Question for SAH parents with school age children...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

AKA Goldigger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So who gets their intellectual stimulation internally, and how do you do it?

Good question. I wonder the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

AKA Goldigger.

love how u assume there is gold to be dug jealous pig

[Anonymous]

I think folks have lost sight if the original question which was what SAHP of school age kids actually do. My answer is that while kids are in school, I deal with groceries, laundry, house maintenance, workout, school volunteering, finances and taking care of my elderly mom (and her house, finances, etc). It's less stress than when i worked (which is why i quit) but just as busy (and certainly more active than my former desk job). Then, for the hours my kids are at home (I have 3 - oldest is 7) it is much more hectic and exhausting than my former job. And btw, they are out of school 13-14 wks a year w/vacations.

I certainly don't expect sympathy or for working moms to say that my life is as stressful as theirs (bc its like not as stressful) etc. But I certainly don't expect attitude or judement either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

AKA Goldigger.

I worked until having kids. My youngest starts K next year. In the 12 years since my first was born, my DH's salary has gone from about $500K per year to almost $3MM. If I go back to my former career as a nonprofit manager, I will make a tiny fraction of what my DH makes. While he is supportive of my doing whatever I like, do not pretend to me that that means I will not still have full responsibility for our kids, dogs, homes (3 of them), and our aging parents. So I do all the usual home chores, including having full responsibility for our financial and investment decisions (researching financial statements and learning about all my options is plenty intellectually stimulating, too, since you are so worried about that) and volunteer as a nonprofit board member.

Gold digger? Ha! When I started dating my DH I earned more than he did. And don't worry about my future with the usual "man is not a plan" comeback - we have a post-nup that guarantees me so much income that I will still be in the top 1%. Perhaps you should stop making assumptions. It doesn't reflect well on you.

[Anonymous]

PP, I really doubt your DH makes 3 mill per year. You have a prenup. Good for you. Unfortunately, your DH makes the money, not you. I would be much more impressed if YOU made 3 mill per year or whatever ridiculous number you're throwing around. Three homes? I call bullshit. Ugh, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: PP, I really doubt your DH makes 3 mill per year. You have a prenup. Good for you. Unfortunately, your DH makes the money, not you. I would be much more impressed if YOU made 3 mill per year or whatever ridiculous number you're throwing around. Three homes? I call bullshit. Ugh, grow up.

It is not a prenup. It is a postnup. We signed it after we decided that I should stay home with our kids. Everything else I wrote is also true. What on earth do you think I would get from lying? If I were interested in building my own ego up, I would tell you that I had the high earning career; I agree that that is much more impressive. Not sure what kind of person would think otherwise, nor what in my first post made you assume that. But I am sick of reading on this board all of the virulent anti-SAHM posts that make ludicrous leaps about how we are all gold diggers, or all desperately trying to hold onto our looks and thus our husbands. Some of us are secure women who are happily married to mature men who actually *gasp* love us for who we are on the inside. Bitter much?

[Anonymous]

PP, think whatever you want. I don't care to hear women like you brag online that they're so loved and life is so awesome with a high earning husband. I wouldn't want you as my friend. You have no career or goals that you speak of. Your husband is likely sleeping around behind your back anyway. He works to provide for you so you can be lazy. Make your own money, honey!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: PP, think whatever you want. I don't care to hear women like you brag online that they're so loved and life is so awesome with a high earning husband. I wouldn't want you as my friend. You have no career or goals that you speak of. Your husband is likely sleeping around behind your back anyway. He works to provide for you so you can be lazy. Make your own money, honey!

No goals? Where did I say I had no goals? Lazy? I am far from lazy. What on earth leads you to jump to that unfounded conclusion? Unpaid work is still work, no matter what your HHI.

In the course of pursuing your intellectually stimulating pursuits (which you imagine elude all SAHMs), you should examine your overweening need to tear others down. It says nothing at all about me or my life, and everything about your character that you feel entitled to do that. Maybe therapy would help.

I agree, I wouldn't want you as a friend either. I value kindness too much.

[Anonymous]

23:36 - NP here. I'm with you. Women can be jealous. Ignore her. She will go away, but she will also be stuck with herself, in the end.

In my case, its my money. But I love the jealous little petty b*tches (not a compliment) who assume it is his. The joke is on them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work very part-time. I am home the rest of the time. My kids are grown, but one young adult has some SN so that DC needs more parenting and involvement and always will. I love my life. I take care of alot of home stuff and am able to keep a sane and balanced life. I get good sleep. I can cope fairly well with the health things that have come up for me. I do not feel compelled to work crazy hours or climb a career ladder. In a few years, my older DH will retire and I will work more hours to make up the difference in income. Then five years after that, I will retire too. We have intentionally never had both of us working full-time, ever, and we never plan to. It works to have 1.25-1.5 jobs between the two of us, and enables us to keep up with our kids and other commitments.

I have never had a manicure or pedicure in my life, and don't have TV. I was a SAHM for many years, but never napped or just hung out on the couch. I have a large family and was busy.

I love still being home alot, and working a little.

You bring up a good point. We both have small extended families, to whom we are not particularly close, and we limited our own family to two kids, in part so we could both continue to work outside the home full time. I have observed friends with large or close knit families that their family obligations do suck up a lot of time. Just like people who have pets.

Pp here. I guess if you don't have an extended family that you are close to, you might not understand why people have more than two kids or why they enjoy spending time with relatives. Yes, these things do, joyfully, take up some of my SAH time. It is time well spent for me. At the end of the day, relationships matter the most to me. And no, it is not like people who have pets. When I am old, I will be surrounded by my loving daughters and siblings and cousins. I have invested in those relationships. Pets come and go. They are wonderful companions in their day, but they do not substitute for real relationships with my adult kids and my relatives. And jobs don't keep you company either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

Okay, then I don't know any career sahms or dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: PP, think whatever you want. I don't care to hear women like you brag online that they're so loved and life is so awesome with a high earning husband. I wouldn't want you as my friend. You have no career or goals that you speak of. Your husband is likely sleeping around behind your back anyway. He works to provide for you so you can be lazy. Make your own money, honey!

No goals? Where did I say I had no goals? Lazy? I am far from lazy. What on earth leads you to jump to that unfounded conclusion? Unpaid work is still work, no matter what your HHI.

In the course of pursuing your intellectually stimulating pursuits (which you imagine elude all SAHMs), you should examine your overweening need to tear others down. It says nothing at all about me or my life, and everything about your character that you feel entitled to do that. Maybe therapy would help.

I agree, I wouldn't want you as a friend either. I value kindness too much.

Keep fooling yourself. While you're out doing whatever all day, other moms are making a difference. All that free time and money yet you don't volunteer somewhere? Do you spend time at a soup kitchen or help tutor kids in your day? I'm not tearing you down, I'm just pointing out that you mentioned nothing of value or substance to your day. You boasted about all your husband's income....and that's it. The holidays are coming soon, maybe you can take all that money and do something worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think folks have lost sight if the original question which was what SAHP of school age kids actually do. My answer is that while kids are in school, I deal with groceries, laundry, house maintenance, workout, school volunteering, finances and taking care of my elderly mom (and her house, finances, etc). It's less stress than when i worked (which is why i quit) but just as busy (and certainly more active than my former desk job). Then, for the hours my kids are at home (I have 3 - oldest is 7) it is much more hectic and exhausting than my former job. And btw, they are out of school 13-14 wks a year w/vacations.

I certainly don't expect sympathy or for working moms to say that my life is as stressful as theirs (bc its like not as stressful) etc. But I certainly don't expect attitude or judement either!

This doesn't shed any light really on why you quit, other than it's less stressful for you. Since my husband does half of the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, house maintenance, etc., both of us can work full time. The taking care of your mom thing is the difference, if she needs a lot fo care. How did you handle your kids' activities when you WOH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

AKA Goldigger.

I worked until having kids. My youngest starts K next year. In the 12 years since my first was born, my DH's salary has gone from about $500K per year to almost $3MM. If I go back to my former career as a nonprofit manager, I will make a tiny fraction of what my DH makes. While he is supportive of my doing whatever I like, do not pretend to me that that means I will not still have full responsibility for our kids, dogs, homes (3 of them), and our aging parents. So I do all the usual home chores, including having full responsibility for our financial and investment decisions (researching financial statements and learning about all my options is plenty intellectually stimulating, too, since you are so worried about that) and volunteer as a nonprofit board member.

Gold digger? Ha! When I started dating my DH I earned more than he did. And don't worry about my future with the usual "man is not a plan" comeback - we have a post-nup that guarantees me so much income that I will still be in the top 1%. Perhaps you should stop making assumptions. It doesn't reflect well on you.

Yeah, like your situation is so common. Puhleeze.