Top regrets in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not going to a better college. I was very smart, but my parents (who had not been to college) , persuaded me to jump at the first full scholarship I was offered (at a mediocre school, full of mediocre kids). That set the trajectory of my life.

You can still change the trajectory if you’re not happy.

I think you are making excuses. You have a college degree and could make something of it. I could have gone to Ivies but my parents didn't have much money so I went full ride to my in-state flagship. Went to top grad school and it never held me back.

[Anonymous]

I became morbidly obese in 3rd grade when I was 9-10 years old due to severe physical and sexual violence. Being a fat girl ruined my life more than the abuse did. It was a miserable, joyless existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not having a third child. My DH said he wasn't ready and wouldn't be ready and I was already 38, and we had a frozen embryo so we decided to dispose of it. Our marriage wasn't in a good place. Hardest decisions I have ever made and almost immediately regretted it.

He told me a few years ago he wishes I would have pushed back and that he now wishes we had tried for the third. I was so mad.

I destroyed my remaining embryos when GW closed its IVF center last year and I just didn't have the emotional bandwidth to figure out how to move them. I regret it so, so much.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

Or contact someone else who might know from your past? DH had an old college girlfriend of his best friend (the one who got away imho) call him out of the blue several years ago. She had located DH on LinkedIn and they had a nice chat. She was divorced and asked about the ex-boyfriend. DH still was in touch and brought her up-to-date. He was still happily married in this case.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

Or contact someone else who might know from your past? DH had an old college girlfriend of his best friend (the one who got away imho) call him out of the blue several years ago. She had located DH on LinkedIn and they had a nice chat. She was divorced and asked about the ex-boyfriend. DH still was in touch and brought her up-to-date. He was still happily married in this case.

I think this is the best way. Deep breaths. I think I could do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became morbidly obese in 3rd grade when I was 9-10 years old due to severe physical and sexual violence. Being a fat girl ruined my life more than the abuse did. It was a miserable, joyless existence.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You deserved to be protected as a child. I really hope you have support now as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Going on a trip , when my dad wasn’t well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s easy. I will regret until my dying breath losing my son to a cult … 😢

I don’t think you could have done anything to change it though… I am sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret letting friendships slip away due to lack of attention, neglect.

I regret letting my home become so cluttered that I dread having people over, so we just don’t.

I regret that my social skills have deteriorated since COVID and work from home. I have become way too naive and trusting. I’m now a magnet for nasty/ impatient receptionists, salespeople and coworkers. I try to treat people with kindness and respect and don’t know how to react to rudeness. It catches me off guard, I guess.

You may want to consider therapy, esp for your hoarding

[Anonymous]

I regret not having more sex when I was in college. I met and married DH young and it was the right choice but means I did not get to experiment at all.

FWIW, I don’t regret law school! The key to not regretting law school is not going into significant debt to do it. Then you can choose your path based on what you want to do rather than based purely on money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not say I regret it but the least smart decision I made was to leave my amazing private school to go to a meh public with my friends my junior year in hs.

Thanks for this. My DD just left nice private for TJ and we regret it very much. It's horrible by comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became morbidly obese in 3rd grade when I was 9-10 years old due to severe physical and sexual violence. Being a fat girl ruined my life more than the abuse did. It was a miserable, joyless existence.

I am so sorry. You deserved love and protection as a little girl and those who should have done that for you failed you. I hope you can love that little girl yourself and know that you are worthy. Hope you have been able to find joy and happiness - you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

Or contact someone else who might know from your past? DH had an old college girlfriend of his best friend (the one who got away imho) call him out of the blue several years ago. She had located DH on LinkedIn and they had a nice chat. She was divorced and asked about the ex-boyfriend. DH still was in touch and brought her up-to-date. He was still happily married in this case.

I think this is the best way. Deep breaths. I think I could do that.

When is the last time you've spoken with him? Think hard about whether you really miss him or if it's a fantasy. You could end up feeling much more regretful if you reach out and he thinks it's nuts that you're still harboring feelings.

I've seen friends do this and end up much more distraught after it fails than if they kept this as a nice memory.

An ex once reached out to me 4 1/2 years after we broke up. He got my number through one of my friends who he was able to track down. Yes we "got" each other like no one else because we met when we were 14 and broke up when we were 25. He broke up with me and I was devastated.

But I had moved on by then. It was a long, horrible conversation. I refused to consider getting back together and had to outline all the reasons that we weren't compatible to he could get it in his head that there was zero chance of getting back together. It made both of us feel awful. I was single at the time. It would be even worse with marriage and children involved.

But if you absolutely need that closure, then go ahead. Just be prepared that this closure might have other unintended consequences. I truly hope that one way or another, you get what you need to move on. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

Or contact someone else who might know from your past? DH had an old college girlfriend of his best friend (the one who got away imho) call him out of the blue several years ago. She had located DH on LinkedIn and they had a nice chat. She was divorced and asked about the ex-boyfriend. DH still was in touch and brought her up-to-date. He was still happily married in this case.

I think this is the best way. Deep breaths. I think I could do that.

When is the last time you've spoken with him? Think hard about whether you really miss him or if it's a fantasy. You could end up feeling much more regretful if you reach out and he thinks it's nuts that you're still harboring feelings.

I've seen friends do this and end up much more distraught after it fails than if they kept this as a nice memory.

An ex once reached out to me 4 1/2 years after we broke up. He got my number through one of my friends who he was able to track down. Yes we "got" each other like no one else because we met when we were 14 and broke up when we were 25. He broke up with me and I was devastated.

But I had moved on by then. It was a long, horrible conversation. I refused to consider getting back together and had to outline all the reasons that we weren't compatible to he could get it in his head that there was zero chance of getting back together. It made both of us feel awful. I was single at the time. It would be even worse with marriage and children involved.

But if you absolutely need that closure, then go ahead. Just be prepared that this closure might have other unintended consequences. I truly hope that one way or another, you get what you need to move on. Good luck.

OP is not your ex and would no doubt handle the situation completely different from your ex. I had a high school classmate reconnect with her high school boyfriend after both had been married and divorced in their early fifties with children. They have been happily married for ten years. You never know unless you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being really mean to my mom from ages 12ish-32, when she died. Idk why I was that way, and now it is too late to change it.

that's awful. I hope you are in therapy.