Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

I think its healthy to meet kids in the greater Fairfax area. It's a close enough community that it isn't a major problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.

The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.

In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]

Excuse me, you forgot (7) the nice vacation you recently took/will be taking, and (8) the new home building or major renovations you are doing.

Haha, I came here just to say this is DCUM gold.
So so true about much of Striver Fairfax County.
I’m a single mom Who is not poor but certainly don’t have money for nice vacations and renovations after paying mortgage and bills and saving for retirement and college. I can see how it would be annoying to constantly have to hear about all of those things but lucky for me I live in Herndon and it just isn’t much of a thing where I am. Although I’m sure that I could find it if I wanted to.

yeah, but you wouldn't move to an affluent suburb that's been around for awhile and then complain that people talked about these things right? The homes are older and it is in a good location so a lot of renovations happen there. This is a good thing compared to other towns that just decline. Move to a newer suburb with newer homes or a dilapidated suburb if you don't want to hear about renovations.

NP here. No one wants to hear about your renovations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.

The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.

In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]

Excuse me, you forgot (7) the nice vacation you recently took/will be taking, and (8) the new home building or major renovations you are doing.

Haha, I came here just to say this is DCUM gold.
So so true about much of Striver Fairfax County.
I’m a single mom Who is not poor but certainly don’t have money for nice vacations and renovations after paying mortgage and bills and saving for retirement and college. I can see how it would be annoying to constantly have to hear about all of those things but lucky for me I live in Herndon and it just isn’t much of a thing where I am. Although I’m sure that I could find it if I wanted to.

yeah, but you wouldn't move to an affluent suburb that's been around for awhile and then complain that people talked about these things right? The homes are older and it is in a good location so a lot of renovations happen there. This is a good thing compared to other towns that just decline. Move to a newer suburb with newer homes or a dilapidated suburb if you don't want to hear about renovations.

NP here. No one wants to hear about your renovations.

Nice try. It's an entire topic here. Plenty of less expensive places to live than Vienna. No one feels sorry for you. Just move if you don't like it. Someone will buy your house in a week.

[Anonymous]

Meaning it's an entire topic on dcum. Home improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

I think its healthy to meet kids in the greater Fairfax area. It's a close enough community that it isn't a major problem.

The TOV people thought they needed to all stay together w/the same community - at Madison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

I think its healthy to meet kids in the greater Fairfax area. It's a close enough community that it isn't a major problem.

The TOV people thought they needed to all stay together w/the same community - at Madison.

Honestly though I think that works (like Falls Church City) for some people (knowing everyone, going to the same school) but not others. Not everyone wants to go to Madison HS or prefers it over other Vienna HSs (I know that makes one a social pariah among some people?). And even with different high schools, kids are in many ECs together (sports, dance, troops) so it still feels like a small place/you are constantly running into familiar people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

I think its healthy to meet kids in the greater Fairfax area. It's a close enough community that it isn't a major problem.

The TOV people thought they needed to all stay together w/the same community - at Madison.

I think the town probably wanted some relation and decision making over the high school like they do in Fairfax and Herndon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Town of Vienna proper? I think there is a subset of Vienna families who are very rah rah Vienna (and will tell you they live in the Town of Vienna not just Vienna) and yes they can be a bit judgmental. It's kind of an odd small town mentality with the good and the bad. Not every family buys into the travel sports/Madison sports pride/academic comparison stuff and they do just fine in Vienna and find their groove.

One weird thing was that there was an opportunity for FCPS to align the MS/HS boundaries so that all of Thoreau fed into Madison and all of Kilmer fed into Marshall.

But they could never pull it off because Town of Vienna residents zoned for Kilmer couldn't fathom not attending Madison (even though part of the Town of Vienna fed into Oakton decades ago). So now they've ended turning Thoreau into a three-way split feeder to Oakton, Madison, and Marshall, when supposedly eliminating split feeders is a goal in FCPS (Kilmer also remains a split feeder to Marshall and Madison). So your middle school kids can count on having good friends heading off to different high schools rather than staying together as in many other pyramids.

I think its healthy to meet kids in the greater Fairfax area. It's a close enough community that it isn't a major problem.

The TOV people thought they needed to all stay together w/the same community - at Madison.

I think the town probably wanted some relation and decision making over the high school like they do in Fairfax and Herndon.

As a city, the City of Fairfax owns the schools within the city and contracts with FCPS to operate them. Towns like Clifton, Herndon, and Vienna don't own school buildings and don't have any decision-making authority over the operation of schools that town residents attend, including Madison (which is located outside the TOV). The TOV residents just feel like Madison is "their" school because that's where all TOV kids have gone since the mid-80s. And some of them look down on Marshall, so they don't want their kids going there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

But that is the point, right? OP wants to have these open and honest conversations. Her neighbors don't want that. That is why TKPK would be a better fit. Not because it has no conservatives, but because it's less conformist allowing people with a variety of viewpoints to feel comfortable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

But that is the point, right? OP wants to have these open and honest conversations. Her neighbors don't want that. That is why TKPK would be a better fit. Not because it has no conservatives, but because it's less conformist allowing people with a variety of viewpoints to feel comfortable

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

But that is the point, right? OP wants to have these open and honest conversations. Her neighbors don't want that. That is why TKPK would be a better fit. Not because it has no conservatives, but because it's less conformist allowing people with a variety of viewpoints to feel comfortable

When I go walking with other moms they often talk about their conservative or liberal views related to their life, but it is expected that you nod your head in agreement. Sometimes you'll get a mom that homeschools along with a mom of a transgender kid along with a mom with a TJ kid. Less discussion on issues, but all ways of living are pretty much accepted in the town. Maybe in TKPK there is more discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

But that is the point, right? OP wants to have these open and honest conversations. Her neighbors don't want that. That is why TKPK would be a better fit. Not because it has no conservatives, but because it's less conformist allowing people with a variety of viewpoints to feel comfortable

+1.

This is what OP said: "I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me."

That doesn't sound like reasoned discussion of political issues. It sounds like ranting and cursing. Nobody likes that really. People might tolerate it if they already like you, but that's no way to make friends, even in Takoma Park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“People with different political beliefs are unsettling to me.” So you’re the fascist trying to control your neighborhood streets, cool. Real head-scratcher why you don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm not OP, but I don't think it's about politics. It's about a more traditional, small-c conservative community that revolves around the nuclear family and sports and school politics. They probably mostly vote the same, but those are not OP's people - she is a single mom and an opinionated social justice activist.

OP, Takoma Park seems like the obvious choice for you.

Well, I’m a conservative living in Takoma Park. I love it. I recognize where most people are coming from, but almost everyone is really nice and I’ve made great friends. Maybe just take a step back. You can agree to disagree.

I'm pretty traditional, conservative on some issues, and live in TKPK, and love it, too. I have plenty of open and honest discussions on all sorts of issues. I don't think OP's "I don't care if I rock the boat" attitude is going to be socially successful anywhere.

But that is the point, right? OP wants to have these open and honest conversations. Her neighbors don't want that. That is why TKPK would be a better fit. Not because it has no conservatives, but because it's less conformist allowing people with a variety of viewpoints to feel comfortable

+1.

This is what OP said: "I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me."

That doesn't sound like reasoned discussion of political issues. It sounds like ranting and cursing. Nobody likes that really. People might tolerate it if they already like you, but that's no way to make friends, even in Takoma Park.

Vienna is as Stepford as it gets in the DMV, but fire away at OP. It only makes her observations more credible.