Wow Stuyvesant in NYC has impressive college results

[Anonymous]

Asian kids who attend STEM magnets may lack social skils due to autism not because they are immigrants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Great idea on the social skills class - it would go a long way. These kids would be well served to study a little less and spend more time just being kids - watch TVs, play video games, etc. Unfortunately, there are a number who try to assimilate but are trying so hard that they fail miserably - appreciate the effort but they are misguided. By being at Stuy which has such a huge percentage of this type of kid, they think they can continue being this way - they need to leave their bubble.

I am not saying to throw away your culture and heritage - that would be horrible. But try to blend in a little more. One simple example - give your kid an American first name then honor your heritage with the middle name. Not that hard.

Hey mom to Peyton and Kayleigh, be better.

[Anonymous]

bizarre to look at that video and think those kids with cropped ts and purple hair aren't assimilated enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

No different than the Asian exceptionalist poster who thinks every Asian applicant is a multi-talented academic superstar destined for the T10 - but slips to state flagship - thereby raising the school's profile instantaneously.

Stereotype extremes, right?

I’m not aware of that poster, but if you were my parent I would be ashamed that you were posting racist garage on the internet. Be a better and smarter person.

No offense but, you're probably not talking to an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great schools. Weird kids (with some exceptions). BU seems to be the safety of choice, which is interesting.

Though check out this page - top ten schools attended by Stuy alums - lots of SUNY and CUNY. I guess they don't get included in the IG post?

https://stuy-talos-bucket.s3.amazonaws.com/media/documents/Matriculation_List__1.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAQXHMI6URNQ5MHS44&Signature=1MPh35O1%2BwKFfiija1BZhxuLPLI%3D&Expires=1746588611

BU has an 11% acceptance rate. It's not a safety school.

Glad you aren't a college counselor. 🤣

I think NYU was the safety school when i was there.
They always offered a lot of money to stuy kids so we could afford to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great schools. Weird kids (with some exceptions). BU seems to be the safety of choice, which is interesting.

Though check out this page - top ten schools attended by Stuy alums - lots of SUNY and CUNY. I guess they don't get included in the IG post?

https://stuy-talos-bucket.s3.amazonaws.com/media/documents/Matriculation_List__1.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAQXHMI6URNQ5MHS44&Signature=1MPh35O1%2BwKFfiija1BZhxuLPLI%3D&Expires=1746588611

No one accepted to Yale either.

that video felt like it was heavy on yale

There is self selection for both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if Stuy’s education model is effective. These are the best students selected merit based. In theory the majority of them should be ivy bound. But the results are far from that.

"in theory the majority of them should be ivy bound?"

in what theory?

stuy is a meritocracy. the ivies are not. the end.

Oh come on. Cornell is like our state flagship, you can’t say Cornell is not meritocracy to its residents—plus there are the contract colleges. In theory the majority of Stuy should at least be accepted by Cornell.

Cornell is 70k and that's if you are a NY resident and attend a contract college. Otherwise it's 90k. it's nobody's state flagship

NYC parent here with hs students. Cornell is well-represented in NYC high school college matriculation lists. It is as if it was flagship.

+1

The reason why we don’t have a state flagship it’s because we already have Cornell.

the numbers going to a SUNY and CUNY vs Cornell is enormous.

Flagship means it maintains certain selectivity. There is Cal, and there are other UCs and cal state system.

We know what flagship means. A private Ivy League college doesn’t fit the description and yes - all of Cornell is private.

There is an in state preference and an in state tuition reduction in some majors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Manners and etiquette are cultural.

Taking off your shoes when you enter a home. That is manners.
How you hold your rice bowl and how you rest your chopsticks is manners too.
How you drink alcohol has a lot of etiquette surrounding it.
The honorifics used for different family members, friends, teachers, schoolmates, fellow alumni, etc are also etiquette.
Just because you don't know western etiquette doesn't mean you have no manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Great idea on the social skills class - it would go a long way. These kids would be well served to study a little less and spend more time just being kids - watch TVs, play video games, etc. Unfortunately, there are a number who try to assimilate but are trying so hard that they fail miserably - appreciate the effort but they are misguided. By being at Stuy which has such a huge percentage of this type of kid, they think they can continue being this way - they need to leave their bubble.

I am not saying to throw away your culture and heritage - that would be horrible. But try to blend in a little more. One simple example - give your kid an American first name then honor your heritage with the middle name. Not that hard.

These kids just haven't grown up around white people or around a lot of money. So yes, some etiquette classes would be useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

I am not saying to throw away your culture and heritage - that would be horrible. But try to blend in a little more. One simple example - give your kid an American first name then honor your heritage with the middle name. Not that hard.

This makes me chuckle. Cute.

Most Chinese kids at Stuy do have American first names, Mike, Alice, Tom, Mary.

You are out of touch.

What an awful thing to say. American-born offspring of Indian immigrants. My American-born son has a beautiful Sanskrit name and he’s funny, creative, personable and…gasp…he struggles with math. We’re not robots who are incapable of assimilating or having an independent thought process.

For some reasons, Americans easily accept Indian names as part of western culture, but view Eastern Asian names as foreign. I think even back in Coolie times, Chinese immigrants started giving their kids American first names. Some even changed their last names to spellings that sounded like white names.

Because names like vadim, raj, ishan, and gigachad just roll off the tongue but names like tsui (pronounced sway), nguyen (pronounced win), xiang (pronounced shang) seem tougher for people to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

I am not saying to throw away your culture and heritage - that would be horrible. But try to blend in a little more. One simple example - give your kid an American first name then honor your heritage with the middle name. Not that hard.

This makes me chuckle. Cute.

Most Chinese kids at Stuy do have American first names, Mike, Alice, Tom, Mary.

You are out of touch.

What an awful thing to say. American-born offspring of Indian immigrants. My American-born son has a beautiful Sanskrit name and he’s funny, creative, personable and…gasp…he struggles with math. We’re not robots who are incapable of assimilating or having an independent thought process.

For some reasons, Americans easily accept Indian names as part of western culture, but view Eastern Asian names as foreign. I think even back in Coolie times, Chinese immigrants started giving their kids American first names. Some even changed their last names to spellings that sounded like white names.

It’s because South Asians have dealt with White Colonial racists for several hundred years and were not about to kow tow to their White American counterparts.

Or... now hear me out.

Hindi is part of the larger indo aryan language group so the sounds are more familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Manners and etiquette are cultural.

Taking off your shoes when you enter a home. That is manners.
How you hold your rice bowl and how you rest your chopsticks is manners too.
How you drink alcohol has a lot of etiquette surrounding it.
The honorifics used for different family members, friends, teachers, schoolmates, fellow alumni, etc are also etiquette.
Just because you don't know western etiquette doesn't mean you have no manners.

NP: no one is saying they don’t have manners. But if you want to succeed in America you need to be at least somewhat comfortable with basic American behavioral norms. And be able to make small talk about common topics of interest. If you are satisfied remaining solely in your immigrant community then this is not necessary. No one says to throw away your heritage - that is horrible. If I were moving to their country I would do the same thing.

This poster was very smart in their suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Manners and etiquette are cultural.

Taking off your shoes when you enter a home. That is manners.
How you hold your rice bowl and how you rest your chopsticks is manners too.
How you drink alcohol has a lot of etiquette surrounding it.
The honorifics used for different family members, friends, teachers, schoolmates, fellow alumni, etc are also etiquette.
Just because you don't know western etiquette doesn't mean you have no manners.

Most of the above are not relevant in an US-centric professional context. So irrelevant for your kids success.....and some might hurt your kid (too much deference means your kid will be subject to a lifetime of 2nd tier low status roles).....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Manners and etiquette are cultural.

Taking off your shoes when you enter a home. That is manners.
How you hold your rice bowl and how you rest your chopsticks is manners too.
How you drink alcohol has a lot of etiquette surrounding it.
The honorifics used for different family members, friends, teachers, schoolmates, fellow alumni, etc are also etiquette.
Just because you don't know western etiquette doesn't mean you have no manners.

Most of the above are not relevant in an US-centric professional context. So irrelevant for your kids success.....and some might hurt your kid (too much deference means your kid will be subject to a lifetime of 2nd tier low status roles).....

tell me you've never worked at FAANG without telling me you've never worked at FAANG. .. or in medicine or law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typical Stuy kid is a poor Asian immigrant who spent two years non-stop studying for the SHSAT as it is their ticket out. Most of these kids have minimal mainstream American people skills - they have not assimilated. And some of them aren’t really that smart - just good at that one test.

Many end up at SUNY/CUNY. Many of these would be eligible for tons of aid at Ivies but for some reason don’t apply.

Bronx Science has more Nobel laureates and is a slightly more normal version of Stuy. Kids are more normal and slightly more relaxed. Though there is a contingent of the immigrant kids who are viewed as failures for not getting into Stuy.

What’s your evidence that Stuy kids lack social skills? I’ve met plenty who are terrific talented kids. I wouldn’t put much credence in the viewpoint from an Internet rando who traffics in Asian stereotypes.

First of all, I said "most," "typical," etc. It is a huge school. I am not dumb enough to think all kids are like this. But a significant number are. There definitely are lots of great, fun, social, interesting kids there. But the presence of the other type is overwhelming.

I live in NYC. I seriously considered Stuy for my child. My child knows many kids who go there (and many who chose not to go there). I work near Stuy and see the kids every day (and as the parent of teenagers I know "normal behavior."). My child has many Asian friends who did not want to go to Stuy for the reasons I cited.

Stereotypes exist for a reason - there is a basis in truth. I agree that one must be very careful not to apply stereotypes, especially negative ones, to every member of a group when you first meet them.

Stuy parent here.
When I mentioned to the PTA president that a family member ran an etiquette program for children in a major city, the PTA president, who is Chinese, asked me with big hopeful eyes if my family member could come to Stuy and run some courses on social skills.
As a Chinese person myself, I have to agree that many FOB Chinese lack social skills and that sure doesn't help their kids who are othered every single day of their life as an immigrant.
The only Chinese etiquette that is socially enforced is deference to elders.
Maintaining 'face' is so important that it trumps introspection and self awareness.

Manners and etiquette are cultural.

Taking off your shoes when you enter a home. That is manners.
How you hold your rice bowl and how you rest your chopsticks is manners too.
How you drink alcohol has a lot of etiquette surrounding it.
The honorifics used for different family members, friends, teachers, schoolmates, fellow alumni, etc are also etiquette.
Just because you don't know western etiquette doesn't mean you have no manners.

Most of the above are not relevant in an US-centric professional context. So irrelevant for your kids success.....and some might hurt your kid (too much deference means your kid will be subject to a lifetime of 2nd tier low status roles).....

tell me you've never worked at FAANG without telling me you've never worked at FAANG. .. or in medicine or law.

I have worked at FAANG and Big Law.

Next.