Anyone regret having more than one child?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My husband and I are considering to have another baby. I am a little worried about the change of life style. Not that our life style is exciting right now, but at least it is not chaotic either. I get to pay enough attention to my daughter while managing a full time job, etc. I was wondering if anyone out there who went ahead and had a second child later regretted the decision? I know everyone loves their children no matter how hard it is to juggle, but is there a point when you wished you had stayed with one or thought that the second one was a stretch on you? |
Anonymous
| no way. i love our #2 so much! and she was a surprise! the relationship between my two daughters is so incredible. the thought that i could have missed out on that if i had only had one child is what upsets me. i know some families are complete with one, but now that we have two, i feel really sad at the thought of just having one. they love each other deeply, have fun together, entertain each other, and just have a beautiful relationship. we enjoy them both and they are both so different and have each taught us so much. i know this sounds cheesy and cliche but it's really true. i never would have imagined how great it would be having two but now that i know, i am so grateful that life unfolded for us as it did. two is definitely a lot of work, especially at the start (ours were 2.5 years apart), but now i find it easier than when we had one -- they play together, and we are more relaxed having been through parenthood twice, and they are used to not getting all of the attention. |
Anonymous
| No. I might regret a third though..... |
Anonymous
I did for a minute when #2 was a newborn and I was getting zero sleep. But not sleeping can make you want to kill yourself too 
But seriously, I do not regret having a second at all. I just love her so, so much. I can't even imagine life without both DCs. They adore each other and even though it's challenging now because they are 4 and 16 months, I know that as they grow older they will always have each other (hopefully). That said, I'm done with two! |
Anonymous
Nope, not for a second. Seriously. And we were totally on the fence as well. I almost even want a third but luckily I'm too old to fall into that trap 
|
Anonymous
|
OP, I am wondering the same thing.
From what I've seen in this forum almost no one really regrets the second (third etc) child. |
Anonymous
| I'll be honest- I don't regret the 2nd child (it's true what they say- I can't imagine life without him, now that I know him), but DH and I do look back on life with just one and think of how much easier it was. |
Anonymous
What? People post all the time about how #2 made life really hard. They don't say they regret it, but it id clear they find it very hard. |
Anonymous
|
I love our 2nd child and she was very much planned for and wanted. However, I feel like my life is basically out of control since she was born. I cannot get anything done, I never have time to myself, the house is a disaster, my work life is a disaster, I do not get to spend nearly enough time with my 2 1/2 year old. She is 8 months old and I am overwhelmed. So while I do not regret having her I really had no idea that things would be as hard as they are and that I would feel like such a failure at everything after she came along.
|
Anonymous
| I think "regret" is the wrong word. Of course, very, very, very few people will "regret" a child; but a whole lot of people will find that their marriage suffers, the second child gets less attention than the first, finances are tougher, etc., with the additional stress of adding a baby to the family. Babies are needy; while they bring a lot of joy, they also bring a lot of strain and hard changes to families. |
Anonymous
|
We went from 1 to 3 (yes, it happens) and life is certainly more chaotic. Planning even the simplest if outings takes 3 times as long and it was so easy to just carry on as usual with just one child. We travelled just as frequently,went out to eat as a family just as frequently, but not so with 3. Apart from it being much more expensive to travel, we now have to take our nanny with us to make the trip in any way pleasurable.
BUT, we would not change it for the world. The twins (2) are such a delight and bring such joy and laughter into our lives (including our older child who is 10), it is impossible to imagine a "better" life without them. It helps that they have sunny dispositions and are champion nappers and sleepers. |
Anonymous
You will never realize how each one child is until you have two (or more). HOWEVER, I for one do not think having two is that hard. It is different of course, and the newborn and toddler years are tough, just like they are with one kid. But you will adjust. We think it's awesome to have two. |
Anonymous
|
OP, how old is your first? In my experience, the age gap makes a big difference. My friends who have less than 2 year gap seem pretty overwhelmed. Mine are 3.5 years apart and we think it's pretty easy. The older one is self-sufficient in many ways and can even help with the younger one. They love each other to death and don't seem to fight as much as siblings closer in age. They are now starting to play together and it's wonderful.
Another important factor is how involved your husband is. I hear many women say they don't have any time to themselves and I don't really get that. I still spend time with my friends, get pedicures, etc. while my husband watches the kids, just like I did when there was only one. I don't see why that has to change. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I love our 2nd and he and his older brother are great friends, but it is hard with two. They fight a lot and our house is just really loud and chaotic sometimes. It's getting easier each year though - they are now 6 and 4 and are much more independent. I suppose I think about it more often than most because my best friend only has 1 and she is constantly talking about how she took a nap on the weekend or went to the movies while her husband is with her son. I know that is possible to do with 2, but it is just more difficult, especially when they are little. |
Anonymous
I'm the poster you're quoting. I hope you're right about adjusting! Ours just turned 2 and 4, so we're just now emerging from the really tough years. I do think it's fun having 2- had only wanted one and then #2 was a surprise. Looking back, I'm so glad that the decision to have a 2nd was made for us, so to speak, rather than having to actively pursue TTC. Personally, if I were to regret anything, it would be having ANY kids at all, not going from 1 to 2, if that makes sense. But I don't regret having kids...I just long for the easier days of one. |