Unpopular relationship opinions

[Anonymous]

Nope. It takes a lot of maturity and self understanding to navigate non-monogamy responsibly.



IME, the majority of people I’ve known who crow that they are doing non-monogamy “responsibly” are actually very clearly doing that within a relationship where it’s pretty obvious the person with whom they’re “negotiating non-monogamy” with isn‘t happy but just doesn’t have enough power to say no or to be able negotiate for their needs.

Color me not impressed with that kind of “consent”.

I've met and dated a handful of ENM people over the last couple years. Very few appeared to navigate it well. Are any of them able to navigate it well for a sustainable period of time? I'll never know. I'm leaving the two "ENM" relationships I'm in and I'm done. I'm not saying I'll never try it again, but I won't have the high hopes I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

I'm sorry that you don't consider the creation of yourself to be a worthwhile accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ENM/poly people are into the whole thing to cover up insecurities, low self-esteem, trauma, etc

Nope. It takes a lot of maturity and self understanding to navigate non-monogamy responsibly.

IME, the majority of people I’ve known who crow that they are doing non-monogamy “responsibly” are actually very clearly doing that within a relationship where it’s pretty obvious the person with whom they’re “negotiating non-monogamy” with isn‘t happy but just doesn’t have enough power to say no or to be able negotiate for their needs.

Color me not impressed with that kind of “consent”.

+1

Add to that a love for arbitrary rules, coordinating schedules, and wasting time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

I'm sorry that you don't consider the creation of yourself to be a worthwhile accomplishment.

They didn't have to stay married for 50 years to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

I would add happy to this because then to me they are living authentically. My ex’s dad cheated on his wife with men and was gay and she stayed because it was the norm. Of course I didn’t find this out till 20 years later. My ex secretly brought men into the house for sex and abused our money as well and I divorced. My oldest is gay and dating a man as a young adult who he wants to marry. It’s the same reason a marriage to a woman didn’t work for all three. Just different outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

I would add happy to this because then to me they are living authentically. My ex’s dad cheated on his wife with men and was gay and she stayed because it was the norm. Of course I didn’t find this out till 20 years later. My ex secretly brought men into the house for sex and abused our money as well and I divorced. My oldest is gay and dating a man as a young adult who he wants to marry. It’s the same reason a marriage to a woman didn’t work for all three. Just different outcome.

Unpopular opinion: People take extremely rare .0001% possibility exceptions to the rule like the one above to discount common sense/good advice when it comes to relationships. (Not a jab at PP personally)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

So life is all about being happily married? Do they have friends, careers, extended family, volunteer positions?

You are such a narrow minded person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

I would add happy to this because then to me they are living authentically. My ex’s dad cheated on his wife with men and was gay and she stayed because it was the norm. Of course I didn’t find this out till 20 years later. My ex secretly brought men into the house for sex and abused our money as well and I divorced. My oldest is gay and dating a man as a young adult who he wants to marry. It’s the same reason a marriage to a woman didn’t work for all three. Just different outcome.

I wouldn’t call the relationships you and your mother had marriages. I don’t think a marriage needs to be happy, but it needs to be based on the truth. If you were deceived or tricked into a marriage, that isn’t really a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too many men and women make too many excuses for being overweight, obese, and out of shape. Fat acceptance is a bizarre Orwellian concept that characterizes the dystopian nature of many womens attitudes towards their obligation to remain fit sexy and attractive for their partners.

Being fat lazy and out of shape makes you a terrible marital partner.

That society thinks 50 year old woman need to look like they did in their 20s. Women used to be able to age and grandmothers weren’t sexy. Now women are made to feel like failures if they don’t weigh the same at 50 as they did at 25. Life was so much better when it was socially acceptable to age and be matronly.

+1 We were watching The Godfather recently and it was striking how all of the older mothers were portly, enjoying pasta, and wearing dresses with graying hair. It is so sad that we now require women look hot (!) and sexually available into their 60s and beyond. Americans are oversexed.

I am 59 and single (widow) and I like to look fashionable and still have a high sex drive, which I explore with the younger men I date. Saving the caftans til I am 95

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ENM/poly people are into the whole thing to cover up insecurities, low self-esteem, trauma, etc

I’ve never met a person in a poly relationship where I didn’t wonder “how did this person get even one person to sleep with them, let alone two”

Facts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ENM/poly people are into the whole thing to cover up insecurities, low self-esteem, trauma, etc

I’ve never met a person in a poly relationship where I didn’t wonder “how did this person get even one person to sleep with them, let alone two”

We look like everyone else, and we are everywhere. We are your friends, coworkers, relatives, neighbors. We just don’t talk about it with you because you are not a safe person to confide in.

Sure, in a “that person probably wears a tail to GenCon” kinda way.

You know, at a certain point, non-monogamous/poly relationships will become more mainstream, and making fun of them will be like calling people "gay" as an insult. It's easy to punch down now, but you're on the wrong side of history. And on a deep, perhaps unconscious level, you are threatened by such relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good number of men stay in unhappy marriages because dating generally sucks.

Yep I think this plus alimony and child support sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

I'm sorry that you don't consider the creation of yourself to be a worthwhile accomplishment.

My mom got pregnant on purpose because she only wanted kids. She was pregnant at their wedding. My creation has nothing to do with marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

So life is all about being happily married? Do they have friends, careers, extended family, volunteer positions?

You are such a narrow minded person.

Actually, no, they don't have those things. My dad had a career. The rest? No. They don't have friends, they are not close to their families, they don't volunteer. There is literally nothing there. They did not build anything. They are two people who hate each other who barely speak in the same house.

I ended up in a similar marriage. Thank God, I got divorced.

Marriage does not equal success. Only a quality marriage is successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look more highly upon married people than unmarried ones. Bonus points for length of marriage. It just signals maturity.


I am a young childless woman BTW.

You clearly know nothing about marriage. My parents have been miserable for 50 years and I can barely stand to be around them, but hey, they’re married. In my opinion they both wasted their lives.

So life is all about being happily married? Do they have friends, careers, extended family, volunteer positions?

You are such a narrow minded person.

Actually, no, they don't have those things. My dad had a career. The rest? No. They don't have friends, they are not close to their families, they don't volunteer. There is literally nothing there. They did not build anything. They are two people who hate each other who barely speak in the same house.

I ended up in a similar marriage. Thank God, I got divorced.

Marriage does not equal success. Only a quality marriage is successful.

Ummmm it sounds like your parents, and you and your DH, were major losers who had huge issues unrelated to marriage. Although to their credit, rather than being single losers alone and no one ever living to tell the story, your parents managed to sustain a marriage for 50 years which is no minor feat. Sounds like the better outcome, all things considered.