My abortion story

[Anonymous]

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I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.

You know, you don't have to like any of those reasons. You can feel they are totally wrong. People do things I strongly disagree with each and every day, but I wouldn't think of making illegal, like drinking alcohol.

Are you really comparing an adult drinking alcohol to aborting a baby?

Yes. We are talking about the government being able to enforce what a person can and cannot do with their body.

Remember that at one point, alcohol was illegal, because alcohol consumption has extremely negatively consequences for society at large. People die every day from drinking alcohol and from being impacted from those who drink. But we realized that hey, making something illegal isn't the way to deal with this. So yes, they are both good examples of disapproving of a choice but not advocating for criminalizing that choice.

That wouldn't even win you a regional high debate competition.

Well neither would that rebuttal, so...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The thing I find interesting in the things I’m reading since Friday here and on social media, is that the loudest voices are white privileged woman who CAN afford another baby and aren’t dealing with bad circumstances. Woman who want the option but might never choose and don’t relate at all the poor, underprivileged woman who seem most likely to choose abortion. I teach in a school with this population and likely half are illegal immigrants. Most of the kids I had could have been aborted because of their mom’s circumstances yet they choose life for them instead. And their lives haven’t necessarily gotten easier.

The statistics are out there that a majority of woman having abortions are Christian, married woman. Or the stories above of the catholic girls who likely had unsupportive parents and were terrified to tell them, not that it was easier for them to choose abortion.

I’m sorry but what is your point?

The point is that it’s not going to solve the problem of abortion being less accessible. These voices may not be anti-abortion but the time has come to figure out they can help to support the woman who find themselves in situations where they really, truly can’t afford to have a baby. It’s not a cause to fight for privileged woman who just don’t want to have a baby.

I still don’t get your point. So now, that abortion is being outlawed, you want to tone police women who are upset and suggest that they don’t really NEED abortions because they can afford to raise children? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.

It’s not being outlawed. Especially not anywhere near the DC area. But this issue is bigger than “ I didn’t want that gender” so I terminated the pregnancy. All I’m saying is the woman speaking out against this are not the woman in real need of an abortion.

Wait what? I’m OP and I am a white Jewish woman and I needed an abortion.

Are you saying that Hispanic and black and poor women should be aborting their children just because of their race or social status?

Well, OP, why do you think Planned Parenthood was started in the first place? There are such racist overtones to this issue that so many of you are just too narrow minded and unwilling to learn.

Please. I am plenty informed on race and abortion. I read articles like this (from a Black Woman) published seven years ago. You are a) behind in your information about race and planned parenthood and b) misinformed. Do not use Black women to try to further your narratives that deny them healthcare. Let them speak for themselves.

https://rewirenewsgroup.com/article/2015/08/20/false-narratives-margaret-sanger-used-shame-black-women/

Why is abortion the only type of healthcare for the poor that you are so concerned with? What are you doing to help people who lack access to everyday healthcare? For those who can't get treatment for diabetes, high blood pressure, Lupus, oral health? So many things that have such more greater implications on our society. If you are so concerned about Black women being denied healthcare, what are you doing about it? Besides coming here and posting a link to a heavily heavily biased website. Sanger's character and goals are well known. It is fact. I am not misinformed or behind. You are naive.

I'm an NP, not OP.

The heavily biased website you are referring to was founded and is run by Black women, so if you're going to just dismiss it by calling it biased that means that you are just going to say anything you disagree with is biased.

But anyway, abortion access for Black women is not the only type of healthcare I'm concerned about, but it's a huge one. Maternal mortality rates for Black women are horrifying. They are like rates where there is nois three times higher than it is for white women.

So, pregnancy is three times (!!!) more likely to result in death for a Black woman than a white woman.

This is why home birth can sometimes be a better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.

sure Jan. a “women’s hospital.”

[Anonymous]

No one wants a bunch of random people deciding whether the mother's life is truly in jeopardy before granting her the right to make her decision over her own body. There's the cautionary tale of Savita Halappanavar, a dentist of Indian origin, living in Ireland, who died from sepsis after her request for an abortion was denied by the Catholic hospital where she was being treated on legal grounds.

There was such a big outcry after her (completely unnecessary) death that abortion was legalized in Ireland.

[Anonymous]

Abortion is a personal choice, end of story. I am 43 years old, married to my college sweetheart, and a mother of two - and I had an abortion earlier this year. Another child truly would have upended our lives and I had a medical abortion without a second thought.

If you feel it’s your place to judge or place requirements on the availability of abortion, how many mothers are you supporting? How many babies are you buying diapers for, providing childcare for?

[Anonymous]

Before having kids i also would have been horrified by PP's story about not wanting a third boy. Now I know how huge a deal having a kid is, and think nobody should have one they don't want to, straight up.

I just don't think ending a pregnancy at 8 weeks is the same as killing a child. It feels to me like a fetus at that point is the potential of a child. Huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is a personal choice, end of story. I am 43 years old, married to my college sweetheart, and a mother of two - and I had an abortion earlier this year. Another child truly would have upended our lives and I had a medical abortion without a second thought.

If you feel it’s your place to judge or place requirements on the availability of abortion, how many mothers are you supporting? How many babies are you buying diapers for, providing childcare for?

Curious if you were using birth control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.

sure Jan. a “women’s hospital.”

+1. This has turned into a thread of trolls, not discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I delievered twins at 20 weeks and obviously they lived only a few hours, so I am truly sympathetic to your loss. I also endured non-stop and dangerous bleeding after a different delivery. So I understand a little bit what you went through. So please understand, I don't mean to be callous or dismissive. But, I am trying to understand how the abortion saved your life. It kind of sounds like the abortion endangered your life. What would have happened had the pregnancy been left to end on its own? Yes, it would have been difficult to know you were carrying a baby that would not survive, but it may very well have been a safer decision. Sometimes in life we suffer through very sad things. I have had my share. But I don't think it's accurate to say that abortion saved your life.

Oh, go to hell.

Not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is a personal choice, end of story. I am 43 years old, married to my college sweetheart, and a mother of two - and I had an abortion earlier this year. Another child truly would have upended our lives and I had a medical abortion without a second thought.

If you feel it’s your place to judge or place requirements on the availability of abortion, how many mothers are you supporting? How many babies are you buying diapers for, providing childcare for?

Curious if you were using birth control?

Did you know that, while birth control is highly effective for *one* year, by the time you’ve used it for 10 years it’s a 50/50 chance you’ll have had one unintended pregnancy? High efficacy for one year melts into not effective at all over a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am PP. I terminated a pregnancy for Down syndrome. It is not incompatible with life. It just wasn’t something that my husband and I wanted for our lives and the life of our older DC. To me, that’s reason enough. And anyway, why do strangers care so much what others do with their genetic material?

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

On the other hand, my older boy has Down syndrome and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is the delight of our lives.

I only write this to point out there are myriad and COMPLICATED reasons and situations to end a pregnancy and none of them are anyone's business.

That's insane. You should have had a tubal ligation instead of tossing the dice with another pregnancy. I hope abortion rights are restored -- and I hope people stop taking abortion this lightly, too.

You are a judgmental person. Why is that insane? My sister terminated her accidental 4th pregnancy in her 40s. Her youngest was 12 at the time. I have never judged her, and as far as I am concerned, she made the right choice. It had nothing to do with gender, but that’s irrelevant. Some women just don’t want more children, boys or girls, so who are we to force this choice onto them?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.

sure Jan. a “women’s hospital.”

+1. This has turned into a thread of trolls, not discussion.

uh, there are "women's hospitals" and used to be many more.

I went to nursing school at Case Western in the late 90's. Did almost all my clinicals at the Mcdonald's Womens' hospital which is one of the hospitals of the "University Hospitals of Cleveland".
Each floor of this hospital serves a different part of womens' health care (gyn oncology, labor and delivery, etc).

https://www.uhhospitals.org/locations/uh-macdonald-womens-hospital

Maybe do some basic research before you spout off on something you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find interesting in the things I’m reading since Friday here and on social media, is that the loudest voices are white privileged woman who CAN afford another baby and aren’t dealing with bad circumstances. Woman who want the option but might never choose and don’t relate at all the poor, underprivileged woman who seem most likely to choose abortion. I teach in a school with this population and likely half are illegal immigrants. Most of the kids I had could have been aborted because of their mom’s circumstances yet they choose life for them instead. And their lives haven’t necessarily gotten easier.

The statistics are out there that a majority of woman having abortions are Christian, married woman. Or the stories above of the catholic girls who likely had unsupportive parents and were terrified to tell them, not that it was easier for them to choose abortion.

I’m sorry but what is your point?

The point is that it’s not going to solve the problem of abortion being less accessible. These voices may not be anti-abortion but the time has come to figure out they can help to support the woman who find themselves in situations where they really, truly can’t afford to have a baby. It’s not a cause to fight for privileged woman who just don’t want to have a baby.

You are a sh&tty person. I am white, well off, educated. I have had two abortions: one because of a fetal abnormality in a very much wanted and planned pregnancy, and one for an unplanned pregnancy in my mid 40s when my birth control failed. It might have miscarried on its own because of my age, but I wasn’t interested in waiting it out. Who are you to tell me I am not the one who should have had an abortion?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.

sure Jan. a “women’s hospital.”

+1. This has turned into a thread of trolls, not discussion.

uh, there are "women's hospitals" and used to be many more.

I went to nursing school at Case Western in the late 90's. Did almost all my clinicals at the Mcdonald's Womens' hospital which is one of the hospitals of the "University Hospitals of Cleveland".
Each floor of this hospital serves a different part of womens' health care (gyn oncology, labor and delivery, etc).

https://www.uhhospitals.org/locations/uh-macdonald-womens-hospital

Maybe do some basic research before you spout off on something you know nothing about.

yeah I’m so sure that there was a “woman’s hospital” with wards full of women getting abortions before their Vegas trips …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

I happen to think that it is not only not courageous, but it is selfish (baby will suffer, but at least you got to hold them), irrational (imo it’s better to terminate asap and save time that you can dedicate to a healthy pregnancy and baby), irresponsible (huge medical bills that responsible tax payers and insurance subscribers have to foot) and frankly, stupid/brain washed (which is what I think of most religious people…who believe that we all lived in a fish for 3 days!)