Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

As usual OP buried the lede. The real issue is that her dad is a jerk so she shouldn’t have invited them at all. But otherwise one should absolutely give the first class seats to the elderly. And it’s not emotional blackmail to say we’ve reconsidered and we just don’t think we should go on a flight that long without lay down seats. That’s actually pretty dangerous for the elderly because of the blood clot issue. I’m 50 (with kids younger than OP!). and it’s starting to make me nervous

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't the grandparents booked their own first class tickets? Was first class sold out or did they just not want to spend the money?

I would be so pissed. My FIL tries stuff like this all the time. We stopped vacationing with him many years ago because he was always doing these shakedowns.

OP here. My dad sounds just like your FIL. He is super controlling, demands respect, and throws a temper tantrum anytime he doesn’t get what he wants. He has alienated dozens of family members over the years. He is a textbook narcissist.

OP, you obviously don’t like your parents. Why did you even invite them to accompany your family on this trip?

You should have offered the nicer seats to your parents at the beginning. I think you’re embarrassed that you didn’t do the right thing to start with and now you’re digging in your heels.

Who is paying for the cruise? Are your parents paying their own way or are you all paying for that?

My guess is that OP invited her parents out of obligation, since they always made her feel like she had to accommodate others and wasn't allowed to set boundaries, stuff like that. A lot of us have been strong-armed into being nice so we don't know how to say no, and then don't know how to handle the conflict that inevitably arises.

Yes, or feels an obligation to foster a strong bond between OPs kids and grandparents. This stuff can be a mine field when you have grandparents who play games like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are selfish entitled jerks. Normally I'd offer to trade the seats, but the way they're going about it makes me never want to vacation with them again.

Honestly I'd call their bluff and say so be it.

Plus your family shouldn't have to be separated on a family vacation they are trading along on. With kids separated you won't be able to relax as easily either. I wouldn't be able to sleep nor being able to keep an eye on them. This will impact you too not just the kids. Call their bluff!

[Anonymous]

*tagging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As usual OP buried the lede. The real issue is that her dad is a jerk so she shouldn’t have invited them at all. But otherwise one should absolutely give the first class seats to the elderly. And it’s not emotional blackmail to say we’ve reconsidered and we just don’t think we should go on a flight that long without lay down seats. That’s actually pretty dangerous for the elderly because of the blood clot issue. I’m 50 (with kids younger than OP!). and it’s starting to make me nervous

Complete and utter BS. You do realize elderly people fly coach ALL THE TIME and live to tell about it.

If it was that important to them they need to pay up for their own seats.

[Anonymous]

Hah I would have stuck my kids back in coach. I used to fly coach when my parents were in first. Probably from age 12 onwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going on a family vacation + cruise later this summer to Greek Isles. Originally booked for myself, DH, and our two kids (16 and 14). We invited my parents a few months ago and they decided to join us. Our family booked 4 first class seats IAD-ATH using FF miles on United (DH is Global Services on United and got a good deal) and my parents ended up booking 2 coach seats in cash many months later (no status). Well, yesterday my parents decided they wouldn’t go on the trip unless they flew first class and that our kids don’t need to fly first class and we should allow them to switch. My dad even offered to give each of my kids $50 to move from first to coach so that they could have lie flat seating transatlantic.

DH is super annoyed. My parents are being real jerks about this and how kids don’t need first class and my dad’s back aches so he totally needs first class. What do I do?

Can't believe you planned to sit your old parents in coach and 4 of you sitting in first class. Your brain told you somehow this was okay?

[Anonymous]

Your parents are cheap hustlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dh and I are also United global services so can usually get upgrades. We are in the same boat in that our boys don’t care and our girls are way too used to business. That said, United has gotten pretty strict about switching seats. They don’t allow you to switch cabins after boarding. I also think you may have an issue at the gate given they check your passport and boarding pass. I don’t think at this point you can just call and switch names.
I would have given an upgrade to my parents if available but getting 6 in business for summer to Europe is tough. People don’t understand that there are limited upgrades available per flight. They also take a ton of miles. I just upgraded us on a flight this summer and it was 100,000 miles/seat one way and 80,000 the other. That’s a crazy amount of needed travel to earn that many points.

I’d rather not fly than fly United.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This speaks to American culture.

Can you imagine this dynamic in an Asian family?

There is no respect for family especially the older family members.

Name another culture where this would even be an issue?

I am not American. My parents would no way ever expect my children, their grandchildren to give up seats we bought for them. If we offered, they would refuse and probably be insulted. Then again, they buy the tickets in the class they wish to travel, which is either business or economy plus.

Asian is a broad term, so try and narrow it down a bit.

Asian parents would pay first class for everyone

I thought rich Asians fly private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You didn't offer them the first class seats at no extra cost to them? You're lucky they're offering your kids $50 each. Your kids don't need to fly first class. Your parents are right. How old are they?

I agree. I would even give them my seat, so if I was in first, and they were in economy. Or I would use my husbands points to upgrade them. Either way, parents fly first over us and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This speaks to American culture.

Can you imagine this dynamic in an Asian family?

There is no respect for family especially the older family members.

Name another culture where this would even be an issue?

I am not American. My parents would no way ever expect my children, their grandchildren to give up seats we bought for them. If we offered, they would refuse and probably be insulted. Then again, they buy the tickets in the class they wish to travel, which is either business or economy plus.

Asian is a broad term, so try and narrow it down a bit.

Asian parents would pay first class for everyone

I thought rich Asians fly private?

An Asian family would never be in this situation in the first place.

[Anonymous]

This is kind of off topic but my dad and stepmom are quite wealthy world travelers. They only have two grandkids (my kids) and despite them taking 7-8 trips a year they have never invited us, or joined us in a trip and visited us maybe 3-4 times in 14 years. We are expected to show up at their house when it’s convenient for them 1-2x/year. So I guess I would see this as an opportunity to try to spend time together as a family and while the demand was rude I would give older people first class seats. You don’t know how much time you have left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s economy, not cargo. The grandparents will survive. If they truly *needed* business class, they would have paid for it. They’re freeloaders. And I bet they are not 85.

Right? It's not that the OP is dining first class on the titanic and sending her parents to steerage. And come ON people, it's what - a 6 hour flight?

9 hours in the air to Athens. 10 on the return. Remember you have to fly all the way across Europe- it's quite a bit further than anywhere in western Europe.

We never go direct - always through AMS or Heathrow.

Again, I think OP and DH should give their seats - if anyone does. But, I don't think I would

Is this meant to be a flex? Because it’s not, quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't the grandparents booked their own first class tickets? Was first class sold out or did they just not want to spend the money?

I would be so pissed. My FIL tries stuff like this all the time. We stopped vacationing with him many years ago because he was always doing these shakedowns.

OP here. My dad sounds just like your FIL. He is super controlling, demands respect, and throws a temper tantrum anytime he doesn’t get what he wants. He has alienated dozens of family members over the years. He is a textbook narcissist.

And you think this trip will be magical why exactly? He sounds dreadful.