do you let friends stay at your second home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, what is it you want from people? What do you think people owe you?

The minute someone asks this of us, after we’ve invited them several times a year anyway, and they know we rent it, puts us in a very awkward position. If we say yes I’m gonna worry if they’ll leave it in rentable condition, if they’ll ask again and again, if they think we somehow owe them a free stay.
If we say no then what?
I’d rather not be in that position with my friends.

You can tell from the responses who is truly in this position and who is not. Well said, PP, thank you. Also wondering why people are so cocky as to 1.) count other people's pennies and 2.) expect stuff from people, whether or not you are close.

It is also important that both members of the couple like you, not just one. So, if one finds you untrustworthy, or cocky or even gross (just examples, of course), you ain't getting into any of their homes unattended. Presumably, you would also want to bring other people (given the PPs) - in which case, does the owner know or like them? Or would they be there to judge what they don't have?

Some PPs want to make this about the owner, but it is clearly most about who will be in the house. Some people have their own key - some never in a million years.

(I am agreeing with PP, thank you)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised at people asking friends for the cleaning fee.
To share your second home with somebody is such a gracious gesture and asking for $100 is cheap. I think most people would remember the lovely gift you gave and pay you back in some appropriate way when the time was right, with a kindness of their own. But maybe not if they felt that they had already been asked to pay you, regardless of the fact that the actual price is much higher. You are sort of devaluing your own gift to your friends. And yeah, some people won’t or can’t ever repay the favor and that has to be ok too.

Do you always talk in circles?

Let me rephrase for your reading level: you are tacky as hell.

Not everyone with a second home is rich. That hundred dollar cleaning fee might be a struggle for some who might be willing to share but not to lose money. I know a lot of people with family homes in Mexico/Central American, Asian or Caribbean towns who aren’t rich by any measure and would rather not let someone stay at their homes because they themselves can’t afford that cleaning fee you think they should eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW why do people like Delaware beaches? Why not Cape Cod if you must go North? Maine?

Property tax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised at people asking friends for the cleaning fee.
To share your second home with somebody is such a gracious gesture and asking for $100 is cheap. I think most people would remember the lovely gift you gave and pay you back in some appropriate way when the time was right, with a kindness of their own. But maybe not if they felt that they had already been asked to pay you, regardless of the fact that the actual price is much higher. You are sort of devaluing your own gift to your friends. And yeah, some people won’t or can’t ever repay the favor and that has to be ok too.

Do you always talk in circles?

Let me rephrase for your reading level: you are tacky as hell.

Not everyone with a second home is rich. That hundred dollar cleaning fee might be a struggle for some who might be willing to share but not to lose money. I know a lot of people with family homes in Mexico/Central American, Asian or Caribbean towns who aren’t rich by any measure and would rather not let someone stay at their homes because they themselves can’t afford that cleaning fee you think they should eat.

+1

Why would anyone ask to stay at someone's home, then refuse to pay the cleaning fee, then call the home owner "poor"? This board is getting more outrageous. If you are a taker, just admit it - I suppose that is why you are not allowed or asked to stay at others' beach houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You let strangers stay in your lake house so clearly it’s not an issue of privacy.

You invited these friends to stay in your lake house so clearly they are decent people. Presumably you’d rent the place to them?

So you just don’t want to share your property with friends who are close enough to vacation with, even though it’s sitting empty on this weekend they asked to go.

That’s one kind of way to be in this world.

+1

[Anonymous]

No, because our second home is not set up for rentals and thus our personal stuff is all over the place. People are nosy.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you responded to your friends yet?

We have a beach house that we've invited friends to stay with us on numerous occasions. It's not completely set up for public rental, but we've rented it out sporadically to extended family and friends at well below market rates. Even though all who stayed are ppl we knew, there are still quite a bit of damages and significant wear and tear. There's also a pattern: those who take good care of the house are the ones who also tend to insist on paying us; and the careless ones expect to use the house for free while also leaving messes behind. So we just charge a friend/family rate for all to make it simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you responded to your friends yet?

We have a beach house that we've invited friends to stay with us on numerous occasions. It's not completely set up for public rental, but we've rented it out sporadically to extended family and friends at well below market rates. Even though all who stayed are ppl we knew, there are still quite a bit of damages and significant wear and tear. There's also a pattern: those who take good care of the house are the ones who also tend to insist on paying us; and the careless ones expect to use the house for free while also leaving messes behind. So we just charge a friend/family rate for all to make it simple.

Smart solution. Takers tend to be cheap and take advantage of generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you responded to your friends yet?

We have a beach house that we've invited friends to stay with us on numerous occasions. It's not completely set up for public rental, but we've rented it out sporadically to extended family and friends at well below market rates. Even though all who stayed are ppl we knew, there are still quite a bit of damages and significant wear and tear. There's also a pattern: those who take good care of the house are the ones who also tend to insist on paying us; and the careless ones expect to use the house for free while also leaving messes behind. So we just charge a friend/family rate for all to make it simple.

Smart solution. Takers tend to be cheap and take advantage of generosity.

+2

We grew up in an area with many second homes (before it was DC trendy to have one) and we never accepted a free rental from our friends, and we always treated it as our own. PP who said the Gimmes tend to trash stuff nailed it. I know some people who are outgrowing their second homes, and want to rent a nearby house for less than market during the high season and the other owners refuse, because they know exactly what happens, and that those people expect to get something for nothing every year (during high season) and there is just no way. I don't blame them. If you are going to have someone else use it, you have to factor in wear and tear. But then, if you own a second home, you already know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW why do people like Delaware beaches? Why not Cape Cod if you must go North? Maine?

Property tax

If you live in the DMV, Delaware is close. Cape Cod and Maine are just too far to use often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because our second home is not set up for rentals and thus our personal stuff is all over the place. People are nosy.

We don't rent out our second home, but we also don't keep a bunch of personal stuff there. For instance, of course my toiletries and contact lenses are there, but not a ton of pics or really personal stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting thread because like everything on DCUM -it comes down to social class and money. People that rent their second house out feel offended when asked - almost like someone is being tacky and asking for a loan (when the person asking clearly doesn’t even need it). They, rightly so, think of this in monetary terms. People with enough money to have a second home (that they don't rent out) do not think of it this way. They generally have enough money that a cleaning fee isn’t a big deal. They also tend to be friends with people that have a similar socioeconomic status. So an empty house and a cleaning fee aren’t anything between friends. While this isn’t the case for us, I think it falls into the way wealthy people operate - you stay at my ACK house and hopefully when junior needs an internship/ applies to Georgetown you will remember us.

The wealthy people I know stay wealthy by not giving things away. I would never ask to use someone's house, but if they offered, the $1500. + cleaning/maintenance, plus property rental tax (imposed in some jurisdictions, can be quite high), in addition to whatever fees would be in their venmo before I locked the door to leave, and every last rule would be abided by, to the letter, and the place would be spotless, and look better than when I arrived, AND there would be a gift of some sort on top of it. You need the lawn mowed and some repairs while we are there? Sure! But not everyone is handy, and not everyone is grateful. You have to show that you are grateful, not that you have your hands out. People who have not grown up around wealthy people are less privy to the intricacies of those relationships - it is respect, more than favors.

I know some people who have a rental and they have the same renters every year for this reason. Plus, at least one of them brings their grandfather, a contractor, who does small jobs in addition to paying full rent. They don't have their hands out - they appreciate the rental. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no great mystery to how it works. They respect that the owner worked hard, nothing was given to them (they have gotten to know each other over the years), and that this is their home. Their home means a lot to them. The home also mean a lot to the renters, who have created years of family memories there (in the same house). The relationship, their hard work and their home deserve respect - it becomes mutual when the renters go out of their way for them, because it is not a big deal for the renters. If it is a big deal to you, don't participate. Why are you trying to make it something it is not? Do you do this often?

I agree with the prior poster, not this person. If you don't rent your house, there is no fee. I don't know what my house would rent for b/c I've never rented it.

With that said, the quid pro quo is real! I do favors on internships all the time. That's what people want. It's not about the money, it's about the access. You stay in my house, my kids gets a summer internship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting thread because like everything on DCUM -it comes down to social class and money. People that rent their second house out feel offended when asked - almost like someone is being tacky and asking for a loan (when the person asking clearly doesn’t even need it). They, rightly so, think of this in monetary terms. People with enough money to have a second home (that they don't rent out) do not think of it this way. They generally have enough money that a cleaning fee isn’t a big deal. They also tend to be friends with people that have a similar socioeconomic status. So an empty house and a cleaning fee aren’t anything between friends. While this isn’t the case for us, I think it falls into the way wealthy people operate - you stay at my ACK house and hopefully when junior needs an internship/ applies to Georgetown you will remember us.

The wealthy people I know stay wealthy by not giving things away. I would never ask to use someone's house, but if they offered, the $1500. + cleaning/maintenance, plus property rental tax (imposed in some jurisdictions, can be quite high), in addition to whatever fees would be in their venmo before I locked the door to leave, and every last rule would be abided by, to the letter, and the place would be spotless, and look better than when I arrived, AND there would be a gift of some sort on top of it. You need the lawn mowed and some repairs while we are there? Sure! But not everyone is handy, and not everyone is grateful. You have to show that you are grateful, not that you have your hands out. People who have not grown up around wealthy people are less privy to the intricacies of those relationships - it is respect, more than favors.

I know some people who have a rental and they have the same renters every year for this reason. Plus, at least one of them brings their grandfather, a contractor, who does small jobs in addition to paying full rent. They don't have their hands out - they appreciate the rental. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no great mystery to how it works. They respect that the owner worked hard, nothing was given to them (they have gotten to know each other over the years), and that this is their home. Their home means a lot to them. The home also mean a lot to the renters, who have created years of family memories there (in the same house). The relationship, their hard work and their home deserve respect - it becomes mutual when the renters go out of their way for them, because it is not a big deal for the
renters. If it is a big deal to you, don't participate. Why are you trying to make it something it is not? Do you do this often?

I agree with the prior poster, not this person. If you don't rent your house, there is no fee. I don't know what my house would rent for b/c I've never rented it.

With that said, the quid pro quo is real! I do favors on internships all the time. That's what people want. It's not about the money, it's about the access. You stay in my house, my kids gets a summer internship.

Sure, this whole thread is about "internships" not user "friends". Okay, whatever you say. /s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1. :mic drop:

This is not a "mic drop" moment. This is a "you showed your ass, you are insanely rude, much ruder than the empty-handed guest" moment. You may have money, but live with a scarcity mentality. Pitiful and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Scarcity mentally makes ppl
Money, especially those born with nothing.

This is the OP and my husband told the guy (girl had no idea he asked) that we had an inquiry into renting it this weekend. .