4 yo DD just called my xmas pancakes disgusting

[Anonymous]

Yes I am superior. I let my kids open presents yesterday, then we had breakfast, and then they played together all day while the adults lounged and watched movies and DCUMed to our hearts content on a rare relaxing day off.

My husband didn't beg me to show forgiveness on Christmas.
I didn't hold anyone's holiday hostage to my appetite.
Pancakes weren't ruined for everyone.
I didn't return to a thread I started over and over again to hammer into the ground how much smarter and better I am than my dumb awful 4 yo.
I didn't lie about my background in child development to further defend myself.

So yeah I'm superior.

[Anonymous]

The problem, as I see it, isn't so much that OP punished her child's misbehavior as that OP set her up for that misbehavior by hitting all kinds of 4-year-old trigger points and then punished her for doing exactly the thing that anyone with the vaguest understanding of 4-year-olds would have expected as a result. OP couldn't self-regulate enough to keep from setting her up, but the 4-year-old is supposed to self-regulate enough to not respond? That's a little backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem, as I see it, isn't so much that OP punished her child's misbehavior as that OP set her up for that misbehavior by hitting all kinds of 4-year-old trigger points and then punished her for doing exactly the thing that anyone with the vaguest understanding of 4-year-olds would have expected as a result. OP couldn't self-regulate enough to keep from setting her up, but the 4-year-old is supposed to self-regulate enough to not respond? That's a little backwards.

OP thinks because she's "heavily pregnant" all her irrationalities and bad behaviors are excused. She herself behaves like a 4 yo then gets mad when the 4 yo does too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Christmas was hardly ruined. I'd be horrified if she said something so rude to anyone else. I had warned her she was going to have to pause to eat and I got up early to make sure the food was ready for her so she wouldn't have to wait long. Its not like I spanked her and she was in her room all of 2 minutes before coming to the realization that she should apologize.

She didn't need to apologize, idiot

You made her stop having Christmas so your pregnant ass could eat because God forbid you just grab a bite quickly until pancakes are ready

Listen moron, learn to read. Pancakes and fruit were ready. It would have taken her 5 minutes to scarf down the food. You need to learn to read. At least my children aren't going to grow up to become selfish brats. She's currently snuggling with me while reading one of her gifts. And she'll know not to say something so rude to others.

Am I the only one who noticed this post where OP's child was trying to snuggle with her and spend time with mom on Christmas morning, but OP was more interested in defending herself in DCUM than in spending time with her child?

No you are not.
But it's to be expected OP is a narcissist.
She made Christmas morning all about her set her daughter up so she would fail and at the same time expexted unquestioning praise by her daughter.
She then came to DCUM epecting unified praise for what she did. When that din't work she pulled out being hungry and pregnant.
When that didn't work she claimed her daughter apologized and so she was right after all
When she was still told that she was wonr she came back here endlessly defending herself, because to a narciissist there's nothing worse than being wrong.
I know I lived this. This entire post reminds me of my mother and my childhood and that is not a good thing. I have no doubt OP is setting her daughter up to be the scapegoat .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, don't listen to these people OP. Never okay to tell someone their food is disgusting. If your daughter did that to any of these posters under any circumstances, they would be posting about you as the mom the next day. Interrupting gifts to eat can be tricky depending on momentum. Still no reason to allow daughter to insult you.

OP here, I know! The only thing I'm getting from this is that my timing was probably off, but I can't imagine that it would ever be okay to tell someone that their food is disgusting! And it would be different if it were a really bad breakfast but my DD had been talking about these Santa pancakes all week! I actually thought she'd be mad that I made them without her (she usually begs to do pancakes together).

Funny thing is I do have a background in childhood development and I never would imagine it being okay for someone to let their child behave this way. I just don't have much of a background in Christmas. I didn't grow up Christian but we probably had 1 or 2 gifts, not the 10+ we give DD bt us and my family.

OP, I don't know how else to put this - you are certifiable.

Even if your 4 year old actually meant that the pancakes were disgusting, SHE IS 4 YEARS OLD. She isn't going to think about how her words are perceived, the time you spent making them, etc. SHE IS FOUR! And furthermore, you're totally nuts to be telling us that this situation is made even worse because, oh no, the pancakes were actually really good! Who cares?! She is a 4-year-old, not a culinary expert. Who cares if she really did hate them? Are you seriously offended by that? Grow up!

You could have nicely explained that it is more than okay to not like the meal (which, by the way, is a legitimate opinion regardless of how delicious you think the pancakes were), but that it is not okay to tell someone the food they just spent time making for you is disgusting because it could hurt their feelings/they worked hard on it/etc. Then you carry on with your meal. You need to teach children this, of course, but it can be done in a kind way.

But separately, she probably just threw out the only insult at her disposal because you were being a selfish jerk and making Christmas morning all about you instead of considering her while the rest of the normal parents were making Christmas all about their kids.

You sound ridiculously high maintenance and self-absorbed Its sad that you can't even pause to consider that you might have been in the wrong when an entire forum full of people has pointed it out repeatedly. Your poor family.

This is exactly how you handle the situation. If you freak out over every littl thing and send her to her room for every little thing, being sent to her room doesn't become effective and you just end up seeking out different punishments and your kid learns very little. PArenting is not a series of punishments your focus should be teaching and guiding.

[Anonymous]

OP talked up Santa pancakes all week and the 4 year old was excited about them so OP, in the warped twisted way narcissists have, made the Santa pancakes a bizarre test of fealty and love. The four year old didn't respond to OP's Santa pancakes the way OP insisted she should, so she was punished. This is what malignant narcissists do; they take innocuous things like BREAKFAST and turn them into emotional minefields that family members have no hope of navigating because they don't even know what the test is.

OP used those stupid f*cking Santa pancakes to wage emotional warfare on her child on Christmas morning. Everyone who conflates this episode with their normal family routine of breaking to eat during Christmas morning reveals they have no experience with manipulative people. OP wanted her kid to kiss her feet for those pancakes she had talked up all week and when the kid showed a preference for the presents OP lost her shit because she doesn't know how kids and normal people work. It became a slap in the face to her.

Beta husband pleading with her to "show some forgiveness today" says it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I am superior. I let my kids open presents yesterday, then we had breakfast, and then they played together all day while the adults lounged and watched movies and DCUMed to our hearts content on a rare relaxing day off.

My husband didn't beg me to show forgiveness on Christmas.
I didn't hold anyone's holiday hostage to my appetite.
Pancakes weren't ruined for everyone.
I didn't return to a thread I started over and over again to hammer into the ground how much smarter and better I am than my dumb awful 4 yo.
I didn't lie about my background in child development to further defend myself.

So yeah I'm superior.

You really are deeply troubled, OP. Your control issues are off the chart. Let this thread go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We go to midnight mass, open one small present when we get home. The kids wait until parents are caffeinated, open stockings taking turns so one present at a time, eat breakfast and then we finish opening gifts. The whole tear everything open, kids can’t wait a second is ridiculous no matter how old your children are.

Totally not the point of this thread, though.

This thread is about OP's manipulative temper tantrum, not about when and how you have breakfast on Christmas morning. Frankly it wouldn't have mattered if it was breakfast that caused OP's temper tantrum; if it hadn't been breakfast it would have been something else triggered by a four-year-old.

Now a parent appropriately disciplining a child is having a manipulative temper tantrum? This thread is like a freaking alternate universe. Some of you are so incredibly nasty - on Christmas no less. The level of vitriol directed toward op is insane. So what if she didn't arrange the morning to perfectly suit a small child. Stuff happens. And yeah, the kid getting upset was foreseeable, but again, so what? That's a par bring choice op is entitled to make and if she is willing to deal with the consequences, who cares? She's a terrible person for interrupting present opening? For having family breakfast? For feeding her kid breakfast? Being stricter than her husband with discipline is also not a crime. You posters screaming about how she's a tyrant who needs to learn to forgive should look in a mirror sometime.

I completely agree. And OP is pregnant. Usually the DCUM masses proclaim that a pregnant woman gets to do whatever she wants and everyone must cater to her needs—especially if in-laws are involved! But apparently everyone feels the need to pile on today because god forbid someone discipline a bratty 4 year old. I mean, congratulations? Y’all are superior? Is that what you wanted to hear?

I never think a pregnant woman gets a pass to do whatever she wants. Nope!.
ALso she's 4. That you call a 4 year old a brat for being a a4 year old says a lot about you.

She's 4 . She had a less than perfect response to a stressful situation for a 4 year old. Do you always respond perfectly to stressful situations? Didn't think so and you're an adult with years of experience in controlling you emotions.
OP wasn't strict OP was maniuplative. Some of us believe in actually teaching and guiding our children not just exerting control over them and setting them up to fail.
This type of parenting leads to kids who comly with everyone and everything or who rebel and usually majorily. Google authoritative vs authoritarian parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem, as I see it, isn't so much that OP punished her child's misbehavior as that OP set her up for that misbehavior by hitting all kinds of 4-year-old trigger points and then punished her for doing exactly the thing that anyone with the vaguest understanding of 4-year-olds would have expected as a result. OP couldn't self-regulate enough to keep from setting her up, but the 4-year-old is supposed to self-regulate enough to not respond? That's a little backwards.

OP thinks because she's "heavily pregnant" all her irrationalities and bad behaviors are excused. She herself behaves like a 4 yo then gets mad when the 4 yo does too.

+1
Exactly.
But OP has a background in childhood development you guys, and her daughter snuggled up to her afterwards, so clearly she knows what she's doing!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I am superior. I let my kids open presents yesterday, then we had breakfast, and then they played together all day while the adults lounged and watched movies and DCUMed to our hearts content on a rare relaxing day off.

My husband didn't beg me to show forgiveness on Christmas.
I didn't hold anyone's holiday hostage to my appetite.
Pancakes weren't ruined for everyone.
I didn't return to a thread I started over and over again to hammer into the ground how much smarter and better I am than my dumb awful 4 yo.
I didn't lie about my background in child development to further defend myself.

So yeah I'm superior.

You really are deeply troubled, OP. Your control issues are off the chart. Let this thread go.

That wasn't OP. That was me, a different poster responding to the commenter who chided us all for rightfully telling OP off yesterday for ruining Christmas by asking us are we really so superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP talked up Santa pancakes all week and the 4 year old was excited about them so OP, in the warped twisted way narcissists have, made the Santa pancakes a bizarre test of fealty and love. The four year old didn't respond to OP's Santa pancakes the way OP insisted she should, so she was punished. This is what malignant narcissists do; they take innocuous things like BREAKFAST and turn them into emotional minefields that family members have no hope of navigating because they don't even know what the test is.

OP used those stupid f*cking Santa pancakes to wage emotional warfare on her child on Christmas morning. Everyone who conflates this episode with their normal family routine of breaking to eat during Christmas morning reveals they have no experience with manipulative people. OP wanted her kid to kiss her feet for those pancakes she had talked up all week and when the kid showed a preference for the presents OP lost her shit because she doesn't know how kids and normal people work. It became a slap in the face to her.

Beta husband pleading with her to "show some forgiveness today" says it all.

This is interesting. thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. I'm a NP who saw this thread earlier in the day but wanted to be with my family rather than sucked into DCUM. .

We get it. Maybe OP's day could have gone better if she had eaten a piece of cheese. But to call OP a tyrant on Christmas Day because she sent her DD to her room after she was mouthy on Christmas Day is just a new level of irony.

To put it another way, most of the folks here have been attacking OP for infringing on the sanctity of Christmas and presents...by spending your Christmas yelling at people on the internet and calling them fat instead of being with your own damn families.

May you learn how to be more charitable in 2018.

+1. So many hateful people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I guess it's mean. But she didn't wake up till 8:45 and I'm just heavily pregnant and was starting to feel faint, so I had to eat and didn't want to miss out on her opening her presents. Plus she's been begging for these "special pancakes" all week.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Christmas was hardly ruined. I'd be horrified if she said something so rude to anyone else. I had warned her she was going to have to pause to eat and I got up early to make sure the food was ready for her so she wouldn't have to wait long. Its not like I spanked her and she was in her room all of 2 minutes before coming to the realization that she should apologize.

Wait. Which was it?

Did you suddenly feel faint and have to make her stop, or was it a planned stop you had warned her about in advance?

If you were planning for it, why not have you both eat first? Or just have a handheld bite for yourself while you watched her open gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP talked up Santa pancakes all week and the 4 year old was excited about them so OP, in the warped twisted way narcissists have, made the Santa pancakes a bizarre test of fealty and love. The four year old didn't respond to OP's Santa pancakes the way OP insisted she should, so she was punished. This is what malignant narcissists do; they take innocuous things like BREAKFAST and turn them into emotional minefields that family members have no hope of navigating because they don't even know what the test is.

OP used those stupid f*cking Santa pancakes to wage emotional warfare on her child on Christmas morning. Everyone who conflates this episode with their normal family routine of breaking to eat during Christmas morning reveals they have no experience with manipulative people. OP wanted her kid to kiss her feet for those pancakes she had talked up all week and when the kid showed a preference for the presents OP lost her shit because she doesn't know how kids and normal people work. It became a slap in the face to her.

Beta husband pleading with her to "show some forgiveness today" says it all.

This is interesting. thanks.

I guess it's ok to talk up the presents for months though. Different families emphasize different things. We don't talk up presents so for my 4 year old opening one and leaving others is no big deal. He still hasn't gotten through all the presents from his birthday party a few weeks ago. Why is it so bad to talk up pancakes and family breakfast? These are less important than material goods?

[Anonymous]

It's not the talking up that matters. It's that OP took her DD's initial excitement about the Santa pancakes and made it into some proof that her daughter loves and respects her. It would be no different if she had instead done this with the presents (e.g. The 4 yo not responding enthusiastically to presents she had talked up).

It's not about pancakes or presents or being hungry or materialism. It's that OP set up huge personal expectations for what these pancakes meant that nobody else knew about and when they treated the pancakes as food (i.e. Largely unimportant and optional) and not whatever token of appreciation or respect OP had turned them into, she flipped out, punished the DD and then the poor little 4 yo had to make amends to OP.

It's mindfuckery and people like OP excel at it. They can do this shit all day with everything from a pair of socks to money for your wedding.