Helicopter parents and their presence out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three cousins all went to bigger Southern schools. They were raised by Gen X parents. One set of parents quite literally bought an apartment where the daughter goes to school so they could attend all of the football home games. They say they give their daughter space and don't sit next to her at the games, but they quite literally fly in every single weekend there is home game at the school where the D goes. Same for the other 2 cousins. Parents bought a house in the city where the S goes to attend all of the games. They also go down to the city where their other D goes all the time, like probably 15+ weekends during a school year.

Is it just a common these days for parents to be so clingy? These kinds of helicopter parents were unheard of when I was in school. Who wants to go to college and have their parents even remotely close to them for the whole weekends for 85% of the academic year?

Unless you are BFF with the girls and they have complained to you about it or asked you to do something, MYOB.

I went to a big football school and there were ALWAYS parents around on game days. You probably went to a small liberal arts college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Agree. The youth population looks sickly compared to before. I was a beach lifeguard and they used to have no issue at all filling jobs. I’m told by the captain that it’s difficult to find young people that can pass the physical tests. The military is saying the same. Standards are dropping in the physical fitness areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Agree. The youth population looks sickly compared to before. I was a beach lifeguard and they used to have no issue at all filling jobs. I’m told by the captain that it’s difficult to find young people that can pass the physical tests. The military is saying the same. Standards are dropping in the physical fitness areas.

Okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Agree. The youth population looks sickly compared to before. I was a beach lifeguard and they used to have no issue at all filling jobs. I’m told by the captain that it’s difficult to find young people that can pass the physical tests. The military is saying the same. Standards are dropping in the physical fitness areas.

Magnets for disease

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Agree. The youth population looks sickly compared to before. I was a beach lifeguard and they used to have no issue at all filling jobs. I’m told by the captain that it’s difficult to find young people that can pass the physical tests. The military is saying the same. Standards are dropping in the physical fitness areas.

Why don’t your kids workout? My DS is super tan from summer and has a gym membership. He works out with a group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, my parents didn't care at all about my living experience, where I slept, if I had food to eat or enough money for necessities. I look back on it and it's hard to comprehend, because they were generally very good parents and are nurturing people and not remotely poor. I would be mortified if my kids lived the way I lived in college. So I believe there is a middle ground.

Yes college is like high school used to be. High school is like middle school. Middle school is elementary

The children aren’t ready for any independence until after grad school and 2 years living at home.

They are starting life much later and the sad thing is I’m worried they are going to die much younger. The lack of exercise and sunlight along with so sich sterile germ/mold free surroundings while their bodies grew is potentially going to wind up deadly I fear .

Agree. The youth population looks sickly compared to before. I was a beach lifeguard and they used to have no issue at all filling jobs. I’m told by the captain that it’s difficult to find young people that can pass the physical tests. The military is saying the same. Standards are dropping in the physical fitness areas.

Why don’t your kids workout? My DS is super tan from summer and has a gym membership. He works out with a group of friends.

They do. Plus they hunt / fish and ate dirt playing outside. I believe in no 47 gender playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to college in the 90s and we used to give one of my roommates a hard time because her mom called her every single day. We thought that was so weird. The rest of us rarely saw or spoke to our parents. But we all still have good relationships with them now as adults.

We did not have smart phones in the 90's. We were waiting in line in the common area to use our calling cards for our Sun. night calls. Not the same when you can just call, FT, text, etc.

Additionally, very few ppl on here are advocating parents calling every day. So stop with that.

Lastly, I do not look to my Boomer parents' parenting as some ideal to live up to.

There is no ideal, so don’t be surprised if your own kids eventually realize that your omnipresence in their young adult lives wasn’t necessarily best for them.

Oh, well thanks Captain Obvious. I didn't say there was an ideal. I said my parents' weren't it. And check your assumptions before you anonymously spout off. My kid isn't even in college yet. And you know nothing about how present I am or will be. So shove it.

[Anonymous]

This thread has taken a weird turn and is no fun anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has taken a weird turn and is no fun anymore.

Was it ever fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has taken a weird turn and is no fun anymore.

Was it ever fun?

I am always here for a good helicopter parent thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been happening for a decade. I used to work in a University. The big shift in parental involvement ramped up when tuition skyrocketed. To parents, this is one of the largest financial investments they will make. The more expensive college gets, the more parents expect.

Housing at some schools is a real issue so more parents with means are buying investment condos or houses. Honestly, if DS ends up going to the school in the city we are looking to retire in we will likely buy our retirement house before we need it and let him live there or buy one with an ADU / space for ADU and work remotely/ commute back. It would save around 40 K a year.

This is no doubt part of it. I have a college freshman and I’m on one of the FB groups and there’s a lot of useful info but also some parents over sharing w/o submitting an anonymous post. But, yes, the money is an issue. There was a recent thread that I commented on about the state of the bathroom in the dorms upon move-in. There was one post on it from an “anti-helicopter” parent chastising the thread and saying what’s college w/o dealing with a dirty bathroom or something like that. But, frankly, I’m paying a heck of a lot of money for the bathrooms to have been dirty before anyone was even in the building and do expect they’ll be cleaned regularly since that’s part of what I am paying for. Same can be said about decent food.

I also think sometimes you don’t know a person’s situation and need to give them grace. There’s one dad on the FB page that seems really over involved. I have to admit I googled him and quickly realized his wife died after an illness not long ago, so, he’s clearly a grieving widower trying to be both mom and dad.

You don’t know which kids have had an eating disorder or other mental or physical health issues, etc…

There are some extreme situations but most people are just doing the best they can.

Yes there can be a happy medium. Parents are dealing with so many more allergies, eating disorders and mental health issues than before. Also it’s almost cruel to stop coddling all at once as they sleep in a new place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has taken a weird turn and is no fun anymore.

Was it ever fun?

I am always here for a good helicopter parent thread.

Yes seems like the mama bears are crafting right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Lol, at 26 I had already finished grad school, had a job and one kid. You can function independently with a prefrontal cortex still developing

Are you 80? I know no one who had a baby at that age unless it was an accident from generations subsequent to my grandparents.

DP: I had finished grad school at 24, married at 22. Chose to wait until 29 for a kid. But There are plenty of people who choose to have kids in their mid to late20s who are only in their 40/50s.

I’m in my 40’s and no way in hell was I or any of my peers/collegues looking to marry right out of college.

DP but I’m also in my 40s and got married right out of college. Been happily married for over 20 years and have two non-coddled teens and a graduate degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many inappropriate posts I see in my kids Facebook college group. Questions regarding handling roommate situations (DDs roommate vapes, what should I tell her to do? Should I call the RA?), oversharing medical info (dd needs a gyn for an infection, ds is having anxiety) and then of course the pile of rants about the food in the dining hall (dd doesn’t like the food! What can she eat??). No wonder so many kids have anxiety. My mom dropped me off at college 1000 miles away and I did not see her again on my campus until graduation.

My kids are in preschool now, but I've been writing (and revising) a set of letters to give them when they leave, talking about situations I faced as a young adult, how I dealt with them, and what I wish I'd done differently. The idea would be to give my kids the letters, and say that they don't have to read them and are always free to figure situations out on their own, but if they want some guidance and don't want to talk to me directly, the letters are available.