When you meet other moms and their kids, what signals upper class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

I think you've just described me. I work PT from home and have total control over my schedule. I volunteer at the school, do luncheons during the week, etc. I make ~300k, give or take. We outsouce everything but cooking and had a FT nanny until the little one was 7 (she moved, otherwise we would have kept her). DH has less flexibility and WFH maybe 2 or 3 days a week. We're fit, ski in CO when the kids are out of school, travel internationally 1-2x per year, members of a country club, and kids are in private school and do tons of activities. I think some (not all) SAHMs judge me and I'm friends with the ones that don't. I run in circles with both types of women but the trend is for highly educated women who work with lots flexibility and reasonable pay. Both types singnal UC to some degree and both signal MC to some degree...it's the whole package that gives it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

I think you've just described me. I work PT from home and have total control over my schedule. I volunteer at the school, do luncheons during the week, etc. I make ~300k, give or take. We outsouce everything but cooking and had a FT nanny until the little one was 7 (she moved, otherwise we would have kept her). DH has less flexibility and WFH maybe 2 or 3 days a week. We're fit, ski in CO when the kids are out of school, travel internationally 1-2x per year, members of a country club, and kids are in private school and do tons of activities. I think some (not all) SAHMs judge me and I'm friends with the ones that don't. I run in circles with both types of women but the trend is for highly educated women who work with lots flexibility and reasonable pay. Both types singnal UC to some degree and both signal MC to some degree...it's the whole package that gives it away.

You sound happy and like your lifestyle is a lot of fun!

I do not however think that your status as a PT worker is a signal of UC as OP is asking. Judgmental, snobby people will assume that on some level, you need to work to maintain your country club and ski vacations. UC people don’t need both spouses to work to do that…many don’t even need one income if they have family money.

(This is NOT my opinion mind you, I’m just saying what these type of people will think behind closed doors.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

I think you've just described me. I work PT from home and have total control over my schedule. I volunteer at the school, do luncheons during the week, etc. I make ~300k, give or take. We outsouce everything but cooking and had a FT nanny until the little one was 7 (she moved, otherwise we would have kept her). DH has less flexibility and WFH maybe 2 or 3 days a week. We're fit, ski in CO when the kids are out of school, travel internationally 1-2x per year, members of a country club, and kids are in private school and do tons of activities. I think some (not all) SAHMs judge me and I'm friends with the ones that don't. I run in circles with both types of women but the trend is for highly educated women who work with lots flexibility and reasonable pay. Both types singnal UC to some degree and both signal MC to some degree...it's the whole package that gives it away.

You sound happy and like your lifestyle is a lot of fun!

I do not however think that your status as a PT worker is a signal of UC as OP is asking. Judgmental, snobby people will assume that on some level, you need to work to maintain your country club and ski vacations. UC people don’t need both spouses to work to do that…many don’t even need one income if they have family money.

(This is NOT my opinion mind you, I’m just saying what these type of people will think behind closed doors.)

I don’t think UC care about PP’s PT job either.

I don’t work. We ski, vacation, country club members. No one cares that I don’t work either. My kids are excellent skiers, golfers and tennis players. My kids are great kids and UC kids seem to like my kids. I don’t think any parents care. I don’t care. They don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quiet confidence, yes, but nothing signals upper class on a young child like very good manners and impulse control.

So to be clear, you think wealthy children have different brain structures compared to other children? Or might it be that the manners, clothing, etc. bias you towards overlooking behavior(s)?

My UC children have wonderful manners.... when they're not misbehaving.

Yes, that is kind of my point. The previous poster just had to add better impulse control for wealthy children, which is a bit of a stretch. All children have difficulty with impulse control (brain development) with a wide range of normal. Wealthy children dont have different brains, they just have pretty clothes and nice manners and people allow for more "negative" behavior because of that. You are primed to give them the benefit of the doubt because in our society wealthy=virtuous/right/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

I think you've just described me. I work PT from home and have total control over my schedule. I volunteer at the school, do luncheons during the week, etc. I make ~300k, give or take. We outsouce everything but cooking and had a FT nanny until the little one was 7 (she moved, otherwise we would have kept her). DH has less flexibility and WFH maybe 2 or 3 days a week. We're fit, ski in CO when the kids are out of school, travel internationally 1-2x per year, members of a country club, and kids are in private school and do tons of activities. I think some (not all) SAHMs judge me and I'm friends with the ones that don't. I run in circles with both types of women but the trend is for highly educated women who work with lots flexibility and reasonable pay. Both types singnal UC to some degree and both signal MC to some degree...it's the whole package that gives it away.

You sound happy and like your lifestyle is a lot of fun!

I do not however think that your status as a PT worker is a signal of UC as OP is asking. Judgmental, snobby people will assume that on some level, you need to work to maintain your country club and ski vacations. UC people don’t need both spouses to work to do that…many don’t even need one income if they have family money.

(This is NOT my opinion mind you, I’m just saying what these type of people will think behind closed doors.)

I don’t think UC care about PP’s PT job either.

I don’t work. We ski, vacation, country club members. No one cares that I don’t work either. My kids are excellent skiers, golfers and tennis players. My kids are great kids and UC kids seem to like my kids. I don’t think any parents care. I don’t care. They don’t care.

I'm the PP and I totally agree with you!

Most don't care. We care that your kind, nice to be with, and have common interests...that can be books, kids, travel, work, whatever... oh, and I love a good laugh, so a sense of humor goes a long way with me.

[Anonymous]

UC women work but in hobby jobs that make no money...that's the reals flex. Paying for full time childcare so you can "work" in a job that makes no money. Interior designer, shop owner, artist, calligrapher, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

I think Jeff needs to create an entire new forum for Superficial Bullshit.
"What to wear to signal upper class"
"What gym to join if you want to go form MC to UC?"
"What to plant in your front yard to signal you're rich"
"Does this purse scream I'm rich bish or should I keep shopping?"
"Is it UMC to get monthly botox?"
All into one forum and away from nice people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking of a mom who is very well put-together, trim, and pretty. Her kids are well behaved, other than a short-lived pout, and the family lives in one of those nice custom homes spanning 5 or 6,000 square feet in a good school district. The kids are wearing nice clothes, brand name shoes and go to nice camps.

The family vacations in Hawaii, Mexico, the Caribbean and may travel back to their home country in August.

Is this spot on? If not, what signals wealth with families in the DMV?

What signals upper class above all is that you care about your family, not someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Jeff needs to create an entire new forum for Superficial Bullshit.
"What to wear to signal upper class"
"What gym to join if you want to go form MC to UC?"
"What to plant in your front yard to signal you're rich"
"Does this purse scream I'm rich bish or should I keep shopping?"
"Is it UMC to get monthly botox?"
All into one forum and away from nice people.

Could be name Keeping Up with the Jones and could indeed be very popular -- and very profitable for Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Jeff needs to create an entire new forum for Superficial Bullshit.
"What to wear to signal upper class"
"What gym to join if you want to go form MC to UC?"
"What to plant in your front yard to signal you're rich"
"Does this purse scream I'm rich bish or should I keep shopping?"
"Is it UMC to get monthly botox?"
All into one forum and away from nice people.

This one is my favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Jeff needs to create an entire new forum for Superficial Bullshit.
"What to wear to signal upper class"
"What gym to join if you want to go form MC to UC?"
"What to plant in your front yard to signal you're rich"
"Does this purse scream I'm rich bish or should I keep shopping?"
"Is it UMC to get monthly botox?"
All into one forum and away from nice people.

Could be name Keeping Up with the Jones and could indeed be very popular -- and very profitable for Jeff.

I like that name! Considering bringing it up in Website Feedback if the status obsessed threads pick up more!

[Anonymous]

You describe upper middle, not upper. Upper doesn't vacation in places, they have other homes in places. But for upper middle in this area, that describes some of my friends, and to be honest none of them fit the bill you gave. A lot of the ladies are overweight, and some of the kids are absolute brats. True, the clothes are better, and they take a lot more vacations than we can afford, plus they usually have a nanny or au pair. The houses are big, sure, but they aren't really all that special other than being big. Most of the women work, and a lot of them are the main bread winners, and some of the husbands are actually stay-at-home.

So I guess when I look at women with kids, I don't really assume that because they are skinny and the kids are well-behaved that that means they are rich.

I think the key marker of having a bit of money here are the ability to buy things and take expensive vacations. How people look says little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UC women work but in hobby jobs that make no money...that's the reals flex. Paying for full time childcare so you can "work" in a job that makes no money. Interior designer, shop owner, artist, calligrapher, etc etc.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full time nanny with a stay at home mom.

Yes, but this is the definition. Where I am if there are two kids and mom works then there are two Nannies. I’ve also seen variations of this- three kids, two Nannie’s, SAHM mom.

I’m a sahm and had a ft nanny with 3 kids. This was not a big deal.

Working mom with multiple nannies does not signal UC to me at all. This signals mom works a lot. I feel UC moms don’t work a lot.

We live in an affluent neighborhood. Most of the moms don’t work. The husbands all must earn seven or eight figures. In many homes, both the husband and wife don’t seem to have real jobs.

I don’t find SAHM mom as a definite indicator of UC. More and more I’m seeing women who have such big careers that it doesn’t make sense for them to stay home; is an entrepreneur, or has been able to secure a profitable WFH or PT arrangement. I think the new trophy wife has interesting work, control over their schedule and enough help to be able to still have hobbies/do fun activities with their kids while outsourcing housework. I encounter these women more and more now, and am impressed by how much they do and how well they do it!

I agree that this is the new definition of “trophy wife”. My DH and I were actually just talking about this a few weeks ago. We’ve been in several situations in the last year or two where a couple we know or have just met talks about the fact that the wife stays home with, kind of, embarrassment. These are families with kids in school. It definitely doesn’t seem to signal UMC anymore. And I think if you’d asked me 10-15 years ago, when we were newly married, I would have said the opposite. DH compared those couples’ telling us about their SAHM situation to being like telling people your grown up child was still living in your basement.

I probably say it like that when I tell people I’m a SAHM but it’s just to head off their reaction/flatter them if I know they have two working parents. I’m actually quite comfortable with it. I’m not grey poupon rich though lol.

I think what’s more common is a SAHM who “works” at something that doesn’t make much money, like independent consulting or a dubious small business or whatever.