What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Your first two statements are harsh with a grain of truth and the third is definitely true.

The last statement.... I couldn't possibly disagree more. Travel early and often. Cheaply if you can. Apply for internships, stipends, study abroad, fellowships, short term jobs, ANYTHING and travel to far flung places in the world FOR FREE or cheaply. This is something you can basically only do in your 20s. Travel, travel, travel! Especially when the pandemic hit, I thanked all the stars that I said "YES" to so many opportunities when I was young. Because you never know what can happen. Pandemics, politics, kids, jobs, money. Adult problems. Use your youth to travel. Get lost on a city's public transit system, stay in a hostel, fumble around in a foreign language. Have adventures, DO IT!!!

Traveling while single (before marriage and babies) is a crutch to avoid reality, waste time, binge drink, eat tourist food, and waste money. Squandering your 20s away being a brainless consumer, seeking likes on instagram. Pointless.

You want to travel, do it in college, study abroad, and if you pursue an MBA, go ahead and take those trips with classmates. But these white collar women age 25 to 35 who think traveling is a personality or a substitute for a husband and kids are lost.

Well, maybe fore you. For many of us, it's a way to learn languages, build an international network, visit the Louvre and the Sistine Chapel, learn how to make sushi in Japan, cycle around Taiwan on innovative electric bamboo bikes, dance samba in Brazil with some of the most talented musicians on the planet, see India's Hyderabad transform itself into a global cyber hub from dust, and learn how to turn on every type of shower handle imaginable. Among other things.

And no, I didn't post any of that on Facebook or Instagram.

Unless you’re in the state department, you’re spinning yarn. A “network” of random hookups and passport stamps you think are social currency. When everyone your age is talking about their tween kids and you’re talking about trips, you look ridiculous. Sorry, just being frank.

Idk but if I’m at a party I would rather hear about their experiences trekking in Kyrgyzstan than about Larla’s band recital.

Sure sure. And everyone just loves the "cool" wine aunt (actually, they all secretly feel sorry for her).

I mean it varies. Some people find “epic” travel stories to be pretentious, other people think incessant taking about one’s kids to be boring. And I love my cool triathlete aunt who is childless (not be choice, sadly) who raises German Shepherds. My hunch is that more than one mommy in the hypothetical group appreciates the escapism of the Kyrgyzstan trekking stories as a break from all the Larlo, Larla, Larleigh extracurricular one-upsmanship.

I LOVE my childless friends. I love them for themselves, but also deeply appreciate how much they have to give because they aren’t burdened by their own kids. They sustained me through the difficult early parenthood years when they could visit with ease. I love my mom friends too, but my “wine aunt” friends are gold. Anyway women’s value is not defined by their status as wives and mothers, in case that needs to be said.

I am a dog lover who raises large dogs, kids (with tons of extra curricular activities, lol), had a career and loads of adventurous travel prior to SAHM with the kids. I guess I’ve had it all, just not at the same time. The trade-off in my case was having kids late (late 30s and 40s). Was lucky with fertility, needed no assistance.

Ok good for you? Life actually isn’t a menu to pick and choose from. My point is that childless women have just as much value as mothers. If you judge a woman based on having kids or not, you’re sexist full stop.

DP but of course childless women have value! I think the point of this thread is if you *do* want to have kids, you need to be working to put the infrastructure (a committed partner, gainful employment, etc.) in place by your mid twenties and not screwing around in dead end relationships and jobs. For some people it will work out just fine regardless, but you may have to compromise more on a partner later in life, and it may be harder to conceive.

OP frames this as women “wasting” their lives by not marrying and reproducing on schedule. That’s not about an impartial assessment of achieving goals … it’s mired, deeply, in sexism.

By on schedule you mean as God designed our bodies to do? Reproductive prime is 20s. That’s a fact. Wait until 30 and you’ll likely need all sort of doctors and $ and risks. Hope the random hookups, traveling and email job was worth it, girl boss.

You’re assuming, again, that everyone wants and intends to have children.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

DP. Women are starting to propose.

Cmon now. You know the people posting these weird rules also do not believe in a woman proposing.

I'm a proponent of men and women making choices in their 20s that set them up for marriage and kids (and actually getting married) if they think they might want those things, and I absolutely believe in women proposing. But even if you don't want to propose, it's not like you can't talk seriously about timelines.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

DP. Women are starting to propose.

Cmon now. You know the people posting these weird rules also do not believe in a woman proposing.

I'm a proponent of men and women making choices in their 20s that set them up for marriage and kids (and actually getting married) if they think they might want those things, and I absolutely believe in women proposing. But even if you don't want to propose, it's not like you can't talk seriously about timelines.

Talk is cheap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

DP. Women are starting to propose.

Cmon now. You know the people posting these weird rules also do not believe in a woman proposing.

I'm a proponent of men and women making choices in their 20s that set them up for marriage and kids (and actually getting married) if they think they might want those things, and I absolutely believe in women proposing. But even if you don't want to propose, it's not like you can't talk seriously about timelines.

Talk is cheap!

Look, I proposed to my husband! I'm on board with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

+1

I get the sentiment, but I know more than a few women straight out of school putting more money into retirement than into living life, always scrimping and saving. Live life and have fun NOW! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

I wish I worked as hard to better myself as I did trying to better the boys/manchildren in my life in my dating years. I am convinced that women never have "the one that got away" stories and instead have a lot of "the ones I never should have given my time and effort to". Being so hyper focused on changing someone else and convincing them to like you is pathetic if you really think about it. Now I choose to spend time with people who actually want to spend time with me and love me back. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

People are who they are, you can't mold another human to fit into your preferred mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

+1

I get the sentiment, but I know more than a few women straight out of school putting more money into retirement than into living life, always scrimping and saving. Live life and have fun NOW! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

+1 for living in your twenties. I had so much fun traveling, staying out all night with my friends, and working really hard at my rewarding job. While I’m happily married now, marriage doesn’t define me (I’m not just X’s wife). I can’t relate to Woman who are so focused on marriage. To me it seems desperate. Like someone can’t support themselves, they need a man to support them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

+1

I get the sentiment, but I know more than a few women straight out of school putting more money into retirement than into living life, always scrimping and saving. Live life and have fun NOW! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yep as a woman you can have a lot of fun without spend money. Guys are not asking you to split the bill at the club, dinner or cost of a private jet. The guys want to show off their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

+1

I get the sentiment, but I know more than a few women straight out of school putting more money into retirement than into living life, always scrimping and saving. Live life and have fun NOW! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yep as a woman you can have a lot of fun without spend money. Guys are not asking you to split the bill at the club, dinner or cost of a private jet. The guys want to show off their money.

Not true. We’re not their/your atm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may have a ring, but you’re not really engaged until you have a wedding date.

Not true. Got engaged and never had a wedding date. Eloped in Vegas! Married now 27 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

DP. Women are starting to propose.

Cmon now. You know the people posting these weird rules also do not believe in a woman proposing.

I'm a proponent of men and women making choices in their 20s that set them up for marriage and kids (and actually getting married) if they think they might want those things, and I absolutely believe in women proposing. But even if you don't want to propose, it's not like you can't talk seriously about timelines.

Talk is cheap!

Look, I proposed to my husband! I'm on board with this.

To the PP who asked "How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him??"
I can't imagine being in a relationship for a few years and not having discussed this. You "know" because you talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

+1

I get the sentiment, but I know more than a few women straight out of school putting more money into retirement than into living life, always scrimping and saving. Live life and have fun NOW! Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yep as a woman you can have a lot of fun without spend money. Guys are not asking you to split the bill at the club, dinner or cost of a private jet. The guys want to show off their money.

Not true. We’re not their/your atm.

This^. If both earn, where is equality in one person paying bills. You aren't life partners with joint accounts. Split the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you believe that your mid-late 20s are the best time to meet a partner. You may disagree but let’s say for arguments sake. What are the most common mistakes women make that waste the “best” relationship-building years, and how would you advise Gen Z women to not repeat these mistakes? Or if this was you, what advice would you give your younger self?

I’ll start: I always wanted a relationship, but could not move on easily from rejection and breakup and wasted precious months moving over failed romances. I also wasted time trying to change the minds of men who just wanted casual sex. I had been exposed to too much online misogyny and believed that if I held out and proved that I was “not that kind of girl” and that I was the type you would marry, not just sleep with, instead of just ignoring the guys who had this mentality. The best advice to my 25 year old self would be to move on, and move on faster.

Working too much. Helping out family too much. Being poor and too serious. Dating people I was not ever going to marry just because I wanted to go out and was lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I worked as hard to better myself as I did trying to better the boys/manchildren in my life in my dating years. I am convinced that women never have "the one that got away" stories and instead have a lot of "the ones I never should have given my time and effort to". Being so hyper focused on changing someone else and convincing them to like you is pathetic if you really think about it. Now I choose to spend time with people who actually want to spend time with me and love me back. YMMV.

Good point. I don't know any woman that has regretted the "one that got away," I know I got over mine pretty fast after that breakup and wish I had not wasted so much of my 20s on him.