Do all men cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

I think we just disagree on the nuance. Sleeping around while your spouse is loving is just trashy. Staying faithful doesn’t even take much of a moral code, you’re just not being a garbage person. I don’t think declining to rob a 7-11 makes you a person of character, you’re just not being stupid. Cheating on a good spouse is like robbing the 7-11.

As for people in sexless marriages, like mine once was, sleeping around isn’t necessarily justifiable then either, just more understandable. You have to communicate and decide the parameters of the relationship together or leave. That’s what having a “rigid moral code” would mean. After a lot of work things got better between me and my husband and we have more sex now. I wouldn’t judge anybody but sleeping around won’t fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

I think we just disagree on the nuance. Sleeping around while your spouse is loving is just trashy. Staying faithful doesn’t even take much of a moral code, you’re just not being a garbage person. I don’t think declining to rob a 7-11 makes you a person of character, you’re just not being stupid. Cheating on a good spouse is like robbing the 7-11.

As for people in sexless marriages, like mine once was, sleeping around isn’t necessarily justifiable then either, just more understandable. You have to communicate and decide the parameters of the relationship together or leave. That’s what having a “rigid moral code” would mean. After a lot of work things got better between me and my husband and we have more sex now. I wouldn’t judge anybody but sleeping around won’t fix it.

Yep. And it’s a health risk to you spouse. I was blind sided, having sex at least 3 times a week still at 20 years married. He still would tell me how hot I was and planned loving things, date nights. I remember getting a beautiful anniversary card with a list of all the ways I was wonderful and an overnight trip while he arranged childcare…and then finding out had been having an 3 year affair 6 months later. You never get over that kind of trauma. Never.

[Anonymous]

No, not all men cheat.

[Anonymous]

New is new.

They cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

I think we just disagree on the nuance. Sleeping around while your spouse is loving is just trashy. Staying faithful doesn’t even take much of a moral code, you’re just not being a garbage person. I don’t think declining to rob a 7-11 makes you a person of character, you’re just not being stupid. Cheating on a good spouse is like robbing the 7-11.

As for people in sexless marriages, like mine once was, sleeping around isn’t necessarily justifiable then either, just more understandable. You have to communicate and decide the parameters of the relationship together or leave. That’s what having a “rigid moral code” would mean. After a lot of work things got better between me and my husband and we have more sex now. I wouldn’t judge anybody but sleeping around won’t fix it.

Yep. And it’s a health risk to you spouse. I was blind sided, having sex at least 3 times a week still at 20 years married. He still would tell me how hot I was and planned loving things, date nights. I remember getting a beautiful anniversary card with a list of all the ways I was wonderful and an overnight trip while he arranged childcare…and then finding out had been having an 3 year affair 6 months later. You never get over that kind of trauma. Never.

It’s called love bombing. That’s why it’s so confusing. Funny I got the same card with a list of nice things I did and a nice necklace. Not kidding. Found out he had sex with someone that same week. They are just offsetting their ego with the card and necklace. He probably felt like listing out why he was staying with me while also cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

I think we just disagree on the nuance. Sleeping around while your spouse is loving is just trashy. Staying faithful doesn’t even take much of a moral code, you’re just not being a garbage person. I don’t think declining to rob a 7-11 makes you a person of character, you’re just not being stupid. Cheating on a good spouse is like robbing the 7-11.

As for people in sexless marriages, like mine once was, sleeping around isn’t necessarily justifiable then either, just more understandable. You have to communicate and decide the parameters of the relationship together or leave. That’s what having a “rigid moral code” would mean. After a lot of work things got better between me and my husband and we have more sex now. I wouldn’t judge anybody but sleeping around won’t fix it.

Yep. And it’s a health risk to you spouse. I was blind sided, having sex at least 3 times a week still at 20 years married. He still would tell me how hot I was and planned loving things, date nights. I remember getting a beautiful anniversary card with a list of all the ways I was wonderful and an overnight trip while he arranged childcare…and then finding out had been having an 3 year affair 6 months later. You never get over that kind of trauma. Never.

It’s called love bombing. That’s why it’s so confusing. Funny I got the same card with a list of nice things I did and a nice necklace. Not kidding. Found out he had sex with someone that same week. They are just offsetting their ego with the card and necklace. He probably felt like listing out why he was staying with me while also cheating.

It is possible to love and appreciate your spouse and still have an affair. I know it’s hard to believe because the having an affair part is actively the opposite of love, but people can feel love for more than one person. I used to think this was impossible until I was breaking up with my BF and I met my now DH. I loved both of them deeply at the same time. It was a special kind of torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.

I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.

If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.

You responded to my comment. By "cheating" I did have in mind people who are in somewhat normal marriages with normal sex lives but still choose to cheat because the opportunity arose. In other words, they are like Doctor Zhivago who had a wonderful, loving spouse who had sex with them but they still chose to "sweeten the pot" by having sex with others outside their marriage. As far those in a dead bedroom situation, I would not dare judge them. To me that may be even be "cheating" per se, since they are not in a healthy relationship. I have a friend who confided in me his wife has no interest in sex and has not had sex with him in over a year. If he cheats, is that morally reprehensible? I'm not sure it is. My a moral code, I did not mean something black and white. I meant not cheating if your relationship is good -- looks like plenty of people cheat even though their relationship is good.

I think we just disagree on the nuance. Sleeping around while your spouse is loving is just trashy. Staying faithful doesn’t even take much of a moral code, you’re just not being a garbage person. I don’t think declining to rob a 7-11 makes you a person of character, you’re just not being stupid. Cheating on a good spouse is like robbing the 7-11.

As for people in sexless marriages, like mine once was, sleeping around isn’t necessarily justifiable then either, just more understandable. You have to communicate and decide the parameters of the relationship together or leave. That’s what having a “rigid moral code” would mean. After a lot of work things got better between me and my husband and we have more sex now. I wouldn’t judge anybody but sleeping around won’t fix it.

Yep. And it’s a health risk to you spouse. I was blind sided, having sex at least 3 times a week still at 20 years married. He still would tell me how hot I was and planned loving things, date nights. I remember getting a beautiful anniversary card with a list of all the ways I was wonderful and an overnight trip while he arranged childcare…and then finding out had been having an 3 year affair 6 months later. You never get over that kind of trauma. Never.

It’s called love bombing. That’s why it’s so confusing. Funny I got the same card with a list of nice things I did and a nice necklace. Not kidding. Found out he had sex with someone that same week. They are just offsetting their ego with the card and necklace. He probably felt like listing out why he was staying with me while also cheating.

It is possible to love and appreciate your spouse and still have an affair. I know it’s hard to believe because the having an affair part is actively the opposite of love, but people can feel love for more than one person. I used to think this was impossible until I was breaking up with my BF and I met my now DH. I loved both of them deeply at the same time. It was a special kind of torture.

It’s even more likely that the affair was just about variety sex like it is for the majority of men.