Would this bother you re: infertility and IL behavior

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, this is a tough one. I can understand your being hurt. I must admit that I do not understand someone ignoring a child for four years, no matter the reason. Infertility is not a pass to treat people ill. If your daughter has not noticed then I think it is completely reasonable move forward and this is what I would do.

I would tell your SIL how happy you are that they are having a baby. Not that your child is getting a cousin (can you see that is a little self absorbed). Perhaps intimate that you wish you could have been there for them as they struggled. Perhaps she will acknowledge her regret for ignoring your child. Tough times, not great responses all around, put it in the past. I think it might be nice for both of you to express what has not been expressed. Neither of you were there for the other. I know you want to blame, but does that really help?

I have tremendous sympathy for her. I sincerely hope she regrets her behavior. I hope you can move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed also OP.

As far as the idea that since these kids are cousins and so you need to encourage the relationship? A four year (or more) age difference is huge for little kids. HUGE. Your DD is blissfully ignorant of the snub her aunt and uncle have given her. So, by all means let a normal, once or twice a year visit/relationship develop but don't assume that your kid and theirs need to be best buddies or something.

If your DH wants them at his party then they should be there.

Let bygones be bygones. Forgive but don't forget. I'd never feel totally enthusiastic about these relatives but it's not like they were actively mean to your child. Just unable to interact with her because of their own (selfish) reasons.

My son is 2.5 and he has one first cousin on his dad's side who is 9 and two on my side, 6 and 10. All the cousins live 5 hours away from here, in opposite directions. But they are CRAZY about each other. My son follows his 9 year old cousin everywhere when she visits and asks about her nearly every day, and her room is full of pictures of him. My nephews cry when they have to leave my son, and my son calls them his big brothers. So age difference and even physical distance does not have to determine closeness with cousins.

Similarly, I had many first cousins growing up and now that I am in my 40's, my closest relationships are with cousins that are 10 and 13 years older than me. The fact that there is a 4 year age difference is meaningless in the long run. ESPECIALLY if it turns out that both of these children will be only children. There is no magic that says they're going to be close growing up or as adults, but there is the potential for that, and I'd work hard to nurture it if I were OP.

I have two siblings and I'm much closer to some of my cousins than I am to my siblings.