What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with maintaining a full schedule of organized activities seems weird and stressful.

The average middle class teen is idle on their butt all day long playing video games, on their phone or streaming Netflix.

The always busy overachiever striver is perhaps <2.5% of all teens.

I’d rather have my kids maintain full schedules than be terminally unmotivated bumps on a log.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

Whoa, what HHI would you need to support all this?

We do almost all of this (shorter vacations, home at 5pm, grandma lives with us in her own apartment downstairs, and the kids are at top public schools). We make $340K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

Whoa, what HHI would you need to support all this?

We do almost all of this (shorter vacations, home at 5pm, grandma lives with us in her own apartment downstairs, and the kids are at top public schools). We make $340K.

GS-30 family? The salary is suggestive as is the being home at 5 pm.

Signed,

A GS-30 Family (Two Maxed out GS-15 Feds) that do all these things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

Whoa, what HHI would you need to support all this?

We do almost all of this (shorter vacations, home at 5pm, grandma lives with us in her own apartment downstairs, and the kids are at top public schools). We make $340K.

GS-30 family? The salary is suggestive as is the being home at 5 pm.

Signed,

A GS-30 Family (Two Maxed out GS-15 Feds) that do all these things

Really? You ski out west every year, spend spring break in the Caribbean, take 2 weeks in Europe every summer, AND spend a week or two at nice local beach every year on 340? Cuz that is like 50k of travel.

I’d love to see your budget breakdown!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

Yeah it all depends on what kind of family you were raised in and also your cultural values. My guess is most of these UMC posters are white. I know for typical Indian culture the family will not spend tons of money on vacations every year and will instead aggressively save for their kid’s college and weddings (if they have daughters), perhaps buy a fancy car to show they’ve made it, and save towards buying a huge new build in a good public school district. Different cultural values than most of these posters on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

Yeah it all depends on what kind of family you were raised in and also your cultural values. My guess is most of these UMC posters are white. I know for typical Indian culture the family will not spend tons of money on vacations every year and will instead aggressively save for their kid’s college and weddings (if they have daughters), perhaps buy a fancy car to show they’ve made it, and save towards buying a huge new build in a good public school district. Different cultural values than most of these posters on this thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

Yeah it all depends on what kind of family you were raised in and also your cultural values. My guess is most of these UMC posters are white. I know for typical Indian culture the family will not spend tons of money on vacations every year and will instead aggressively save for their kid’s college and weddings (if they have daughters), perhaps buy a fancy car to show they’ve made it, and save towards buying a huge new build in a good public school district. Different cultural values than most of these posters on this thread.

I mean, not really. Every poster who mentioned vacations also mentioned a big house in a “good” school district and 100% of college paid for. I would assume vacations are a nice extra after the mortgage is paid and 529s are funded.

The wedding thing - that’s a big cultural difference, I’ll grant you that!

I’d rather give each of my kids 50k with the expectation that they put it towards a down payment, rather than a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

Yeah it all depends on what kind of family you were raised in and also your cultural values. My guess is most of these UMC posters are white. I know for typical Indian culture the family will not spend tons of money on vacations every year and will instead aggressively save for their kid’s college and weddings (if they have daughters), perhaps buy a fancy car to show they’ve made it, and save towards buying a huge new build in a good public school district. Different cultural values than most of these posters on this thread.

I mean, not really. Every poster who mentioned vacations also mentioned a big house in a “good” school district and 100% of college paid for. I would assume vacations are a nice extra after the mortgage is paid and 529s are funded.

The wedding thing - that’s a big cultural difference, I’ll grant you that!

I’d rather give each of my kids 50k with the expectation that they put it towards a down payment, rather than a wedding.

It does sound like a big lifestyle difference to be spending a good part of each year on ski, beach and Europe trips vs spending time with relatives. That’s another point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

Yeah it all depends on what kind of family you were raised in and also your cultural values. My guess is most of these UMC posters are white. I know for typical Indian culture the family will not spend tons of money on vacations every year and will instead aggressively save for their kid’s college and weddings (if they have daughters), perhaps buy a fancy car to show they’ve made it, and save towards buying a huge new build in a good public school district. Different cultural values than most of these posters on this thread.

I mean, not really. Every poster who mentioned vacations also mentioned a big house in a “good” school district and 100% of college paid for. I would assume vacations are a nice extra after the mortgage is paid and 529s are funded.

The wedding thing - that’s a big cultural difference, I’ll grant you that!

I’d rather give each of my kids 50k with the expectation that they put it towards a down payment, rather than a wedding.

It does sound like a big lifestyle difference to be spending a good part of each year on ski, beach and Europe trips vs spending time with relatives. That’s another point.

Probably for a lot of these posters, their relatives live locally. I know ours do. So we see them once or more a week just in daily life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It does sound like a big lifestyle difference to be spending a good part of each year on ski, beach and Europe trips vs spending time with relatives. That’s another point.

Our family prioritizes both, even though family lives scattered throughout the US. Fun trips out west to ski, exciting trips to Europe, and beach trips as well as regularly scheduled trips to see family during Thanksgiving or winter break and then over fourth of july. They come visit us in the fall and spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It does sound like a big lifestyle difference to be spending a good part of each year on ski, beach and Europe trips vs spending time with relatives. That’s another point.

Our family prioritizes both, even though family lives scattered throughout the US. Fun trips out west to ski, exciting trips to Europe, and beach trips as well as regularly scheduled trips to see family during Thanksgiving or winter break and then over fourth of july. They come visit us in the fall and spring.

This level of travel doesn’t seem compatible with a big close-in house and fully paid off retirement and college, unless you make a lot of money or live in a really low COL area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice house on a quiet, leafy street with other children their age to play with. I’m picturing something from a Nancy Meyer movie - a big old colonial or Victorian that has a ton of old school charm but updated kitchens and bathrooms with modern finishes.

Lots of books for every member of the household.

A piano or other musical instruments.

Parents who are home early enough every night for family dinner at 6 or 6:30.

Bonus points for at least one parent being able to get home early enough to greet kids off the school bus, give them a snack, hear about their day, host play dates, take them to activities, etc. In our house, it’s my husband (doctor with a flex schedule) who does this!

If parents are unable to be home early like this, a typical UNC/UC family will hire a housekeeper to perform the role plus cook, clean, and run errands.

Parents who value education which means a top private or public school. Parents should volunteer in the schools regularly and help with homework and projects. Parents should save for college so they are able to pay 100% of their kids’ schools of choice so they have no student debt.

Private music and sports lessons. Typical UMC/UC families belong to a country club, where their children learn to swim, play tennis and golf (at least the boys anyway, the girls might choose something like horseback riding or dance), and ski.

Vacations: the typical schedule seems to me to be an annual ski trip out West, a trip to the Caribbean to escape winter weather, 10 days to 2 weeks in Europe, PLUS 1-2 weeks at a nice East Coast beach. Richer folk will have their own beach house. At least this is what I’ve observed among the he people I know in CC, Bethesda, and Arlington.

Sleep away summer camp for tween years

New car at 16 (doesn’t have to be extravagant)

Semester abroad in college

Whoa, what HHI would you need to support all this?

We do almost all of this (shorter vacations, home at 5pm, grandma lives with us in her own apartment downstairs, and the kids are at top public schools). We make $340K.

GS-30 family? The salary is suggestive as is the being home at 5 pm.

Signed,

A GS-30 Family (Two Maxed out GS-15 Feds) that do all these things

Really? You ski out west every year, spend spring break in the Caribbean, take 2 weeks in Europe every summer, AND spend a week or two at nice local beach every year on 340? Cuz that is like 50k of travel.

I’d love to see your budget breakdown!

DP here. We do $25k of travel on $275k, so if we changed nothing else we could easily spend $25k more on travel if we made $60k more income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s me being a cheap Asian, but I consider myself UMC ($300k) and barely do any of the things listed on this thread. Vacation home? Fancy private schools? Luxe travel with young kids? HA. About the only thing I did was buy a beautiful home in a pricey suburb and save aggressively to pay for college and a nest egg.

+1
Cheap Indian. UMC ($350K), Beautiful home in cheaper area. Public magnet. Nest egg. College and beyond - education. Modest saving for weddings ($50K). $100 K towards first house and car for each kid. Kids can decide to have a backyard wedding and basically pocket $50K more. Hopefully, I have raised financially smart kids. Obviously, anything I do for my kids after K-12 is conditional. If they don't want to go to college and have a career that can sustain them and their future children, I will not be paying for anything after they graduate from high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with maintaining a full schedule of organized activities seems weird and stressful.

The average middle class teen is idle on their butt all day long playing video games, on their phone or streaming Netflix.

The always busy overachiever striver is perhaps <2.5% of all teens.

I’d rather have my kids maintain full schedules than be terminally unmotivated bumps on a log.

See this is what I hate. A kid/teen not in a boat load of activities doesn't have to be a bump on a log or a trouble maker. How rude and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Overscheduling and kids having no free time. Wonder how well that will work.