Women lying/ gate keeping around where clothes are from

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask me! I will happily tell you I got it from Target, TJMaxx or Costco.

I will too. But I'm lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

I hear ya’
However, I simply choose to be kind.

If I’m asked I share. Always.

I can’t be concerned with how others may look or what they do with the info I’ve shared.

The word "kind" is not defined by your values so this proclamation is meaningless.

Ok

[Anonymous]

Ha, if someone asks me where something is from, not only do I tell them (sometimes it’s TJMaxx sometimes it’s from a designer boutique) I will track the item down for them online and send a link saying I think they would look fantastic in it. It’s wonderful getting a compliment and I couldn’t care less if everyone was walking around in something I inspired them to buy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, if someone asks me where something is from, not only do I tell them (sometimes it’s TJMaxx sometimes it’s from a designer boutique) I will track the item down for them online and send a link saying I think they would look fantastic in it. It’s wonderful getting a compliment and I couldn’t care less if everyone was walking around in something I inspired them to buy!

What if they wouldn't look fantastic in it?

I have numerous times been asked about something I'm wearing by someone who would not be suited by it. I have a very specific body type and one of the reasons my clothes are distinctive is that I shop with a very clear idea of what looks good on my specific body. For instance, I have very small breasts but a really nice neck and clavicles, so many of my clothes are cut in a way that absolutely wouldn't work on someone with even regular B cups. I'm also long waisted so I wear a lot of high waisted items because they make my legs look longer without shortening my torso -- someone more proportionate might look weird in some of these clothes.

I think compliments are nice and I often compliment other womens' clothes or jewelry if they are wearing something I like or that suits them really well. But the "where did you get it" question has never really made sense to me because clothes are so personal and specific, IMO. If I meet someone with my same body type I would get it because she's probably think "oh, this person knows how to dress bodies like ours." But that's never who asks me. It's always someone with a totally different body type who should be dressing very different from how I dress, but I don't want to say that, so I just say "oh I don't remember" or "it's vintage" (which is sometimes true but sometimes not).

Oh well. I'm not gatekeeping, I just think the question is weird. I don't really get how other people select their clothes, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

You don't dress like yourself, unless you make your own dressess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

Lying isn't "politely declining." That would be saying, "I'd rather not say." It's the disingenuousness that's the issue. You DO know, but you're not comfortable telling people outright that you don't want them to copy you - assuming they do - so you give a BS reply.

It's not weird at all to admire something someone else is wearing, especially if you think it would look good on you. Copying someone's entire wardrobe, yes, that's weird. But an article of clothing here or there? Totally normal.

No, in this case the white lie is more polite because it raises fewer questions. If you said "Is rather not say," people are more likely to be hurt by it.

I don't think it's weird to ask after an item you really like once in a blue moon, but OP describes a situation where she asked 3 women she didn't know about their clothes at the same party. That's way too much and I would find it weird and say "oh I can't remember" in that situation as well.

No, she's describing a situation in which she asked once and then saw two other people ask the same woman and get the same response. Different scenario.

We can agree to disagree about lying and politeness.

If you agree to disagree, then why offer your correction, starting with "No.."

Um. My correction is about a factual issue, in this case the situation the OP described, in writing. It’s correcting the actual record. That’s different than agreeing to disagree about what constitutes politeness in this specific case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

You don't dress like yourself, unless you make your own dressess.

False. There are a huge variety of clothes a person can buy and what you choose and how you put it together can be distinctive.

Though I also get a lot of my clothes tailored to fit my body in specific ways, also. But even just adding a belt or choosing to tuck in a shirt, or buying something slightly oversized on purpose, combining colors in a specific way (or choosing to keep something monochrome) -- all of these are ways that people customize their clothes to themselves.

But I'm realizing, reading this thread, that maybe this is the problem -- people think the key to looking stylish is to buy the "right" clothes from specific brands or stores, and that's why they need to know where other people got their clothes. But that's not really it. If you see a really stylish woman wearing a dress and go out and buy that exact same dress, you are unlikely to look stylish unless you know how to style it to suit you the same way that other woman knew how to style it to suit her.

You can't buy taste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

You don't dress like yourself, unless you make your own dressess.

False. There are a huge variety of clothes a person can buy and what you choose and how you put it together can be distinctive.

Though I also get a lot of my clothes tailored to fit my body in specific ways, also. But even just adding a belt or choosing to tuck in a shirt, or buying something slightly oversized on purpose, combining colors in a specific way (or choosing to keep something monochrome) -- all of these are ways that people customize their clothes to themselves.

But I'm realizing, reading this thread, that maybe this is the problem -- people think the key to looking stylish is to buy the "right" clothes from specific brands or stores, and that's why they need to know where other people got their clothes. But that's not really it. If you see a really stylish woman wearing a dress and go out and buy that exact same dress, you are unlikely to look stylish unless you know how to style it to suit you the same way that other woman knew how to style it to suit her.

You can't buy taste.

Sounds like you get your clothes tailored to fit your EGO, PP.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are buying used or secondhand right now and don't want to admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

You don't dress like yourself, unless you make your own dressess.

False. There are a huge variety of clothes a person can buy and what you choose and how you put it together can be distinctive.

Though I also get a lot of my clothes tailored to fit my body in specific ways, also. But even just adding a belt or choosing to tuck in a shirt, or buying something slightly oversized on purpose, combining colors in a specific way (or choosing to keep something monochrome) -- all of these are ways that people customize their clothes to themselves.

But I'm realizing, reading this thread, that maybe this is the problem -- people think the key to looking stylish is to buy the "right" clothes from specific brands or stores, and that's why they need to know where other people got their clothes. But that's not really it. If you see a really stylish woman wearing a dress and go out and buy that exact same dress, you are unlikely to look stylish unless you know how to style it to suit you the same way that other woman knew how to style it to suit her.

You can't buy taste.

Sounds like you get your clothes tailored to fit your EGO, PP.

I suspect you think everyone who isn't buying their clothes at TJ Max and then gleefully sharing that fact with anyone who will listen has a big ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are buying used or secondhand right now and don't want to admit it.

Wrong
Its pretty much the only thing people are eager to admit right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God DCUM is so weird.
I don’t mind if someone asks where something is from and assuming I remember I will tell them.
Why wouldn’t I? No one I know is going to copy my whole wardrobe and I’m not insecure. If I got something cute from Anthro, Amazon, or spent $4k on a dress from a boutique I’m an open book.

+1. And seriously, who the F cares if they do decide to “copy” you?

I do. I care. I put a lot of effort into my style, which is distinctive, and I don't like having a woman in my social circle copying exact items from my wardrobe. If you want to do it, I can't stop you, but I'm not going to *help* you by providing you an itemized list of everything I'm wearing and where I bought it.

Why so insecure?

+1
Plus they didn’t just make one of everything you own 🙄

This only applies to distinctive items. No one cares about basics and neutrals.

Also, who is more insecure: the woman who politely declines to share where she bought something by saying "oh I can't remember," of the woman walking around parties asking multiple women where their clothes came from and then rushing home to google the items to find out where they are from and how much they cost?

I think it's weird to want to dress like someone else. Dress like yourself.

You don't dress like yourself, unless you make your own dressess.

False. There are a huge variety of clothes a person can buy and what you choose and how you put it together can be distinctive.

Though I also get a lot of my clothes tailored to fit my body in specific ways, also. But even just adding a belt or choosing to tuck in a shirt, or buying something slightly oversized on purpose, combining colors in a specific way (or choosing to keep something monochrome) -- all of these are ways that people customize their clothes to themselves.

But I'm realizing, reading this thread, that maybe this is the problem -- people think the key to looking stylish is to buy the "right" clothes from specific brands or stores, and that's why they need to know where other people got their clothes. But that's not really it. If you see a really stylish woman wearing a dress and go out and buy that exact same dress, you are unlikely to look stylish unless you know how to style it to suit you the same way that other woman knew how to style it to suit her.

You can't buy taste.

Sounds like you get your clothes tailored to fit your EGO, PP.

This x 10000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are buying used or secondhand right now and don't want to admit it.

Wrong
Its pretty much the only thing people are eager to admit right now

Not within certain groups it's not. Some people would admit to "vintage" but your UMC or aspirational UMC probably would not admit to buying on Poshmark or the thrift store to save money.

I would, but not a lot of people I know, but I'm into sustainability and they are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are buying used or secondhand right now and don't want to admit it.

Wrong
Its pretty much the only thing people are eager to admit right now

Not within certain groups it's not. Some people would admit to "vintage" but your UMC or aspirational UMC probably would not admit to buying on Poshmark or the thrift store to save money.

I would, but not a lot of people I know, but I'm into sustainability and they are not.

This isn’t true, everyone is happy to admit shopping vintage and thrifting, it’s very in. That’s one of the few safe “right” answers to this invasive question. For any economic strata.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha, if someone asks me where something is from, not only do I tell them (sometimes it’s TJMaxx sometimes it’s from a designer boutique) I will track the item down for them online and send a link saying I think they would look fantastic in it. It’s wonderful getting a compliment and I couldn’t care less if everyone was walking around in something I inspired them to buy!

What if they wouldn't look fantastic in it?

I have numerous times been asked about something I'm wearing by someone who would not be suited by it. I have a very specific body type and one of the reasons my clothes are distinctive is that I shop with a very clear idea of what looks good on my specific body. For instance, I have very small breasts but a really nice neck and clavicles, so many of my clothes are cut in a way that absolutely wouldn't work on someone with even regular B cups. I'm also long waisted so I wear a lot of high waisted items because they make my legs look longer without shortening my torso -- someone more proportionate might look weird in some of these clothes.

I think compliments are nice and I often compliment other womens' clothes or jewelry if they are wearing something I like or that suits them really well. But the "where did you get it" question has never really made sense to me because clothes are so personal and specific, IMO. If I meet someone with my same body type I would get it because she's probably think "oh, this person knows how to dress bodies like ours." But that's never who asks me. It's always someone with a totally different body type who should be dressing very different from how I dress, but I don't want to say that, so I just say "oh I don't remember" or "it's vintage" (which is sometimes true but sometimes not).

Oh well. I'm not gatekeeping, I just think the question is weird. I don't really get how other people select their clothes, I guess.

You’re exhausting. Either share the information or don’t. This doesn’t warrant a PhD thesis.