Is it ever okay for DH to call wife a "b*tch" or "f-ck you" on a regular basis?
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Anonymous
| I am asking for your experiences with spouses. I grew up in a household where my parents didn't call each other names. But my DH, when upset in argument, frequently will call me a "B*TCH" or "F*CK YOU" and has done it since I was pregnant with the kids. I do not call names back. I am just surprised that he keeps doing it. I want to know if I am living in a state of "denial" because I have been with him for more than five years and this is the status quo now in the relationship: name-callling (initially in response to asking him to help more with the kids at night, but now more mundane things). My two year old has started saying the F bomb as well learned from her daddy. Deep down I sense that this cannot be normal, or at least is not normal from my own family background. So I ask: is it okay for spouses to speak this way to their family, ever? My DH keeps promising to stop but it keeps happening. I need to know if this is normal guy behavior or crossing the line. I am afraid that now that the "boundary" has been broken (he knows I hate it when he calls me names but does it over and over) that I can't do anything to stop it. Is it possible to be in a happy marriage with a spouse who calls the other such names? I realize this question may sound naive... |
Anonymous
| No, OP, it is not okay and I am so sorry. |
Anonymous
| This is OP. Thank you. I just need to know what is "normal." I feel like I've slowly lived in a fog of allowing this, subtly, over time, while busy with work and kids but this behaviour is dragging me down, the more I rise up to new challenges in life, and I wonder if it will only get worse? Husband has mocked my attempts at buying "anger management" books. Denies the prob exists, or blames me. |
Anonymous
| God no. If it's normal then I don't want to be normal. I would consider that verbal abuse and I would be very sad and distressed. His insistence that it's not a problem sounds like gaslighting to me. I hope that you can find a way to make this better, OP. No advice, just know that I feel for you. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it's okay at all. I'm sorry.
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Anonymous
| I agree with the PP's that it's not okay. I could never be happy or stay in a marriage where I heard that. OP, I am sorry; that must be so hurtful. I hope your spouse will realize what it is doing to you and your DD and stop. |
Anonymous
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Not okay and a horrible example for the kids. Don't let your husband disrespect you!
Is your husband from another culture? This is very odd. |
Anonymous
| THis is OP: DH is from the midwest. I am east coaster. So not really a cultural difference. Thanks for your feedback, this name-calling isn't exactly something that I advertise amongst my peer group, so your input is a helpful barometer of "normalcy". I feel sad that this has gone on for so long. |
Anonymous
| This is OP. DH is from the US. I find it odd, too..... It really upsets me when this happens, and despite promises to stop, and anger at me for not "forgiving" him and bringing up the name-calling of the past, he continues to do it.... |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm also sorry this is happening to you.
The only people I know who speak this way on a regular basis and in front of their kids are trash, pure trash. |
Anonymous
| It's definitely not OK. Sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
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It's called raging. That he continues it is disturbing. If he knows it upsets you and continues to do it, it rises to the level of verbal abuse. Have you discussed seeing a therapist? Is he making any effort to modify his behavior? As for fighting in front of the children, avoid that, even if he stops the name-calling.
How often do you fight? Once a month or several times a week or something in between? Has either of you discussed or threatened divorce? I'm sorry OP. |
Anonymous
| OP, this is a terrible way to treat a spouse. At all levels, this is hurting you. |
Anonymous
OP, this is utterly inappropriate behavior, both the name calling and the response to your reaction. I also agree with PP who said your husband is gaslighting you. I hope you make time to go see a good therapist, because at this point you need an informed perspective on what's happening in your marriage. |
Anonymous
| Serious question for the OP. do you set him off? Are you doing things that makes him so mad? |