Why Was My Son Deferred from Duke ED?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are more surprised about this than the "Current Situation - Not Thrilled" post (where the kid was deferred from Purdue)! That was Purdue. This is Duke. Like... what.

OP, are you upset because you thought Duke was a way easier admit than the Ivies? That it wasn't a lottery because this school is not in the NE, within a random sports conference?

Some schools-- any rejection is not worth a discussion. This includes Duke. Yet somehow we are on page 16.

They have everything they could want and more in terms of stats/ECs/etc. They cherry pick the class they want. Anyone can get rejected. Especially a non-Olympic athlete who did not cure cancer.

Your son is amazing and will do great things. Focus on that.

I am not upset, I was just looking for feedback because the school counselor thought he would be a good match for Duke. I agree that an acceptance cannot be expected after seeing some of the numbers people have posted though. We did not go into this thinking Duke would be easier to get accepted to, we know the stature of Duke and that it’s more difficult to get into than many ivies. We were just told that our son was an incredibly strong applicant, that’s all. But I’ve seen the bigger picture here.

OP, your son is clearly an incredibly promising young man and great student. I think the case here is that someone telling you that he's a "an incredibly strong applicant" was at the heart of what led you to post 'why was he deferred'? ---because whoever told you that he was an "incredibly strong applicant" set your expectations high. So if the person(s) that told you that were in, say, a college counseling/ consultant role, people would expect that them to have credibility when they say these things.

I think many of us want to believe that our kids are at the top of their peer groups. It's just natural for those of us who've been high achievers ourselves, and who honestly see our kids' strengths playing out. We look for things that reinforce this bias. So when you were told he was an incredibly strong applicant, it is natural that you would assume this is true and not bother to see whether that person's view was outdated or ill-informed or biased. You didn't seek a reality check---why would you? In your position, I think I'd be similar.

So accepting that assessment at face value had repercussions, by leading you to think he would be a sort of shoo-in for a place like Duke which isn't, say, Harvard or MIT where the competition is traditionally incredibly fierce (even though you mentioned it's more selective than some ivies, Duke is not typically regarded as THE most selective college). Yet the competition is fiercer than it was a couple of years ago, and Duke's applicant numbers have probably increased a lot. So your DS's profile fit the type of student who has traditionally been accepted. But having, say, a not-perfect GPA and some 4s could mean he is lumped in with many many others like that, even with good ECs, some of which sound like they didn't require a lot of effort.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us that we need these reality checks as our kids apply, as it's an even more uncertain world out there in college admissions. And that we need to keep up with these trends so that each year we have the best chances of understanding the trends affecting admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are more surprised about this than the "Current Situation - Not Thrilled" post (where the kid was deferred from Purdue)! That was Purdue. This is Duke. Like... what.

OP, are you upset because you thought Duke was a way easier admit than the Ivies? That it wasn't a lottery because this school is not in the NE, within a random sports conference?

Some schools-- any rejection is not worth a discussion. This includes Duke. Yet somehow we are on page 16.

They have everything they could want and more in terms of stats/ECs/etc. They cherry pick the class they want. Anyone can get rejected. Especially a non-Olympic athlete who did not cure cancer.

Your son is amazing and will do great things. Focus on that.

I am not upset, I was just looking for feedback because the school counselor thought he would be a good match for Duke. I agree that an acceptance cannot be expected after seeing some of the numbers people have posted though. We did not go into this thinking Duke would be easier to get accepted to, we know the stature of Duke and that it’s more difficult to get into than many ivies. We were just told that our son was an incredibly strong applicant, that’s all. But I’ve seen the bigger picture here.

OP, your son is clearly an incredibly promising young man and great student. I think the case here is that someone telling you that he's a "an incredibly strong applicant" was at the heart of what led you to post 'why was he deferred'? ---because whoever told you that he was an "incredibly strong applicant" set your expectations high. So if the person(s) that told you that were in, say, a college counseling/ consultant role, people would expect that them to have credibility when they say these things.

I think many of us want to believe that our kids are at the top of their peer groups. It's just natural for those of us who've been high achievers ourselves, and who honestly see our kids' strengths playing out. We look for things that reinforce this bias. So when you were told he was an incredibly strong applicant, it is natural that you would assume this is true and not bother to see whether that person's view was outdated or ill-informed or biased. You didn't seek a reality check---why would you? In your position, I think I'd be similar.

So accepting that assessment at face value had repercussions, by leading you to think he would be a sort of shoo-in for a place like Duke which isn't, say, Harvard or MIT where the competition is traditionally incredibly fierce (even though you mentioned it's more selective than some ivies, Duke is not typically regarded as THE most selective college). Yet the competition is fiercer than it was a couple of years ago, and Duke's applicant numbers have probably increased a lot. So your DS's profile fit the type of student who has traditionally been accepted. But having, say, a not-perfect GPA and some 4s could mean he is lumped in with many many others like that, even with good ECs, some of which sound like they didn't require a lot of effort.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us that we need these reality checks as our kids apply, as it's an even more uncertain world out there in college admissions. And that we need to keep up with these trends so that each year we have the best chances of understanding the trends affecting admissions.

DH's cousin works in college admissions and has been on both sides of the desk. She told him when our oldest started looking at colleges that a 34 ACT is an amazing score, but it goes in the 34 pile, not the 35/36 pile. We found that sobering and helpful and possibly shaped where this DC applied ED. "Maybe 34 + legacy is a better combo than rolling the dice at one of these HYPSMs." That DC wanted to be done and also thought their preferred choices, while very different, would have all been great, so maybe go with the best odds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are more surprised about this than the "Current Situation - Not Thrilled" post (where the kid was deferred from Purdue)! That was Purdue. This is Duke. Like... what.

OP, are you upset because you thought Duke was a way easier admit than the Ivies? That it wasn't a lottery because this school is not in the NE, within a random sports conference?

Some schools-- any rejection is not worth a discussion. This includes Duke. Yet somehow we are on page 16.

They have everything they could want and more in terms of stats/ECs/etc. They cherry pick the class they want. Anyone can get rejected. Especially a non-Olympic athlete who did not cure cancer.

Your son is amazing and will do great things. Focus on that.

I am not upset, I was just looking for feedback because the school counselor thought he would be a good match for Duke. I agree that an acceptance cannot be expected after seeing some of the numbers people have posted though. We did not go into this thinking Duke would be easier to get accepted to, we know the stature of Duke and that it’s more difficult to get into than many ivies. We were just told that our son was an incredibly strong applicant, that’s all. But I’ve seen the bigger picture here.

OP, your son is clearly an incredibly promising young man and great student. I think the case here is that someone telling you that he's a "an incredibly strong applicant" was at the heart of what led you to post 'why was he deferred'? ---because whoever told you that he was an "incredibly strong applicant" set your expectations high. So if the person(s) that told you that were in, say, a college counseling/ consultant role, people would expect that them to have credibility when they say these things.

I think many of us want to believe that our kids are at the top of their peer groups. It's just natural for those of us who've been high achievers ourselves, and who honestly see our kids' strengths playing out. We look for things that reinforce this bias. So when you were told he was an incredibly strong applicant, it is natural that you would assume this is true and not bother to see whether that person's view was outdated or ill-informed or biased. You didn't seek a reality check---why would you? In your position, I think I'd be similar.

So accepting that assessment at face value had repercussions, by leading you to think he would be a sort of shoo-in for a place like Duke which isn't, say, Harvard or MIT where the competition is traditionally incredibly fierce (even though you mentioned it's more selective than some ivies, Duke is not typically regarded as THE most selective college). Yet the competition is fiercer than it was a couple of years ago, and Duke's applicant numbers have probably increased a lot. So your DS's profile fit the type of student who has traditionally been accepted. But having, say, a not-perfect GPA and some 4s could mean he is lumped in with many many others like that, even with good ECs, some of which sound like they didn't require a lot of effort.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us that we need these reality checks as our kids apply, as it's an even more uncertain world out there in college admissions. And that we need to keep up with these trends so that each year we have the best chances of understanding the trends affecting admissions.

DH's cousin works in college admissions and has been on both sides of the desk. She told him when our oldest started looking at colleges that a 34 ACT is an amazing score, but it goes in the 34 pile, not the 35/36 pile. We found that sobering and helpful and possibly shaped where this DC applied ED. "Maybe 34 + legacy is a better combo than rolling the dice at one of these HYPSMs." That DC wanted to be done and also thought their preferred choices, while very different, would have all been great, so maybe go with the best odds.

Sidebar: what are the corresponding SAT piles -- a 1500-1540 pile and a 1550+ pile? My junior is trying to decide whether to test again. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP, how much of your DS resume is his merit? If you work on the hill and he got an internship there through your connections is not his merit in any way. Yes, he has the experience and knowledge from it but that is an advantage not an achievement. So sick entire of entitlement! I don't know your son, maybe he's exceptional, but you sound like the pushy whinny parent so likely lots of his resume bullet points had your significant contribution.
Get rid of holistic admissions and introduce exams for specific departments, why are you scoring kids in English if they go to computer science? OK, add it as pass/fail so they have so minimum English proficiency but test them in math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much of your DS resume is his merit? If you work on the hill and he got an internship there through your connections is not his merit in any way. Yes, he has the experience and knowledge from it but that is an advantage not an achievement. So sick entire of entitlement! I don't know your son, maybe he's exceptional, but you sound like the pushy whinny parent so likely lots of his resume bullet points had your significant contribution.
Get rid of holistic admissions and introduce exams for specific departments, why are you scoring kids in English if they go to computer science? OK, add it as pass/fail so they have so minimum English proficiency but test them in math.

Actually, you sound like a whiny parent. OP has been pretty tame and essentially just asked for insights, which were provided in abundance. Some PPs on here also said their own kids and others they know got internships on the hill of their own accord, and OP doesn’t sound like a helicopter parent. OPs son definitely has the credentials to get a hill internship with class president + editor in chief to go along with the stellar academics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are more surprised about this than the "Current Situation - Not Thrilled" post (where the kid was deferred from Purdue)! That was Purdue. This is Duke. Like... what.

OP, are you upset because you thought Duke was a way easier admit than the Ivies? That it wasn't a lottery because this school is not in the NE, within a random sports conference?

Some schools-- any rejection is not worth a discussion. This includes Duke. Yet somehow we are on page 16.

They have everything they could want and more in terms of stats/ECs/etc. They cherry pick the class they want. Anyone can get rejected. Especially a non-Olympic athlete who did not cure cancer.

Your son is amazing and will do great things. Focus on that.

I am not upset, I was just looking for feedback because the school counselor thought he would be a good match for Duke. I agree that an acceptance cannot be expected after seeing some of the numbers people have posted though. We did not go into this thinking Duke would be easier to get accepted to, we know the stature of Duke and that it’s more difficult to get into than many ivies. We were just told that our son was an incredibly strong applicant, that’s all. But I’ve seen the bigger picture here.

OP, your son is clearly an incredibly promising young man and great student. I think the case here is that someone telling you that he's a "an incredibly strong applicant" was at the heart of what led you to post 'why was he deferred'? ---because whoever told you that he was an "incredibly strong applicant" set your expectations high. So if the person(s) that told you that were in, say, a college counseling/ consultant role, people would expect that them to have credibility when they say these things.

I think many of us want to believe that our kids are at the top of their peer groups. It's just natural for those of us who've been high achievers ourselves, and who honestly see our kids' strengths playing out. We look for things that reinforce this bias. So when you were told he was an incredibly strong applicant, it is natural that you would assume this is true and not bother to see whether that person's view was outdated or ill-informed or biased. You didn't seek a reality check---why would you? In your position, I think I'd be similar.

So accepting that assessment at face value had repercussions, by leading you to think he would be a sort of shoo-in for a place like Duke which isn't, say, Harvard or MIT where the competition is traditionally incredibly fierce (even though you mentioned it's more selective than some ivies, Duke is not typically regarded as THE most selective college). Yet the competition is fiercer than it was a couple of years ago, and Duke's applicant numbers have probably increased a lot. So your DS's profile fit the type of student who has traditionally been accepted. But having, say, a not-perfect GPA and some 4s could mean he is lumped in with many many others like that, even with good ECs, some of which sound like they didn't require a lot of effort.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us that we need these reality checks as our kids apply, as it's an even more uncertain world out there in college admissions. And that we need to keep up with these trends so that each year we have the best chances of understanding the trends affecting admissions.

DH's cousin works in college admissions and has been on both sides of the desk. She told him when our oldest started looking at colleges that a 34 ACT is an amazing score, but it goes in the 34 pile, not the 35/36 pile. We found that sobering and helpful and possibly shaped where this DC applied ED. "Maybe 34 + legacy is a better combo than rolling the dice at one of these HYPSMs." That DC wanted to be done and also thought their preferred choices, while very different, would have all been great, so maybe go with the best odds.

Sidebar: what are the corresponding SAT piles -- a 1500-1540 pile and a 1550+ pile? My junior is trying to decide whether to test again. Thanks.

Have no idea. Never shared as DC was taking ACT. Alas, not a question I can ask the cousin b/c it would be seen, understandably, as seeking free advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are more surprised about this than the "Current Situation - Not Thrilled" post (where the kid was deferred from Purdue)! That was Purdue. This is Duke. Like... what.

OP, are you upset because you thought Duke was a way easier admit than the Ivies? That it wasn't a lottery because this school is not in the NE, within a random sports conference?

Some schools-- any rejection is not worth a discussion. This includes Duke. Yet somehow we are on page 16.

They have everything they could want and more in terms of stats/ECs/etc. They cherry pick the class they want. Anyone can get rejected. Especially a non-Olympic athlete who did not cure cancer.

Your son is amazing and will do great things. Focus on that.

I am not upset, I was just looking for feedback because the school counselor thought he would be a good match for Duke. I agree that an acceptance cannot be expected after seeing some of the numbers people have posted though. We did not go into this thinking Duke would be easier to get accepted to, we know the stature of Duke and that it’s more difficult to get into than many ivies. We were just told that our son was an incredibly strong applicant, that’s all. But I’ve seen the bigger picture here.

OP, your son is clearly an incredibly promising young man and great student. I think the case here is that someone telling you that he's a "an incredibly strong applicant" was at the heart of what led you to post 'why was he deferred'? ---because whoever told you that he was an "incredibly strong applicant" set your expectations high. So if the person(s) that told you that were in, say, a college counseling/ consultant role, people would expect that them to have credibility when they say these things.

I think many of us want to believe that our kids are at the top of their peer groups. It's just natural for those of us who've been high achievers ourselves, and who honestly see our kids' strengths playing out. We look for things that reinforce this bias. So when you were told he was an incredibly strong applicant, it is natural that you would assume this is true and not bother to see whether that person's view was outdated or ill-informed or biased. You didn't seek a reality check---why would you? In your position, I think I'd be similar.

So accepting that assessment at face value had repercussions, by leading you to think he would be a sort of shoo-in for a place like Duke which isn't, say, Harvard or MIT where the competition is traditionally incredibly fierce (even though you mentioned it's more selective than some ivies, Duke is not typically regarded as THE most selective college). Yet the competition is fiercer than it was a couple of years ago, and Duke's applicant numbers have probably increased a lot. So your DS's profile fit the type of student who has traditionally been accepted. But having, say, a not-perfect GPA and some 4s could mean he is lumped in with many many others like that, even with good ECs, some of which sound like they didn't require a lot of effort.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us that we need these reality checks as our kids apply, as it's an even more uncertain world out there in college admissions. And that we need to keep up with these trends so that each year we have the best chances of understanding the trends affecting admissions.

DH's cousin works in college admissions and has been on both sides of the desk. She told him when our oldest started looking at colleges that a 34 ACT is an amazing score, but it goes in the 34 pile, not the 35/36 pile. We found that sobering and helpful and possibly shaped where this DC applied ED. "Maybe 34 + legacy is a better combo than rolling the dice at one of these HYPSMs." That DC wanted to be done and also thought their preferred choices, while very different, would have all been great, so maybe go with the best odds.

Sidebar: what are the corresponding SAT piles -- a 1500-1540 pile and a 1550+ pile? My junior is trying to decide whether to test again. Thanks.

To be safe, I would assume 1500-1540 is a different pile than 1550+. That does not mean a 1540 is different than a 1550, but instead that a 1510 would get a different look than say a 1580. I think a good rule of thumb is +-50 SAT will be treated slightly differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

That was my first thought too. "Is he a white preppy boy?" They've already got those.

Well my AA son with the same and even more states also did not get in last year. He did, however, get into Northwestern, Berkeley and a great crop of others. It is what it is. On to the next.

Really helpful if people would look at the trend of YouTube videos where current college students petition to look at their admission files. The reasons they thought they got in NEVER match why they got in. In fact, all the but the VERY best 5% of students are often stunned at how mediocre admission people thought they were. It's eye-opening and blows everything that people talk about on these posts out of the water. It's luck --period. Black, white, smart, whatever. It's luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

That was my first thought too. "Is he a white preppy boy?" They've already got those.

Well my AA son with the same and even more states also did not get in last year. He did, however, get into Northwestern, Berkeley and a great crop of others. It is what it is. On to the next.

Really helpful if people would look at the trend of YouTube videos where current college students petition to look at their admission files. The reasons they thought they got in NEVER match why they got in. In fact, all the but the VERY best 5% of students are often stunned at how mediocre admission people thought they were. It's eye-opening and blows everything that people talk about on these posts out of the water. It's luck --period. Black, white, smart, whatever. It's luck.

Well it's not just getting into these places but getting out. Everyone carries on about the hardest part of elite college is getting in but that is not really the case. These places are full of aggressive academic machines and it is really hard to do well. The environment can be pretty brutal and they need candidates that can thrive in that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

That was my first thought too. "Is he a white preppy boy?" They've already got those.

Well my AA son with the same and even more states also did not get in last year. He did, however, get into Northwestern, Berkeley and a great crop of others. It is what it is. On to the next.

Really helpful if people would look at the trend of YouTube videos where current college students petition to look at their admission files. The reasons they thought they got in NEVER match why they got in. In fact, all the but the VERY best 5% of students are often stunned at how mediocre admission people thought they were. It's eye-opening and blows everything that people talk about on these posts out of the water. It's luck --period. Black, white, smart, whatever. It's luck.

Well it's not just getting into these places but getting out. Everyone carries on about the hardest part of elite college is getting in but that is not really the case. These places are full of aggressive academic machines and it is really hard to do well. The environment can be pretty brutal and they need candidates that can thrive in that

100%. Sometimes not getting in can be a blessing in disguise for certain individuals. OP, by going to UNC your son can avoid the difficult competition of hundreds of valedictorians and perfect scorers competing for the same grades and opportunities at Duke. That could end up helping your son stand out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

Yes we are white but our son is adopted and is ethnically Chinese

I think you are trolling now. Baby boys weren’t in high supply for adoption during the One Child policy.

Huh? You don't know what you are talking about. There were always boys available for adoption. I have a daughter adopted from China who is also a senior in high school. Boys were adopted out for china for age (older kids), for slight special needs, or other reasons (also one child meant ONE child. The second child could have been a boy or a girl). I know several people who have boys adopted from China. Of course, it wasn't nearly as common as girls being adopted, but it wasn't too rare either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

Yes we are white but our son is adopted and is ethnically Chinese

Oh dear. Asian male is as bad or worse than white male.

This. It is tougher for Asian males to get in than for white males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

Yes we are white but our son is adopted and is ethnically Chinese

I think you are trolling now. Baby boys weren’t in high supply for adoption during the One Child policy.

Huh? You don't know what you are talking about. There were always boys available for adoption. I have a daughter adopted from China who is also a senior in high school. Boys were adopted out for china for age (older kids), for slight special needs, or other reasons (also one child meant ONE child. The second child could have been a boy or a girl). I know several people who have boys adopted from China. Of course, it wasn't nearly as common as girls being adopted, but it wasn't too rare either.

This! I feel bad for OP for getting so much backlash literally for adopting. Can we do better please? And OP sorry about Duke, but as others on here have said, it’s DUKE. It doesn’t get much better than Duke so it’s naturally going to be really hard to get admitted unless you have some hook! You should be proud of your son’s acceptances, and it sounds like you are which is great!!

[Anonymous]

My goodness, your boy is perfect. How could this have happened to him? Michigan or USC would be lucky to have him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a white male from this area? If so, he's a dime a dozen. It's a bummer but it sounds like he has a lot of good choices.

That was my first thought too. "Is he a white preppy boy?" They've already got those.

Well my AA son with the same and even more states also did not get in last year. He did, however, get into Northwestern, Berkeley and a great crop of others. It is what it is. On to the next.

Really helpful if people would look at the trend of YouTube videos where current college students petition to look at their admission files. The reasons they thought they got in NEVER match why they got in. In fact, all the but the VERY best 5% of students are often stunned at how mediocre admission people thought they were. It's eye-opening and blows everything that people talk about on these posts out of the water. It's luck --period. Black, white, smart, whatever. It's luck.

Well it's not just getting into these places but getting out. Everyone carries on about the hardest part of elite college is getting in but that is not really the case. These places are full of aggressive academic machines and it is really hard to do well. The environment can be pretty brutal and they need candidates that can thrive in that

100%. Sometimes not getting in can be a blessing in disguise for certain individuals. OP, by going to UNC your son can avoid the difficult competition of hundreds of valedictorians and perfect scorers competing for the same grades and opportunities at Duke. That could end up helping your son stand out!

If a student is aggressive, mature, competitive, tough and resilient then a place like Duke can be a great fit. In that case go for it. But for a student that still needs to mature and develop some strong coping strategies for an unforgiving environment, it may not be a good experience at all.