I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

"Are you, in essence, blaming my mother for my father's irresponsible choices? It was his decision to cheat. There are more honorable ways of dealing with an unsatisfying sex life. "

Would you have wanted him to divorce your mother? Would that have been a more satisfactory upbringing for you? Would that have caused you to have a relationship with him now, or would you have sided with your mother regardless of what he did?

[Anonymous]

No answer, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Are you, in essence, blaming my mother for my father's irresponsible choices? It was his decision to cheat. There are more honorable ways of dealing with an unsatisfying sex life. "

Would you have wanted him to divorce your mother? Would that have been a more satisfactory upbringing for you? Would that have caused you to have a relationship with him now, or would you have sided with your mother regardless of what he did?

Sorry, I've been BUSY with my children to respond to this. Given that I don't know the details of what led my father to cheat, I can't say, but I would think that they could have tried couples counseling, talking, individual therapy, etc., before it came to divorce.

Anyway, it seems like you want to defend the cheating. I'm telling you that it affects the whole family, sometimes far worse than what you'd imagine. It does impact the children because no observant child will escape noticing the stress, strain, and general unhappiness that discovering the infidelity brings on. One PP said that there are aspects of a parents' relationship with their children that are separate from the relationship between the adults. That is true, but I consider infidelity the equivalent of emotional abuse, and when one parent abuses the other, whether emotional or physical, I think that it is entirely reasonable for the child to remove him/herself from the toxic parent.

Good luck to you. I hope that you find a way to end the cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I've been BUSY with my children to respond to this. Given that I don't know the details of what led my father to cheat, I can't say, but I would think that they could have tried couples counseling, talking, individual therapy, etc., before it came to divorce.

Anyway, it seems like you want to defend the cheating. I'm telling you that it affects the whole family, sometimes far worse than what you'd imagine. It does impact the children because no observant child will escape noticing the stress, strain, and general unhappiness that discovering the infidelity brings on. One PP said that there are aspects of a parents' relationship with their children that are separate from the relationship between the adults. That is true, but I consider infidelity the equivalent of emotional abuse, and when one parent abuses the other, whether emotional or physical, I think that it is entirely reasonable for the child to remove him/herself from the toxic parent.

Good luck to you. I hope that you find a way to end the cheating.

I'm this PP, and I guess that makes sense to me that you see it that way. I just don't see it that way myself. For me, it was more important that I had two parents who loved me, and who showed me that they loved me, no matter how they felt about each other. It sounds to me like your dad did not do a good job of doing that. I know that my father found out about my mom's affair, but I honestly do not remember it affecting the whole family dynamic. I remember other emotional climate stuff that happened at that time, so I'm reasonably sure that they just did a good job of shielding us from their personal issues. I'm sorry your dad didn't do that, and sorry that your mom was hurt, and generally sorry for the whole situation because it sounds pretty sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I've been BUSY with my children to respond to this. Given that I don't know the details of what led my father to cheat, I can't say, but I would think that they could have tried couples counseling, talking, individual therapy, etc., before it came to divorce.

Anyway, it seems like you want to defend the cheating. I'm telling you that it affects the whole family, sometimes far worse than what you'd imagine. It does impact the children because no observant child will escape noticing the stress, strain, and general unhappiness that discovering the infidelity brings on. One PP said that there are aspects of a parents' relationship with their children that are separate from the relationship between the adults. That is true, but I consider infidelity the equivalent of emotional abuse, and when one parent abuses the other, whether emotional or physical, I think that it is entirely reasonable for the child to remove him/herself from the toxic parent.

Good luck to you. I hope that you find a way to end the cheating.

I'm this PP, and I guess that makes sense to me that you see it that way. I just don't see it that way myself. For me, it was more important that I had two parents who loved me, and who showed me that they loved me, no matter how they felt about each other. It sounds to me like your dad did not do a good job of doing that. I know that my father found out about my mom's affair, but I honestly do not remember it affecting the whole family dynamic. I remember other emotional climate stuff that happened at that time, so I'm reasonably sure that they just did a good job of shielding us from their personal issues. I'm sorry your dad didn't do that, and sorry that your mom was hurt, and generally sorry for the whole situation because it sounds pretty sad.

It is sad, no doubt. I hope that OP understands, once she gets beyond her hubris, that there is little certainty in how infidelity will play out. Yours was a best-case scenario. A lot of the time, infidelity results in bitter divorce, estranged family members, and harm to the children.

[Anonymous]

Do you expect respect from your husband?? Do you ever consider how terribly you're disrespecting him? Do you expect honesty from him? Do you expect him to remain faithful?

Do you realize that expecting any of these things from him is INCREDIBLY hypocritical?

[Anonymous]

What if he cheats on you?

[Anonymous]

I guess OP got caught

[Anonymous]

or things got hard and she bailed, seems like a recurring problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or things got hard and she bailed, seems like a recurring problem!

I am still here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if he cheats on you?

Then he does.

[Anonymous]

Explain how you created the email account that you communicate with your lover. Is I some cryptic email address that doesn't include your name? Do you call or text each other? Other than hotels, do you have meals together or is everything all about sex? Is he married? Do you wear your ring? Does he know you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Are you bisexual?