Anyone never have baby fever?

[Anonymous]

I'm 34 and I have never had baby fever. I've been married for 8 years, have a solid marriage, don't have kids, and it would seem like we're ready for kids but I just don't feel "ready" yet. But I feel like we better get started or we may run into infertility problems with AMA. I wish I had baby fever to help me get excited about the idea of having a child, but I've never experienced it. I'm trying to decide if I just go ahead and have a baby because I'm getting old and because DH really wants one, even though I've never had baby fever or the intense longing for a child? Or should I wait until I have those feelings? As a side note, I am really dreading pregnancy. I've been dragging my feet on making pre-natal consultation appointments because I am dreading pregnancy a lot.

[Anonymous]

Yep, me. We met at 23 and got married at 28. Kept waiting for it to hit but it really didn't. I knew DH really wanted to be a dad so I just figured I'd get on board. I'm a huge planner and started wrapping my head around having a baby about 18 months before we started trying in our early 30s. We got pregnant quickly and I was excited but can't really ever say I got baby fever. I adapted to motherhood pretty well and those first few weeks just fell in love with my baby.

Now three years later it is exhausting but we are having a blast for the most part. Just have the most amazing little person with us now. We are pregnant with #2 and it was much the same thing - I never got baby fever but wanted to expand our family, give DC1 a sibling, and so on. I am getting a bit excited about reusing some of our adorable baby things. But I've never really had babylust for my unborn kids. At least the first time, it kicked in when I had the baby.

[Anonymous]

You may never have baby fever - many men never have it, and have babies anyway. I don't think you can assume you'll have baby fever if you wait long enough. Maybe you can think more about whether you'd like a CHILD. They are babies for only a year, but you parent them for a long time. Do you want to do that?

[Anonymous]

Well, I certainly wouldn't expect someone to suggest to a post like this - 'hey, sounds like you'll be a loving parent! Go for it!'

... but, I can tell you that DH was excited to start a family, and as much as I knew it was what I wanted long-term, I wasn't keen on getting pregnant NOR was I crazy about babies / kids. I still don't really like other kids. But for many reasons, I am grateful and feel blessed to have a healthy daughter and another on the way. I hated / hate being pregnant, but it is a temporary situation and resulted in the love(s) of my life.
In retrospect, despite all of the change that kids bring, I simply don't understand why I didn't have them earlier. Things happen for a reason and sometimes beyond our control, so I don't stress it... but to summarize, I didn't have baby-fever and I a madly in love with my kid(s) now.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post at about your age. I came to the realization that my clock was never going to tick. I took a huge gamble agreeing to "try". I got pregnant immediately with #1 and was genuinely worried throughout my whole pregnancy that I might not love the baby as much as our dog. Long story short, I'm now preg with #3 but still believe that if I'd never had kids I wouldn't have regretted it. I love my kids fiercely but don't identify only as a mom. Not even sure if I identify first as a mom (don't think so). To state the obvious, Having kids is hard work, changes your life & is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

No, I never had "baby fever." And I think 34 is way too young to worry about AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written your post at about your age. I came to the realization that my clock was never going to tick. I took a huge gamble agreeing to "try". I got pregnant immediately with #1 and was genuinely worried throughout my whole pregnancy that I might not love the baby as much as our dog. Long story short, I'm now preg with #3 but still believe that if I'd never had kids I wouldn't have regretted it. I love my kids fiercely but don't identify only as a mom. Not even sure if I identify first as a mom (don't think so). To state the obvious, Having kids is hard work, changes your life & is not for everyone.

OP here. Thanks for sharing! I have immense love for our cats, and all animals, but have just never had that "baby fever." I can understand what you're saying. DH wants to start trying soon but I am terrified. I just wish I had baby fever to get me over the fear of TTC and pregnancy! Pregnancy scares the crap out of me. I don't know if I can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you are 38 and travel, have fun now.
Pregnancy nowadays is not so scary. It's the fat gut and stretch marks afterwards that are the hard part! And whoever says that a c-section scar fades until it is invisible is a liar. Newborns are sleep black holes. You will be exhausted. Save yourself!!
No seriously though, don't you ever go out to a bar with your husband to hang out or watch the game and think, is this all there is? Scuba trips and free weekends? There must be more to life? And they are right, my family is so much more meaningful than all the knitting-dog walking-sailing-hiking crap I was doing before. And you get to ignore your annoying relative/friend who THINKS they have problems. Have a kid and then tell me about your self-made problems.
I would never trade my darling DDs to get my svelte tummy back. They make me laugh every day. I want to hug them RIGHT NOW.

[Anonymous]

Never had baby fever, our first was an accident. While I was mentally preparing for 'the worst,' but I didn't know what that actually meant and as it turns out has been a lot harder than I ever expected even in the worst case. We've debated about whether or not to have another, but the discussion is on hold until we someday get a whole night's sleep (19 months and counting without that...) and our child is more independent.

Do you have interests or do things in life that you enjoy and without you'd be unhappy? Do you see having a child and family life as full-filling in itself without anything else? If the answer to the first is yes and second is no then you may want to think about it longer. I gave up many pretty much all of my interests aside from work (about once every 4 months or less I can do something I would like to do). Family life is fun, but can be monotonous for me and I wasn't ready for that fact. I'm still working on finding a balance where I feel intellectually fullfilled, as well as keep up with family and work commitments without burning out or feeling like a failure in at least one realm.

[Anonymous]

I never had it. Figured I'd better get started at 36 after 7 yrs of marriage because of AMA, like OP.

Had baby. Realized I don't like having a baby. Changed plan of having 2 kids and decided never to have another baby.

Wandered through 0-4 in a agitated state. Awoke, and LOVE LOVE having a 5-(now) 9 y.o. singleton kid.

If I wasn't so old, I'd strongly consider adopting a 5+ yr old child out of The System.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I never had "baby fever." And I think 34 is way too young to worry about AMA.

Well as my OB put it - its ok to wait if you are only having one - it is the second she worries about... 34 + wait 2 more years + 0.5 to get pregnant + 1 being pregnant and then having newborn + 0.5 because otherwise it is too soon + 1 year even a little less trying to get pregant again = 40 years old when #2 is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No seriously though, don't you ever go out to a bar with your husband to hang out or watch the game and think, is this all there is? Scuba trips and free weekends? There must be more to life?

OP here. I guess I sometimes wonder this but I enjoy our lifestyle. It's calm and chaos free. It's really the chaos and stress that I'm worried I won't enjoy or be able to handle well.

[Anonymous]

Another one here who never had baby fever. I thought for years about whether it would be the right decision for me. I finally decided yes, but it was a completely logical decision about what I hoped I would have in my life. I decided on the timing based on concerns about AMA. I guarantee I would never have had baby fever.

For what it's worth, I really loved pregnancy. In fact, I wish I could have stayed pregnant forever because I had the child I wanted, felt good, and didn't have to deal with all the scary stuff of having a child on the outside (anxiety, responsibility, etc.).

I have a 5 month old and am completely attached/bonded. I am also beginning to really enjoy my new family member (different from attachment). I don't *love* the baby stage, but I continue to believe that I will enjoy him more and more as he grows into his own person.

Finally, I disagree with the idea that you should not consider AMA right now. Things get harder as you get older, and you can't know about your fertility until you try. Thankfully there's lots of great medical help, but it's a taxing experience. If you are like me and will likely never get baby fever, but do actually want to have a child, consider what you would gain or lose by waiting.

[Anonymous]

While I never had baby fever, I may have had a case of the biological clock. I was very non-maternal throughout my 20's. The baby thing didn't remotely interest me. I got married, reached my mid-thirties, and then something clicked that said "Try Now." We tried, got lucky, and had baby #1. A year and a half passed, something clicked that said "Try Now...Again." Now, I'm pregnant with #2. This will probably be it for us baby-wise. I'm still not the most maternal person around but I love my kid and I'm looking forward to meeting the new one. I also am excited about all the new things I get to experience by being a parent.

That said, if it weren't for your husband wanting a baby, I'd say DON'T go for it. But, since he wants to start trying, it's a more difficult question. If you agreed going into the marriage that you would have children, maybe you should give it a shot. I haven't loved being pregnant but it's finite. Soon, the pregnancy will only be hazy memories.

[Anonymous]

I didn't and probably never will. Wasnt excited about pregnancy, didnt fall in love at birth (shock was more like it). DC is almost 2. I dont dig babies...4-8 is probably my favorite stage for kids, followed my middle and HS years. Babies are super dependent and mine was a HORRID sleeper.

That said, I am looking forward to having another. It's kinda like going back for an advanced degree. Schooling sucks but there's a great payoff (usually) after graduation.