My daughter HATES having her hair washed!

[Anonymous]

I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,

I hated, hated, hated (I still get upset when I think about it) having my hair washed and I am now 47 and still remember being just like your daughter at her age! This debacle started for two reasons. 1) I have an extremely "tender head" (combing and brushing my hair when I was a child was akin to the most visceral pain I can remember). I now understand some of why I had that pain (it's neurological and I doubt your daughter has this weird thing I have with health), but that was thing one -- it always mean additional combing and brushing.

Much more to the point and probably pretty likely: when I was 4, I got a horrid ear infection that for some reason I associated with washing my hair. I believe it's because I got water in my ear during a shampoo and associated the feeling with the ear infection. I was out of school for a month and was pretty miserable physically and emotionally (my mom was ill, so home was no fun), and I got it into my four-year-old head that washing hair=wet ear= ear infection=hell.

My suggestions are these:
first, ask your daughter (in a calm way when you're not getting ready for shampooing or bathing or anything else, why she hates having her hair washed.
be sure you get her a shampoo that has a detangler built in (Suave is an example)-if at all possible, let her choose the shampoo
if you haven't already, try doing the hair washing in the shower (less likely to get water in her ears)
take her to the beauty parlor and let a pro do it while she's sitting in the "big girl chair" and then, when you're at home, mimic that for a couple of shampoos (this worked for DC, who while not a shampoo terror, used to prefer much anything to hair washing)
finally, if all else fails, there are dry shampoos that you can use sometimes -- while you're waiting to take her to the pediatrician (because you really do need to make sure there's nothing in the ears or anything else physical going on)

Hope some of this helps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

That sounds tall.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't she like getting her hair washed? Is she tender-headed? My niece has the most tender scalp, just touching her hair hurts not to mention washing or brushing it. Her Mom had to cut it all off after a while, it wasn't worth the constant hair washing struggles.

[Anonymous]

We let him do it himself (with supervision and a sometimes a little bit of follow up to make sure all the suds are out). If he washes his hair and his body (or lets us do it), he gets to play with the bath toys. If he doesn't, no toys. Our 2.5 year old has the same rule. If they don't cooperate we do it for them anyway, which often is messy and they hate it. That doesn't happen often though.

Is this a new thing or has it been going on for a while? If its been gong on for a while how did you used to deal with it? None of our kids like getting their hair washed, never have. Is water in the eyes an issue? They sell cups and visors which help minimize that. You could also offer supervised showering as an option, or laying down in the tub instead of sitting.

[Anonymous]

I do one of two things. Mine will sometimes wash her own hair. If not, I have her lay down in about two inches of water to wet her hair. Then I get her to sit up so that I can wash it. Then she lays down again and I rinse the soap out.. Most days she will let me use a cup, but sometimes I end up getting the soap out of her hair by swishing the water around. I keep at least two dry washcloths right by in case water splashes too close to her face. Funny thing is that she doesn't mind putting her head under water when it comes to swimming. She is my third and my first two were so easy when it came to hair washing.

[Anonymous]

Yep - I'm very petite and my daughter is adopted. Thanks to her great eating habits, she's going to be much taller than I expected!

Her head is fine, she says she's scared and it gets in her eyes. Now, we have done the shower in the past and I reward her when there are no tears etc. Don't know what the deal is today. I know she's exhausted being in daycare 5 days a week and we were on the go all day yesterday, so we will see. I tell her we will have to cut off her hair because its so dirty and it doesn't deter her. No joke, I NEVER thought I'd encounter this kind of fight from a 4 year old. I know it will serve her great later on in life, but damn, it sure makes for a LONG LONG sunday at home. (of course, hubby is traveling but that's another story in itself).

[Anonymous]

My son HATES to have his hair washed and even protested the bathtub for about 2 months for this reason. To make sure the water does not go in his eyes, I have him look up into my face. While he's looking at me, I tell him a funny story or sing a song. Seems very simple, but it works like a charm. I tell him very calmly that as long as he keeps looking at me, I promise no water will get in his eyes.

[Anonymous]

My niece was the same way. My sister ended up cutting her hair very short just to avoid the hassle.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried taking a shower with you and letting her wash your hair then washing hers? Also, make sure you are using a tear free shampoo and skip the conditioner in the shower. Instead use a leave in conditioner. I am not sure how often you are trying to was her hair, but you might consider only once or twice a week even if you bathe her more often.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was like that. Now that she showers on her own, it's no longer an issue. I did get my daughter's hair cut into a cut bob/wedge style. It was an adorable cut. Now all she wants is long hair, which looks stringy (she doesn't such a good job rinsing when I'm not hovering.). I would cut it short if she doesn't care. As long as you are wetting it and rinsing out the shampoo, I don't see the need to do too much scrubbing. Get one of those visors to keep the shampoo out of her eyes and get a cup and wash it that way.

[Anonymous]

The hair gets washed or it gets cut short. End of story. And follow through. The end. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

You might have to bite the bullet and cut it, OP. She will be SO much happier! BTDT. I wish someone had told me sooner. But then again, little kids are not meant to have really long hair anyway.

[Anonymous]

My charge had SPD and depending on how we approached her it would indeed be impossible to wash her hair. How do you wash her hair? Do you get water on her face and eyes?

First of all, brush her hair and make sure there are no knots. Use a leave in conditioner to soak it. Get one of those towel like hair bands and put on her hair line so she won't get water on hr face. Have her lay down in the empty tub with her head all the way back, chin up (mouth to mouth CPR style) and rinse it slowly. Tell her to relax and sing a song while you slowly wash it.

As she gets confidence you'll be able to do it faster. And don't worry about washing the roots. Start with the length. Do it every single day and once she's comfortable letting you get closer to the roots you can do it every other day or every 3 days.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was like this. Washing and combing her hair was a huge struggle, so I suggested that she cut it short. We got it cut into a short pixie cut, which was ADORABLE. That was pretty much the end of the problem.

And, OP, just be glad that she doesn't have lice. THAT was a nightmare.