My Mom Worked Her Whole Life, But Only Gets My Dad's Social Security — Feels Like a Scam

[Anonymous]

I paid in $21k only over 29 years. I should get back ca $10k at 62. I plan to live until 92.
Even I'm getting screwed. Had the $21k been invested at $1000 a year when I started working, and then keep earning the 10% til I'm 62, I'd have ca $500k.
I could easily earn 7% a year on that forever.
So, instead of getting $35k, I'm getting $10k.
Too bad it's an insurance and not an investment.

[Anonymous]

This is why people voted for MAGA. They're just dumb, don't understand how life works and fall easy prey to any populist with a list of complaints they can relate to.

Timely reminder that the average IQ is 100 and half the population has a lower score.

[Anonymous]

OP here I’ll respond.

I’ll admit, I was confused at first. I’ve been going back and forth between my phone and computer, so some of my earlier posts weren’t worded as clearly as I’d like. But I’ve been reading the replies and trying to understand it better.

That said, I still feel like Social Security doesn’t really fit everyone equally — especially for people in the upper middle class who already have other protections in place. What surprised me most wasn’t just how confusing it felt, but how quickly people jumped to insult me for even bringing it up. Only a few acknowledged that it is confusing for a lot of people, which is honestly what got me thinking in the first place.

I totally understand my long-term and short-term disability insurance. I understand how term vs. whole life insurance works. I understand how a 401k works. But Social Security? It still feels unclear, and honestly, that’s part of why I’m not sure I even want it — because I don’t fully understand what I’m actually getting.

Maybe I’m missing something. I can see how the system helps in cases of disability or job loss, but for someone like me who already has coverage through work and pays extra for supplemental protection, it doesn’t feel like a good fit.

My mom worked her whole life and I didn’t realize she’d only get one benefit — hers or my dad’s, not both. That really threw me. I’m not saying we should throw the whole system out, but if you want people like me to understand and support it, it helps to explain it — not mock the people asking questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people voted for MAGA. They're just dumb, don't understand how life works and fall easy prey to any populist with a list of complaints they can relate to.

Timely reminder that the average IQ is 100 and half the population has a lower score.

100 is also these days a very low score. The IQ test hasn't changed right? We are more academic than before because inventions have taken away jobs.

OP, many SAH parents from that generation get social security even when they didn't work at all. Women who work feel as if they are the ones who are abusing the system. While your mom doesn't get her social security, some woman from her generation who never worked a day outside of the house gets social security based on her husband's pension. It's a messed-up system.

[Anonymous]

Sorry her husband's social security. Not pension

[Anonymous]

this poster is one of the stupidest posters i have seen on this site, and that's saying something!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is in her late 70s and just applied for Social Security. She worked her whole life, earned about $75K a year, and paid into the system for decades. My dad passed away over 15 years ago in his early 70s, made over $200K a year, and never collected a dime.

Now she’s being told she only gets one benefit — hers or his, whichever is higher. Not both. So all the money she paid in is just gone. If this were a 401(k), she’d have access to everything she earned. Instead, the government keeps it.

It’s infuriating. She should be getting both benefits. Instead, the government pockets tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars they both paid in.

Honestly, I would’ve rather not been forced to pay into this broken system at all. Let people save for themselves. This whole thing feels like a scam. We need to stop pretending Social Security is working — it’s not. It’s robbing people who did everything right.

On your logic, your mom shouldn’t be entitled to your dad’s much higher payment because that was his money…not hers.

I am failing to see how your mom is being cheated in this scenario nor why you are complaining.

Seems like the fair answer is she gets hers only.

Who should get the money my dad put in all his life? If not my mom then who?

or rather who gets all the money my mom put in? This is outrageous.

If your mom claimed your dad’s ss 15 years ago as she was entitled she likely would have received more than what was put into the system by you dad. Some people come out ahead, some don’t (my dad dies at 48 so he didn’t). It’s not a retirement account. Your problem is that your mom and you didn’t bother to learn SS rules.

But if your dad had kids under 18 when he died, those kids would collect until age 18. That could be many years for some kids. SS is paying for incidents like this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't understand the concept, OP.

You don't get back the exact sum you paid into Social Security. You pay for others; and when it's your turn, others pay for you. Those two sums will not be the same. The amount you get is also affected by your spouse and your decisions.

Did you know that as a legal immigrant on a visa, I pay into Social Security but am not entitled to any Social Security benefits? Yet I also pay all my taxes to the IRS, state and federal. I work and contribute to the GDP of this country.

You want to talk about unfair?

But if you are a "legal immigrant" in 5 years you should be eligible for citizenship and can then take advantage of it. It's on you if you choose not to become a citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ll respond.

I’ll admit, I was confused at first. I’ve been going back and forth between my phone and computer, so some of my earlier posts weren’t worded as clearly as I’d like. But I’ve been reading the replies and trying to understand it better.

That said, I still feel like Social Security doesn’t really fit everyone equally — especially for people in the upper middle class who already have other protections in place. What surprised me most wasn’t just how confusing it felt, but how quickly people jumped to insult me for even bringing it up. Only a few acknowledged that it is confusing for a lot of people, which is honestly what got me thinking in the first place.

I totally understand my long-term and short-term disability insurance. I understand how term vs. whole life insurance works. I understand how a 401k works. But Social Security? It still feels unclear, and honestly, that’s part of why I’m not sure I even want it — because I don’t fully understand what I’m actually getting.

Maybe I’m missing something. I can see how the system helps in cases of disability or job loss, but for someone like me who already has coverage through work and pays extra for supplemental protection, it doesn’t feel like a good fit.

My mom worked her whole life and I didn’t realize she’d only get one benefit — hers or my dad’s, not both. That really threw me. I’m not saying we should throw the whole system out, but if you want people like me to understand and support it, it helps to explain it — not mock the people asking questions.

Your original post didn't ask any questions--you said that both your parents did not try to collect from Social Security into their 70s, long past the age when they could, that your father passed away 15 years ago and your mother is in her late 70s and still working and you--her child--have apparently not looked into whether she could collect her or his SS in that whole time but you said "the government pockets tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars they both paid in" and "This whole thing feels like a scam" and "We need to stop pretending Social Security is working — it’s not." The only thing not working here is your ability to use a computer. You shouldn't be mocked, you should be outright humiliated for being so useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom worked as well and died at age 64. She was waiting to “collect” but when she found out she was dying took at age 63. It sucked.

This is the main reason I will collect at 62.

It is almost always better to collect at 62.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't understand the concept, OP.

You don't get back the exact sum you paid into Social Security. You pay for others; and when it's your turn, others pay for you. Those two sums will not be the same. The amount you get is also affected by your spouse and your decisions.

Did you know that as a legal immigrant on a visa, I pay into Social Security but am not entitled to any Social Security benefits? Yet I also pay all my taxes to the IRS, state and federal. I work and contribute to the GDP of this country.

You want to talk about unfair?

But if you are a "legal immigrant" in 5 years you should be eligible for citizenship and can then take advantage of it. It's on you if you choose not to become a citizen.

PP you replied to. Not quite. After 20 years of being on work visas in the US, I was allowed to apply for a green card. At best, USCIS makes me wait 3 years to get my green card, because I'm a white European. It depends on your country of origin. Indians and Chinese get to wait 10 years for a green card. Now of course, who knows what the wait times are going to be!

The average American has no clue what insane hoops legal immigrants have to jump through (and how much money they need to disburse for lawyers). I'm rich, I was able to afford the whole thing. But I can totally understand that some poor and desperate people just can't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ll respond.

I’ll admit, I was confused at first. I’ve been going back and forth between my phone and computer, so some of my earlier posts weren’t worded as clearly as I’d like. But I’ve been reading the replies and trying to understand it better.

That said, I still feel like Social Security doesn’t really fit everyone equally — especially for people in the upper middle class who already have other protections in place. What surprised me most wasn’t just how confusing it felt, but how quickly people jumped to insult me for even bringing it up. Only a few acknowledged that it is confusing for a lot of people, which is honestly what got me thinking in the first place.

I totally understand my long-term and short-term disability insurance. I understand how term vs. whole life insurance works. I understand how a 401k works. But Social Security? It still feels unclear, and honestly, that’s part of why I’m not sure I even want it — because I don’t fully understand what I’m actually getting.

Maybe I’m missing something. I can see how the system helps in cases of disability or job loss, but for someone like me who already has coverage through work and pays extra for supplemental protection, it doesn’t feel like a good fit.

My mom worked her whole life and I didn’t realize she’d only get one benefit — hers or my dad’s, not both. That really threw me. I’m not saying we should throw the whole system out, but if you want people like me to understand and support it, it helps to explain it — not mock the people asking questions.

Because some of what you are saying is so incredibly and unbelievably stupid that it is difficult to refrain from calling you out. The purpose, function, and limitation of SS has been explained many times on this thread by several posters. If you really can’t understand by now, then maybe this just isn’t one of your gifts. Recognize that there are financial advisors and all sorts of professionals who DO understand these things and let them carry you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your dad could have collected it starting at age 62. I don’t understand your complaint.

This!!! For most people, it is a much better deal to just take it at 62. For precisely the example of your dad---you never know when you will die. It's only "better to wait" if you live to 85/90+ (or approximately something like that). But you never know what the govt will do (even pre this Shi$). so always take it early

The breakeven point is quite a bit younger than that...comparing retiring at full retirement age to claiming at age 70, it's 79 https://www.thrivent.com/insights/social-security/social-security-break-even-point-what-it-is-how-to-calculate-yours

But waiting past age 70 to claim, as OP's mom did, never makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this poster is one of the stupidest posters i have seen on this site, and that's saying something!

I now don't think she's stupid, per se, (given Jeff's rap on the knuckles) just stubborn and refuses to take responsibility for not having investigated. A quick read of the earlier-provided AARP page would have made it clear. But again and again she comes back doubling down on her need to be right.

Whatever the case, I think the thread does serve as a PSA for people who don't understand SS. As I've said many times regarding investing (and life) you don't know what you don't know, which is why we all have to investigate how best to navigate "money and finance."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like Social Security hasn’t really evolved with how much life and work have changed. The system was created in a time when most households had one income earner and people didn’t live long after retiring. Now, we have dual-income families, people living decades into retirement, and more complex financial lives — but the structure of Social Security hasn’t really kept pace.

In my mom’s case, she worked her entire life, continued paying in even after my dad passed, and didn’t fully understand how survivor benefits worked. She assumed, like many people probably do, that she’d get both her and my dad’s benefits. But she ended up only getting the higher of the two, which came as a surprise.

And I’m clearly not alone in that confusion. A recent survey found that 42% of adults don’t know how much they’ll get from Social Security, and 51% don’t understand how much of their income it will replace. That’s a pretty big gap in understanding for a program most of us pay into our entire working lives.

This isn’t to knock the system entirely — it has helped many people. But maybe it’s time to start quietly exploring some options that better reflect today’s realities. A little more flexibility or clarity might go a long way.

If Social Security evolved in the way you want it to (no spousal benefits, everyone gets benefits based on their own contributions) your mom would be getting less.
There are some policy advantages to that--it makes certain other changes easier to implement--but it would not be better for your family.