help with office politics
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I've been running into a few work issues lately and would appreciate advice.
I was raised to be very quiet and nonconfrontational and a little too tolerant of inappropriate behavior. This actually worked okay in my previous profession, but, as you can imagine, in my current profession where I'm in a leadership role, it's causing a few problems. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Most of my colleagues are great, but there's the standard amount of manipulation and power games that you find in other professions. I've been working on being more assertive, and drawing clearer boundaries, but I'm not good at dealing with power games and manipulations. Because of my upbringing and personality, I just don't have the same level of social intelligence in this area that my friends and colleagues have. They seem to instinctively understand what takes me a while to figure out. If there are any books or resources about office politics that have been helpful to DCUMers, would you post? Thank you. |
Anonymous
|
I think I need a few more details here--what exactly is the problem? Can you give some examples?
sometimes I find I read a bit too much into other people's actions, as a secret attack on my work or that they are trying to make me look bad. It's taken me a while to realize that everyone else is just trying to make themselves look good, but it's not all about me. I can give some more specific advice when I hear more about the situation. |
Anonymous
|
A typical example has to do with a prestigious award that I won. Another colleague applied for this award too, but during a different time period so we were never in competition for this award. She didn't get the award. My friends tell me she has been telling people that I had behaved cruelly and outrageously toward her in some way relating to this award. This is not true, I barely know this colleague, and expressed the sympathy that I genuinely felt for her when she told me she had not received the award. There would be no reason for me to feel anything but sympathetic - her loss had nothing to do with my (subsequent) gain. I have learned that there's quite a lot of ill will against me because of this rumor she has been spreading.
I understand that much of the ill will has to do with the various awards that I've won. I don't publicize my achievements, my mentors do - that's how things work in my profession. I would prefer that they didn't, but I don't have any control over this. I do keep a low profile, since reactions can be pretty unfriendly. But for most of these awards, I have not been in direct competition with my colleagues, so my winning has not taken anything away from them. They are reacting in ways that suggest they feel I am taking something away from them. |
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Member Offline
| I'm sorry but this sounds like a schoolyard playground. |
Anonymous
Yes, I agree. Other colleagues have done worse, the example I provide is actually fairly benign. I know how to respond to behavior like this when it's coming from a child, but when it's coming from colleagues, my reaction has been to just not respond. Which hasn't worked well at all. |
Anonymous
|
The truth is, you have to talk to that colleague spreading the nasty rumors. I might even have another colleague or boss I'm close to be a part of the conversation so that it can't "go wrong" and lead to more rumors being spread. I would just say "I've been hearing rumors that you feel (insert term here) about me winning this award. I didn't mean to offend you in anyway and wanted you to know that."
Then hopefully the rumors will stop. Is it just one co-worker or several that are the problem (s)? If its a group-wide thing then it may be worth talking to your boss about group morale and personal conduct. |
Anonymous
| One thing to consider: are you always the common denominator or does this behavior occur with multiple people? |
Anonymous
|
Keep your head down and ignore all of this. Do good work and keep your bosses happy. Do not make yourself a victim in any of this and let it go. Good work speaks for itself and the childish gamers eventually do themselves in.
|
Anonymous
Yes. And be nice. Be that person who is always cheerful, and kind, and human. But underneath it is steel, baby. Read Machiavelli's "the prince". Be loved, and be feared. |
Anonymous
I do want to be clear that there are really exceptionally wonderful people in my workplace, but, unfortunately, this behavior is widespread. It occurs with multiple people and has been going on for many years, and will continue, very probably, for many years. |
Anonymous
Thank you, PP, I appreciate this response. My boss is the person who confirmed this particular rumor to me in the first place. This isn't the only rumor about me, and, as I responded to another poster, I'm not by any means the only person who's the target of rumors. I agree, I should confront people with these rumors. Problem is, I'm very poised except when it comes to confrontation. Then I get visibly nervous, and I don't think that helps in resolving this kind of an issue. Maybe what I need to do is get some friends to help me rehearse possible scenarios beforehand, and then go ahead and confront? |
Anonymous
| It's sounds like you've rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. There are several tacts you can take here (choose what you are most comfortable with). (1) Start spending more time with these people (lunch, happy hour, having people over to your house for a BBQ, bring in snacks for the office). (2) Help people figure out how to be more successful at their jobs (be a mentor, give good advice (when asked), praise others (to your boss) when they do well, make sure you are giving credit to other people for their efforts if it is team work). (3) Get a new job. (4) Live with it. |
Anonymous
Oh, I'm so not steel inside, but I'll read the prince.  Thanks for the recommendation.
|
Anonymous
I find it interesting that your boss told you this. Are you close to any co-workers? I disagree with the other poster that you should do nothing specifically because your boss is aware and it could affect his/her view of your performance if rumors continue to be an issue. The key to stopping rumors is being friendly with your coworkers (lunch and such), but never talking about personal issues, being friends on Facebook, etc. In other words, don't give them fodder for rumors. When she told you she didn't get the award, just simply say "I'm sorry to hear that." If you simplify your speech (less is more) then maybe it would help too. Sometimes when you go overboard it will get misinterpreted. Also, have you ever nominated a co-worker for an award or can you? Get other coworkers involved in nominating someone. Something like that could help people see another side to you. That you are willing to share the praise. |
Anonymous