Ethics of adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in medical school, one of my classmates got pregnant by another classmate. She had the baby, and was going through the adoption process during the pregnancy. The agency lined up many families who were eager. She was white and blond, and since both parents were medical students, the agency said the baby would be sought after "regardless of gender". The agency even made sure that the families would be high income to entice my friend. One family offered to pay all of her expenses including medical school tuition! Illegal. But that was never done. When my friend decided to keep her son, the man at the agency slammed the phone down. I was stunned, but my friend was so distracted with her son that she quickly got that out of her mind.
Fast forward over 25+ years, her son had issues like emotional problems (chronic grump), learning problems, and finally childhood cancer. He survived. One time she said laughing, that those families who wanted her son would have been disappointed. She said that she had no regrets since the illnesses required such a total commitment. She would not have trusted anyone else with her so called "packet of trouble".

Yours point? Adoptive parents are not different than biological parents. They love, laugh, cry with, and stand by their children through the good and the bad. I am glad your friend made the decision that was best for her, but, as an adoptive parent, I take umbrage at the suggestion that this child would not have been loved and supported unconditionally by adoptive parents simply because of disabilities or illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in medical school, one of my classmates got pregnant by another classmate. She had the baby, and was going through the adoption process during the pregnancy. The agency lined up many families who were eager. She was white and blond, and since both parents were medical students, the agency said the baby would be sought after "regardless of gender". The agency even made sure that the families would be high income to entice my friend. One family offered to pay all of her expenses including medical school tuition! Illegal. But that was never done. When my friend decided to keep her son, the man at the agency slammed the phone down. I was stunned, but my friend was so distracted with her son that she quickly got that out of her mind.
Fast forward over 25+ years, her son had issues like emotional problems (chronic grump), learning problems, and finally childhood cancer. He survived. One time she said laughing, that those families who wanted her son would have been disappointed. She said that she had no regrets since the illnesses required such a total commitment. She would not have trusted anyone else with her so called "packet of trouble".

Yours point? Adoptive parents are not different than biological parents. They love, laugh, cry with, and stand by their children through the good and the bad. I am glad your friend made the decision that was best for her, but, as an adoptive parent, I take umbrage at the suggestion that this child would not have been loved and supported unconditionally by adoptive parents simply because of disabilities or illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oops - I guess I should take my kids back to the orphanage in Colombia!!! Not.

You should never have been allowed to take these children from their home country, their cultural heritage, language, and extended family. I hope that, worldwide, adoptions that take child away from their cultural heritage is stopped. Yes, you have money and you stole this woman's children.

You have no soul. I am so sick of people getting on their soap boxes about a cause without considering the very real consequences of that cause. Go volunteer in an orphanage in some of these countries that culturally do not accept adoption as a viable option. See the consequences of no possible hope for a family and what happens to this kids when they get kicked out on the streets when they age out of the orphanage. Look into the eyes of a kid who just wants love, a family and hope for a future and ask them if cultural heritage is more important. You disgust me, you pious son of s bitch.

100% on point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in medical school, one of my classmates got pregnant by another classmate. She had the baby, and was going through the adoption process during the pregnancy. The agency lined up many families who were eager. She was white and blond, and since both parents were medical students, the agency said the baby would be sought after "regardless of gender". The agency even made sure that the families would be high income to entice my friend. One family offered to pay all of her expenses including medical school tuition! Illegal. But that was never done. When my friend decided to keep her son, the man at the agency slammed the phone down. I was stunned, but my friend was so distracted with her son that she quickly got that out of her mind.
Fast forward over 25+ years, her son had issues like emotional problems (chronic grump), learning problems, and finally childhood cancer. He survived. One time she said laughing, that those families who wanted her son would have been disappointed. She said that she had no regrets since the illnesses required such a total commitment. She would not have trusted anyone else with her so called "packet of trouble".

Yours point? Adoptive parents are not different than biological parents. They love, laugh, cry with, and stand by their children through the good and the bad. I am glad your friend made the decision that was best for her, but, as an adoptive parent, I take umbrage at the suggestion that this child would not have been loved and supported unconditionally by adoptive parents simply because of disabilities or illness.

Disagree. The types of families who were scrambling for that child wanted perfection. That child would have disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in medical school, one of my classmates got pregnant by another classmate. She had the baby, and was going through the adoption process during the pregnancy. The agency lined up many families who were eager. She was white and blond, and since both parents were medical students, the agency said the baby would be sought after "regardless of gender". The agency even made sure that the families would be high income to entice my friend. One family offered to pay all of her expenses including medical school tuition! Illegal. But that was never done. When my friend decided to keep her son, the man at the agency slammed the phone down. I was stunned, but my friend was so distracted with her son that she quickly got that out of her mind.
Fast forward over 25+ years, her son had issues like emotional problems (chronic grump), learning problems, and finally childhood cancer. He survived. One time she said laughing, that those families who wanted her son would have been disappointed. She said that she had no regrets since the illnesses required such a total commitment. She would not have trusted anyone else with her so called "packet of trouble".

Yours point? Adoptive parents are not different than biological parents. They love, laugh, cry with, and stand by their children through the good and the bad. I am glad your friend made the decision that was best for her, but, as an adoptive parent, I take umbrage at the suggestion that this child would not have been loved and supported unconditionally by adoptive parents simply because of disabilities or illness.

Disagree. The types of families who were scrambling for that child wanted perfection. That child would have disappointed.

You are so wrong. Most adoptive parents do not seek out a disabled child just like most biological parents are not hoping for a disabled child. However, once they get that child, they love them disabilities, sickness and all. You no nothing of adoption and sadly, nothing of love.

[Anonymous]

^^^know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in medical school, one of my classmates got pregnant by another classmate. She had the baby, and was going through the adoption process during the pregnancy. The agency lined up many families who were eager. She was white and blond, and since both parents were medical students, the agency said the baby would be sought after "regardless of gender". The agency even made sure that the families would be high income to entice my friend. One family offered to pay all of her expenses including medical school tuition! Illegal. But that was never done. When my friend decided to keep her son, the man at the agency slammed the phone down. I was stunned, but my friend was so distracted with her son that she quickly got that out of her mind.
Fast forward over 25+ years, her son had issues like emotional problems (chronic grump), learning problems, and finally childhood cancer. He survived. One time she said laughing, that those families who wanted her son would have been disappointed. She said that she had no regrets since the illnesses required such a total commitment. She would not have trusted anyone else with her so called "packet of trouble".

Yours point? Adoptive parents are not different than biological parents. They love, laugh, cry with, and stand by their children through the good and the bad. I am glad your friend made the decision that was best for her, but, as an adoptive parent, I take umbrage at the suggestion that this child would not have been loved and supported unconditionally by adoptive parents simply because of disabilities or illness.

Disagree. The types of families who were scrambling for that child wanted perfection. That child would have disappointed.

There is no perfection in giving birth or adopting. We were told a healthy child and we've spent the past few years in all kinds of therapies. You know what... I wish I knew but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat and not think twice. I could not imagine a more perfect child for us and he is my idea of perfection. Your comment is offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Adoptive parent here who is aware that this is a very flawed industry and is all for discussion about reform, etc. Nonetheless, calling a travesty, saying there can be no visceral bond ... these comments are just clueless. lots of kids in the world need homes.

Actually the numbers of legally free kids is relatively small compared to the numbers of families wanting to adopt. These kids who need homes are usually older with significant issues, which is why no one is rushing to adopt them as they need life long care. There are not enough kids for homes or the adoption industry would look very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Adoptive parent here who is aware that this is a very flawed industry and is all for discussion about reform, etc. Nonetheless, calling a travesty, saying there can be no visceral bond ... these comments are just clueless. lots of kids in the world need homes.

Actually the numbers of legally free kids is relatively small compared to the numbers of families wanting to adopt. These kids who need homes are usually older with significant issues, which is why no one is rushing to adopt them as they need life long care. There are not enough kids for homes or the adoption industry would look very different.

Right. With all these people saying "many kids need homes" why aren't they chomping at the bit to adopt a 10-year-old who's been in foster care since birth?

Many people want babies, not kids, that they can raise as their own. I think adoption should remain legal, but people on all sides should be very clear on their true motivation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Adoptive parent here who is aware that this is a very flawed industry and is all for discussion about reform, etc. Nonetheless, calling a travesty, saying there can be no visceral bond ... these comments are just clueless. lots of kids in the world need homes.

Actually the numbers of legally free kids is relatively small compared to the numbers of families wanting to adopt. These kids who need homes are usually older with significant issues, which is why no one is rushing to adopt them as they need life long care. There are not enough kids for homes or the adoption industry would look very different.

Right. With all these people saying "many kids need homes" why aren't they chomping at the bit to adopt a 10-year-old who's been in foster care since birth?

Many people want babies, not kids, that they can raise as their own. I think adoption should remain legal, but people on all sides should be very clear on their true motivation.

Perhaps people who would never open their home or their heart to a child that isn't biologically theirs would refrain from criticizing those who do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Adoptive parent here who is aware that this is a very flawed industry and is all for discussion about reform, etc. Nonetheless, calling a travesty, saying there can be no visceral bond ... these comments are just clueless. lots of kids in the world need homes.

Actually the numbers of legally free kids is relatively small compared to the numbers of families wanting to adopt. These kids who need homes are usually older with significant issues, which is why no one is rushing to adopt them as they need life long care. There are not enough kids for homes or the adoption industry would look very different.

Right. With all these people saying "many kids need homes" why aren't they chomping at the bit to adopt a 10-year-old who's been in foster care since birth?

Many people want babies, not kids, that they can raise as their own. I think adoption should remain legal, but people on all sides should be very clear on their true motivation.

Perhaps people who would never open their home or their heart to a child that isn't biologically theirs would refrain from criticizing those who do.

I'm asking why the disparity in the kinds of children that are adopted. Please address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree adoption is a travesty and should not be allowed. At the very least people who adopt should not kid themselves thinking they're doing something good and altruistic. You've basically stolen someone's child. I've got a kid of my own and the visceral bond I have with them is not something anyone else could ever feel.

Adoptive parent here who is aware that this is a very flawed industry and is all for discussion about reform, etc. Nonetheless, calling a travesty, saying there can be no visceral bond ... these comments are just clueless. lots of kids in the world need homes.

Actually the numbers of legally free kids is relatively small compared to the numbers of families wanting to adopt. These kids who need homes are usually older with significant issues, which is why no one is rushing to adopt them as they need life long care. There are not enough kids for homes or the adoption industry would look very different.

Right. With all these people saying "many kids need homes" why aren't they chomping at the bit to adopt a 10-year-old who's been in foster care since birth?

Many people want babies, not kids, that they can raise as their own. I think adoption should remain legal, but people on all sides should be very clear on their true motivation.

Perhaps people who would never open their home or their heart to a child that isn't biologically theirs would refrain from criticizing those who do.

I'm asking why the disparity in the kinds of children that are adopted. Please address.

Some couples, especially infertile couples, want the experience of a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question. How can parents be coerced into placing their child for adoption?

They are all coerced "in hindsight"

Hmm. Let's see. Vulnerable woman with little or no social support turns to a deceptively "neutral" agency that lauds the good act of placing one's child for adoption and warns of ruin should the woman choose to keep and raise the kid. Abortion, of course, is out of the question.

Seriously?

You are ignorant if you think EVERY agency acts this way. I purposefully chose a Catholic agency b/c they approach this from a mental health perspective and are not for profit. They are not in need of babies to "sell" to stay in business. They actually DO try to find birth parents the resources they need to parent effectively if that is their choice and they explore that option with every client who approaches them.

John Roberts adopted two children from Ireland and Irish law prohibits children from leaving Ireland. Money and power scream. The Catholic church is the worst offender for stealing babies from unwed mothers.

What the hell are you yammering on about?

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness. Fourteen pages of trying to reason with a bunch of hateful ignoramuses? People, you know there's no getting the last word with these ya-hoos, no convincing them to admit to the slightest possibility that there might be room for considering other options besides "NO ADOPTION EVER. I WOULDN'T DO IT SO NO ONE ELSE HAD BETTER EVEN CONSIDER IT"...right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness. Fourteen pages of trying to reason with a bunch of hateful ignoramuses? People, you know there's no getting the last word with these ya-hoos, no convincing them to admit to the slightest possibility that there might be room for considering other options besides "NO ADOPTION EVER. I WOULDN'T DO IT SO NO ONE ELSE HAD BETTER EVEN CONSIDER IT"...right?

You are completely right.