My daughter HATES having her hair washed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep - I'm very petite and my daughter is adopted. Thanks to her great eating habits, she's going to be much taller than I expected!

Her head is fine, she says she's scared and it gets in her eyes. Now, we have done the shower in the past and I reward her when there are no tears etc. Don't know what the deal is today. I know she's exhausted being in daycare 5 days a week and we were on the go all day yesterday, so we will see. I tell her we will have to cut off her hair because its so dirty and it doesn't deter her. No joke, I NEVER thought I'd encounter this kind of fight from a 4 year old. I know it will serve her great later on in life, but damn, it sure makes for a LONG LONG sunday at home. (of course, hubby is traveling but that's another story in itself).

Our DD was like this too, for awhile. Here are a few things that worked for bath time:

First, we agreed to cover her eyes with a washcloth whenever we pour water over her head to be sure the water doesn't go in her eyes. (The washcloth gets wet, but that doesn't bother her.) After a few times, she relaxed a bunch and now we rarely need to use the washcloth (though we're happy to do so.)

Second, she is willing to lay back in the clean water herself (like she's floating on her back) to get her hair wet initially and then again to rinse the shampoo out. I think it gives her a sense of control. Of course, we still have to do a second "real" rinse by pouring clean water on top, but it's a lot quicker because she's gotten most of the shampoo out herself.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

This is what I did and it worked very well and maybe it will work for you. At age 5, my DD suddenly hated getting her face wet because she was afraid she was going to drown (don't ask why, I don't know). I cleaned off kitchen counter and put a blanket down with a beach towel over it and let her head hang over the sink. She was fine as her face didn't get wet and a bonus was no soap in her eyes. Now, at 15, she spends an inordinate amount of time in the shower and washing her hair.

[Anonymous]

My 3-year-old DD is very much like this. At this point, the part she hates the most is when I shampoo her head. She used to scream through the whole thing, but now we can at least get her hair wet without screaming, although she doesn't like that, either. We got one of those bath cups that has plastic along a rim so it molds to her head.

My DD weighs about 38 lbs (big for her age). Honestly, we just force her to let us wash her hair. This used to be much harder, but now she has gotten it through her (very stubborn) head that her hair is getting washed no matter what she does, so she fights less (but cries plenty, don't worry...).

Sometimes we used to physically make her sit down in the tub because it was easier to hold her in a sitting position to get her hair washed.

Also, I go VERY fast. Two dumps of water to wet the head, about 10 seconds to shampoo it, and then about 5 dumps of water to rinse. If there is some shampoo residue left, oh well, better than having dirty hair... We don't drag it out. We don't attempt to sing or make it fun. We just get it done. It's such a fuss and so LOUD with the screaming that the faster, the better.

If you have not been forcing the hair washing issue, you may need another adult to help you hold her down a few times while you shampoo and rinse until she gets the idea that you really mean business. Once she realizes that her hair is getting washed no matter what, you can probably just threaten to call her dad up to the bathtub to help and she will comply enough for you to do it yourself.

Good luck. I totally feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep - I'm very petite and my daughter is adopted. Thanks to her great eating habits, she's going to be much taller than I expected!

Her head is fine, she says she's scared and it gets in her eyes. Now, we have done the shower in the past and I reward her when there are no tears etc. Don't know what the deal is today. I know she's exhausted being in daycare 5 days a week and we were on the go all day yesterday, so we will see. I tell her we will have to cut off her hair because its so dirty and it doesn't deter her. No joke, I NEVER thought I'd encounter this kind of fight from a 4 year old. I know it will serve her great later on in life, but damn, it sure makes for a LONG LONG sunday at home. (of course, hubby is traveling but that's another story in itself).

Two suggestions. 1) sticker chart and after she wins 10 stickers she gets to pick something special (whatever she'd define that as.) Create sticker chart together, have her "paint it", explain that anytime she washes her hair, you'll let her put a sticker (or stamp) on the chart and after 10 stickers are in a row, you'll buy her X.

2) I'd play up beautician aspects. Try playing beautician with some of her favorite dolls/stuffed animals. Have her buy a brush with you. Make hair brushing part of a night time routine. Play up fixing hair in morning. Maybe experiment with some new accessories or styles so she gets "into" it. Pick out a shampoo together. Play up washing her hair as part of this, possibly as PP suggests, having her reclined in a beach chair in tub to mimic the beauty parlor. In other words, try to de-stigmatize washing her hair, so it's more like a game and something she looks forward to.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I know this is long winded but IT WILL HELP!!! I do lots of baths when I babysit and have helped many kids through their fear of washing hair. These are the methods that always work. I have never had a child cry yet when I washed their hair. These methods are for kids who are truly scared though they will work with any kid who protests shampooing. I do not use any methods when wetting or rinsing hair that involve lying back in the bath water or under a faucet, I never in the beginning, use a cup to wet or rinse. (Later it is usually fine to use a cup but a sportsbottle works better. see below) The above methods are very frightening to a child who has a fear of hairwashing. I am very gentle scrubbing a childs hair as they tend to be tenderheaded and do not like or require a vigorous scrub to get their hair clean. If for some reason a child had paint or something sticky in their hair, I still rub gently just a little longer and the kids don't mind that when you are gentle I always reassure frightened kids before and during hairwashing. I talk calmly explaining everything I do. I talk about the bath and washing hair at dinner or earlier before bathtime to find out if they are scared. It gives me a chance to find out what scares them and to reassure them I won't get water and shampoo in their eyes and let them know my methods of accomplishing that. During the bath I am careful to listen and observe distress. One little girl was scared for a minute and started whining when I turned on the faucet for to rinse the bath puppet that I had been gently scrubbing her hair with. I reassured her I would not lay her under the faucet but needed to rinse the puppet . That is all I needed to say and she was fine. Now on to methods for helping your kids deal with their fear. First buy or make some bath puppets. Get extras so the kids have one each in the tub. Also make sure you have three unbreakable mirrors for the kids. Last of all when you shower and shampoo practice making soapy ears on your head, batman horns or whatever your kids happen to be into & oh yeah, buy some brand new tear free kids shampoo. The old bottle of shampoo probably brings back unhappy memories to the kids. Some kids scream when they see the bottle. Make sure you have a little extra time the fist couple of times you try the new methods of washing hair. You may want to call washing/ or shampooing hair something else eg, making bubbles, making ears, cleaning hair, anything that sounds different if the word wash,etc inspires fear. Now on to the next step. When you and the kids are eating dinner or out on a errand or just hanging out it is a good time to talk about your new fun way of doing hair. Explain to your kids that you understand whay they hate having their hair washed (or whatever you usually call it) and that someone has told you a way to have fun and keep the soap and water out of their eyes/face. They will want to know what it is. Show the the puppets first but wait until the bath to let them play with them. Next tell your kids that looking up and making coyote, dog, or wolf calls will keep the soap and water off their faces and out of their eyes. Demonstrate how to make a wolf call and watch the smiles on your kids faces. Show them how the water will go down their backs. Next tell them you will making them animal soap ears and they can look in the mirror. This gets the kids thinking of fun they will have. When you try the new shampooing methods at bathtime make sure you have a little extra time and are not in a rush. It does take a little more time initially, but not as much time as shampooing a struggling, screaming child. After your child trust you, it will not take any more time than for a typical bath and shampoo. The kids I sit for no longer pay attention to hairwashing but keep on playing in the tub with toys I bring for them. They make coyote calls and look up for me to rinse their hair but go right back to playing. We still make the occasional ears though. Washing hair will become fun and you will not have a stressful night with three screaming upset kids. For the kids who are okay after the shampoo- still a few minutes of screaming can wear on you especially with more than one child that screams. Once you have gained trust you can eventually use a sports bottle to rinse instead of the puppets which will make shampooing faster. Sports bottles are much better than cups because the water goes just where you want it and the kids like to play with it afterwards. Always keep your promise to keep water and soap out of their faces. In the case of occasional drips I quickly dry their face with a towel and say "look at that silly water trying to drip on you" using a silly voice. The kids may want to try rinsing different ways which you should encourage. Getting faces wet eventually won't matter. The kids who used to be so scared now love to dive and splash and don't care if water get's on their faces, they just don't like soap in thier eyes and let's face it, adults don't like that either! Kids who were very scared of washing hair afterwards beg for me to give them baths and make soap ears which I am more than happy to. the parents are thrilled too! Let me know if you need any additional ideas. I have shared this time and time again and it always works. Please share your experince and these methods with other parents to help them with their kids who are scared of hair washing.
Wishing you and your daughter lots of laughs
Harriet

[Anonymous]

I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

I hated, hated, hated (I still get upset when I think about it) having my hair washed and I am now 47 and still remember being just like your daughter at her age! This debacle started for two reasons. 1) I have an extremely "tender head" (combing and brushing my hair when I was a child was akin to the most visceral pain I can remember). I now understand some of why I had that pain (it's neurological and I doubt your daughter has this weird thing I have with health), but that was thing one -- it always mean additional combing and brushing.

Much more to the point and probably pretty likely: when I was 4, I got a horrid ear infection that for some reason I associated with washing my hair. I believe it's because I got water in my ear during a shampoo and associated the feeling with the ear infection. I was out of school for a month and was pretty miserable physically and emotionally (my mom was ill, so home was no fun), and I got it into my four-year-old head that washing hair=wet ear= ear infection=hell.

My suggestions are these:
first, ask your daughter (in a calm way when you're not getting ready for shampooing or bathing or anything else, why she hates having her hair washed.
be sure you get her a shampoo that has a detangler built in (Suave is an example)-if at all possible, let her choose the shampoo
if you haven't already, try doing the hair washing in the shower (less likely to get water in her ears)
take her to the beauty parlor and let a pro do it while she's sitting in the "big girl chair" and then, when you're at home, mimic that for a couple of shampoos (this worked for DC, who while not a shampoo terror, used to prefer much anything to hair washing)
finally, if all else fails, there are dry shampoos that you can use sometimes -- while you're waiting to take her to the pediatrician (because you really do need to make sure there's nothing in the ears or anything else physical going on)

Hope some of this helps

I was the exact same way. I was scared to death of washing hair at home, at the salon ( cried there also) and it took me a long time before I would put my face underwater to swim. I was soooo scared. Wonder how many other people were traumatized like us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

There are many people who don't understand what it is like to have sensory issues and/or water phobias and just assume the child is being willful. I was one of those kids.
But how would an adult react if the hairdresser forced you into the shampoo chair, dumped water over your head or sprayed you in the face when you went to the salon and got a shampoo. Most Adults would protest and find a new hairdresser. Be gentle parents and work with your child to understand their fears and sensitivities. You don't have to cave in and not do the shampoo, just try a little Tenderness like the song says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

There are many people who don't understand what it is like to have sensory issues and/or water phobias and just assume the child is being willful. I was one of those kids.
But how would an adult react if the hairdresser forced you into the shampoo chair, dumped water over your head or sprayed you in the face when you went to the salon and got a shampoo. Most Adults would protest and find a new hairdresser. Be gentle parents and work with your child to understand their fears and sensitivities. You don't have to cave in and not do the shampoo, just try a little Tenderness like the song says.

[Anonymous]

PS You sound like a very understanding parent

[Anonymous]

I went through it as a child so I understand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

Why does she have long hair if she hates washing it this much?

[Anonymous]

We put a towel over her face, but you could try something like this: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Baby-Safe-Shampoo-Shower-Protection-Soft-Shower-Cap-Hat-Wash-Hair-Shield-for-Children-Kids-to-Keep-The-Water-Out-of-Their-Eyes-Face-3-Colors/209269375

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hi, I know this is long winded but IT WILL HELP!!! I do lots of baths when I babysit and have helped many kids through their fear of washing hair. These are the methods that always work. I have never had a child cry yet when I washed their hair. These methods are for kids who are truly scared though they will work with any kid who protests shampooing. I do not use any methods when wetting or rinsing hair that involve lying back in the bath water or under a faucet, I never in the beginning, use a cup to wet or rinse. (Later it is usually fine to use a cup but a sportsbottle works better. see below) The above methods are very frightening to a child who has a fear of hairwashing. I am very gentle scrubbing a childs hair as they tend to be tenderheaded and do not like or require a vigorous scrub to get their hair clean. If for some reason a child had paint or something sticky in their hair, I still rub gently just a little longer and the kids don't mind that when you are gentle I always reassure frightened kids before and during hairwashing. I talk calmly explaining everything I do. I talk about the bath and washing hair at dinner or earlier before bathtime to find out if they are scared. It gives me a chance to find out what scares them and to reassure them I won't get water and shampoo in their eyes and let them know my methods of accomplishing that. During the bath I am careful to listen and observe distress. One little girl was scared for a minute and started whining when I turned on the faucet for to rinse the bath puppet that I had been gently scrubbing her hair with. I reassured her I would not lay her under the faucet but needed to rinse the puppet . That is all I needed to say and she was fine. Now on to methods for helping your kids deal with their fear. First buy or make some bath puppets. Get extras so the kids have one each in the tub. Also make sure you have three unbreakable mirrors for the kids. Last of all when you shower and shampoo practice making soapy ears on your head, batman horns or whatever your kids happen to be into & oh yeah, buy some brand new tear free kids shampoo. The old bottle of shampoo probably brings back unhappy memories to the kids. Some kids scream when they see the bottle. Make sure you have a little extra time the fist couple of times you try the new methods of washing hair. You may want to call washing/ or shampooing hair something else eg, making bubbles, making ears, cleaning hair, anything that sounds different if the word wash,etc inspires fear. Now on to the next step. When you and the kids are eating dinner or out on a errand or just hanging out it is a good time to talk about your new fun way of doing hair. Explain to your kids that you understand whay they hate having their hair washed (or whatever you usually call it) and that someone has told you a way to have fun and keep the soap and water out of their eyes/face. They will want to know what it is. Show the the puppets first but wait until the bath to let them play with them. Next tell your kids that looking up and making coyote, dog, or wolf calls will keep the soap and water off their faces and out of their eyes. Demonstrate how to make a wolf call and watch the smiles on your kids faces. Show them how the water will go down their backs. Next tell them you will making them animal soap ears and they can look in the mirror. This gets the kids thinking of fun they will have. When you try the new shampooing methods at bathtime make sure you have a little extra time and are not in a rush. It does take a little more time initially, but not as much time as shampooing a struggling, screaming child. After your child trust you, it will not take any more time than for a typical bath and shampoo. The kids I sit for no longer pay attention to hairwashing but keep on playing in the tub with toys I bring for them. They make coyote calls and look up for me to rinse their hair but go right back to playing. We still make the occasional ears though. Washing hair will become fun and you will not have a stressful night with three screaming upset kids. For the kids who are okay after the shampoo- still a few minutes of screaming can wear on you especially with more than one child that screams. Once you have gained trust you can eventually use a sports bottle to rinse instead of the puppets which will make shampooing faster. Sports bottles are much better than cups because the water goes just where you want it and the kids like to play with it afterwards. Always keep your promise to keep water and soap out of their faces. In the case of occasional drips I quickly dry their face with a towel and say "look at that silly water trying to drip on you" using a silly voice. The kids may want to try rinsing different ways which you should encourage. Getting faces wet eventually won't matter. The kids who used to be so scared now love to dive and splash and don't care if water get's on their faces, they just don't like soap in thier eyes and let's face it, adults don't like that either! Kids who were very scared of washing hair afterwards beg for me to give them baths and make soap ears which I am more than happy to. the parents are thrilled too! Let me know if you need any additional ideas. I have shared this time and time again and it always works. Please share your experince and these methods with other parents to help them with their kids who are scared of hair washing.
Wishing you and your daughter lots of laughs
Harriet

WTH is with this dissertation? No one will read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

+1. My DD was exactly like OP's. In the end it probably was sensory because she tested Autism/ADHD/anxiety disorder