I am feeling really depressed

[Anonymous]

Ive been feeling really depressed for a few months. I hate my working environment - the higher ups/admin treat everyone like shit despite the fact that the majority of employees are hard working/do a consistently good job. I just can not focus sometimes and I am always negative. People get pushed around - Ive started keeping track and really the people I work for are jerks. I like being home and am generally happy when with my family but I get genuinely sad/in a bad mood everyday at work and its starting to carry over to my personal life. I want to see a therapist but I dont think DH would go for it because it is not covered by insurance, plus when would I go? I would 8-7 most days. I barely see my kids. I am just really sad. I feel unsupported. I dont know what to do. I worry if I change jobs they will fire me if I am looking or I will have to take a pay cut at a new place. Im just exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking at the negatives at work and start looking at the positives - it's your attitude that's killing you, not your job. Make a list of at least 5 positives - you state that you have hardworking co-workers, so that's one. And you're worried about losing your job or taking a paycut, so obviously your paycheck is a positive. Find three more. And then make a list of 5 little things that you can do to make your work environment more enjoyable - bring in a cut flower, listen to music, hang a pretty picture, read a book or fun magazine at lunch, etc. And stop keeping track of who is treated poorly or how others behave; concentrate on yourself. Finally, go out and buy Burns' "Feeling Good" to read about how your mindset effects your mood and what you can do to change it. Do it for your family.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you feel trapped. I find that most unpleasant situations are bearable as long as they're temporary. I would work with DH to come up with a plan to change the situation, whether that means getting more help at home, re allocating money for a therapist (or other intervention such as the gym or a weekly out to lunch/dinner budget, or save more to create a safety net in the event you are let go as you look for a new job. You can have a short term and long term plan, and as you work towards making a positive change in your life, you'll feel better.

[Anonymous]

Working 8am-7pm in a stressful/miserable job would send me over the edge. I agree with PP who suggested coming up with short and long term plans to help you feel less trapped.

Are you experiencing other symptoms of depression-- crying a lot, difficulty sleeping, lack of interest things you used to enjoy? You might consider getting screened.

Hope your situation improves, you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking at the negatives at work and start looking at the positives - it's your attitude that's killing you, not your job. Make a list of at least 5 positives - you state that you have hardworking co-workers, so that's one. And you're worried about losing your job or taking a paycut, so obviously your paycheck is a positive. Find three more. And then make a list of 5 little things that you can do to make your work environment more enjoyable - bring in a cut flower, listen to music, hang a pretty picture, read a book or fun magazine at lunch, etc. And stop keeping track of who is treated poorly or how others behave; concentrate on yourself. Finally, go out and buy Burns' "Feeling Good" to read about how your mindset effects your mood and what you can do to change it. Do it for your family.

Obviously, you have never had a job you hated but had to stay there because you need the money. I had a job where my boss (who kept telling me I was doing a wonderful job) decided he wanted his office girlfriend to have my job. Suddenly, with no reason, he began to criticize everything I did, talked about me in meetings, lied, and he and his girlfriend set me up for stealing. Luckily, for me,I had an emergency out of town when I was supposed to have "stolen" the money. I still left because I was so damn miserable. Sometimes, the negatives are so bad there is nothing else.

OP, if you can't afford counselling, many ministers or churches have free counseling. Start there and good luck. Having a job you hate is living hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking at the negatives at work and start looking at the positives - it's your attitude that's killing you, not your job. Make a list of at least 5 positives - you state that you have hardworking co-workers, so that's one. And you're worried about losing your job or taking a paycut, so obviously your paycheck is a positive. Find three more. And then make a list of 5 little things that you can do to make your work environment more enjoyable - bring in a cut flower, listen to music, hang a pretty picture, read a book or fun magazine at lunch, etc. And stop keeping track of who is treated poorly or how others behave; concentrate on yourself. Finally, go out and buy Burns' "Feeling Good" to read about how your mindset effects your mood and what you can do to change it. Do it for your family.

Obviously, you have never had a job you hated but had to stay there because you need the money. I had a job where my boss (who kept telling me I was doing a wonderful job) decided he wanted his office girlfriend to have my job. Suddenly, with no reason, he began to criticize everything I did, talked about me in meetings, lied, and he and his girlfriend set me up for stealing. Luckily, for me,I had an emergency out of town when I was supposed to have "stolen" the money. I still left because I was so damn miserable. Sometimes, the negatives are so bad there is nothing else.

OP, if you can't afford counselling, many ministers or churches have free counseling. Start there and good luck. Having a job you hate is living hell.

This.

The fact that you are afraid of getting fired if they find out you are looking for something else seems to be all the more reason to look. You sound depressed and seem to feel your situation is hopeless and therefore stay in your miserable situation -- not like battered spouse syndrome or think elephant tied to a stake in the ground with a string so it won't escape but maybe similar psychology? Remember this is temporary, as a PP pointed out, and get the heck out of there ASAP. It is bad for you mentally. And that will end up being bad for you in other ways, too as you are realizing this is creeping into your personal life.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, you have never had a job you hated but had to stay there because you need the money. I had a job where my boss (who kept telling me I was doing a wonderful job) decided he wanted his office girlfriend to have my job. Suddenly, with no reason, he began to criticize everything I did, talked about me in meetings, lied, and he and his girlfriend set me up for stealing. Luckily, for me,I had an emergency out of town when I was supposed to have "stolen" the money. I still left because I was so damn miserable. Sometimes, the negatives are so bad there is nothing else. "

Actually, I have, and I know how shitty it can be. But I gave OP the tough love speech because she's wallowing in her situation rather than doing something about it. She's the only one who can do something about it, and I do think her attitude (keeping track of what happens to others? not getting therapy because DH won't allow it?) is making things worse. She needs to be responsible for her own happiness, which means asserting her needs and changing her attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, you have never had a job you hated but had to stay there because you need the money. I had a job where my boss (who kept telling me I was doing a wonderful job) decided he wanted his office girlfriend to have my job. Suddenly, with no reason, he began to criticize everything I did, talked about me in meetings, lied, and he and his girlfriend set me up for stealing. Luckily, for me,I had an emergency out of town when I was supposed to have "stolen" the money. I still left because I was so damn miserable. Sometimes, the negatives are so bad there is nothing else. "

Actually, I have, and I know how shitty it can be. But I gave OP the tough love speech because she's wallowing in her situation rather than doing something about it. She's the only one who can do something about it, and I do think her attitude (keeping track of what happens to others? not getting therapy because DH won't allow it?) is making things worse. She needs to be responsible for her own happiness, which means asserting her needs and changing her attitude.

Agreed. I don't like wallowers. If it's that bad, do something to change it. No one else can make that happen for you. And since when does your DH get to decide whether you get therapy?

[Anonymous]

Advice I got when I was in this situation:

Stay and accept it
Stay and work to change it
Leave

Just writing these, you can see that you are not powerless and do have choices. The first would be the worst for you but by you CHOOSING that then you don't feel so powerless. I left.

The 8-7 has to stop. Is that all work time and then the commute on top? Is it compressed? Does not sound healthy at all. Sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

What are the things you can change, OP? What's beyond your control? Can you do a "Column A" and "Column B" list? If it's truly beyond your control, you need to work on changing your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Op, it's not just your attitude, it really sounds like life's pressures are building up. I would see your gp for an antidepressant, and here are some places for affordable counseling:
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/on-health-and-money/2009/04/15/6-ways-to-get-affordable-mental-health-services

Hopefully you'll be doing better soon, and can start looking for a new job. Don't let the bastards get you down!