Anyone never have baby fever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That said, if it weren't for your husband wanting a baby, I'd say DON'T go for it. But, since he wants to start trying, it's a more difficult question. If you agreed going into the marriage that you would have children, maybe you should give it a shot.

OP here. We got married in our mid 20's and I never even thought about having kids then, so we didn't talk much about it. Now I'm 34 and I feel immense pressure from DH to start trying. I dread pregnancy though. I have some issues that would make me a high risk patient and so that's a big part of why I am dreading pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No seriously though, don't you ever go out to a bar with your husband to hang out or watch the game and think, is this all there is? Scuba trips and free weekends? There must be more to life?

OP here. I guess I sometimes wonder this but I enjoy our lifestyle. It's calm and chaos free. It's really the chaos and stress that I'm worried I won't enjoy or be able to handle well.

I don't want to scare you, but in our lives there is a TON of chaos and stress. The whole work / life balance our first year was a total disaster. However, there are ways to mitigate the chaos mostly in strict routines. If you are ok with doing the same thing day in and day out then you will be fine. Spontaneity is not a friend of little children.

[Anonymous]

PP, you reminded me of something. I'm 13:52. When DS was about 9 months old, I went to a baby shower and there were a handful of pregnant women there very close to full term. I remember feeling so sorry for them and, at the same time, so happy that I wasn't one of them. Fast forward about a year and, there I was, getting pregnant again. Yes, for me, the first year was a huge, big UGHHH. It passed and the sleep deprivation-induced memory loss has enabled me to go for #2. I'm preparing myself for another year of total UGHH - combined with the pre-existing chaos of our toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you reminded me of something. I'm 13:52. When DS was about 9 months old, I went to a baby shower and there were a handful of pregnant women there very close to full term. I remember feeling so sorry for them and, at the same time, so happy that I wasn't one of them. Fast forward about a year and, there I was, getting pregnant again. Yes, for me, the first year was a huge, big UGHHH. It passed and the sleep deprivation-induced memory loss has enabled me to go for #2. I'm preparing myself for another year of total UGHH - combined with the pre-existing chaos of our toddler.

I could definitely see that being true, if my toddler slept through the night or as much as some people's toddlers sleep. Ours sleeps 9:30pm to 7:00am with middle of the night wake-ups and one two hour nap. We rarely get all of the chores, extra work done between 9:30-11:30pm so we're exhausted by the time he wakes us up in the morning. We just accept our zombie-like personas at this point.

[Anonymous]

I never had baby fever, but DH and I both knew we wanted a family eventually. When we hit 30 I asked what we were waiting for. If we knew we wanted kids, wouldn't it make sense to have them on the earlier side and then be around for their adulthood, our grandkids, etc.? We had steady jobs, money in the bank, a good roof over our heads. I've never had high-pressure career ambitions, so that wasn't an issue.

And now that I have a child, I find there's another upside: My mother told me onetime not to wait too long to have kids b/c it's physically demanding, and I've found it true, at least. The first couple years are grueling, from a physical standpoint--pregnancy, birth, the loss of sleeeeep, keeping up with a toddler, keeping up with a toddler while pregnant again, etc. I'm so glad that we went for it in our early thirties and I'm not trying to do this 5-8 years from now.

I'm sure it doesn't make sense for everyone and for some it's best to wait until later in life. But this was our thinking, and so far it's playing out well.

[Anonymous]

Never had baby fever. Ever. Avoided babies when I was pregnant because I didn't want to be made to hold them, which everyone assumed I wanted to do because I was pregnant. I was so miserable being pregnant that I told my mom at some point she only thought being pregnant was beautiful b/c she was a "spacey hippie" when she had her kids.

I wasn't really even sure as I went to the hospital for delivery. No surprises here- I LOVE my little girl- she's 2, so that is really saying something. I wish I had started earlier so I could have more. I don't think it works out like this for everyone, but there is hope for even the most un-feverish among us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never had baby fever. Ever. Avoided babies when I was pregnant because I didn't want to be made to hold them, which everyone assumed I wanted to do because I was pregnant.

OP here. Thanks for posting this. I feel the same way around friends' babies.

[Anonymous]

Never had it. Husband and I went round and round about whether to have kids and eventually decided to let fate decide. We liked our life the way it was and knew we'd be fine without kids but thought it could be good with kids too. Fate decided we needed one He's two and he's awesome. That said, I'm still not a baby person. I don't go gooey eyed over other people's and I'm not pining for another one. Loved mine to pieces but couldn't wait for the "baby stuff" to be over.

[Anonymous]

I am not the "baby fever" type, but I knew I wanted a family...eventually. We went for it when I was 34 and I got pregnant right away. For me, pregnancy was a breeze compared to the newborn phase, which I did not enjoy (maybe because I'm not a baby person?). The more DS can communicate, the happier I am.

On a side note, at my birthing class, this dude who already had a baby was asked to share some words of wisdom about parenthood with the group. He said, "It's more work than you can ever possibly imagine." I was annoyed with him at the time (we're already pregnant, jackass, it's too late for us now)! But I think about that comment often (especially when the entire family is sick with the stomach flu!) I wasn't able to fully comprehend the amount of work it requires until I had my own. It's also relentless. You think somehow you'll get a break, but you never really do.

But you learn to adapt, and then you can't imagine your life any other way. It's a tough decision--and not one to be taken lightly by either party.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I never had it. I knew I wanted children someday but also loved being just a couple and never felt quite ready to take the plunge. Finally, when I hit 37 we decided it was now or never. Soon thereafter I found out I had massive fertility issues. In the end, it took almost 4 years and more than $50,000 to get pregnant. I'm now in the third trimester with #1.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your interesting comments. Gives me lots to think about.

Part of the lack of baby fever for me is wanting a lot of couple time. Even though we've been married 8 years, due to DH's job, we don't get to spend as much time together as I would like. I feel like we still have a lot more couple time to accomplish before having a baby. But I also don't want to wait too long because of AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I never had "baby fever." And I think 34 is way too young to worry about AMA.

Sorry, but 34 is not "way too young to worry about AMA", especially if the OP ends up wanting more than one child. I have plenty of friends in their early thirties who spent small fortunes on fertility treatments and ended up adopting anyway. Personally, I didn't get married until I was 37 and ended up getting pregnant naturally at 38 and 41 but I also experienced five miscarriages along the way. I consider myself lucky that I was able to conceive at at all but the elevated risk factors and testing after age 35 has been stressful. I wouldn't recommend getting pregnant after 38 or so to anyone if they have the option of trying earlier. Just two cents from an AMA mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your interesting comments. Gives me lots to think about.

Part of the lack of baby fever for me is wanting a lot of couple time. Even though we've been married 8 years, due to DH's job, we don't get to spend as much time together as I would like. I feel like we still have a lot more couple time to accomplish before having a baby. But I also don't want to wait too long because of AMA.

This might be a real concern...does he work long hours or travel a lot? Would you be caring for your child by yourself? Does he come home before 8 pm? If so, then he may be spending very little time with your child and you will be the primary care taker making this even more about what YOU want. Would he be willing to take a less demanding job for family life?

My experience...we have NO us time. We now pay $100 per date and we're lucky if we have 1 date per 2-3 months. Our relationship was great pre-baby and now we're in marital counseling. It's been very rough for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience...we have NO us time. We now pay $100 per date and we're lucky if we have 1 date per 2-3 months. Our relationship was great pre-baby and now we're in marital counseling. It's been very rough for us.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Ditto, minus the counseling. (Who has the time?)