Nicest parent communities which schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

My kid is at the center of the super popular crowd at his/her Big3 high school and we have nothing in common with the other parents (many of whom are lifers whereas we arrived in 9th grade). The other parents used to openly look through us but now our kid has spent so much time at their homes they are nice to us when they see us at school events. However we certainly don't hang out together outside of school.

Our second kid wants nothing to do with the popular crowd. It's been sort of a relief. I was not popular growing up and my husband even more of a geek. Our first child's social world is foreign to both of us.

How shallow that they don’t talk to you? That’s what op is asking and that is NOT nice. Whether your kids are friends or not you were in the same community and they should be friendly and she try to get to know everyone in their community.

We have two families like this in our grade they don’t talk to anyone else they don’t have anything to do with anyone else in the school or in the grade except with each other they’re very polarizing as are their two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

This I agree with 100% and it is really tough. Sometimes I feel terrible for my DC.

In one case I have even seen a very sweet family's DC rejected till HS by a queenbeen mom. It is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

This I agree with 100% and it is really tough. Sometimes I feel terrible for my DC.

In one case I have even seen a very sweet family's DC rejected till HS by a queenbeen mom. It is terrible.

DP. What grade is this? I have also witnessed it and it is terrible.

The only thing that gives me some hope is that the kids of these parents are very aware of how terrible their parents are and often make comments about their parents. They know what their parents are doing and by highschool they usually start overriding their crazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

This I agree with 100% and it is really tough. Sometimes I feel terrible for my DC.

In one case I have even seen a very sweet family's DC rejected till HS by a queenbeen mom. It is terrible.

DP. What grade is this? I have also witnessed it and it is terrible.

The only thing that gives me some hope is that the kids of these parents are very aware of how terrible their parents are and often make comments about their parents. They know what their parents are doing and by highschool they usually start overriding their crazy parents.

Club crowd spends a lot of money "keeping out" certain people from their network and they want their kids to mix with certain people. That is the truth.

[Anonymous]

We have had great parent communities at our schools

[Anonymous]

What about diocesan schools? We are midway between BI and DJO and community matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

Curious if this is the culture at Gonzaga, Prep or SJC?

[Anonymous]

Silly thread. Different people will have different experiences, so there never could be consensus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about diocesan schools? We are midway between BI and DJO and community matters.

BI seems nice (DC is a 9th grader). We don’t live in Alexandria and my impression is many of the parents already knew each other from the Alexandria K-8s but they’re not exclusionary about it and it doesn’t impact the kids’ friendships at all. BI is a very laid back, welcoming community and we have a low tolerance for snobbiness so that was something we paid close attention to.

No personal experience with DJO other than knowing families there from DC’s K-8 but I assume it would be similar. I’d go with the shorter commute, personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silly thread. Different people will have different experiences, so there never could be consensus.

You're the only one demanding consensus as the standard. Plenty of others are simply seeking data points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mater Amoris Montessori. Nicest people you will ever meet. Parents cheers on other people's kids. You will find a real mix of economics among the parents from taxi drivers, UPS drivers, CEOs, doctors, lawyers. Nobody cares. It is a nice, sharing community.

Nope not accurate. The parent community there is very aloof. And if you happen to report to the school about the very pervasive and unaddressed bullying, other parents will shun you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in high school? I had hoped that the kids would make their own friends by high school.

Of course they make their own friends but there is a very significant social component at certain schools with heavily involves entire families and parents etc... If you are not friends with the parents you are not included or part of it and neither is your child.

Curious if this is the culture at Gonzaga, Prep or SJC?

Our experience at two of these schools was that a good proportion of the parents already knew one another from their own youth. In many cases there were family ties. They had gone to school together, lived in the same neighborhoods, belonged to the same parishes, played in the same CYO leagues. They frequently had either attended these schools or had family members that had.

SJC and GZA are larger so there are fewer “natives” as percentage of the population. GZA has a large group from Virginia who are outside the MD/NWDC Catholic community.

But this has little impact on the kids and next to no impact on the parents since there really isn’t the “very significant social component” suggested to in the post above.

The sports teams have tailgates and parent gatherings. But if your kid is on the team, you are automatically part of the group. The only time it might be an issue would be if a “new” parent wanted to be active in a Parent’s Club. There you might find that parents who were themselves alumni might have stronger voices.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly not STA. It varies some by class but large population of mean girl moms who never mentally graduated from junior high.

This is sad to hear. I had hoped STA would figure this out. The Chevy crowd at STA (and NCS) is vicious. Hands down probably one of the worst crowds in the DMV.

We're a decidedly not fancy STA/NCS family.
A couple of things:

-there are countless parents who are not country club members. the vast majority.

-among the Chevy crowd (since that was brought up) I've found that (not surprisingly) that the wealthiest and most influential ones are generally the nicest. The mean ones are almost always the strivers OR the ones with kids who struggle socially. When people are secure in who they are, they're generally nice.

-I've also found that none of it matters during the high school years as kids make their own friends. If they're some combo of smart, funny, charismatic, interesting, athletic, kind, good looking, etc. they'll likely find themselves comfortably fitting into the social world even if they're the furthest thing from a Chevy member there is. My kids have been fully embraced by other kids. They've invited to a near constant stream of pre-parties, after parties, regular parties, golf outings, dinners, hang-outs, ski trips, vacations, etc. etc. They have many friends and will know these kids until for years to come. They feel fully part of the community. It's all good.

DP. I disagree parents of these kids are more involved with their kids social lives in highschool than other parents. Just ask the kid that was dressed for the Chevy dance with his invitation in hand and humiliated by adults at Chevy when he was told to leave and that he was not invited. How do you get over that public humiliation as a kid in highschool?

I have also heard the lower school at STA also has a group of these parents as well as highschool so I am not hopeful things will improve.

the christmas dance? He had the invite in hand (so he had been invited by the host families?) why was he asked to leave?

He was told he didn’t make the cut but he didn’t understand how the process works he had the invitation and assumed it was a done deal that he was invited. He didn’t realize he needed to follow up invitation.

He had sent in his check etc…

Last year

my kids went this year and it's spelled out very clearly by written invite and email how the process works. it sounds like he did not read the instructions and just showed up. i don't see how this is the fault of anyone but this kid (and secondarily his parents). I'm the last person who will defend bad behavior by jerkish parents but when the invite clearly says "you must do X, Y and Z to claim your spot" and everyone complies but one kid who just shows up then this 100% on him. And if he's in high school (and STA at that) then he's clearly bright enough to read an invite and follow instructions.

There’s a concept of extending grace to people who make mistakes. Look it up. It’s part of the tenets of Christianity that St. Albans supposedly espouses.

+1 Shows a lack of grace and hospitality. One should accept the stranger at the door as Christ himself.

[Anonymous]

Reviving this thread to ask why whether the parents are likable is important.

Is it because there’s a lot of parent interaction?

Or how they affect the attitudes of your children’s peers at the private school?

[Anonymous]

I will add that we are touring schools now and there is a definite difference in vibe among fellow parents touring schools. But these are really really superficial impressions. And I don’t know how much I’m expected to hang out with them while DC is in school.