WDYT Does this person not want to be my friend?

[Anonymous]

So a new family moved into the neighborhood. The mom and I hit it off and we have kids the same age. I invited the parents and kids (as well as a couple other neighbors with kids the same age) over for an afternoon "playdate" with parents. They came.

Another neighbor had a get-together - I talked to the host and told her about new neighbors and could I extend an invite. host said yes, I invited new neighbors - told them it's a neighborhood party and they are welcome to come to meet the neighbors. They said yes but never showed.

When I ran into mom, she apologized and said she totally forgot about it.

I invited mom to go out for drinks one night. She said yes. A few nights before the planned night out, I emailed her to talk about where and what time. No response. I called the night before we were supposed to go out and left a message (something like "Hi, just want to touch base to figure out where we want to go tomorrow night and what time works best for you.") No response, so obviously we didnt' go out.

They invited us to their house for dinner. We came and had a good time (I think???)

I saw her in the neighborhood and she says "DH is taking kids to MIL's on Saturday. You want to get together for a drink that night?" I say "Sure - when and where." She says "I'll email you." No email. I follow up - no response to email or voicemail.

I don't stalk her and just let it go. But when I see her again, I say "Sorry we weren't able to get together last week. how are you? blah, blah, small talk..."

I saw her walking her dog up the street and wave. She stops and says, "I would love to get together this weekend. Are you available?" I said I had to check with DH but will get back to her. I emailed her that we weren't doing anything and would love to get together.

you guessed it - no response and no call for this past weekend.


So..... At this point, I'm a bit frustrated that she makes plans with me and then never follows through. I am thinking that she is just trying to be nice and does't know what to say when she sees me (since we're neighbors we see each other a lot) so she just thinks it's small talk like "we need to get together sometime" but doesn't really mean it. My DH thinks I should give her the benefit of doubt and think that she's maybe just flaky or disorganized.

I really like her. The few times we did get together, I thought we clicked and really hit it off, but I don't want to be too pushy especially if she really doesn't like me - if that's the case, we can just be friendly neighbors. But I just don't know how to read her mixed messages.

WDYT???

[Anonymous]

She sounds ditzy.

[Anonymous]

I actually have a friend like this.. If it were me, next time she says something to that affect, I would just say "really? because the last several times, it didn't end up happening".. just because I'd be frustrated with the situation.. Maybe you could just ask her.. say something like "do I have the right email address for you? I don't know if you're getting my emails"..

[Anonymous]

Ask her about the several times she has blown you off.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the PP for bringing up the prior blow offs. If she suggests somethin again, I think you should thank her for the offer, say it sounds really fun but you have plans. On the off chance that she is trying to be polite and is just not that into you (and you sound really nice and normal, so it's probably not the case), this kind of puts you back at square one and she's off the hook for suggesting things. It also allows you to remain friendly without counting on her for your plans.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this. She loves me (and all her friends) but she's just very flaky. No one counts on any plans they make with her, but she's super genuine about it.

Since you dont know her other friends, you can ask if this is a pattern. I'd ask her to confirm her email address, saying you emailed her but she didnt respond and maybe you had the wrong email. How she responds will help you figure it out.

[Anonymous]

I'd just let it go OP. Maybe she's an introvert and these "get togethers" are taxing on her but she doesn't want to be rude so she brings them up when she sees you, under the guise of initiation. If I were you, I'd respond to her advances with "yes we should", and then let her follow up, if she doesn't, whatever.

In other words, stop initiating. You tried and it didn't take.

[Anonymous]

ADD or depression are possibilities.

[Anonymous]

I think if she wasn't that into being your friend she wouldn't have suggested specific times to get together, instead just a vague "oh let's get coffee some time..." She just sounds flaky. I wouldn't invest too much into the relationship or depend on her to hang out, but I don't think she's trying to send you a message by not following through.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just flakes, and you have to take what they say with a grain of salt. Live and learn and spend your energy with people that show a little more respect or stand by their word.

[Anonymous]

leave it alone. matter of fact stop following up with her.

she suggests an outing, tell her to specifically email and/or call you and if she doesnt, let it go.

and dont go penning in meet ups with the person. continue on with whatever may come up with you between the time you agree and day of event and if she does call to confirm, adjust accordingly.

you spending too much time trying to make sure she follows up with you. let it be

[Anonymous]

is flake the new code word for rude?

[Anonymous]

We have a very serious illness in our family that we don't share much about with other people - it gets very complicated quickly and it is no one's business. The result is that I blow things off all the time. It upsets me a great deal that I do this, but I do my best. No advice, just the suggestion of compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a very serious illness in our family that we don't share much about with other people - it gets very complicated quickly and it is no one's business. The result is that I blow things off all the time. It upsets me a great deal that I do this, but I do my best. No advice, just the suggestion of compassion.

Seriously? What kind of illness is it such that a good calendar wouldn't help you out? Not meant to be snarky, just wondering what it could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a very serious illness in our family that we don't share much about with other people - it gets very complicated quickly and it is no one's business. The result is that I blow things off all the time. It upsets me a great deal that I do this, but I do my best. No advice, just the suggestion of compassion.

Frankly I would hope that because of this you know better than to schedule appointments you have zero intention of keeping. Well, maybe "intention" isn't the right word. How about physically unable to keep instead?