Unpopular relationship opinions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:long-term monogamy and sexual desire are incompatible. I am not sure this is unpopular, but people certainly don't want to acknowledge that monogamy as we know it has dire, dire consequences.

Agree. It should be okay to not want sex after 20 years of a marriage.

Desire waxes & wanes when you are 10, 20, 30 years into a marriage. 32 years together here & we are in a great patch right now, really enjoying it. Have had dry patches in the past. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, sometimes you go through a rough patch & then things can be even better on the other side.

Not all marriages are like yours which is why a lot of people divorce. My rough patch with my entire 10 year marriage. We didn’t have sex on our honeymoon… we never had dinner togethe… we didn’t spend any time together…and we didn’t have sex for seven out of 10 years. The whole rough patch nonsense is what put me in a state of mind that I needed to stay and then it would get better when in fact I really needed to get out immediately before I got trapped with a pregnancy that I didn’t want or plan.

Some people do you have rough patches, but rough patches should not last several years. And if there is a rough patch from the very beginning people should get divorced immediately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think blending families post divorce is a disservice to kids, pretty much unilaterally.

-divorced parent with kids.

[phone]

+2M

Yeah, this isn’t an unpopular opinion. Basically everyone agrees with you and is ready to pile on anyone remarrying with kids from a previous relationship.

In my circles most are desperate to partner up again. I see people engaging and moving in routinely.

I feel like more of an outsider for being unwilling to consider cohabitating. Ain’t happening. I’m the adult and am quite capable of putting my kids first. I already chose terribly in their father/ no need to double down.

[Anonymous]

That all children hate their step parents. Try to tell someone that believes otherwise, and they will just tell you you’re wrong and that your children really hate their step parent. How do you know this? You don’t even know my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think blending families post divorce is a disservice to kids, pretty much unilaterally.

-divorced parent with kids.

[phone]

+2M

Yeah, this isn’t an unpopular opinion. Basically everyone agrees with you and is ready to pile on anyone remarrying with kids from a previous relationship.

In my circles most are desperate to partner up again. I see people engaging and moving in routinely.

I feel like more of an outsider for being unwilling to consider cohabitating. Ain’t happening. I’m the adult and am quite capable of putting my kids first. I already chose terribly in their father/ no need to double down.

They are lucky to have a parent who realizes this and puts them first. Most divorced parents are more than willing to put themselves first and put kids through even more struggles than they already are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:long-term monogamy and sexual desire are incompatible. I am not sure this is unpopular, but people certainly don't want to acknowledge that monogamy as we know it has dire, dire consequences.

Agree. It should be okay to not want sex after 20 years of a marriage.

Desire waxes & wanes when you are 10, 20, 30 years into a marriage. 32 years together here & we are in a great patch right now, really enjoying it. Have had dry patches in the past. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, sometimes you go through a rough patch & then things can be even better on the other side.

Not all marriages are like yours which is why a lot of people divorce. My rough patch with my entire 10 year marriage. We didn’t have sex on our honeymoon… we never had dinner togethe… we didn’t spend any time together…and we didn’t have sex for seven out of 10 years. The whole rough patch nonsense is what put me in a state of mind that I needed to stay and then it would get better when in fact I really needed to get out immediately before I got trapped with a pregnancy that I didn’t want or plan.

Some people do you have rough patches, but rough patches should not last several years. And if there is a rough patch from the very beginning people should get divorced immediately

Did you not go in marriage with eyes open wide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:long-term monogamy and sexual desire are incompatible. I am not sure this is unpopular, but people certainly don't want to acknowledge that monogamy as we know it has dire, dire consequences.

Sexuality is just one aspect of life, there are other aspects to a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all children hate their step parents. Try to tell someone that believes otherwise, and they will just tell you you’re wrong and that your children really hate their step parent. How do you know this? You don’t even know my children.

A lot of kids do and taking the risk to find out is a decision which is often taken lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ENM/poly people are into the whole thing to cover up insecurities, low self-esteem, trauma, etc

I’ve never met a person in a poly relationship where I didn’t wonder “how did this person get even one person to sleep with them, let alone two”

We look like everyone else, and we are everywhere. We are your friends, coworkers, relatives, neighbors. We just don’t talk about it with you because you are not a safe person to confide in.

Sure, in a “that person probably wears a tail to GenCon” kinda way.

You know, at a certain point, non-monogamous/poly relationships will become more mainstream, and making fun of them will be like calling people "gay" as an insult. It's easy to punch down now, but you're on the wrong side of history. And on a deep, perhaps unconscious level, you are threatened by such relationships.

DP. Your wished-for "certain point" isn't coming along along any time soon. Not in mainstream American society.

They're already more mainstream and people are more tolerant. People who only see the surface level of poly relationships might be threatened, but those who have seen beyond the tip of the iceberg know that poly is at least as dysfunctional as anything else in human society.

IME everyone in a polycule feels fulfilled and happy like 5% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all children hate their step parents. Try to tell someone that believes otherwise, and they will just tell you you’re wrong and that your children really hate their step parent. How do you know this? You don’t even know my children.

A lot of kids do and taking the risk to find out is a decision which is often taken lightly.

It shouldn’t taken lightly. Children often hate their own parents. We don’t have crystal balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:long-term monogamy and sexual desire are incompatible. I am not sure this is unpopular, but people certainly don't want to acknowledge that monogamy as we know it has dire, dire consequences.

Agree. It should be okay to not want sex after 20 years of a marriage.

Desire waxes & wanes when you are 10, 20, 30 years into a marriage. 32 years together here & we are in a great patch right now, really enjoying it. Have had dry patches in the past. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, sometimes you go through a rough patch & then things can be even better on the other side.

Not all marriages are like yours which is why a lot of people divorce. My rough patch with my entire 10 year marriage. We didn’t have sex on our honeymoon… we never had dinner togethe… we didn’t spend any time together…and we didn’t have sex for seven out of 10 years. The whole rough patch nonsense is what put me in a state of mind that I needed to stay and then it would get better when in fact I really needed to get out immediately before I got trapped with a pregnancy that I didn’t want or plan.

Some people do you have rough patches, but rough patches should not last several years. And if there is a rough patch from the very beginning people should get divorced immediately

Did you not go in marriage with eyes open wide?

We were long distance, and you don’t see things that way and emotional abusers don’t reveal themselves until they think they have you trapped. You can’t see everything prior to marriage as much as people think that is the case. I got married due to social and family pressure in my early 30s and I didn’t want to do it. My mom was adamant. I would be making a mistake if I cancel the wedding and I really should have listened to my gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ENM/poly people are into the whole thing to cover up insecurities, low self-esteem, trauma, etc

I’ve never met a person in a poly relationship where I didn’t wonder “how did this person get even one person to sleep with them, let alone two”

We look like everyone else, and we are everywhere. We are your friends, coworkers, relatives, neighbors. We just don’t talk about it with you because you are not a safe person to confide in.

Sure, in a “that person probably wears a tail to GenCon” kinda way.

You know, at a certain point, non-monogamous/poly relationships will become more mainstream, and making fun of them will be like calling people "gay" as an insult. It's easy to punch down now, but you're on the wrong side of history. And on a deep, perhaps unconscious level, you are threatened by such relationships.

DP. Your wished-for "certain point" isn't coming along along any time soon. Not in mainstream American society.

The same would have been said years ago about gay marriage and interracial marriage.

[Anonymous]

Divorce crushes children. Way too many people get divorced who could instead build a more satisfying marriage if they were less selfish, challenged their belief systems, and put in the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all children hate their step parents. Try to tell someone that believes otherwise, and they will just tell you you’re wrong and that your children really hate their step parent. How do you know this? You don’t even know my children.

This is not an unpopular opinion; I think you’re projecting. In fact you’ve probably read my comments about my stepmom and assumed I hate my stepmom. Pointing out the problems you faced because of your blended family is not the same thing as hating somebody. I can’t say my stepmom is my favorite person but I certainly don’t hate her, and I adore her daughter (my half sister).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think blending families post divorce is a disservice to kids, pretty much unilaterally.

-divorced parent with kids.

[phone]

+2M

Yeah, this isn’t an unpopular opinion. Basically everyone agrees with you and is ready to pile on anyone remarrying with kids from a previous relationship.

It’s definitely an unpopular opinion. Society romanticizes “finding love again” - and I know plenty of people who were unlucky the first time around and are absolutely deserving of love. But, because we define marriage as the true marker and legitimatizer of adult romantic love, and when both couples already have kids - and prior spouses are also remarrying people with kids - it does create a real disservice to the kids from first marriages, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce crushes children. Way too many people get divorced who could instead build a more satisfying marriage if they were less selfish, challenged their belief systems, and put in the work.

I agree with this, but this is definitely an unpopular opinion. People can be so selfish, obsessed with their comfort, self important, and focused on the wrong things (superficial things mainly) that they are unable to have a happy long term relationship. So they make it seem like divorce is no big deal, which is crazy when kids are involved.