Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well Hillary's sister Hailey Duff liked both Tisdale's post about her essay and the Cut's post of the essay.

Interesting.

Hilary and Hailey are allegedly estranged. This adds a layer of interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Can your husband use his big boy words to set the record straight or would he photoshop his head on your friend's body and post about it on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

This would be compelling if Ashley Tisdale had published an essay about how Hillary Duff is a bad person or had done XYZ. That's not what happened.

Tisdale's essay was about her own experience. She doesn't name names. And most of the article is not even a criticism of the specific behavior of any particular woman, but more an indictment of certain friend dynamics where people are passive aggressive about conflicts and just exclude someone and then lie about it or claim it was an accident. So at least from the essay, you wouldn't get the sense that any of these women had done something super aggressive or mean to Tisdale, but more that Tisdale had just been excluded from the group in a passive aggressive way which is not the most mature or kind way to deal with a conflict with a friend.

So actually I feel VERY comfortable saying that Duff's husband's post, in which he photoshopped his own head onto Tisdale's body and then calls Tisdale, personally, tone deaf and attention seeking, was completely out of line and mostly just serves to make a lot of us who were like "huh I wonder who that's about, I guess it could be one of these famous women but also maybe not" to think "oh Hillary Duff is a mean girl Queen B and her husband apparently is too." Like this in no way defends his wife from criticism and instead just proves they are petty and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Can your husband use his big boy words to set the record straight or would he photoshop his head on your friend's body and post about it on social media?

This. Hillary's husband's post is meaner than literally anything Tisdale said in her essay, plus her essay was not about any particular woman whereas the husband's post is a direct attack on Tisdale. Childish and totally unnecessary. And they have kids? Good freaking luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Per Reddit “ I follow Ashley, Hilary, and Mandy on IG. I noticed a shift around the time of the fires in California last year. Mandy’s family was affected by the fires. Her, her husband and their children all lived with Hilary for a couple of months due to the fire damage in their home. Other members of Mandy’s family completely lost their homes. I remember Ashley being super tone deaf around this time posting about how grateful she was that she wasn’t affected by the fires and continued talking about plans to build her vacation home. She wasn’t pictured with the mom group again after this. I have a feeling that that affected her relationship within the mom group.”

Eh, it's not straightforward. Mandy Moore posted a link to her brother's Go Fund Me after the fires (he also lost his house) which was ALSO tone deaf because why the hell is Mandy Moore asking her fans to donate money so that her [rich] brother can rebuild his Palisades house, when she is also rich? I feel bad for anyone who loses their house in a fire, of course that is going to be very hard to deal with and move on from, but also have some self awareness as a wealthy celebrity -- these people have resources most people do not have. So accusing Tisdale of being "tone deaf" is odd to me because being tone deaf is kind of a broad Hollywood quality.

The way this reads to me is that Hillary and Mandy were the Queen Bees of their friend group, and that the expectation when Mandy's house burned down is that all the other women in the group would fall all over themselves trying to help her (even though Mandy has enough resources to largely just help herself). It was a competition to prove how devoted you were to the Queen. And Ashley didn't play that game for whatever reason (maybe she was oblivious, maybe she knew what was going on and found it lame, maybe she was already sick of this group, maybe she specifically dislikes Mandy, who knows) and her punishment was that everyone closed ranks against her.

In a toxic group like this, it's always "rules for thee but not for me" from the people at the top of the hierarchy. It *is* toxic, and trying to get the public on the side of the Queen Bees is just an extension of that toxic behavior. You really want to convince me that Mandy Moore and Hillary Duff are victims here? Please. There are no victims. It's just a bunch of petty people trying to one up each other (and yeah, Tisdale was trying to one up when she wrote the essay -- that doesn't mean she's wrong about the underlying dynamics though).

This sounds so right.

My husband’s boss lost her house in a flood a few years ago. She’s an orthopedic surgeon and could afford to replace things. I thought it was crazy to give her money when so many other poor people needed it, but DH spent $700 replacing his boss kid’s legos. Honestly, he was right to do it. I don’t think she explicitly said anything, but it clearly changed her perspective of him.

WTAF??

The unconscious is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Can your husband use his big boy words to set the record straight or would he photoshop his head on your friend's body and post about it on social media?

This. Hillary's husband's post is meaner than literally anything Tisdale said in her essay, plus her essay was not about any particular woman whereas the husband's post is a direct attack on Tisdale. Childish and totally unnecessary. And they have kids? Good freaking luck with that.

That man looks very unwell. Looks 10 years older than actual age. The post was hilarious don't get me wrong, but it also makes him seem as nuts as A.T. Team Nobody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

Is she going down on him in one of these pics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

I do think that groups that do this - especially women in their 40s and 50s - know exactly what they are doing and they do it for themselves. It's about their own self-confidence and, as you said, their insecurity. And they even do it about their children - there's a group from my kids' elementary school that constantly posts pictures of their outings, of their teens together, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

She didn't fall off the face of the earth. She starred in Younger, then How I Met Your Father. Considering she has three kids, she's done well and is very successful by Hollywood standards. As is Mandy Moore, obviously. If we're talking about current status, Ashley was not an obvious fit for that group in the first place. Does that mean I don't think Hilary and Many could be mean, petty beyotches? No, of course not. But I would like to hear their side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

I do think that groups that do this - especially women in their 40s and 50s - know exactly what they are doing and they do it for themselves. It's about their own self-confidence and, as you said, their insecurity. And they even do it about their children - there's a group from my kids' elementary school that constantly posts pictures of their outings, of their teens together, etc...

A group of women I don't even know do this. I'm still "friends" with one woman on FB who moved away to her new state and made a new group of friends. They are constantly posting their get togethers, monthly birthday parties, and they always have these elaborate themes with decorations, foods, etc. It's so weird. I could just unfriend this person since we don't even talk but I only remember when I see another round of the latest birthday get together. I can only imagine what people who actually know them think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

She didn't fall off the face of the earth. She starred in Younger, then How I Met Your Father. Considering she has three kids, she's done well and is very successful by Hollywood standards. As is Mandy Moore, obviously. If we're talking about current status, Ashley was not an obvious fit for that group in the first place. Does that mean I don't think Hilary and Many could be mean, petty beyotches? No, of course not. But I would like to hear their side.

Sounds like another Queen Bee chiming in. Not an obvious fit, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

She didn't fall off the face of the earth. She starred in Younger, then How I Met Your Father. Considering she has three kids, she's done well and is very successful by Hollywood standards. As is Mandy Moore, obviously. If we're talking about current status, Ashley was not an obvious fit for that group in the first place. Does that mean I don't think Hilary and Many could be mean, petty beyotches? No, of course not. But I would like to hear their side.

Sounds like another Queen Bee chiming in. Not an obvious fit, lol.

If it's true that Ashley was bragging about surviving the fires unscathed, then she's an insensitive beyotch who deserves to be dumped from the friend group. But no passive-aggressive BS, please, just tell her to her face why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

I do think that groups that do this - especially women in their 40s and 50s - know exactly what they are doing and they do it for themselves. It's about their own self-confidence and, as you said, their insecurity. And they even do it about their children - there's a group from my kids' elementary school that constantly posts pictures of their outings, of their teens together, etc...

Using the kids as an excuse to engage in this competitive social media posting drives me crazy. There are numerous families like this at our elementary school and I've learned to be very explicit about asking people to please not post photos of my DC on social media. The photo-taking at birthday parties and other get togethers is excessive and intense, and then they'll post them all over their accounts and tag people and gush in the comments. I don't even have a Facebook account and my IG account is private and I'm not connected to any of them on it, so I didn't realize this was happening at first. Then I noticed a couple photos in the PTA's IG account that I thought were a little extra (like photos of a group of kids, including my DC, with the tag "besties" which to me seem like an odd use of the PTA account and could easily be viewed as exclusive in a yucky way). That's how I discovered the other parents' public IG accounts and found pics of my DC on them with a similar vibe. I hate it! These people have socially successful kids in elementary and are using that to pump themselves up. It's so, so gross. As the kids have gotten older, they are being conscripted into this as well. I've had multiple of my kids' friends ask me why I don't have an IG account (I do, but it's just for family and close friends and it's not public), which means their parents are discussing it at home in front of them. Ugh.

Sometimes, hell is other parents. I am deeply grateful that my social life is independent of my kid and hoping that as the kids get older this behavior diminishes a bit.