Question for SAH parents with school age children...

[Anonymous]

"Pp here. I guess if you don't have an extended family that you are close to, you might not understand why people have more than two kids or why they enjoy spending time with relatives. Yes, these things do, joyfully, take up some of my SAH time. It is time well spent for me. At the end of the day, relationships matter the most to me. And no, it is not like people who have pets. When I am old, I will be surrounded by my loving daughters and siblings and cousins. I have invested in those relationships. Pets come and go. They are wonderful companions in their day, but they do not substitute for real relationships with my adult kids and my relatives. And jobs don't keep you company either. "

You're right, I enjoy my career more than I would enjoy spending weekly time with extended family. There's no family around here within 300 miles to spend time with anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: PP, think whatever you want. I don't care to hear women like you brag online that they're so loved and life is so awesome with a high earning husband. I wouldn't want you as my friend. You have no career or goals that you speak of. Your husband is likely sleeping around behind your back anyway. He works to provide for you so you can be lazy. Make your own money, honey!

No goals? Where did I say I had no goals? Lazy? I am far from lazy. What on earth leads you to jump to that unfounded conclusion? Unpaid work is still work, no matter what your HHI.

In the course of pursuing your intellectually stimulating pursuits (which you imagine elude all SAHMs), you should examine your overweening need to tear others down. It says nothing at all about me or my life, and everything about your character that you feel entitled to do that. Maybe therapy would help.

I agree, I wouldn't want you as a friend either. I value kindness too much.

Keep fooling yourself. While you're out doing whatever all day, other moms are making a difference. All that free time and money yet you don't volunteer somewhere? Do you spend time at a soup kitchen or help tutor kids in your day? I'm not tearing you down, I'm just pointing out that you mentioned nothing of value or substance to your day. You boasted about all your husband's income....and that's it. The holidays are coming soon, maybe you can take all that money and do something worthwhile.

I had posted earlier about a couple of my volunteer activities, which fills "all that free time" I have. Are you so blinded by bitterness that you have to make up crap? If you read my posts and your takeaway is that there is nothing of value or substance to my day - well - it is almost pathetic that you think that taking care of elderly parents, fundraising for multiple causes, and working on a nonprofit board are neither valuable nor substantial. Luckily, I don't have to take your values into consideration in deciding how I spend my time or money.

If you are this judgmental in your real life, you are probably not a mom who is "making a difference." Maybe you can improve your relationships by letting go of your rigidity and self-righteousness, rather than trying to impose your values on others.

[Anonymous]

What do I do all day?

I take my father to his dentist, endodontist, oncologist, opthalmologist, physical therapist, and orthopedist.

I take my three children to the pediatrician, dentist, orthodontist, dermatologist, physical therapist, and opthalmologist.

I take myself to the internist, gynecologist, dentist, and gastroenterologist (for those fun colonoscopies). Get mammograms just for shits and giggles.

Then of course we have to get new glasses or contact lenses for some of the above people. There's also all those visits to the pharmacy.

I know you all are jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think folks have lost sight if the original question which was what SAHP of school age kids actually do. My answer is that while kids are in school, I deal with groceries, laundry, house maintenance, workout, school volunteering, finances and taking care of my elderly mom (and her house, finances, etc). It's less stress than when i worked (which is why i quit) but just as busy (and certainly more active than my former desk job). Then, for the hours my kids are at home (I have 3 - oldest is 7) it is much more hectic and exhausting than my former job. And btw, they are out of school 13-14 wks a year w/vacations.

I certainly don't expect sympathy or for working moms to say that my life is as stressful as theirs (bc its like not as stressful) etc. But I certainly don't expect attitude or judement either!

This doesn't shed any light really on why you quit, other than it's less stressful for you. Since my husband does half of the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, house maintenance, etc., both of us can work full time. The taking care of your mom thing is the difference, if she needs a lot fo care. How did you handle your kids' activities when you WOH?

Well, the "why" wasn't part if the original post I don't think. But to answer the question, I had a job that required me to be out of the house 7:30 am - 6:30 pm and also involved me waking up at 5am to get an hour of work done before my kids got up. My DH travels a lot for work and made 80 percent of our income. We had a FT nanny to take kids to activities. Breaking g point came when my mom needed care and although I could hire out the care in terms of $$ she was vocal and angry about the idea of outside caregiversAgain, I'm not looking for sympathy or that many WM power through this stuff but simply making a point that although my kids are at school and I am not working, my days are busy. It's just different. I use to come home to a clean house with dinner made but alot of work stress and concern about my mom. I now have to cook and clean myself - which keeps me busy - but no longer have the stress. But, I am busy and active. As proof - I have lost 10 pounds since quiting my job with no change in eating. Intellectual stimulation - well, that is a tough one. My DH discusses a lot of his work problems with me and I give him advice. I also keep up with the news. But, I do miss my own work. It's just better for me and my family that I don't right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do I do all day?

I take my father to his dentist, endodontist, oncologist, opthalmologist, physical therapist, and orthopedist.

I take my three children to the pediatrician, dentist, orthodontist, dermatologist, physical therapist, and opthalmologist.

I take myself to the internist, gynecologist, dentist, and gastroenterologist (for those fun colonoscopies). Get mammograms just for shits and giggles.

Then of course we have to get new glasses or contact lenses for some of the above people. There's also all those visits to the pharmacy.

I know you all are jealous.

Hugs. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:36 - a career SAHM is someone who hasn't worked since having her kids and doesn't intend to return to paid employment even though her children are in full time school.

Okay, then I don't know any career sahms or dads.

There are several within two blocks of my house. Where do you live that you don't know any?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think folks have lost sight if the original question which was what SAHP of school age kids actually do. My answer is that while kids are in school, I deal with groceries, laundry, house maintenance, workout, school volunteering, finances and taking care of my elderly mom (and her house, finances, etc). It's less stress than when i worked (which is why i quit) but just as busy (and certainly more active than my former desk job). Then, for the hours my kids are at home (I have 3 - oldest is 7) it is much more hectic and exhausting than my former job. And btw, they are out of school 13-14 wks a year w/vacations.

I certainly don't expect sympathy or for working moms to say that my life is as stressful as theirs (bc its like not as stressful) etc. But I certainly don't expect attitude or judement either!

This doesn't shed any light really on why you quit, other than it's less stressful for you. Since my husband does half of the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, house maintenance, etc., both of us can work full time. The taking care of your mom thing is the difference, if she needs a lot fo care. How did you handle your kids' activities when you WOH?

Well, the "why" wasn't part if the original post I don't think. But to answer the question, I had a job that required me to be out of the house 7:30 am - 6:30 pm and also involved me waking up at 5am to get an hour of work done before my kids got up. My DH travels a lot for work and made 80 percent of our income. We had a FT nanny to take kids to activities. Breaking g point came when my mom needed care and although I could hire out the care in terms of $$ she was vocal and angry about the idea of outside caregiversAgain, I'm not looking for sympathy or that many WM power through this stuff but simply making a point that although my kids are at school and I am not working, my days are busy. It's just different. I use to come home to a clean house with dinner made but alot of work stress and concern about my mom. I now have to cook and clean myself - which keeps me busy - but no longer have the stress. But, I am busy and active. As proof - I have lost 10 pounds since quiting my job with no change in eating. Intellectual stimulation - well, that is a tough one. My DH discusses a lot of his work problems with me and I give him advice. I also keep up with the news. But, I do miss my own work. It's just better for me and my family that I don't right now.

I agree that being gone 11 hours each work day to bring home only 20% of the family income seems like too much work and stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:36 - NP here. I'm with you. Women can be jealous. Ignore her. She will go away, but she will also be stuck with herself, in the end.

In my case, its my money. But I love the jealous little petty b*tches (not a compliment) who assume it is his. The joke is on them!

Jealous little petty bitches is right... so all you hard working women can keep working hard and doing most of the childcare and housework. Enjoy!!!

Not sure why all these ladies who are soooo happy with their lives have to criticize those who don't live just like them. Yeah, life isn't fair. Sucks for you.

[Anonymous]

It's very unfortunate that all the jealous mothers who I am assuming work has so much jealousy for the SAHMs. The question was specifically for SAHMs and more than 1/2 of the people responding work.

[Anonymous]

All of the errands that would otherwise fall to when my husband and kids are home...shopping for house, shopping for clothes, car repair, oil change, dry cleaners, bank...workout, laundry, clean, bake, visit my parents, lunch with friends, make dinners, manage finances- open mail, pay bills, file papers, plan our vacations, volunteer work,

I try to get most of the extraneous work out of the way during school hours.

[Anonymous]

As for making a difference, none of us make a difference. Come from nothing, end as nothing. Everything we ever do will turn to dust, probably sooner rather than later.

Best you can do is attempt to enjoy the one life you have. If you can spend time with your kids; make your home a more loving one; and your family happier, that's probably a better testament to a life well lived than having generated a few more dollars or a few more PowerPoint presentations.

So, even as a husband/Dad who is occasionally jealous of the low stress & high flexibility enjoyed by his SAHM/wife, I can't say that working outside of the house is inherently more valuable than unpaid work (or leisure) at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Pp here. I guess if you don't have an extended family that you are close to, you might not understand why people have more than two kids or why they enjoy spending time with relatives. Yes, these things do, joyfully, take up some of my SAH time. It is time well spent for me. At the end of the day, relationships matter the most to me. And no, it is not like people who have pets. When I am old, I will be surrounded by my loving daughters and siblings and cousins. I have invested in those relationships. Pets come and go. They are wonderful companions in their day, but they do not substitute for real relationships with my adult kids and my relatives. And jobs don't keep you company either. "

You're right, I enjoy my career more than I would enjoy spending weekly time with extended family. There's no family around here within 300 miles to spend time with anyway.

I am the pp above who enjoys spending time with my family. All my relatives are 2100 miles away, across the country. I don't spend weekly face-to-face time with any relatives, sadly. I can't because of distance. But I spend time with those relationships from a distance and there are many ways stay in touch. I spend some of my SAH time on that. It matters to me. I also spend time connecting with my young adult daughters. I am not harried or rushed. I don't hover. But I am here for them. They know that. I could also be working full time and doing this. But as I said before, I need to have the balance and sanity that works for my family and me. To each their own.