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Friend extremely ticked off about baby sitting situation. . .
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Anonymous
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Wanted to get a few opinions here, as I believe I am too close to this situation.
Three of us (expecting and new moms) are invited to a friend's wedding. Said friend has gone out of her way to make it easy for us all to be comfortable considering our current states. For me, a great maternity bridesmaid's dress, mocktails, and a pass if I simply feel to pregnant to attend. For the friend with a five month old, she has provided a list of baby sitters/nannies in the area that have been personally recommended to her by close friends who have known them 1+ years. Here's the catch, our friend with the child wants to come, wants the sitter to watch her child in the hotel room, and expects the bride to pay for it. She feels it is extremely tacky for her NOT to. She assumed this would be the case until I cautioned her that maybe she would be expected to pay for the sitter. Hell, I would! She plans on demanding (her words) that the bride pay. ? I couldn't imagine doing that, but wanted to get some feedback. Not sure how these things work, and don't want any hurt feelings among people if I can informally mediate before toes get stepped on. |
Anonymous
| WOW. She's choosing to bring her child and the bride is being more than accomodating...there is no way that the bride should be expected to pay for this! |
Anonymous
| OP again- other question. . .is it rude of me to even get in the middle of this? |
Anonymous
Don't get in the middle of it except maybe to convey to the bride that your mutual friend is completely psychotic. Wow. |
Anonymous
| When I got married in NH 6 years ago we had a lot of guests coming from out of town. My mom found a couple of teenage babysitters for my 2 BILs and SILs' kids (a total of 4 kids) at their hotel room. They paid for them and did not expect us to. Attending weddings can be expensive and as a guest, that is just something you have to accept when you go. She doesn't expect the bride to pay for her hotel room, does she? |
Anonymous
| Agree w/16:18 that there's just no way your friend should be asking the bride to pay for this. Sounds like you're already a bit in the middle of this, and only you know the relationships well enough to know if you can do this in a way that is gentle enough to head off rather than create further problems, but I think it's certainly worth a try. |
Anonymous
| No way should a bride be expected to babysit other people's kids. I have know brides who did, but I thought that was incredibly generous (and was often done because the bride was highly opposed to having young kids at the reception). If you can get away with staying out of it, I would. In other words, don't take sides. If, however, you agree with the PPs that the friend is being unreasonable, and the friend ASKS you if she's wrong, I don't see anything wrong with being honest with her. |
Anonymous
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OP here- Considering all of the personalities here, I know that the bride will say yes when our strong willed friend requests and expects the bride to cover it. (I just learned that our friend has already reached out to one of the nannies on the list, and has booked her not only for the wedding, but for the rehearsal dinner and bridal luncheon as well. ughhh. . .)
So it's turning into a weekend of babysitting which is not going to be cheap. Again, our friend FULLY expects this to be covered by an already financially strapped and stressed bride. At the end of the day, someone is going to have to pay for this. Maybe the bridesmaids could step up and cover it as a gift? Thing is, it is only for one child, so its really a gift for a friend who he being pushy and assuming. |
Anonymous
| The bride has gone above and beyond by thoughtfully providing a list of recommended sitters. Your friend should either happily pay for the sitter, or leave her baby at home. |
Anonymous
| I'm officially angry on behalf of the bride! I think it is totally obnoxious of your friend...this day is not about HER and what's convenient for HER...it's about two people committing their lives to one another! |
Anonymous
| This "friend" with the 5 month old officially needs to learn to wipe her own a$$. I've never heard of guests expecting the hosts to pay the guests' babysitting bill for attending their parties. |
Anonymous
OP, can you feel yourself getting anxious about the conflict and trying to fix it? Take a deep breath and let them work it out. It may or may not resolve itself. It may or may not get messy but the bride needs to learn to stand up for herself. Obviously you want to help out the bride and you will during this important weekend but it's not your responsibility to control the difficult friend. |
Anonymous
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OP again-
Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I do feel a bit anxious just because I don't want S. to approach the bride with this. As I said, I know the bride will pick up the tab or feel guilty if we tell her not to. So I am going to explain to our friend with the child that it is NOT customary for the bride or her parents to pay for the babysitting. And also explain that it is going to be a bit pricier than what she is used to (she pays 7.00 an hour at home, the rate for those on the list is much higher I am sure.) Maybe explain that she should be prepared to take care of it, and we will help her if she needs it. But NOT to approach the bride with it!! Maybe someone was gracious enough to cover this for her at another wedding and she mistakenly believes this is how it works? Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, while becoming increasingly pissed off with her attitude and insensitivity. taking deep breaths. . . |
Anonymous
| WOW - how rude... I can't believe the bride would be expected to pay. I hope she (the bride) doesn't pay... this friend needs a reality check! |
Anonymous
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It seems like your friend is upset that the bride does not want her child at the wedding festivities and is trying to get back at her as in "well if she wants my baby to have a sitter than she has to pay!".
It it was my friend I would tell her she is being childish and rude and that if she is going to act that way its better for her to send her regrets to the bride and stay home. |