Gene Hackman R.I.P.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

I talk to my mom every morning. I call while I am on a walk before work. We talk about whatever - what she did the previous day, how she's feeling, stuff we've seen on tv. We don't have specific topics - we just chat for anywhere from 10 minutes to half an hour.

It reassures me to hear her voice in the morning. She isn't in great health and I worry about her all the time. She in her 80s and I live far away. I don't talk to my dad every day - he is my mom's caregiver. I usually talk to him once a week or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

My parents are elderly and I talk or text with them most every day. Some days it’s simply a hey, just checking in to see how you’re doing and if you need anything. Other days we chat longer if we have things to share.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

I talk to my mom every morning. I call while I am on a walk before work. We talk about whatever - what she did the previous day, how she's feeling, stuff we've seen on tv. We don't have specific topics - we just chat for anywhere from 10 minutes to half an hour.

It reassures me to hear her voice in the morning. She isn't in great health and I worry about her all the time. She in her 80s and I live far away. I don't talk to my dad every day - he is my mom's caregiver. I usually talk to him once a week or so.

!1 I did the same with my mom and so glad I did i miss her every day.

[Anonymous]

How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

Here's the thing: this situation went horribly wrong. If his three kids took turns checking in every couple of days (so, each makes a call once a week) then the possibility his death of dehydration on the floor of his home might have been eliminated as someone would have noticed that he / his wife were not in touch.

That seems like it would have been a good thing.

That said, each of us can learn from this, if we're open to it, to avoid letting our elderly parents end up in this kind of situation.

If your situation with your parent is so bad that you don't actually care if they die of dehydration on the floor of their hallway, then great! Don't call. But, the rest of us (who think our parents deserve basic human dignity, even in death) might want to learn from someone else's experience to avoid our parents ending up in such a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

I'm not one of the people who judges here, but I talk to an elderly parent every day. Sometimes it's a 1 minute call. "Hey Dad, just checking in, thought you'd want to know that Larlo scored two baskets in the game last night. What are your plans for today? Oh that sounds great! Have fun. The kids say hi. I love you." Sometimes one of us has bigger family news "I saw so and so's new baby. So cute, looks like his grandpa! Aunt Jane was there, she looked so thrilled!", or we're planning something upcoming "I'm thinking about Easter. What do you think we should serve? Any requests?" or we talk about current events.

His kids are 65, 63, and 58. I feel like this changes the dynamic a bit.

I thought this article was interesting. It has several quotes from Gene and he talks about loving his children but also describes distance. I think this is a story without villains. You have a dad who wasn’t super present and a family that loves him but they aren’t close either.

https://people.com/all-about-gene-hackman-kids-7968798

How does the fact that the kids are in their sixties fundamentally change this? I mean, obviously you have slightly different things to talk about. People without kids who play basketball don't talk about the baskets their kids shot. Jewish people don't call their relatives and make small talk about Easter, and noone calls and makes small talk about the new baby cousin if there isn't a new baby cousin. I used examples from my own family, but assumed that people can figure out appropriate small talk for their own situation. If you think your elder needs this support for their safety then "I can't think of something to say during this 1 minute phone call" isn't a great reason not to.

This isn't a comment on Gene Hackman's children. I call one elder daily and not the other, because the other lives in an independent living community that has protocols so they notice if someone doesn't show up for meals. I think his children probably thought, logically, that if something happened his wife would notice. It seems like something really unusual happened here. Likely when the whole story comes out, it will be clear that no one could have foreseen this exact set of circumstances.

Ok, what is it?

It was a reply to the question

"Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?"

I don't judge Hackman's children. I do judge someone who uses the phrase "you people" and seems unable to think of something that anyone could say to an elderly parent.

[Anonymous]

From what I have seen, he was away a lot while they were growing up, and his second wife was close to the age of his children. Perhaps he had dementia, and it seems like the communications went through second wife and he did not have a phone or email.

I can imagine the relationship might have been polite but not especially close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

I'm not one of the people who judges here, but I talk to an elderly parent every day. Sometimes it's a 1 minute call. "Hey Dad, just checking in, thought you'd want to know that Larlo scored two baskets in the game last night. What are your plans for today? Oh that sounds great! Have fun. The kids say hi. I love you." Sometimes one of us has bigger family news "I saw so and so's new baby. So cute, looks like his grandpa! Aunt Jane was there, she looked so thrilled!", or we're planning something upcoming "I'm thinking about Easter. What do you think we should serve? Any requests?" or we talk about current events.

His kids are 65, 63, and 58. I feel like this changes the dynamic a bit.

I thought this article was interesting. It has several quotes from Gene and he talks about loving his children but also describes distance. I think this is a story without villains. You have a dad who wasn’t super present and a family that loves him but they aren’t close either.

https://people.com/all-about-gene-hackman-kids-7968798

How does the fact that the kids are in their sixties fundamentally change this? I mean, obviously you have slightly different things to talk about. People without kids who play basketball don't talk about the baskets their kids shot. Jewish people don't call their relatives and make small talk about Easter, and noone calls and makes small talk about the new baby cousin if there isn't a new baby cousin. I used examples from my own family, but assumed that people can figure out appropriate small talk for their own situation. If you think your elder needs this support for their safety then "I can't think of something to say during this 1 minute phone call" isn't a great reason not to.

This isn't a comment on Gene Hackman's children. I call one elder daily and not the other, because the other lives in an independent living community that has protocols so they notice if someone doesn't show up for meals. I think his children probably thought, logically, that if something happened his wife would notice. It seems like something really unusual happened here. Likely when the whole story comes out, it will be clear that no one could have foreseen this exact set of circumstances.

Ok, what is it?

It was a reply to the question

"Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?"

I don't judge Hackman's children. I do judge someone who uses the phrase "you people" and seems unable to think of something that anyone could say to an elderly parent.

I didn’t say any of that?

I’ve been vey involved in caring for my elderly family members, but I was never 58+ and living in a different state. He wasn’t really close with his kids. Betsy’s mom’s housekeeper has weighed in with some interviews about how Betsy went long periods of time without calling her own 91 year old mother. Neighbors have confirmed that they’ve largely kept to themselves these last several years. Maybe being reclusive was a choice they made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?

I think a lot of these postets aren't close emotionally to their parents and just look for excuses to not be in frequent contact with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so bizarre my elderly family loves calls and visits but we are close.

your elderly parent married to someone in their 60s loves calls from 3 kids daily?

my mother loves calls and visits but she lives alone and is very dependent on my sister and me

My mother is older than Hackman and I don’t call her every day or every week. She’s busy and so am I. Get over your judgmental small minded selves.

So she could die, and you wouldn't know for a week?

DP, but so what? Mom is still dead regardless of whether you know the minute after it happens or a month later.

We don’t know whether he died instantly or died of dehydration after lying there for a few days, or similar.

+1 Exactly

But the dog and wife died too. All at the same time?

They ruled out monoxide and nat gas.

Poisoned? On purpose? And dog happened to eat it too?

It was a boulder.

See, I brought up the boulder theory back on page 2, and my post was deleted. Someone out there doesn't want us to know about the boulder problem out west.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

Here's the thing: this situation went horribly wrong. If his three kids took turns checking in every couple of days (so, each makes a call once a week) then the possibility his death of dehydration on the floor of his home might have been eliminated as someone would have noticed that he / his wife were not in touch.

That seems like it would have been a good thing.

That said, each of us can learn from this, if we're open to it, to avoid letting our elderly parents end up in this kind of situation.

If your situation with your parent is so bad that you don't actually care if they die of dehydration on the floor of their hallway, then great! Don't call. But, the rest of us (who think our parents deserve basic human dignity, even in death) might want to learn from someone else's experience to avoid our parents ending up in such a situation.

It's interesting to see how quickly we switch between "I'm not judging" and the bolded, which is very judgemental. NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

zero

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?

I'm not one of the people who judges here, but I talk to an elderly parent every day. Sometimes it's a 1 minute call. "Hey Dad, just checking in, thought you'd want to know that Larlo scored two baskets in the game last night. What are your plans for today? Oh that sounds great! Have fun. The kids say hi. I love you." Sometimes one of us has bigger family news "I saw so and so's new baby. So cute, looks like his grandpa! Aunt Jane was there, she looked so thrilled!", or we're planning something upcoming "I'm thinking about Easter. What do you think we should serve? Any requests?" or we talk about current events.

His kids are 65, 63, and 58. I feel like this changes the dynamic a bit.

I thought this article was interesting. It has several quotes from Gene and he talks about loving his children but also describes distance. I think this is a story without villains. You have a dad who wasn’t super present and a family that loves him but they aren’t close either.

https://people.com/all-about-gene-hackman-kids-7968798

How does the fact that the kids are in their sixties fundamentally change this? I mean, obviously you have slightly different things to talk about. People without kids who play basketball don't talk about the baskets their kids shot. Jewish people don't call their relatives and make small talk about Easter, and noone calls and makes small talk about the new baby cousin if there isn't a new baby cousin. I used examples from my own family, but assumed that people can figure out appropriate small talk for their own situation. If you think your elder needs this support for their safety then "I can't think of something to say during this 1 minute phone call" isn't a great reason not to.

This isn't a comment on Gene Hackman's children. I call one elder daily and not the other, because the other lives in an independent living community that has protocols so they notice if someone doesn't show up for meals. I think his children probably thought, logically, that if something happened his wife would notice. It seems like something really unusual happened here. Likely when the whole story comes out, it will be clear that no one could have foreseen this exact set of circumstances.

Ok, what is it?

It was a reply to the question

"Tell me something you people who call your elderly parents every day: What do you talk about?"

I don't judge Hackman's children. I do judge someone who uses the phrase "you people" and seems unable to think of something that anyone could say to an elderly parent.

I didn’t say any of that?

I’ve been vey involved in caring for my elderly family members, but I was never 58+ and living in a different state. He wasn’t really close with his kids. Betsy’s mom’s housekeeper has weighed in with some interviews about how Betsy went long periods of time without calling her own 91 year old mother. Neighbors have confirmed that they’ve largely kept to themselves these last several years. Maybe being reclusive was a choice they made.

Someone wrote that. I replied to it. You then replied to me saying that calling your parents when you are in your 60's is different from calling when you are younger. You seem to imply that I was judging his kids, so I clarified that I wasn't judging his kids but that I don't think that calling your parents when you are in your 60's is all that different. I then added that I find it odd that someone (the first poster I replied to) seemed unable to imagine what someone could say to a parent every day. To be clear, I understand abusive family dynamics all too well, but I think that even most people who have poor relationships with their parents can imagine a better one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?

Here's the thing: this situation went horribly wrong. If his three kids took turns checking in every couple of days (so, each makes a call once a week) then the possibility his death of dehydration on the floor of his home might have been eliminated as someone would have noticed that he / his wife were not in touch.

That seems like it would have been a good thing.

That said, each of us can learn from this, if we're open to it, to avoid letting our elderly parents end up in this kind of situation.

If your situation with your parent is so bad that you don't actually care if they die of dehydration on the floor of their hallway, then great! Don't call. But, the rest of us (who think our parents deserve basic human dignity, even in death) might want to learn from someone else's experience to avoid our parents ending up in such a situation.

It's interesting to see how quickly we switch between "I'm not judging" and the bolded, which is very judgemental. NP.

I'm the poster you're replying to. I never said that I wasn't judging the kids. I very much am.