Affording children - how does anyone do it?

[Anonymous]

I think most of the things I thought of other people have said here. With the cost of childcare - see if thru the government job or county if there is daycare available and the cost. Also, there may be another government agency nearby that while you wouldn't have the highest waitlist priority - it may be the second highest. Just know - the waitlist can be long (especially for infant care) so you would need to put yourself on the list probably as soon as you know you are expecting. You also want to make sure you follow-up with the waitlist so they know you are interested and serious. For me - I lucked out and got in at a government daycare that happened to be incredibly inexpensive (think at least $700 cheaper than any local daycare). I didn't make it off the waitlist for the second but I did in-home care for the first year and a half which was maybe $200/month cheaper than daycare centers where I live). Also - we did FSA (Flexible Spending Account) for daycare. I don't want to say take money away from your retirement - but we kept in our mind that if we had to we could lower our percent of 401K savings - we were both maxing out on the percentage.

Trying to closely live off one salary - is always a good thing. Just in case you decide you want to stay home longer or in my case with the second one I took a month of unpaid leave. I will also say our savings has shrunk since kids. We still save - but not nearly the same rate. I think other people have mentioned the car - see if you can get a little more life out of your current cars or if you have to buy a new one - be conservative in what you spend. I'm already thinking about trying to get longer out of our cars because I really want to direct some of that would be car payment money as well as some of what we pay for daycare to save for children's college once they are out of daycare.

I think people have mentioned using craiglist, garage sales etc. Furnishing a baby's room can be expensive. The hard thing is you have to remember - there were no fancy nurseries back when we were born. We had to remind ourselves that back in the day - kids shared rooms - sometimes family of 4 in a 2 bedroom apartment and the baby either slept with the parents or in the drawer. When you see all the glossy baby catalogs and go into the baby stores and see the glider, the convertible crib, the changing table, the matching comforter and artwork etc. it is like bridal mania but with baby. It's hard to resist spending a thousand dollars plus (and I am being serious) on a nursery. We tried to be realistic that the baby really only needed a bassinet and a mobile when we came home from the hospital. We also added things to the room over time. We went with an inexpensive rug in the beginning (I refused to spend $300 for a kids rug that was maybe 3 X 5). Then now that the kids are older 2 and 3 - we decided to get a bound carpet that covers the space of the room since we are encouraging them to play in their room. We also decided to get a nice bookcase since the idea is for them to get their own books off the shelf or play with their bears or toys in the room - but before that we repurposed an old t.v cart we had to put the books, lamps etc. We also used family furniture in their room - a rocking chair my husband had stripped and stained that was his grandmother's and the dresser his dad had as a kid. We added the changing pad on top of the dresser. If you don't already have it - the Baby Bargains book is a must read. I consulted it regularly my first year. You'll get to know the baby sites to look for deals on carseats, baby sheets etc., and now we don't normally buy any big ticket item unless we have a 20% off coupon from one of the baby stores. We also have looked to friends, co-workers, or craigslist for things like that 2nd Graco carseat base that would cost you $40.. I was able to borrow one but if I hadn't I would have been able to get that for maybe $25 with the carseat on Craigslist.

There are lots of trim the fat things that people have mentioned - but we just do this normally - shopping around for car insurance or home owners insurance - we don't do this every year but obviously when we moved we did and since we have had them five years I may just do a check to make sure they are still competitive. We have cable etc. - but no premium channels. With cell phone bill/plan we have gradually increased our minutes/plans but we didn't start out with the big plans. Also, I think someone mentioned that money they had been using for home improvements like kitchen makeover in cash and new car in cash have been directed towards kids. Ditto that. I never understand why houses are untouched for 20 years and people only makeover the house after the kids graduate from college. Now I understand. Anyway, I think you guys are going to be fine. It doesn't sound like you are stretched now - so basically if you don't get caught up in new everything, best everything and make careful decisions you will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Many great suggestions here. One additional thing we managed to do was pay off DH's school loans a few months before DS started daycare. So we just ended up redirecting that loan money toward the daycare line item and it hurt a lot less!

[Anonymous]

Hi - OP. YOu so remind me of us a few years ago - we were earning much lower salaries then, living in a rental. We thought we lived frugally - so we though, gosh, where will we get the 1500 USD to spare for daycare each month? But somehow we did - we got small increases, and I realized that what I thought was "frugal" actually was not - I started thinking more about what I guy on line (our biggest expense - on line shopping). Then the second came along and we thought - gosh, how do we afford 2600 USD in daycare? We already lived so tightly - we again, manage!

It is so funny - you think you live frugally but if you have to, you realize you still have some room, you can spare some shopping. Now we plan our shopping - monthly we say what we need to get, and we plan it out - whatto buy this month and what next.

In between, we tacked on additional 1300 USD mortgage cost - and we still manage!

You can do it, and hey - i just bought new nice swimsuit and, my DH works for the gvmt and i earn less than a gvtm employee

[Anonymous]

we paid off credit cards (well, I paid MINE off - my husband didn't, but that is another post), so there was a large chunk that we weren't paying monthly. Now, we have paid off both cars.

And I also find that people in this area tend to think they have to buy a gigantic house before kids. My parents lived in a trailer when I was born and lived on a teacher's salary. Even on 2 salaries that brought us to just over 6 figures, we could only reasonably afford a 2 BR TH here. No WAY could we carry a mortgage on anything bigger AND be able to put anything into savings.

We found that quite a few of the in-home daycares charged the same as a center, but we did find a great deal for our daughter for under $1K/month.

We get a lot of our clothes free - gotta love grandmas who like to shop Otherwise, we shop at Target, Payless, etc. When our daughter was on formula, we used Target brand. We pretty much always used Target diapersand wipes.

There is no need to buy name brand for just about anything.

I suggest buying Baby Bargains once you are actually pregnant - LOTS of good ideas for best value for your money.

[Anonymous]

2nd the recommendation for Baby Bargains!!

I never even thought about whether or not we could afford children...so you are one step ahead of me

We went NUTS with all the stuff and I have since counseled all friends and family not to go nuts. I have loaned my swing for 2 babies. I have loaned maternity clothes to 3 pregnant mammas. I loaned my pump for 2 babies of a friend and now my sis has it. I have given away stuff too. I was the first to have babies. Now, everyone is reciprocating by loaning giving stuff my sis who is expecting. Find your best friend who is a mom and went nuts for the stuff and beg to borrow from her. You'll save a mint

[Anonymous]

I must admit I get a little upset when reading posts that say "you find the money" or, "if you're frugal, it all works out". You know, sometimes (A LOT of times ) - it doesn't. It's good to be realistic and not so flippant over the issue. After retirement and college, we only take home 6k per month. We have to pay rent and pay for childcare. That eats up more than half of our take home. We could not afford another child. I work for a nonprofit and DH works for the feds. We just couldn't afford it. There is no way we could afford 3k on childcare for 2 children. I think it's naive and immature to believe that it "all works out" because this is another human being, not scraping together $300/mo for a car payment or vacation.

OP - you ask a very valid question and one we struggle with often. Should we move to private sector to make more money? Should I take time off so my salary isn't eaten up by childcare costs? Or will we have one child instead of 2? It's hard to make these decisions based on money, but I think seeing the state of the economy today, the cost of retirement and education, it's just smart to really have a plan before taking the plunge and praying for the best - because lord knows we see constantly what happens when things don't work out.

I don't mean to be the party pooper here, but it's reality.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to speak for other people, but I don't think anyone was being flippant. OP sounds pretty financially stable. I think most people were saying "we thought the same way, but if you cut back here and there, you can make it work." There certainly are people out there who simply don't have a penny to spare. But a lot of people out there THINK they don't have a penny to spare, but they make reasonable cuts and can make it work. We didn't save a lot before we had kids, and were by no stretch of the imagination living off one income. Along came child #1, and I (primary income) went down to part time. After DS was born, we didn't go out as much (rarely, in fact), we started carpooling (save money on parking in the city), and haven't taken any big vacations. We added childcare and 529 fund, but yet savings stayed about the same. Then came DD--no additional changes, except to add more childcare and another 529 (although I did get a pretty decent salary increase around that time). Savings stayed the same. Still no big ticket purchases, but we order out more. I think people find a way to leave at their means if they intend to do so. I have no idea how we lost nearly half a salary, and added...$2800 worth of bills (chilcare + 529) and have not seen a change in what we save. It's a cost shift, I guess. But it can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must admit I get a little upset when reading posts that say "you find the money" or, "if you're frugal, it all works out". You know, sometimes (A LOT of times ) - it doesn't. It's good to be realistic and not so flippant over the issue. After retirement and college, we only take home 6k per month. We have to pay rent and pay for childcare. That eats up more than half of our take home. We could not afford another child. I work for a nonprofit and DH works for the feds. We just couldn't afford it. There is no way we could afford 3k on childcare for 2 children. I think it's naive and immature to believe that it "all works out" because this is another human being, not scraping together $300/mo for a car payment or vacation.

OP - you ask a very valid question and one we struggle with often. Should we move to private sector to make more money? Should I take time off so my salary isn't eaten up by childcare costs? Or will we have one child instead of 2? It's hard to make these decisions based on money, but I think seeing the state of the economy today, the cost of retirement and education, it's just smart to really have a plan before taking the plunge and praying for the best - because lord knows we see constantly what happens when things don't work out.

I don't mean to be the party pooper here, but it's reality.

That's not an income to sneeze at. We take home 5K BEFORE college (which IMO is not a God given right) and we are execting our second. I do think it will all work out, there are people who make it on much less than you and I and raise happy, well loved, and healthy children. I'm not being flip, but bringing home 5-6K per year is no where near poverty and it is not that difficult to make do on that income IF you live within your means. I would not advise someone bringing home half of that to go off and have kids willy-nilly, but you are talking a salary fo 100K+/yr. I guess I just cannot contribute any advice of value to the "boutique clothes" thread, but I think my kids will be just as happy in Old Navy and sharing a bedroom.

[Anonymous]

PP here Meant to say 5-6K per MONTH (not year).

[Anonymous]

we got so many things from our baby showers...I was shocked! Nearly everything was given to us. I was so surprised. People like to buy baby gifts. we didn't buy anything ourselves until we saw what was leftover, and we used some gift cards to help buy those.

the only big things we had to pay for were for a dresser (from Ikea) to use as a changing table (so the kid could use it when she's older too) and our one big splurge was a glider, which we use all the time--and family helped us out with part of that cost. . It wasn't the most expensive one out there, but it makes midnight wakings easier to deal with. We also got stuff at yard sales, like the next size clothing, etc. It's hard, but not impossible. you just have to get a bit more creative.

[Anonymous]

OP, here is my list of ideas of how we're going to come up with the extra $1700/month it'll cost to pay for daycare for #2:

-stop saving for a house (we just bought one!), $300/mo
-tax savings due to childcare/medical savings account - $100/mo
-federal tax deduction for child - $50/mo
-my upcoming raise, after taxes - $500/mo
-save our bonus money- $500/mo
-no cable - $100/mo
-prepaid cell phones instead of plan - $50/mo
-stop college savings until first child gets to public school- $150/mo

And, if necessary:

-cut cleaning lady to 2x/mo - $200/mo
-stop IRA contributions until first child gets to public school (I still get 13% employer contribution, so not horrible) - $416/mo
-rent out room in basement to college student - $700/mo

[Anonymous]

I think you (OP) are on the right track. I think cell phone and cable may be a tough sell between you and DH. Maybe you can switch to a cheaper cable. We opted for satellite initially since it was cheaper than cable. However, when we added HD channels and HD DVR etc. it made sense to switch to FIOS. Also - have you looked at your eating out budget and your lunch budget? The one time I actually used software to track my expenses I was shocked how much I spent eating out - and we didn't even go to fancy places we just ate out maybe both nights during the weekend (pre-kids), plus it was nothing to drop $8 a day on lunch. We haven't cut it out all together but we have cut back - bringing lunch a few days a week, trying only to eat out on Fridays and even then we have Friday takeout Pizza (this brings both my husband and I back to memories of growing up in NY and NJ respectively) at least half the time. We realized going out with the kids for pizza was gradually inching up and we can spend half that when we have takeout since drinks, fries, and salads, and meal tip aren't costs we have with takeout.

It's good to have the cleaning person costs and IRA as possible places in your budget. You will be spending money on some kid stuff i.e. diapers, breast pump supplies if you plan to go that route or formula and maybe the odd and end things like a winter coat for your child - since they will need something beyond the Bundle Me (the thing you use with the infant car seat) - for daycare. As everyone said - see what things you can borrow or buy second hand before you pay full price or your extra costs will add up very quickly.

Good luck with everything.

[Anonymous]

OK, this post has now become amusing...only in this area where people make ridiculous amounts of money would they consider cutting a cleaning lady to only 2X a month some sort of sacrifice.

Many people live life without cleaning ladies and STILL can't find room in their budget for things like any savings or retirement funds, etc.

I know you meant well, poster who posted this, but I hope you do realize that you are pretty priviledged.

[Anonymous]

seriously, who gives up cable before cleaning lady? that's whack!

OP, my husband and i married a little bit later in life so both had pretty good income and didn't struggle. but we STILL struggled with "can we afford a kid"? once we finally decided we could do it, it then took almost 4 YEARS to get pregnant. ugh...wish we had started sooner and not worried about money. anyway, even though we aren't struggling now (still no cleaning lady, though....long live the dust bunnies!!), we aren't going to have more than this one child. i had very little as a kid and feel strongly that i want to be able to provide for this one little bugger (w/o going crazy on him or anything).

good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:seriously, who gives up cable before cleaning lady? that's whack!

I would! The cleaning lady saves me time the TV wastes my time. She came yesterday and my house is spick and span, I could eat off the floors if we could no longer afford plates.