Wife is not a good sham

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP would you be happier if she worked 40 hours a week? How would you outsource whatever it is you think should be done during those hours? Would your role in the other 128 hours be the same, or would you expect it to change?

OP here. I would be happy if she was happy. I want her to be happy with whatever she decides.

If we both worked FT, we would have a nanny or do daycare and spilt responsibilities around childcare, cooking, and household responsibilities.

When she worked PT with our first, I cooked on the days she worked and cleaned while she spent time with the baby. On the days she was home, she cooked and cleaned while I spent time with the baby and put him to bed.

It was very much equal. We didn’t have the nanny on the off days.

I think this is more about getting used to having second child. When you only have one child, then when one person has the child, the other is free. When you have two children, you can both be taking care of a child and no one is available to make dinner.

It seems like you think caring for an infant should be less work than a part time job. It isn’t. (Well, not with your first three anyway.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope she divorces you. She's not even 9 months postpartum, and you're whining about how she has to cook more for you, a grown man.

Cry to your mama about it, hire a chef, and leave the poor woman alone! She sounds like an excellent mom, even though you think she's a bad servant to you.

@sshole.

The woman has her kid in full day daycare 3 days per week and at least a half day nanny for 5. She can cook dinner and pickup the house. You guys are really pathetic.

The house IS picked up during the kids’ nap every day. OP is upset that he has to help with picking up again after they go to bed.
He also feels that dinner needs to be made right before you eat it. Can’t make it earlier in the day and reheat.

So, these things need to be done at a specific time when the OP’s wife is also taking care of a toddler and an infant. Frankly, during the worst times of the day with a toddler and an infant.

The fact that she had a nanny there at 1pm doesn’t help her make dinner, clean up, and put kids to bed from 5pm-7pm.

OP and the nanny pick up. OP cooks. So what is the wife doing in the evening? Like I said, some of you are excusing some lazy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol The fact that you think your mother was super happy raising four children on her own without any help makes me think that you are completely delusional

Look, young children are an emotional and spiritual black hole. Dealing with them will take everything you have and then some. Yes they are cute and delightful but it is grueling, the endless day after day of mind numbing boredom punctuated by irrational shrieking.

If this is not a troll, go ahead and tank your marriage by complaining to your wife that she isn’t pulling her weight!! She probably does so much stuff that you do not even notice. You spend your days dwelling in the world of adults. You do not understand and it is clear that you do not understand.

OP here. My mom did love raising us. She chose to quit her career and has said many times throughout my life that being able to raise her kids is her greatest blessing. Two of my SIL struggled with the idea of staying home and she shared how raising kids was more fulfilling than any career. I’m not saying kids aren’t hard and that it’s always easy. Some women do love and enjoy it.

I didn’t my wife be a SAHM. I recognized her hard work in her career and never thought she would choose to be a SAHM. She made this decision on her own. I’m grateful for her sacrifice.

You know what’s going to make your wife unfulfilled and unhappy? You complaining she doesn’t do enough housework and cooking. Do you think her work ethic and interest in cooking suddenly evaporated? No, what happened, you giant d*ckheah, is that she has an infant and a toddler and is exhausted. For the love of god stop comparing her to other Stepford wives in your head.

+1 women really love being compared to the MIls.

OP here's a challenge for you take a week off from work and switch roles with your wife, and then come back and tell us how it went.

OP here. I’ve done this. My wife has had to go out of town to deal with family issues, and I’ve taken over for twice. Once she was gone for two weeks and I managed just fine.

Your wife left her infant and toddler for two weeks? That’s a long time. What’s going on with her family? Something tells me that her childhood was a lot different from yours. I don’t know anyone who has left an infant for weeks in order to care for adult relatives.

OP here. Our childhoods were the same. Her mom was a SAHM ( never worked) and her dad worked.

Her mom had some health issues that make it hard for get to get around. Her dad had to have surgery and she went to help them both.

Is that why she stopped breastfeeding?

That just seems like such a huge ask. I can’t really even fathom it.

OP here. No. She stopped breastfeeding because she was ready to. She pumped enough extra milk to get him to 6 months and that was her goal. She doesn’t like breastfeeding past 4-6 months because she is done once they start teething.

It was a huge ask but she wanted to do it. I offered to pay for a nurse to help them but her parents are really stubborn and don’t do well with strangers in their home. Her siblings refused to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

[Anonymous]

She sounds lovely and you need to remind yourself she gave birth 6 months ago. You did not give birth. She needs to slowly take on more household tasks and you need to educate yourself on the enormity of whst childbirth means for a woman's body. And caring for a toddler while recovering from that to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

She doesn't want to cook now. Why is this hard for you to understand? So either hire someone who will cook or you do it and stop your whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

Okay so is this really what it's all about? She used to cook for you, and now she doesn't? If she went back to work full time, who would you want to cook? 50/50? Just do that for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

Okay so is this really what it's all about? She used to cook for you, and now she doesn't? If she went back to work full time, who would you want to cook? 50/50? Just do that for now.

She should be cooking because she chose to stay home. She has almost FT help big can’t put a meal on the table? She’s lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

Okay so is this really what it's all about? She used to cook for you, and now she doesn't? If she went back to work full time, who would you want to cook? 50/50? Just do that for now.

OP shouldn’t have to cook when his wife is home and barely does anything with almost FT help. If roles were reversed, everyone would be calling OP lazy and saying he’s not pulling his weight.

[Anonymous]

This sounds trollish

SAHM with a PT nanny? Referring to the cleaners as a housekeeper? DH doing the laundry and all the cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

Okay so is this really what it's all about? She used to cook for you, and now she doesn't? If she went back to work full time, who would you want to cook? 50/50? Just do that for now.

She should be cooking because she chose to stay home. She has almost FT help big can’t put a meal on the table? She’s lazy.

She shouldn't have to cook if she doesn't want to. SAHM does not equal indentured servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re fixated on the cooking vs. ordering food but what if she’s just kind of a bad cook? Not saying you can’t get better, it’s a learned skill like anything else. It’s just hard to learn when you have a baby and a toddler around a lot of the time. And from her perspective she’s probably fine with takeout and what not. There are a lot of good meal shortcuts around today if you’re willing to throw $$ at the problem. But she may not even be aware of all of them.

OP here. She’s a good cook. She cooked throughout our marriage before kids and with our first. She taught herself to cook and took lessons because she wanted to learn how to be a good cook. She used to cook from scratch and make most meals at home until we had our second.

Okay so is this really what it's all about? She used to cook for you, and now she doesn't? If she went back to work full time, who would you want to cook? 50/50? Just do that for now.

OP shouldn’t have to cook when his wife is home and barely does anything with almost FT help. If roles were reversed, everyone would be calling OP lazy and saying he’s not pulling his weight.

She shouldn't have to cook if she doesn't want to. SAHM does not equal indentured servant.

[Anonymous]

Buy some healthy prepared meals to save your marriage. You need to let go of the idea that the normal or right way to do things is to have a home cooked meal every night. It doesn’t matter if your mom was able to do this or if other SAHM do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lovely and you need to remind yourself she gave birth 6 months ago. You did not give birth. She needs to slowly take on more household tasks and you need to educate yourself on the enormity of whst childbirth means for a woman's body. And caring for a toddler while recovering from that to boot.

This.
If you can be really supportive for the next 1-3 years, it will pay dividends for the next 50+.

[Anonymous]

This time with small kids is such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things, OP. And it only happens once. I think a lot of women who tried to do everything at the same time wish we had taken her approach.