We do live in an affluent neighborhood and many kids attend private school.

DH and I come from humble beginnings so we didn’t want our kids to only attend school with rich kids. DH and I are Ivy League educated and came from public schools. Our public school is rich enough. I actually wish our kids went to school with more economic diversity but it is what it is. It is diverse enough.

You cannot seriously be saying you raise your children in a 10,000 square foot house in McLean while simultaneously making the argument that you don't want to have your kids only surrounded by other rich kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

We live in McLean, not Aldie. Our house doesn’t feel that big. We do live in an affluent neighborhood and many kids attend private school.

DH and I come from humble beginnings so we didn’t want our kids to only attend school with rich kids. DH and I are Ivy League educated and came from public schools. Our public school is rich enough. I actually wish our kids went to school with more economic diversity but it is what it is. It is diverse enough.

You cannot seriously be saying you raise your children in a 10,000 square foot house in McLean while simultaneously making the argument that you don't want to have your kids only surrounded by other rich kids.

Depends on which side of 123 that 10,000 SF house is located.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10,000 sq feet? Do you have 12 kids?

House size means nothing. It’s price per square foot in DC that matters.

We live in McLean, not Aldie. Our house doesn’t feel that big. We do live in an affluent neighborhood and many kids attend private school.

DH and I come from humble beginnings so we didn’t want our kids to only attend school with rich kids. DH and I are Ivy League educated and came from public schools. Our public school is rich enough. I actually wish our kids went to school with more economic diversity but it is what it is. It is diverse enough.

This seems funny to me, you come from humble beginnings but feel that a 10k foot sized mansion in McLean doesn't feel very big ?!

[Anonymous]

10K sqf new build in Mclean just screams noveau riche. You have no class or provenance and that's truly what counts.

If you had any sense you'd have bought in an older, respected neighborhood, been humble, and started building provenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s just not worth it. We are wealthy enough to be able to afford it without any significant sacrifice, but not so rich that spending $1M+ on education would be meaningless to us financially.

In my view, any marginal benefit to private just isn’t worth the tremendous cost. In my view, there are pros and cons to public and private and, although we strongly value education, I don’t believe that means we should entirely disregard the value proposition when deciding whether to do private.

Is it “tremendous”? What kind of money are we talking here, since people will drop 1.3 to live in a “good” zone but could spend half that to live in an “average” one. Is private school tuition really half a mil?

Those numbers are off. More importantly, you ignore that you get a house to live in and have an asset you can then sell. You don’t get that with private school. $1M+ v free (zero marginal cost given taxes) is a tremendous expense.

I’m saying, if the choice was a 600k house in a crappy public zone and private school, or a 1m house in a good public zone, how is the latter such a good deal? We’re talking about 4 years, maybe a few more with additional kids. I think you’re just reluctant to admit you paid at least as much for your public via real estate as you would’ve living in a cheaper, equivalent house and going private.

This is a silly argument because it ignores reality. Do you think most people who pay 20-40k+ for multiple kids to attend private live in a 600k house in a not so amazing neighborhood? Most ppl who spend that much money can easily afford to live in expensive homes, and often much more, evidenced by overwhelmingly preppy atmosphere at privates, dominated by wealth. I personally think it would be a pretty bad decision to choose to live in a just ok neighborhood with the intent of using all the money "saved" by doing so, on a private school. Even excluding real estate appreciation and selling at some later point, kids would be more isolated in both private and maybe in their own neighborhood too. I can see if a family lives in a nice urban area with all bad schools but they do not want to move elsewhere for schools. In that case private is totally sensible.

I guess we are making your “pretty bad decision.” The private experience is just on balance what we prefer, and having a McMansion is not. 2500 sq ft is the scale we wanted.

We actually inherited a McMansion in Great Falls (not outright, had mortgage still) and we lived there for a couple months but then sold it and bought our current home.