Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?

[Anonymous]

The OP’s post is pretty innocent, but the reaction to it is... wow. It seems a lot of insecure parents out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems public school parents are very defensive.

I don’t need to be defensive. Proof big three and public. Six kids depending on learning stills we mixed it up. Public was better math and science no question. College applications all Ivies and schools like MIT all achieved by a public HS education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband graduated from a local private often mentioned on this board. He hated it and won’t let our kids go to private school. They seem to be doing ok in public right now - I won’t argue with him until I feel it’s needed. I will say though, my DH knows how to wear a jacket and tie - my son only wears athletic wear. Maybe sending him to private would have taught him how to be comfortable with real clothes. Oh well - $80k extra per year for us for now.

OMG. Did I type this and totally forget? This is us t a T except I don’t really have any interest in my kid going private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems public school parents are very defensive.

I don’t need to be defensive. Proof big three and public. Six kids depending on learning stills we mixed it up. Public was better math and science no question. College applications all Ivies and schools like MIT all achieved by a public HS education.

I can't say I understood this word stream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entitlement.

I went to a fancy private school. While I don't think it's exactly "entitlement", that's the best word I can come up with. A critical component of my education was being told that I could do anything, and I belonged everywhere. The education itself was great, but the idea that I was "good enough" for anything was the most valuable thing my schooling imparted to me. I have never once wondered whether I belonged in a room or a meeting. Even when, literally, meeting the POTUS. Personally, I think everyone should be taught that they are as worthy as anyone else. I don't think private school kids or rich people are anything special. But most people are taught to "know their place". And the best gift I've ever been given was the knowledge that my "place" was anywhere I wanted it to be.

thanks for expressing it this way. this is what i hope my kids feel. I don't think private is the only way to achieve it, but this is it.

We as parents can also teach this feeling.

If you have a child of color, it's much harder to impart this value on your own. It's probably why studies show that going to an elite college doesn't really matter for white kids in the long run (assuming they can get in, but choose to go to a lower-priced alternative), but have an elite educational pedigree does make a measurable difference for minorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

Dunno, I’m sympathetic. My kid is in private because I know firsthand how crappy a “good” public education can be. Wish I had a time machine and could go to one of these amazing schools myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

+1.

“I’m so special to have graduated from sidwell and think it was totally overrated. Sorry you lower-rung people who worked hard can’t see how *over it* you should be.”

So true! I went to private in NYC and no one I knew there would talk like this. Not everyone loved the school but we knew how privileged we were and the school itself made sure we didn’t take it for granted. FWIW our kids, who moved to private from public for HS, also how privileged they are because we give them that message at home plus they can make the comparison themselves. I don’t get a sense that the school makes a point of it, though.

It’s doubly gross because the person also seems to forget that their private school education led to better opportunities and what amounts to public privates for their own children.

Or maybe they had generational wealth and PP would have gone to what amounted to a public private if they didn't go to a private school.

[Anonymous]

If you have to tell yourself that public school kids are “zombies” who “grade each others’ tests,” then your sense of “privilege” is really flimsy and will be shattered when your kid gets to college. This is beyond silly. My kids have done public and private and were well-prepared for top colleges (the public school kid went to a top ivy and is doing really well there).

Nobody wants to say it, but it seems like “privilege” here actually means going to school with the Obama girls and the really rich and powerful. My public kid went to school with the kids of Jamie Raskin and Tom Perez. But I have to admit, public school can’t hold a candle to the sheer wealth and glitz my private school kid got to rub shoulders with. If “privilege” means “getting invited to Congressional and to peoples’ vacation homes and generally seeing how the truly rich live,” then yes, private schools will help your kid develop comfort with that type of “privilege.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

I read that as the poster describing himself as a zombie, not other kids. He seems to have been talking about his own experience. Not elegantly expressed, but not as obnoxious as the poster he was responding to, IMO.

(I have kids in both so see both sides here. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

I read that as the poster describing himself as a zombie, not other kids. He seems to have been talking about his own experience. Not elegantly expressed, but not as obnoxious as the poster he was responding to, IMO.

(I have kids in both so see both sides here. )

There’s nothing in his post to indicate he went to public school. He’s drawing a picture of what, in his mind, public school looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

I read that as the poster describing himself as a zombie, not other kids. He seems to have been talking about his own experience. Not elegantly expressed, but not as obnoxious as the poster he was responding to, IMO.

(I have kids in both so see both sides here. )

There’s nothing in his post to indicate he went to public school. He’s drawing a picture of what, in his mind, public school looks like.

He's responding to a personal story with a personal story. He didn't need to say explicitly that he was describing his own experience in public school -- it's very clear from the context.

Look, I have seen some obnoxious private school posters on DCUM before, but this guy is just responding to an obnoxious post that came across as really entitled. Maybe not the most articulate, but the context is clear. If you are trying to say he is calling all public school kids zombies, I think you are really reaching, and trying to find offense.

Maybe that PP can come back and clarify.

[Anonymous]

I think this is caused by interacting with adults who respect you, which you can get at private school, but you can also get from dinner parties, aunts/uncles, etc. Engage your kids in debate frequently and encourage them to participate in civil discourse with other adults. Also, seriously, make them read the NYTimes every day. Knowing what's in the NYTimes is 75% of seeming cool to adults and it goes a long way to seem "professional" and "smart" as a young adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

I read that as the poster describing himself as a zombie, not other kids. He seems to have been talking about his own experience. Not elegantly expressed, but not as obnoxious as the poster he was responding to, IMO.

(I have kids in both so see both sides here. )

There’s nothing in his post to indicate he went to public school. He’s drawing a picture of what, in his mind, public school looks like.

He's responding to a personal story with a personal story. He didn't need to say explicitly that he was describing his own experience in public school -- it's very clear from the context.

Look, I have seen some obnoxious private school posters on DCUM before, but this guy is just responding to an obnoxious post that came across as really entitled. Maybe not the most articulate, but the context is clear. If you are trying to say he is calling all public school kids zombies, I think you are really reaching, and trying to find offense.

Maybe that PP can come back and clarify.

Disagree. He didn’t say this was his experience, and he did use language that generalized about public schools. C’mon, if he can afford private school, his public school district doesn’t turn students into zombies.

Admit it. The “privilege” thing is about hanging out with the good and the great. That’s what people are hoping will rub off onto their nouveau riche kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you are taking about, OP. Its not coolness though. It is a trait that you know when you see it. And yes, its real and it does last into adulthood. Public school kids, no matter how rich or how worldly or privileged, never quite have it. Its a trait that is obvious to people who know what it but its almost impossible to put into words. I went to a small wealthy public for high school and a small private for college. I have observed it my whole life.

nailed it

This is such a gross DC thread. I’m from DC, grew up in DC, left for the west coast years ago.
This attitude you have is so provincial and particular to DC, and the South probably as well. It feels so outdated in 2019 but I guess some things never change in DC!

I grew up wealthy in DC, went to private HS, small private college, grew up with and now own a beach house where we "summer" and the posters on this thread sound like a bunch of nouveau riche wannabes. There is a whole world out there that wants nothing to do with uninteresting losers like yourselves.

You haven’t noticed that private school in DC is all about new money these days? Half of my class from SFS is going public.

This. You have to be dumb or new money to spend $50k a year on elementary school. If you attended private school you realize even more how it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely true.
- another SFS alum

This is so entitled. It must be easy to judge how worthless your ridiculously privileged education was when you didn't have to spend 13 years of your life at a crappy school. There are a lot of wonderful public schools, but acting like you have this superior knowledge about the worth of one of the best private schools in the country is so gross. Take a few minutes to consider that you have no idea what it is like to sit like a zombie through your classes, to never have any homework, to grade your peers' tests because the teacher is too lazy, to show up for college woefully unprepared. Criticizing "new money" parents (code:earned it themselves) for wanting something different for their own children is the height of obnoxious superiority. The prospect of my children growing up to be ungrateful know-it-alls is the ONLY hesitation I ever have about sending my kids to private.

This is gross—comparong your kids’ school to public school kids who supposedly are zombies who never have homework, grade each others’ tests and are woefully unprepared for college. If your “privilege” is based on lies s was he gross exaggerations about the alternative, then is a very fake “privilege.”

I read that as the poster describing himself as a zombie, not other kids. He seems to have been talking about his own experience. Not elegantly expressed, but not as obnoxious as the poster he was responding to, IMO.

(I have kids in both so see both sides here. )

There’s nothing in his post to indicate he went to public school. He’s drawing a picture of what, in his mind, public school looks like.

He's responding to a personal story with a personal story. He didn't need to say explicitly that he was describing his own experience in public school -- it's very clear from the context.

Look, I have seen some obnoxious private school posters on DCUM before, but this guy is just responding to an obnoxious post that came across as really entitled. Maybe not the most articulate, but the context is clear. If you are trying to say he is calling all public school kids zombies, I think you are really reaching, and trying to find offense.

Maybe that PP can come back and clarify.

Disagree. He didn’t say this was his experience, and he did use language that generalized about public schools. C’mon, if he can afford private school, his public school district doesn’t turn students into zombies.

Admit it. The “privilege” thing is about hanging out with the good and the great. That’s what people are hoping will rub off onto their nouveau riche kids.

You sound desperate and defensive. Stop being so panicked. There is really no need.