We chose not to redshirt DS without considering the long-term consequences:

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Three months can make a big difference when you’re a kid.

There will always be three month differences with kids in school! No, it’s not a big difference once they are past preschool. Not at all.

Ok but then the 3 months older a redshirted August kid is to an on-time October kid equally makes no difference.

That would be a 14-month difference.

No, a redshirted August kindergartener turns six the first week of school. The on time October birthday turns six the 8th-12th week of school.

Yes those kids are only a few weeks apart in age. That's how we end up with so many 18yr old seniors that people like PP refuse to acknowledge the existence of.

January to June would be 18 year only normal seniors. But they are 17-18. 18-19 should be in college. It’s not fun for them being that old while their peers are in college and they are stuck in hs. So many are worried about maturity but you are making your kids less mature when you compare them with students a year or more younger

This isn’t NY. You are dead wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Three months can make a big difference when you’re a kid.

There will always be three month differences with kids in school! No, it’s not a big difference once they are past preschool. Not at all.

Ok but then the 3 months older a redshirted August kid is to an on-time October kid equally makes no difference.

That would be a 14-month difference.

No, a redshirted August kindergartener turns six the first week of school. The on time October birthday turns six the 8th-12th week of school.

Yes those kids are only a few weeks apart in age. That's how we end up with so many 18yr old seniors that people like PP refuse to acknowledge the existence of.

OMG. The real question is what is the age difference between the youngest child in the class and the eldest. Don’t be obtuse

Poor families need the free childcare of public school to be able to work so they tend to “ green shirt” their kids ie send them as early as possible so possibly 4 to K. Middle class families want to get every advantage that they can get so redshirt to make sure their kid is the eldest, so possibly 6 . The consequence is that the real time gap between the youngest and eldest in the classroom is over 12 months. Malcolm Gladwells research concluded that even in a 12 month age range there is a significant advantage to being on the older side academically and athletically so common sense should tell you that increasing that 12 month gap further will exacerbate the inequality.

4yr olds don’t belong in kindergarten. NY is completely behind the times. I don’t blame parents for doing the right thing.

They are turning five within a few weeks. Yes they do. The advantage is having a iq and support at home. My kids were reading by age three.

Mine too and I still didn’t send to K at 4. Its not developmentally appropriate, and would be considered child abuse in parts of Europe. You can read and write and learn without sitting at a desk for hours on end with 35 minutes outdoors like a prisoner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 years to graduate college..not a big deal I don’t get it

When everyone in your social circle graduates in 4 years or less, it is a big deal. It’s only among LMC people that taking longer than 4 years to graduate isn’t so unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years to graduate college..not a big deal I don’t get it

When everyone in your social circle graduates in 4 years or less, it is a big deal. It’s only among LMC people that taking longer than 4 years to graduate isn’t so unusual.

Wouldn’t LMC people have more motivation to graduate quicker, seeing as how expensive college is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years to graduate college..not a big deal I don’t get it

When everyone in your social circle graduates in 4 years or less, it is a big deal. It’s only among LMC people that taking longer than 4 years to graduate isn’t so unusual.

Wouldn’t LMC people have more motivation to graduate quicker, seeing as how expensive college is?

They may want to graduate in four years, but many of them can only attend college part time because they need to work full time to pay for their education.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but this has more to do with your parenting and less to do with when your son started school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My son has a September bday; we did not redshirt. He is the top band as a freshman.

Ours was too. It has nothing to do with age, but talent and practice.

There are absolutely skills tied to development, including abstract reasoning, attention span and coordination. Being a year older does matter for nearly everything.

No, if your child is talented, they will be fine. Start them early with private lessons and private orchestra/music groups. That is what makes a difference.

With math, some of it is how their brain functions. If they are not math kids, they will struggle either way. If they are and ready, you let them do it.

That's really not how it works. You don't see people training their 6 mo so they can be "talented" and walk at 9 mo. It's really the same with other development too. There are brain functions that develop at certain ages and while some kids develop early, it doesn't mean that those who aren't early with that skill aren't talented or won't actually be better at it in the long run.

What you're arguing is akin to bragging that your kid started puberty earlier so they're more talented. Or saying that putting your kid in private lessons will make them start puberty. Brain development isn't puberty, but both are development that come for kids in a mostly predictable window of time, with some kids starting earlier and some later. You can't rush it or change it with "lessons." Abstract reasoning is a brain function that develops in a developmental windows and it's not about training or lessons.

Are you making excuses? If you want your kids strong in an area, YOU need to put in an effort. For sports, arts, etc. kids start young and often do it both at school and privately. You cannot wait till high school and say, hey, why isn't my child as good as Larla when Larla started in elementary school.

Plenty of us have kid born with the talent to excel in art, ballet, football, baseball, whatever, and do not need to begin formal lessons crazy early. They also don’t need private coaching unless they want to work on something specific. You can’t make a basketball player out of a 5’ sophomore who runs slow, no matter that he started at 5 years old and had weekly coaching for years. It’s not about starting early it’s about having natural ability, work ethic and love of the activity. How hard is that to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a September bday; we did not redshirt. He is the top band as a freshman.

Ours was too. It has nothing to do with age, but talent and practice.

There are absolutely skills tied to development, including abstract reasoning, attention span and coordination. Being a year older does matter for nearly everything.

No, if your child is talented, they will be fine. Start them early with private lessons and private orchestra/music groups. That is what makes a difference.

With math, some of it is how their brain functions. If they are not math kids, they will struggle either way. If they are and ready, you let them do it.

That's really not how it works. You don't see people training their 6 mo so they can be "talented" and walk at 9 mo. It's really the same with other development too. There are brain functions that develop at certain ages and while some kids develop early, it doesn't mean that those who aren't early with that skill aren't talented or won't actually be better at it in the long run.

What you're arguing is akin to bragging that your kid started puberty earlier so they're more talented. Or saying that putting your kid in private lessons will make them start puberty. Brain development isn't puberty, but both are development that come for kids in a mostly predictable window of time, with some kids starting earlier and some later. You can't rush it or change it with "lessons." Abstract reasoning is a brain function that develops in a developmental windows and it's not about training or lessons.

Are you making excuses? If you want your kids strong in an area, YOU need to put in an effort. For sports, arts, etc. kids start young and often do it both at school and privately. You cannot wait till high school and say, hey, why isn't my child as good as Larla when Larla started in elementary school.

Plenty of us have kid born with the talent to excel in art, ballet, football, baseball, whatever, and do not need to begin formal lessons crazy early. They also don’t need private coaching unless they want to work on something specific. You can’t make a basketball player out of a 5’ sophomore who runs slow, no matter that he started at 5 years old and had weekly coaching for years. It’s not about starting early it’s about having natural ability, work ethic and love of the activity. How hard is that to understand.

This.

[Anonymous]

What makes you so sure your son’s failures are a result of not being redshirted?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Three months can make a big difference when you’re a kid.

There will always be three month differences with kids in school! No, it’s not a big difference once they are past preschool. Not at all.

Ok but then the 3 months older a redshirted August kid is to an on-time October kid equally makes no difference.

That would be a 14-month difference.

No, a redshirted August kindergartener turns six the first week of school. The on time October birthday turns six the 8th-12th week of school.

Yes those kids are only a few weeks apart in age. That's how we end up with so many 18yr old seniors that people like PP refuse to acknowledge the existence of.

OMG. The real question is what is the age difference between the youngest child in the class and the eldest. Don’t be obtuse

Poor families need the free childcare of public school to be able to work so they tend to “ green shirt” their kids ie send them as early as possible so possibly 4 to K. Middle class families want to get every advantage that they can get so redshirt to make sure their kid is the eldest, so possibly 6 . The consequence is that the real time gap between the youngest and eldest in the classroom is over 12 months. Malcolm Gladwells research concluded that even in a 12 month age range there is a significant advantage to being on the older side academically and athletically so common sense should tell you that increasing that 12 month gap further will exacerbate the inequality.

4yr olds don’t belong in kindergarten. NY is completely behind the times. I don’t blame parents for doing the right thing.

They are turning five within a few weeks. Yes they do. The advantage is having a iq and support at home. My kids were reading by age three.

Mine too and I still didn’t send to K at 4. Its not developmentally appropriate, and would be considered child abuse in parts of Europe. You can read and write and learn without sitting at a desk for hours on end with 35 minutes outdoors like a prisoner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Three months can make a big difference when you’re a kid.

There will always be three month differences with kids in school! No, it’s not a big difference once they are past preschool. Not at all.

Ok but then the 3 months older a redshirted August kid is to an on-time October kid equally makes no difference.

That would be a 14-month difference.

No, a redshirted August kindergartener turns six the first week of school. The on time October birthday turns six the 8th-12th week of school.

Yes those kids are only a few weeks apart in age. That's how we end up with so many 18yr old seniors that people like PP refuse to acknowledge the existence of.

OMG. The real question is what is the age difference between the youngest child in the class and the eldest. Don’t be obtuse

Poor families need the free childcare of public school to be able to work so they tend to “ green shirt” their kids ie send them as early as possible so possibly 4 to K. Middle class families want to get every advantage that they can get so redshirt to make sure their kid is the eldest, so possibly 6 . The consequence is that the real time gap between the youngest and eldest in the classroom is over 12 months. Malcolm Gladwells research concluded that even in a 12 month age range there is a significant advantage to being on the older side academically and athletically so common sense should tell you that increasing that 12 month gap further will exacerbate the inequality.

4yr olds don’t belong in kindergarten. NY is completely behind the times. I don’t blame parents for doing the right thing.

They are turning five within a few weeks. Yes they do. The advantage is having a iq and support at home. My kids were reading by age three.

Mine too and I still didn’t send to K at 4. Its not developmentally appropriate, and would be considered child abuse in parts of Europe. You can read and write and learn without sitting at a desk for hours on end with 35 minutes outdoors like a prisoner.

Is that what they do in kindergarten? Sit at a desk for hours on end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years to graduate college..not a big deal I don’t get it

When everyone in your social circle graduates in 4 years or less, it is a big deal. It’s only among LMC people that taking longer than 4 years to graduate isn’t so unusual.

This is one of the stupidest comments on this very long subject. Who cares if a student takes 4 or 5 years to finish a degree? Based on your grammar I’m assuming English is not your primary language. You have to learn to relax.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you give your son a handmade excuse for every failure. It's not your fault you didn't study for your math test; mommy didn't consider how lazy you'd be 11 years ago when she shipped you to Kindy!

Going to school on time is not why he took an extra year to graduate college. Possibly being raised by parents who told him, "it's not your fault, you're 3 months younger than your BFF how can you be held to the same standard??!" is the reason, though.

Three months can make a big difference when you’re a kid.

There will always be three month differences with kids in school! No, it’s not a big difference once they are past preschool. Not at all.

Ok but then the 3 months older a redshirted August kid is to an on-time October kid equally makes no difference.

That would be a 14-month difference.

No, a redshirted August kindergartener turns six the first week of school. The on time October birthday turns six the 8th-12th week of school.

Yes those kids are only a few weeks apart in age. That's how we end up with so many 18yr old seniors that people like PP refuse to acknowledge the existence of.

OMG. The real question is what is the age difference between the youngest child in the class and the eldest. Don’t be obtuse

Poor families need the free childcare of public school to be able to work so they tend to “ green shirt” their kids ie send them as early as possible so possibly 4 to K. Middle class families want to get every advantage that they can get so redshirt to make sure their kid is the eldest, so possibly 6 . The consequence is that the real time gap between the youngest and eldest in the classroom is over 12 months. Malcolm Gladwells research concluded that even in a 12 month age range there is a significant advantage to being on the older side academically and athletically so common sense should tell you that increasing that 12 month gap further will exacerbate the inequality.

4yr olds don’t belong in kindergarten. NY is completely behind the times. I don’t blame parents for doing the right thing.

They are turning five within a few weeks. Yes they do. The advantage is having a iq and support at home. My kids were reading by age three.

Mine too and I still didn’t send to K at 4. Its not developmentally appropriate, and would be considered child abuse in parts of Europe. You can read and write and learn without sitting at a desk for hours on end with 35 minutes outdoors like a prisoner.

Most Americans aren’t interested in taking advice from European countries. The age you start reading is similar to the age you start walking. Irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The purpose is this post is to encourage parents of kids born between October and December to think long-term when deciding whether or not to send them to kindergarten at 4. Our son has a late November birthday, and when he was 4, all that mattered to us was that he was ready for Kindergarten. We didn't ask ourselves how he would do in high school or college. Thus, we sent him at 4, and he has ultimately been emotionally damaged because of it.

Now contrary to popular opinion, he didn't feel as bad about being the last to get his driver's license as one might expect. After all, it's a hard and fast rule in this country that if you're under 16, you're now allowed a driver's license. Thus, our son knew that his classmates weren't driving before him because of anything he had done wrong; he knew that it was just the law and there was no reason for him to blame himself. However, our son experienced other problems that I'm sure were an indirect result of his relative age. However, because these problems were an indirect result, he had a much harder time not blaming himself for them.

One such example is that he didn't make it into his high school's top orchestra until his senior year, while most of his orchestra friends made it in their junior year. Concerts were torture for him his junior year, as he had to sit in the audience watching his classmates perform some of the greatest classical pieces ever written.

Another example is that he failed Pre-Calculus his junior year, and had to retake it his senior year, meaning he graduated high school with no knowledge of Calculus. Whenever he got together with his friends to study during his senior year, he had to endure the shame of pulling out his Pre-Calculus textbook while all his friends pulled out their Calculus(and in some cases, Multivariable Calculus) textbooks.

But, most recently and most importantly, is that he failed to graduate from college in 4 years. Due to his immaturity when he entered college, he wasn't able to handle as much as most of his classmates, and the result was that he ended up falling a year behind. He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it. These past weeks, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook. The moderator of that group, the other day, made a post saying, "Congratulations college grads!" which filled our son with shame. A parent of one of his friends from high school invited them to a college graduation party at their enormous house, to which our son had to gloomily decline. Even though he's graduating next year, the people he's going to graduate with are people he barely knows, whereas most people who graduate from college together have shared the full 4 years together, from start to finish.

I've never heard a parent say they regret redshirting, but I've heard many parents say they regret not redshirting, and now I understand why.

Many great lessons in your child’s life about resilience - don’t foster that victim mentality you’re venting out here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. Because of where we lived at the time, ours started kindergarten at 4 despite turning 5 in late November, and never had any problems. This sounds specific to your son, not all boys born at the same time.

Thank you. Signed late Dec. baby who graduated at 17, college at 21, Phd by 25, postdoc now millionaire in late 40s. And, grad school was free.