Anyone worry about their average child?

[Anonymous]

I am a worrier. My DS is very average in school. He seems happy, has a few close friends so that is all good. Moms with older kids who have BTDT -- should I just relax and let him be himself even at the cost of being a poor student? He starts 7 th next year and there is no way he is going to be able to handle the responsibility ( he also has an issue or two with memory, attention.) He does the least amount of study, effort required. He is a sweet boy and his teachers have always said " I know he knows more than he shows me" so basically he has been getting A's and B's because they have been willing to work with him. I read these threads and he is so not honors, AP, IB, where everyone around us - all their kids are headed that way. Really, this is just a mom feeling down as I know better as a professional. Worked in counseling, worked with college kids and I know not everyone can/ should follow the same path but now that grades and college are staring us in the face I worry about him as he really has no interest or understanding of why learning is important. No sibs to ask for advice. If this was your son do you have any words of wisdom or advice?

[Anonymous]

Just re- read my post and please don't think I mean " be himself" in a touchy, feely way. We expect him to do his homework, study, etc. It 's just that we've spent lots of $$ on academic camps, programs, tutors. We help, review, reward, cajole, yell, punish but he never changes. I think I keep expecting a change in his ability and effort but maybe that is not cognitively possible.

[Anonymous]

My nephew was your son. Did the bare minimum -- his classic thing was completing assignments at the kitchen table under his mom's eagle eye, and then failing to turn them in.

He's in the Navy now. Enlisted at the start of his senior year of high school -- the recruiters basically ensured that he graduated. He's been promoted 3 times, seen half the world and now serves on one of their most requested boats.

There are paths that lead places other than Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Quit trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Find out what he'd rather be doing instead of reading Shakespeare, doing trigonometry, etc. Prepare him to pursue that path. Find vocational classes in an area that interests him if he likes working with his hands. Encourage him to take classes that help teach entrepeneurship. He's not doomed for failure. He can have a very rewarding career, perhaps as a plumber, chef, electrician, builder, police officer, personal trainer, fire fighter, lumberjack, soldier, salesman, etc. If you keep stressing over academics (which just aren't his thing), he might not have the self-confidence to be really successful in these non-academic areas.

He'll likely be more financially successful than all the "bright" students who major in liberal arts, go to law school because they can't think of anything useful to do, and start life $200,000 in debt with no useful skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was your son. Did the bare minimum -- his classic thing was completing assignments at the kitchen table under his mom's eagle eye, and then failing to turn them in.

He's in the Navy now. Enlisted at the start of his senior year of high school -- the recruiters basically ensured that he graduated. He's been promoted 3 times, seen half the world and now serves on one of their most requested boats.

There are paths that lead places other than Harvard.

quite a consolation - there's always the military.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was your son. Did the bare minimum -- his classic thing was completing assignments at the kitchen table under his mom's eagle eye, and then failing to turn them in.

He's in the Navy now. Enlisted at the start of his senior year of high school -- the recruiters basically ensured that he graduated. He's been promoted 3 times, seen half the world and now serves on one of their most requested boats.

There are paths that lead places other than Harvard.

quite a consolation - there's always the military.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with military service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a worrier. My DS is very average in school. He seems happy, has a few close friends so that is all good. Moms with older kids who have BTDT -- should I just relax and let him be himself even at the cost of being a poor student? He starts 7 th next year and there is no way he is going to be able to handle the responsibility ( he also has an issue or two with memory, attention.) He does the least amount of study, effort required. He is a sweet boy and his teachers have always said " I know he knows more than he shows me" so basically he has been getting A's and B's because they have been willing to work with him. I read these threads and he is so not honors, AP, IB, where everyone around us - all their kids are headed that way. Really, this is just a mom feeling down as I know better as a professional. Worked in counseling, worked with college kids and I know not everyone can/ should follow the same path but now that grades and college are staring us in the face I worry about him as he really has no interest or understanding of why learning is important. No sibs to ask for advice. If this was your son do you have any words of wisdom or advice?

I am you, because I worry about my son who is entering 7th grade. I was your son because I was average.

I was an average student and told I "was not college material". Well guess what I was - I did not get a 4.0 but I did good enough and it was good enough. One thing I did that helped was I took 5 years to graduate. Three or four classes was all I could handle and nobody has ever looked at my transcript and asked why it took 5 years.

I talked to my son's counselor yesterday about next year and my worries. he told me it's okay to worry but dont' let him feel my worry because it really is unwarrented. Say "I know you can do it", "I know it's hard", "I know you don't like this", etc. supportive but not too over the top. I am happy with A's, B's and a C in his weak areas.

I have no delusions about AP this and Honors that.

7th grade boys don't get why it's important - just remain supportive. Find out what interests him.


My son wants to go to college so we will get him there, somewhere, you will too. Not on purpose, but because it's cheaper to go to college sports games, we go to college campuses. It makes it seem a little less mystical. It's just school and it's fun.

[Anonymous]

PP -- I shared my example of an average kid's success story. Yes, he chose the military. And two years later, he has over $40K in savings, excellent performance reviews, and he loves what he's doing. He spent last New Year's eve with fellow sailors in a beachfront villa in Bali, and Chinese New Year in Hong Kong Harbor. I'm pretty frickin' proud of him.

You have a better idea? Please share it, instead of rolling your eyes like a RH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was your son. Did the bare minimum -- his classic thing was completing assignments at the kitchen table under his mom's eagle eye, and then failing to turn them in.

He's in the Navy now. Enlisted at the start of his senior year of high school -- the recruiters basically ensured that he graduated. He's been promoted 3 times, seen half the world and now serves on one of their most requested boats.

There are paths that lead places other than Harvard.

quite a consolation - there's always the military.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with military service.

if that's the kid's choice fine - I'm not paying for prep classes, tutoring, trips to the museums, zoos, music lessons etc. so the kid can come home in a box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with military service.

That's what Pat Tilman thought too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a worrier. My DS is very average in school. He seems happy, has a few close friends so that is all good. Moms with older kids who have BTDT -- should I just relax and let him be himself even at the cost of being a poor student? He starts 7 th next year and there is no way he is going to be able to handle the responsibility ( he also has an issue or two with memory, attention.) He does the least amount of study, effort required. He is a sweet boy and his teachers have always said " I know he knows more than he shows me" so basically he has been getting A's and B's because they have been willing to work with him. I read these threads and he is so not honors, AP, IB, where everyone around us - all their kids are headed that way. Really, this is just a mom feeling down as I know better as a professional. Worked in counseling, worked with college kids and I know not everyone can/ should follow the same path but now that grades and college are staring us in the face I worry about him as he really has no interest or understanding of why learning is important. No sibs to ask for advice. If this was your son do you have any words of wisdom or advice?

OP - thanks for posting this. I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say you're not alone. My son is going to enter 2nd grade next year, but I can already see he struggles with academics and I already know honors, AP, IB etc isn't for him. I worry all the time as well.

Thanks to the posters that gave some optimistic posts. It's good to hear.

[Anonymous]

Thank you 12:02. Your story helped. Believe me, we will support cooking, plumbing, fishing, etc. We don't think he has to go to law or med school. We aren't pushing academics but you have to have a minimum to get by. We just wanted to know what he was capable of as we have another child that is highly academic but it all comes from him. Anyway, at this point his only interest are video games. Let's just say we have tried many things - sports, music, art, etc. I think his lack of interest/ focus stems from the ADHD so we work with that as well. The only good thing lately is he loves horses so we are going to do a bit with that. Or as my HD said " why not yachting." the only thing he has been interested in his 13 years is the most expensive thing he could choose! Too funny. Thanks for the supportive comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP -- I shared my example of an average kid's success story. Yes, he chose the military. And two years later, he has over $40K in savings, excellent performance reviews, and he loves what he's doing. He spent last New Year's eve with fellow sailors in a beachfront villa in Bali, and Chinese New Year in Hong Kong Harbor. I'm pretty frickin' proud of him.

You have a better idea? Please share it, instead of rolling your eyes like a RH.

sounds good to me. Been to Bali. Been to Pattaya when the USN comes in for R&R. Good times for sure.

[Anonymous]

This was me, many years ago. The tendency toward academically average mysteriously and suddenly shook off in a very diverse, challenging high school, where I did well. I changed. Your DC will assurdely have any number of non-tertiary-academic options; give it just a few more years and his own preferences, interests and commitment might change anyway. End-of-sixth-grade is not usually the time to assume what the results of childhood are and what the overall direction will be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a worrier. My DS is very average in school. He seems happy, has a few close friends so that is all good. Moms with older kids who have BTDT -- should I just relax and let him be himself even at the cost of being a poor student? He starts 7 th next year and there is no way he is going to be able to handle the responsibility ( he also has an issue or two with memory, attention.) He does the least amount of study, effort required. He is a sweet boy and his teachers have always said " I know he knows more than he shows me" so basically he has been getting A's and B's because they have been willing to work with him. I read these threads and he is so not honors, AP, IB, where everyone around us - all their kids are headed that way. Really, this is just a mom feeling down as I know better as a professional. Worked in counseling, worked with college kids and I know not everyone can/ should follow the same path but now that grades and college are staring us in the face I worry about him as he really has no interest or understanding of why learning is important. No sibs to ask for advice. If this was your son do you have any words of wisdom or advice?

I am you, because I worry about my son who is entering 7th grade. I was your son because I was average.

I was an average student and told I "was not college material". Well guess what I was - I did not get a 4.0 but I did good enough and it was good enough. One thing I did that helped was I took 5 years to graduate. Three or four classes was all I could handle and nobody has ever looked at my transcript and asked why it took 5 years.

I talked to my son's counselor yesterday about next year and my worries. he told me it's okay to worry but dont' let him feel my worry because it really is unwarrented. Say "I know you can do it", "I know it's hard", "I know you don't like this", etc. supportive but not too over the top. I am happy with A's, B's and a C in his weak areas.

I have no delusions about AP this and Honors that.

7th grade boys don't get why it's important - just remain supportive. Find out what interests him.


My son wants to go to college so we will get him there, somewhere, you will too. Not on purpose, but because it's cheaper to go to college sports games, we go to college campuses. It makes it seem a little less mystical. It's just school and it's fun.

[Anonymous]

Your son sounds like a perfectly normal 7th grade boy. He will grow and change a lot in the next few years!

I have a relative who was just like your son. He was a really nice kid, but just was not a big fan of academics. His teachers loved him, though, and really worked with him. Some took the time to figure out how he learned best so that he could succeed on his own. This boy just blossomed when he got to college! The style of learning in college just worked better for him. His college professors also liked him and he did some really neat internships along the way. He now owns his own business and even employs others. His ability to get along with and work with others is a big part of his success.
It sounds like you're doing your best with your son. He knows that you love him and that you are there to help him. I won't tell you not to worry, because that's what we moms do, but really, if you continue to support him and guide him, things will work out for the best for him. Best wishes for the future to you!