Really Low Stepmom Moment
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Anonymous
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I'm really feeling like the worst right now. DSS, age 12, has been a handful lately. Stuff like talking back, giving attitude when asked to do really minimal chores. Nothing over the top, but difficult. His dad handles just about everything, but I can't say I don't seethe inside a lot of the time either about how Im talked to or on his dad's behalf. So today, I find a 6 inch, huge, centipede in my room. I hate bugs. Loathe the things. So I call to dh to kill it. Hes in the bathroom. So I ask DSS, who says that he can't right now, he wants to get dressed. And I ask him again to please kill the thing, I hate bugs. And he rolls his eyes and gives it a whack with a shoe, but its still alive. So I ask him to please just pick it up and put it in the toilet. And he picks the thing up with tissue and then shoves it in my face, saying something like "this! you're afraid of this!". And I tell him to quit acting like a little s+++.
He ran off. I immediately went to him and apologized. I never curse. Like, I'm the biggest prude when it even comes to PG-13 language. It just came out with all the general frustration. I told him he was a good kid. I then told his dad what I did. We had a fine day afterwards. I spent some time with DSS playing X-box. We talked about other stuff. But I still feel really low. He's been at his baseball practice for an hour and I've just been crying. This just isn't who I want to be. |
Anonymous
I think every parent has low, low moments/days/weeks like this. You've got a lot of company! It sounds like you handled things well in terms of apologizing immediately. I'm curious - did DSS apologize to you for what he did to you? That was out of line. Was there any discussion about it? |
Anonymous
| absolutely NOT. It was a bug. This is why my ex and I will not remarry. If our new significant other did this crap to our kid one of us would wind up in jail. Get some raid and big girl panties. |
Anonymous
| get a grip, it is a bug and why kill it? just put it outside. grow some balls lady. |
Anonymous
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You handled the situation well. Every parent makes mistakes step parents too. I hope you DSS apologized to you as well.
You seem so nice and your DSS is lucky to have you. |
Anonymous
| Your step son sounds like a brat, and I would have hit him with the shoe long ago. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
+1. WTF OP? |
Anonymous
Not the hitting part, but I agree with the general sentiment. |
Anonymous
| Your stepson was a jerk and I don't necessarily think you handled it badly. However, I don't think you should have asked him to do something that you as a grown up were too afraid to do. Weird power play you set in motion, and speaking as a mom of a middle schooler, at that age, kids get such a kick out of stuff like your stepson did to you. What would you have done if it was just you or you and your two year old (don't know if you have other kids) were there? |
Anonymous
OP here. I appreciate all the responses. There has been a on again off again air of frustration in our house with DSS's behavior. THe day before, his dad sent him away from the breakfast table because he had asked him to set the table, DSS delayed, gave attitude, finished email, and then did about half the setting. When DH asked him to please go get the two forks that were missing he threw one at his three year old sister. I'm not trying to paint him as an awful kid, that's about as bad as it gets. Just kind of general, low stakes attitude, that I'm party to but not the heavy in. However, before bug incident, there wasn't anything heavy going on. If I had been alone, I would have gotton the raid. But, DSS was about 10 feet away, I hate bugs, so I asked if he wouldn't mind doing it. I got a big sigh and eyeroll (not because he has any problem with bugs, but because that's the response at being asked to do anything), I reminded him that we are all allowed to dislike certain chores and how I'd been doing the dishwasher for the last week because he disliked that one so much. And then it went down like I said. But it wasn't like I was panicked or couldn't have handled it. It was just one of a series of things that so could have been "not a big deal" but turned into a "big freaking deal" because DSS had an attitude about it. |
Anonymous
| That is just beyond the pale. I would be furious if I was his real mom - what does she think of this? Or his dad for that matter. I cannot imagine a situation where I would ever call a child a little shit. Jesus lady. |
Anonymous
| Oh relax, 20:31. He was being one and she called him on it. I rarely swear but yesterday I told dd she had a shitty attitude because it was true. And she's fine. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Wait until your daughter is 12. She could start acting out too. Will you call her a little shit? I don't think so! What's really going on here? This is how 12 year old's can act. Maybe something's up. Children act out for a reason. Is school causing stress? How often does he go back and forth between homes? Why did you ask him to kill the bug? (Was it really six inches? Or three?) Maybe you should try not to react so strongly to him. Take a chill pill. Read the book, Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy. You would NOT believe what my son acted like when he was 13 and 14. You ain't seen nothing yet! |
Anonymous
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20:39 Two points:
1. A stepmother calling a stepchild "a little shit" could be played up big time by an attorney. 2. It's also verbally abusive language coming from a parent, step or not. |