How does your spouse go to couples counseling when he works 70 hours per week?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to figure out the logistics of my husband attending couples counseling with me. But he works 70 hour weeks and can't just take off during a lunch break or something. I know some therapists have evening and weekend hours but I imagine those are pretty booked. How have others done this?

[Anonymous]

He needs to prioritize. We do weekend counseling, but it's more because we work in different areas and my job (I don't work intense or long hours, I just can't commit to leaving early every week so weekends are just less stressful).

Honestly, he needs to carve out the time. Divorce is incredibly time consuming too, it's pay now or pay later.

[Anonymous]

There's no easy solution unfortunately. We put it off and put it off and put it off because we just "couldn't" take time off. All of a sudden when we were at our low point, we made time. Try to do evenings and weekends if you can, but otherwise, you'll be either making it work down the road when you can't put it off anymore and when major damage has been done or you'll be taking time off for divorce appointments. It needs to be a priority just like a doctors appointment or other medical issue would be.

[Anonymous]

If he stops working 70 hrs a week, there's half your problem solved! Very hard to make a relationship work at 70 hrs/week ...

[Anonymous]

Many excellent therapists do MOSTLY evening and weekend hours, because, let's face it, anyone who can afford a good therapist is employed and probably works during the weekdays.

It's usually not too hard to get a slot every week or two weeks. People "graduate" from needing a therapist and the therapist takes new people on.

Start with the locator on the APA website: http://locator.apa.org/ and ask if they have availability that meets your needs. You CAN do this. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

An easy solution for this would be online counseling, you can schedual it almost at any time you want and you can do it from home so you don't easte time going and getting back from a clinic. This is an article about it, hope it helps:

http://www.how-to-save-marriage.org/online-marriage-counseling/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to prioritize. We do weekend counseling, but it's more because we work in different areas and my job (I don't work intense or long hours, I just can't commit to leaving early every week so weekends are just less stressful).

Honestly, he needs to carve out the time. Divorce is incredibly time consuming too, it's pay now or pay later.

This.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I did went to our counseling sessions before work. He worked at least 70 hours on a good week and much more most weeks. We would meet the therapist at 8 and then go on our separate ways to work. We only went for a few months, but it really helped. Just getting him to commit to go made a huge improvement in our marriage! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm the one in our family who works 70 hours a week. My husband and I went early morning on weekdays. We dropped the kids off as early as possible at daycare, and went to a person convenient to my office. It took a huge commitment on both our parts, but was totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who works 70 hours a week is either incredibly poor at time management or just trying to find an excuse not to go home. In which case, it's probably too late for counselling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I hope I sit next to you at yoru kids graduation some day and when you turn to ask me where the time went I can hand you your paycheck and say take a look at the hours you worked.

[Anonymous]

He shifts his priorities.

Either that, or he can work 100 hours a week as a divorced man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I hope I sit next to you at yoru kids graduation some day and when you turn to ask me where the time went I can hand you your paycheck and say take a look at the hours you worked.

PP here. This is a bit nasty, I think, but I'll respond anyway. I'm fortunate enough to work a flexible job, which I leave most days at 5:30 to spend the evening with my kids. I get to work again after bedtime, most nights, and put in a few hours on the weekend. In reality, I probably work closer to 60 hours, most weeks, but these last few have all been 70-hour weeks and I would guess my kids haven't noticed a difference. Except maybe that I'm a bit more tired. Lucky for me, my husband sits across the table from me and we spend the evenings together, even if I'm working. It's not a bad life, even though I am exhausted.