Affording children - how does anyone do it?

[Anonymous]

Hi there -- I am brand new to this forum. My husband and I are just now TTC, and we have tried to approach this process as responsibly as possible. We have waited until we are in a home that is large enough for kids (with a yard, even); I'm 35, so I've been poked and prodded for months while I earned the "green light" to conceive; and we've thoroughly sowed our "wild oats" such that we know that we will not have regrets in settling down. What we have NOT been able to figure out is how anyone handles children financially. We are both government employees (one of us for the county, one of us for the feds), and our combined salary seems, at least, to be reasonable. We're not compensated like we would be in the private sector, but we both love our jobs and we make more than our parents ever did. Yet we have no idea how we will locate an additional $1400/month (if not more) for childcare, not to mention the additional monthly costs of kids. We marvel at this question every day: we have a combined 38 years of education, we have a mortgage and some student loans, but no credit card or other debt, and yet we sit here and legitimately ask how in the world we will afford children. We know we are better off than a vast majority of the people in this country who have kids and do just fine - so what is the deal? Do we simply need to become more comfotable with debt? Can anyone in government service in the DC area really "afford" all the necessities for kids, or are we just in a place where the salaries - even for educated professionals - hasn't kept pace with the cost of living . . . and procreating? Are there other folks out there in this same situation? How did you handle it?

[Anonymous]

We are two government workers. We're not finding it so hard to afford our child. When we had the kid, we had a combined income in the mid teens. It's much easier now with the two gov't jobs.

If you want kids, you will manage. You may not drive the cars you would prefer, or have as many bedrooms as you would like, or rent the beach house every summer, but you can easily do this.

Your (future) kids don't need the best of everything. They need love, support, and as far as material things go, they you to do what you can do.


Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. I never thought I would go a year with no new clothes, color my own hair, skip pedicures, get rid of cable, etc, etc, etc. You just do what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

i keep reminding myself that the $1500/month for nanny/daycare/preschool is temporary.

[Anonymous]

Don't let yourself believe that money is the answer to raising good children. You can feel a lot of pressure to pay tremendous sums of money for just about anything. It starts with a $1,000 stroller, "special" enrichment classes, for fee playgroups, camps, etc. and continues on through the "best" preschool (are you on the wait list yet , private gradeschool and high school and on and on.

But you don't need to do it that way. Kids can thrive in almost any environment if they feel free to explore and are encouraged to grow and develop their talents.

[Anonymous]

Far and away the biggest cost for children is childcare when they are young (if both parents work and even if they work part time) and college saving accounts as they get older. That's of course assuming that you have good school district and don't look at alternatives to the public school. One child may be $1200 per month at daycare and then 2 gets you looking at nanny option (we started with a nanny and then it really was more affordable in comparison to daycare when we had our second).

Once you get out of that phase you need to start saving for college (but not at the expense of your own retirement saving). $300 a month per child is probably a number to think about. Also there is after school care and summer camps (more expensive than you think!).

Oh yes please avoid the trap of buying new all that baby gear. Go to yard sales in nice neighborhoods and you will find oodles of stuff practically given away. Or try craigslist.

Everyone figures it out as they go and I hope you do too! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

my husband works for DC govt and we have 2 small children. i am a SAHM and we survive. we have a very tight budget and minimal savings.. and have to carry some debt every so often but we manage. i figure it is temporary. all i can say is save save save as much as possible now...

[Anonymous]

We work hard at not accumulating credit card debt, car payments and buying buying buying. We don't buy new clothes every month. I guess we keep it simple. We bought a small house that we could expand, but in a fantastic neighborhood. The biggie-we're only having one child. We do a nanny share but that still costs $1400 (totally worth it). I think one child is manageable-my husband would freak over two.

[Anonymous]

I 2nd the save now approach.

Start today living on 1 salary - it will make the childcare costs a lot easier to swallow when they arrive.

In addition to the tips on where to buy baby gear (craigslist / garage sale / consignment sales ). Maternity clothes - consignment sales or ebay. Clothes for kids (once they arrive) ebay. Think about cloth diapering - much less expensive.

Keep it simple - and for the most part - think twice before you buy stuff. I ask myself do I really need (fill in the blank) from Target / Costco. 9 times out of 10 - the answer is no so I stick to my list and exit the store with a few more $$ in my pocket.

[Anonymous]

I agree on living/saving as if you had kids today. It will, both, give you a little cushion and the confidence that you can do this. The confidence is really key. Money is SO relative, which is why/how people make it work on such varried incomes. I used to panic about how we'd be able to afford a baby, so we set up a savings/spending system geared to the cost of having a baby, and it was so empowering.

[Anonymous]

Prior to having kids, we lived on DHs income ONLY. Basically we can pay all of our bills on his income and have barely any left over, but still make it work. So, when DS came along, we had a healthy savings and I was able to stay home for 2yrs. My DH since has gotten pay raises and I went back to work, so my income is still discretionary.


BTW, I'm not sure what a "big enough house" means to most people when they have kids. Mine is a ranch style with 1500sq feet 3 small bedrooms and 2 very small baths. We figure we can fit 3 kids in here. Any bigger of a mortgage, then we'd have no financial flexiblity. I find that many people in this area think they need more house than they do to raise a family and area stretched very thin on a large mortgage.

[Anonymous]

You don't need all the baby gear - forgo the changing table (use your bed), the wipes warmer, the deluxe baby suite. I agree on using craigslist, or even better, accept hand me downs from relatives.

Re: cost of childcare. Consider using in home daycare. It's significantly cheaper than a nanny or center. I have always used a center but wish that I'd put my kids in in home daycare for their first year or two. Smaller number of kids and more attention (in the good ones).

[Anonymous]

I'm chuckling over this a bit, because I remember DH and I have the same thoughts 4+ years ago before our two came along. All I can say is, somehow you make it work.

The biggest ticket item you will face is the cost of their education. If you live in an area where the public schools are acceptable, then you're in the clear on that. Consider yourselves fortunate! Childcare costs before that do mount up, but as one of the PPs said, they are temporary and require a shifing of resources only for a few years.

Other than that, you'd be amazed at how little you can get away with. As others have said, little kids DO NOT need loads of equipment, clothes, toys, etc. And it's not like they eat a lot, early on at least, to add to your grocery bill.

One other thing: even though you may think you're living frugally now, you will also be surprised at how many things you're doing/ spending money on for yourselves that you won't have the time, energy or interest to do when kids come along.

[Anonymous]

It also sounds like you are pretty settled-- you've got the house, the yard, etc. I assume you have the (non-baby-related) furniture. So those expenses are already behind you. I know, for us, I felt like were weren't saving much, so how could we add childcare and other expenses. Then I remembered, we just didn't MAINTAIN savings. We would save a bit, then we redid our kitchen (paid in cash). We saved a bit and bought a new/used car (paid in cash). So, the money that would have gone to those expenses shifted to child care and baby gear. You make it work somehow.

[Anonymous]

PP's have pretty much said it all, but just wanted to add a couple of things... You will have some tax savings with your new baby, and if you can do the $5K FSA for child care, DO IT. Also I think another PP said this, but you will spend far less money on yourselves. Mostly b/c you'll be too tired and not have the time to go out as much. Restaurants, movies, whatever... that spending will go way down. For shopping... Watch sales, clip coupons, and you really can get some high-quality baby gear, toys, clothes, etc. on Craigs List.