Top regrets in life

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I sometimes regret not marrying someone just to have had a wedding. I think I would’ve made a nice bride.

Half of marriages end in divorce, and it seems that plenty of people know they’re making a mistake. I did the “right” thing by not marrying the wrong person, but I never got a party, presents, nice pictures, and then later everyone calling me stunning and brave when I got a divorce. Being right is no fun.

That is what you think a divorce is like? Everyone rallying around you and calling you "stunning and brave"? And marriage is a party and presents and nice pictures?

Wow.

🙄

No, I said a wedding is a party and presents and nice pictures.
I’m sorry if you had a painful divorce. You go girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying my husband.

Same. He is my ex-h now, but I wish I never met him.

[Anonymous]

I don’t regret anything about my own life, but I regret not redshirting my son, and not sending him to a Spanish immersion school which was easy to get into, in favor or a fancy project based learning school which was insanely hard to get a spot at. He ended up being at a low ranked neighborhood school for 3 years before finally getting a spot there. His first school was a poor fit for him and I think it caused or worsened his anxiety (he became a homebody who didn’t want to do anything out of the house, was a struggle until about 10 or even 12). The fancy school was good but wasn’t all that either. And he could have learned a language!

Another thing I regret is not making him stick to a hobby since a younger age. He is reluctant to try things now that he is older.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying my husband.

Why?

He started off with the "quiet nerd" vibe, which I appreciated. And then over many years, and while researching my child's symptoms and realizing he had autism, I realized my husband had high-functioning autism as well, and it explained his emotional distance from his child and his social difficulties with everyone. I thought these problems would get better, not worse, with self-awareness and social practice. No. He's getting angrier, more paranoid and irrational, and more reclusive with age.

So given that I've got a kid with autism (who has a sweet nature and whom I hope will never end up like his father), and an angry spouse who is now reflexively argumentative and disrespectful... I feel my life could have been better without that marriage.

Of course I love my child to bits. But I sacrificed my career to stay home and look after him so that he could grow up to be as independent as possible. My husband just couldn't share the special parenting work it takes to continually engage with an autistic child.

+1 Similar story except my child's personality is a carbon copy of Dad's. It's like double the pain. Only you cannot leave your child. The stress and trauma has already led to significant health issues.

You know you can get a divorce, right? Then you'd only have to deal with your child and you'd have more energy without having to deal with your difficult spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left a very special job in my 20s because a coworker (who ended up having a mental breakdown and leaving abruptly) told me I was horrible at it and should quit. I lasted a year after that but lost all confidence. Now as an older woman I look back on it and it sort of ruined my life. I was not bad at that job, and I should have stayed.

I posted that I didn’t regret anything about my life but you reminded me! When I was about 9 I quit dancing even though I loved it because some mean girls told me the teachers said I wasn’t good at it. I don’t know if any of this was true, but I quit and my parents never tried to find out why (I don’t blame them, just trying to learn from their mistakes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not buying bitcoin once upon a time

Ha! Yes here’s another regret of mine. Once you start thinking there are quite a few!

[Anonymous]

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Choosing to settle in an area with high costs of living instead of moving to a mid-size city earlier in life before having kids. Now moving is so much harder but the challenges of living in an expensive place have multiplied.

+1. This is pretty much it for me too. Unknowingly/unintentionally enrolling my children in the Nova childhood rat race.

You can move to other parts of Nova like Annandale or Springfield and get out of the rat race.

Maybe Central Springfield, but the rat race is very much a thing in West Springfield.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving a beloved elderly relative Covid, which caused their death.

I am sure it was better for them to have extra time with their loved one (you) than be in isolation and loneliness. Anyone who lived a long fulfilling life would choose that!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Giving a beloved elderly relative Covid, which caused their death.

I stayed away from an elderly relative. It was post vaccines and I was traveling in the summer but she was fragile and it was her request.
She died that fall and I never saw her again. Just to give you the flip side.

I’m sorry for you both. It was a crappy situation all around and there weren’t really good fail proof options on how to go about it.

I'm the PP who caused the Covid death. Sadly, it was preventable because it happened recently, not during the confusion of the early Covid years. I knew better. I should have tested for Covid before seeing the relative since I had "cold" symptoms. It's still around, as much as we'd like to forget about it, and it still kills. But thank you to both PPs for your sympathy.

I don’t mean to sound insensitive but we all die of something… much better than being in a veg state for decades

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Not figuring out earlier how to deal with my teeth, learning too late that regular dental hygiene was not enough for my mouth.

Would have saved so much time and money.

omg.. I have been on DD about taking care of her teeth, brushing, flossing since she was young. She refuses to listen to me, and now she has six cavities.

My parents never taught me about oral hygiene. I have tons of fillings, and now at 50+, I need crowns. Painful and expensive.

A lot of it is genetic. My ex grew up in a poor country - not a single cavity! Looks like our son will be the same.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wish I studied abroad.

I loved my study abroad so much that the next year I volunteered in the advising office and encouraged others.
There were so many young women who didn't want to go because "I would miss my boyfriend too much"

NP. That was me! And I still consider passing on study abroad as one of my greatest regrets.

My other is taking COVID too seriously without realizing the harm that isolation was causing for me and especially for my kids. I totally thought I was doing the right thing, keeping our family and the community safe. But it was too much, and addressing the harm has been an excruciating process.

You should sue the government or the school district or someone. I am only half kidding. These people ruined so many young lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not playing football in middle school. I was fast, strong and tall. I played backyard football with my brothers, and I was great. I was not deluded to think I could play HS.

I asked my dad and he said no, I asked the coach (my friend's dad) he said yes.

My dad said, "I'm not worried about you getting hurt or not being successful. What I'm worried about is the boys feeling bad that a girl is beating them and how their dads will react to their son being tackled by a girl"

FF to 8th grade, I had the fastest time for the Presidental Fitness. A boy in my class said, he'd have a faster time, but he didn't run his fastest none of the boys did, because they didn't care. I challenged him to race me at recess. He did and I destroyed him. Almost every boy stopped talking to me for the rest of 8th grade.

I know there are a ton of studies that show girls do this in academics for my generation, pretending not to be as smart so boys don't feel bad.

FF to college... a guy challenged me to a basketball 1-1, I said yes and he was going to spot me 5 point play to 10, I didn't take the 5 points and I beat him. I was no longer invited to that house for parties.

Here comes the rest of the regret.
After that... I stopped trying to win... pool, darts, cards, boardgames. I would not beat guys because I didn't want to deal with their ire.
This continued at work and life in general.

I'm kind of bummed I just didn't say f it I don't own their feelings, I'm just doing my thing.

Your dad was right. What’s the point of wining some stupid game? You know you are good; you don’t need to keep proving it - or you can compete with other women.
And relationship are… not everything but 99% of success and happiness.

[Anonymous]

I regret not being persuasive enough when my dumb ex switched jobs before getting his green card. Took us both years to wait for it and so much stress. I knew he was dumb, I just was too feeble to put my foot down.

I also regret letting his dad manage our condo in another city. He became a squatter there essentially and I had to settle for less than half of its value in divorce. The upside is that I’ll never have to sit through the dinners with the old man where he just talks at me, giving me a blank stare when I talk. Feels good to get it off my chest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying my husband.

This plus 100. Killed my soul. Wasted decades.

[Anonymous]

I regret becoming a teacher. Admin wants more and more every year, and the career is no longer about actually teaching. Instructional methods and curriculum have deteriorated severely over the last decade (it wasn't Covid, btw). I'm never caught up and am frequently exhausted. Parents are hostile and scornful toward teachers in general; it isn't a respected career. People assume I am "just a teacher" because I am stupid.

I regret taking this career path. I regret it with all my heart.