Inheritance debacle. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your Godmother acted very foolishly, OP, by driving a wedge between you and her daughter and making this inheritance really hard to accept for the daughter, since there is a history of you taking her place. That's a terribly cruel way to interact with one's child!

If you are young, intelligent and healthy in mind and body, OP, you may not realize how frail other people can be, and how unable they are to take responsibility for themselves. That doesn't make then bad persons. In the past, mental illnesses were not diagnosed or treated as well as they are today, and what your Godmother saw as laziness on her daughter's part is perhaps actually something she can't help, like depression or severe ADHD or whatever. Your Godmother may also have had issues herself to treat her daughter this way.

Anyway, I would advise you to be very patient and not move in immediately. The daughter needs time to process this.

This is pathetic. There is NO history of mental illness. She was perfectly capable of earning two degrees, and as the poster stated, she went off to work, decided she didn't like working, so moved back home. She then went off to get married to some guy, that didn't work out, so she went back home. The mistake that Thelma made was allowing her daughter to keep coming home instead of having to make it in the real world. So, now she is 50, with no life skills. The Godmother was NOT foolish at all. And why do we keep referring to Mary as the child???? She is 50! FFS... she has had 5 decades to get her life together, and she hasn't done ANYTHING. She is the typical quitter. Start something, don't like it, go home. Start something else, don't like it, go home... COME ON!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,
you all keep saying that I have not warranted this gift. my godmother was not sick when she died but I did love her very much and I still do. my godmother has always made snide remark's about her daughter not wanting to work. My godmother has always made snide remark's about her daughter not wanting to work. When my godmother's husband died the daughter expected that she would be set for life but she was not and she would in fact have to get a job she didn't like that idea very much and is basically rejected it her whole life . Yes she often got degrees and went to work but then realize that she didn't like having to get up every day and go to wood job she wanted to be set for life without having to work for it.

I'm not judging the situation I'm just stating it the way it was I will call when I was 15 my cousin went away and had a job and then she realized that she wanted to be the manager she want to be the boss in charge of the company even though she only had one year of experience. Perhaps she does have some type of mental problem and I'm perfectly willing to work with her but I don't want to be forced to live with her and I feel like you'll be just as bad to sell the house out from under her.

I feel like the only way my cousin will be satisfied is if I just relinquish the rights to the house and let her stay and give her the deed to the house.

Also it's not like my godmother didn't know me as a person and didn't see me on a nearly weekly basis and I'm just some random person to her we had a very strong very good relationship ever since I was a very young child. I'm guessing that's why my parents made her my godmother. so I know all of you think that I am not deserving of her inheritance unless I kept her word and with her companion through some devastating disease or something until her death the reality is that's not the case but we had a very good relationship and I love her very much. so I know all of you think that I am not deserving of her inheritance unless I kept her word and with her companion through some devastating disease or something until her death the reality is that's not the case but we had a very good relationship and I love her very much

I am with you OP. Mary had her whole life to get her act together, and she chose not to, because she is lazy and entitled. For the record, ENTITLEMENT, is NOT a mental health disease, it is a character flaw. Your godmother knew it and so do you. More importantly, you are NOT responsible for Mary. She is f'n 50 FFS. Thelma should have kicked her out of the house a long time ago so that she would be forced to get her life together. She is doing it now. Which to me, is actually a very reasonable, sane, decision. Get the advice of an attorney, get that woman out of YOUR house, and live in/sell the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larla, I see all your points. I wonder if Mary would really be able to support herself, though, if she is forced out of the house with the 100k. Maybe she has mental issues, or maybe she is just lazy, but what will she really do exactly? Really, she will likely run out of money after several years and get evicted. That is a lot to have on your conscience, even if she deserves it -- especially since Thelma was her mother.

I kind of like the idea a couple of people had: sell the house (are you prepared for all the upkeep, taxes, etc. anyway), and give Mary some of the money -- hopefully enough that with her 100k she could buy herself at least a 1 BR condo. Maybe give Roy some too.

Keep enough money so that you can go live in the dorm or an apartment near campus, and keep whatever is left after you give enough to Mary so that she can buy a place, and some to Roy as a peace offering. Maybe, depending on where all this is, that would be enough for you even to buy a condo as well. So maybe give her 150k, you keep 200k, and Roy gets 50k. Or maybe split it three ways, if that gives Mary enough for a condo. How well off is Roy really? What about his ability to help his own kids with college?

I think your godmother put you in a very awkward position, and is making you make a lot of hard decisions for someone, however bright, in your early 20s. These would be hard decisions at any age.

This idea is STUPID. YOU are NOT responsible for Mary or Roy. Their mother decided that she had given ENOUGH to them. What is with all these people? The entitlement? It is NOT strange at ALL that a mother decides, HEY, I have given you more than enough and I am DONE giving. That is her right to decide. Thelma knew Mary and she knew Roy. She knew what she had already done for them, and what she was prepared to continue to do for them, and what she wanted to do for them in her death. She made the decisions, which she had every right to do. Imagine allowing someone to mooch off of you for 50 years because they didn't like the real world. When would enough be enough for YOU? It's INSANE. You are the people who create entitled, lazy, people, because you don't have any accountability or place and demands on others. You do your kids a disservice. Mary is 50. More than enough time to get her crap together. But she didn't like the real world, and mooched off her mom. Mom got sick of it. End of story. Not very complicated at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you didn't work for this money and you don't deserve it. That said, you have it, since Thelma was too weak to be a mother to glued daughter while alive and has left you holding the bag.

You have no compassion for Mary and frankly you don't seem to know her very well. She is a caricature to you. You don't know how she ended up the way she has, but what you do know is that she has had the rug pulled out from under her Ina cruel way...not by you, but by Thelma.

I hate inherited wealth. It is corrosive. You already sound entitled to this money and defensive about your cousin's supposed Lexi of worthiness to inherit. I think you're posting here because rep down you know it is immoral to put your cousin out. And unless Thema prepared Mary long ago for this scenario, what has been done to her is cruel.

You haven't won the lottery or earned this money. If it were me, I'd work very hard to help my cousin.

MORONIC. Take the time to read the thread before writing something so stupid.

Thelma and her GODDAUGHTER, who is her GODMOTHER for a reason, had a very close relationship. If Mary is so delusional that she didn't see this coming, after 50 years of mooching off her mom, for no reason other than she was too damn lazy and entitled to work like the rest of the world, she doesn't deserve crap. I can't believe all of these people who keep acting like Mary is a victim.

She is a 50 year old who has never done anything in her life. She made choices. She made very poor choices. And now it's time to pay the consequences. FFS.

Larla earned this money by maintaining a good, loving relationship with her Godmother. She is in school, working full time to pay for school. Her godmother probably saw the hard worker she wished her daughter was and decided that she wanted to help her. She is very much entitled to the money and the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you didn't work for this money and you don't deserve it. That said, you have it, since Thelma was too weak to be a mother to glued daughter while alive and has left you holding the bag.

You have no compassion for Mary and frankly you don't seem to know her very well. She is a caricature to you. You don't know how she ended up the way she has, but what you do know is that she has had the rug pulled out from under her Ina cruel way...not by you, but by Thelma.

I hate inherited wealth. It is corrosive. You already sound entitled to this money and defensive about your cousin's supposed Lexi of worthiness to inherit. I think you're posting here because rep down you know it is immoral to put your cousin out. And unless Thema prepared Mary long ago for this scenario, what has been done to her is cruel.

You haven't won the lottery or earned this money. If it were me, I'd work very hard to help my cousin.

MORONIC. Take the time to read the thread before writing something so stupid.

Thelma and her GODDAUGHTER, who is her GODMOTHER for a reason, had a very close relationship. If Mary is so delusional that she didn't see this coming, after 50 years of mooching off her mom, for no reason other than she was too damn lazy and entitled to work like the rest of the world, she doesn't deserve crap. I can't believe all of these people who keep acting like Mary is a victim.

She is a 50 year old who has never done anything in her life. She made choices. She made very poor choices. And now it's time to pay the consequences. FFS.

Larla earned this money by maintaining a good, loving relationship with her Godmother. She is in school, working full time to pay for school. Her godmother probably saw the hard worker she wished her daughter was and decided that she wanted to help her. She is very much entitled to the money and the house.

I think Thelma screwed up by not discussing the terms of the will with her family prior to her demise. She left the tough conversations and behaviors (as well as a house!) to those she left behind. Not very generous of her. If she was pissed with her daughter, why didn't she have this conversation long ago? She could have sold the house and gone to a 55+ community. I'm sure her house is not in very good shape, probably a lot of deferred maintenance to be dealt with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larla/OP- If you do keep the house and succeed in getting Mary out what is your plan for taxes and maintenance? Do you know how much this runs each year?

If I were in your shoes I would sell the house and invest the money using some of it to rent a modest place for myself. You're so young, live life a bit and don't be tied down to a house. What if you fall in love and want to move to be with someone or if they already have a place?

I agree with this as well. A lot of people who don't own a home really have no idea how much of a commitment it is to maintain as well as the idea that it does tie you down to a specific area. With Larla being so young and the unpredictability of a young life, sell the home, and save the money.

As for the PPs posing that Mary and Roy should challenge the will or consult a lawyer, I think that is ridiculous. Chances are, they already know deep down why they didn't get the house. And if they didn't know their situation and mother well enough to understand her thinking, then they are probably delusional. Especially Mary, who is 50 and still living at home. She has from what the OP said, TWO degrees, is perfectly capable of working, but simply didn't LIKE working life... Grow up, get a job, and be a responsible adult. No wonder Thelma has been trying to kick her out for so long.

What you are forgetting is that there are two sides to every story, and we have only heard OP's side. Even if she is trying to be objective, I'm sure there is a lot she is not tellling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. The story just doesn't ring authentic. A 50 year old woman who expects to be waited on hand and foot? Come on. No matter how spoiled Mary was, expecting dear old mom to cook her meals for her? Come on. She was probably cooking for her elderly mom, and doing yard work, and making sure granny took her medicines, shlepping her to all her doctor's appointments, and bathing her if needed, and running up and down the basement stairs to do the laundry for the two of them, and doing the grocery shopping, and cleaning the house, and walking the dog, and keeping her company in the evenings when they sat together watching t.v. Did I forget anything else full time care taking children do for their elderly parents? I don't buy the granny-was-cooking-Mary's-meals-and-making-her-bed story.

YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Just because you don't BUY IT, doesn't make it less true. There are plenty of entitled, selfish people in the world that would have no problem living off mom. MORON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your Godmother acted very foolishly, OP, by driving a wedge between you and her daughter and making this inheritance really hard to accept for the daughter, since there is a history of you taking her place. That's a terribly cruel way to interact with one's child!

If you are young, intelligent and healthy in mind and body, OP, you may not realize how frail other people can be, and how unable they are to take responsibility for themselves. That doesn't make then bad persons. In the past, mental illnesses were not diagnosed or treated as well as they are today, and what your Godmother saw as laziness on her daughter's part is perhaps actually something she can't help, like depression or severe ADHD or whatever. Your Godmother may also have had issues herself to treat her daughter this way.

Anyway, I would advise you to be very patient and not move in immediately. The daughter needs time to process this.

This is pathetic. There is NO history of mental illness. She was perfectly capable of earning two degrees, and as the poster stated, she went off to work, decided she didn't like working, so moved back home. She then went off to get married to some guy, that didn't work out, so she went back home. The mistake that Thelma made was allowing her daughter to keep coming home instead of having to make it in the real world. So, now she is 50, with no life skills. The Godmother was NOT foolish at all. And why do we keep referring to Mary as the child???? She is 50! FFS... she has had 5 decades to get her life together, and she hasn't done ANYTHING. She is the typical quitter. Start something, don't like it, go home. Start something else, don't like it, go home... COME ON!

Yeah? What adult would even want Mary's life? Mary can't seem to hold onto anything for herself. She worked hard to earn two degrees and then can't manage to figure out a way to make the most of those degrees. She considered marriage but couldn't make that happen for some reason.

Every time she made a step towards independence, she stumbled and failed, and wound up running back to Mom's basement. Now she's a 50 year old woman with little job experience, living in Mom's basement with nowhere else to go. That's sad.

I think that Mom gifted this house to Op in order to "give" Mary another responsible adult person to watch out for her - that person being Op. Op wasn't gifted a house as much as she was gifted a responsibility.

[Anonymous]

OP, this thread is long enough. You should get what you're looking for. Talk to the one you trust the most, your grandmother about what you should do. You don't have to explain yourself to strangers on an anonymous forum. I think it's best if you sell the house, take the money and buy/rent your own place so you don't have to deal with this stuff anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. The story just doesn't ring authentic. A 50 year old woman who expects to be waited on hand and foot? Come on. No matter how spoiled Mary was, expecting dear old mom to cook her meals for her? Come on. She was probably cooking for her elderly mom, and doing yard work, and making sure granny took her medicines, shlepping her to all her doctor's appointments, and bathing her if needed, and running up and down the basement stairs to do the laundry for the two of them, and doing the grocery shopping, and cleaning the house, and walking the dog, and keeping her company in the evenings when they sat together watching t.v. Did I forget anything else full time care taking children do for their elderly parents? I don't buy the granny-was-cooking-Mary's-meals-and-making-her-bed story.

YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Just because you don't BUY IT, doesn't make it less true. There are plenty of entitled, selfish people in the world that would have no problem living off mom. MORON.

I am not that poster, but don't understand why you are so angry. Are you personally involved in some way?

[Anonymous]

Not personally involved.

But I think that it is moronic to be putting OP down because she inherited a house. She didn't make that choice or decision. It was put upon her. And she is trying to be honest about the circumstances to the best of her ability, and then strangers call her a liar.

More importantly, what world do you live in where you think it is out of the realm of possibility that there people who simply are entitled and don't want to work. Everyone keeps bringing up mental illness. The fact of the matter is, Mary had expectations that didn't get met in the work force, and instead of pushing through and working harder to get what she wants, she quit, and went home to mommy. Now, mommy is tired of taking care of Mary and left the house to someone that she probably related to better - someone who is working to put them self through college, has some level of ambition.

I just see a big problem in a world where we make excuses for a 50 year old, who has failure to launch syndrome. It's pathetic. It generates a weaker society.

[Anonymous]

But again, who would want a life like Mary's? It's not like she's won the lottery - she has pretty much nothing to show for her 50 years on this planet. Even her mom died and left the roof over her head to somebody else....

Not saying that Mary is Op's responsibility because she isn't. But it is still a sad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not personally involved.

But I think that it is moronic to be putting OP down because she inherited a house. She didn't make that choice or decision. It was put upon her. And she is trying to be honest about the circumstances to the best of her ability, and then strangers call her a liar.

More importantly, what world do you live in where you think it is out of the realm of possibility that there people who simply are entitled and don't want to work. Everyone keeps bringing up mental illness. The fact of the matter is, Mary had expectations that didn't get met in the work force, and instead of pushing through and working harder to get what she wants, she quit, and went home to mommy. Now, mommy is tired of taking care of Mary and left the house to someone that she probably related to better - someone who is working to put them self through college, has some level of ambition.

I just see a big problem in a world where we make excuses for a 50 year old, who has failure to launch syndrome. It's pathetic. It generates a weaker society.

Don't you think it's at all possible that OP's presentation of the situation is slanted towards her POV? Why are you so willing to accept everything she has said without skepticism?

[Anonymous]

I can't see this mom knowingly giving away the roof over her daughter's head...

I can see the mom gifting the house to the Op with the hopes that Op take care of the maintenance and make sure that the utilities/taxes are paid until the daughter either moves, dies, whatever. It's possible that the daughter is collecting some sort of subsidy which would be lost if the daughter were gifted the house. That is why Op was gifted the house instead.

I would suspect that there is more going on here than meets the eye. Tricky situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not personally involved.

But I think that it is moronic to be putting OP down because she inherited a house. She didn't make that choice or decision. It was put upon her. And she is trying to be honest about the circumstances to the best of her ability, and then strangers call her a liar.

More importantly, what world do you live in where you think it is out of the realm of possibility that there people who simply are entitled and don't want to work. Everyone keeps bringing up mental illness. The fact of the matter is, Mary had expectations that didn't get met in the work force, and instead of pushing through and working harder to get what she wants, she quit, and went home to mommy. Now, mommy is tired of taking care of Mary and left the house to someone that she probably related to better - someone who is working to put them self through college, has some level of ambition.

I just see a big problem in a world where we make excuses for a 50 year old, who has failure to launch syndrome. It's pathetic. It generates a weaker society.

Don't you think it's at all possible that OP's presentation of the situation is slanted towards her POV? Why are you so willing to accept everything she has said without skepticism?

This is simple. The woman is 50. And she lives at home with her mom. If the girl had some mental disorder, I can not imagine the Mom giving the house away to someone else. So, obviously, there is a reason she didn't give the house to the daughter. And the simplest explanation is typically the right explanation. She was lazy, entitled, and didn't feel like working. She mooched off the mom and mom had enough. There doesn't have to be this big conspiracy theory about why daughter can't get her crap together after 50 years. If anything, mom is wrong for not kicking her daughter out a long time ago and allowing her to be this way.