Bad, Bizarre, or Baffling Gifts share your stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is just my family being weird: When my brother was around 11 or 12 my mum got him a playboy puzzle. She later admitted she thought it would be a sexy shot, not a completely naked spread cooter shot (she knew what playboy was but the outside of the box had only her shoulders/neck so she assumed that was all in the photo).

We were aghast/titillated but being rabid puzzle doers (For example, my brother always stole a piece from puzzles others were working on so he could have the satisfaction of completing it by running over with the last piece when you were hunting all over for it). We all worked on it all christmas day on the dining table, eventually hurrying to finish it to set the table.

My grandparents, parents and sisters (we were 10 and 14) completed it but her vulva was missing. We all stared glumly and rather confused until my Scots grandmum shrieked "Bloody hell- where's her twat???"... we began to hunt around looking on chairs, under the table....until my brother pulled it out of his pocket and ran over, saying 'last piece!' We died laughing.

My dh loves this story and to this day will find a time every christmas to shout out "Bloody hell- where's her twat???" usually when he's stuffing a turkey or cornish game hen.

Can your family adopt me please? You all sound awesome

Me too, please!!!

Yes, this is a family I want to be part of too! (my parents had what sounds like a similar "Playmates" puzzle in a can, which they stupidly stored in a cupboard in the playroom - they were NOT happy when their elementary-age kids and friends found it and started to assemble it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is just my family being weird: When my brother was around 11 or 12 my mum got him a playboy puzzle. She later admitted she thought it would be a sexy shot, not a completely naked spread cooter shot (she knew what playboy was but the outside of the box had only her shoulders/neck so she assumed that was all in the photo).

We were aghast/titillated but being rabid puzzle doers (For example, my brother always stole a piece from puzzles others were working on so he could have the satisfaction of completing it by running over with the last piece when you were hunting all over for it). We all worked on it all christmas day on the dining table, eventually hurrying to finish it to set the table.

My grandparents, parents and sisters (we were 10 and 14) completed it but her vulva was missing. We all stared glumly and rather confused until my Scots grandmum shrieked "Bloody hell- where's her twat???"... we began to hunt around looking on chairs, under the table....until my brother pulled it out of his pocket and ran over, saying 'last piece!' We died laughing.

My dh loves this story and to this day will find a time every christmas to shout out "Bloody hell- where's her twat???" usually when he's stuffing a turkey or cornish game hen.

Can your family adopt me please? You all sound awesome

Me too, please!!!

Yes, this is a family I want to be part of too! (my parents had what sounds like a similar "Playmates" puzzle in a can, which they stupidly stored in a cupboard in the playroom - they were NOT happy when their elementary-age kids and friends found it and started to assemble it)

I hope you have submitted this story to one of Carolyn Hax's annual Christmas season hootenany chats. If not, submit it next year!!

[Anonymous]

Office secret Santa. About 10 women all between the ages of 28-40 participated $20 max. We were a close group. There was one part-time woman, very artsy, interesting, some-what eccentric at times. (NYC-so not uncommon.) She was a costume jewelry designer, cute things and we thought whoever she picked would get a great gift. We are at the holiday lunch and we each stand up to open our gifts one at a time. All smiles around because we knew each other pretty well so we got things we liked. Last girl, opens up the gift from the part-timer and she says "Oh scratch offs!" (Lottery tickets). Then she looks closer and says-"they are all scratched off!" Part-timer says-"Yes! I saved you the time! You didn't win!" My coworker graciously says thank you. Sits back down and looks at me and says "so she gave me garbage?" Yup she did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is just my family being weird: When my brother was around 11 or 12 my mum got him a playboy puzzle. She later admitted she thought it would be a sexy shot, not a completely naked spread cooter shot (she knew what playboy was but the outside of the box had only her shoulders/neck so she assumed that was all in the photo).

We were aghast/titillated but being rabid puzzle doers (For example, my brother always stole a piece from puzzles others were working on so he could have the satisfaction of completing it by running over with the last piece when you were hunting all over for it). We all worked on it all christmas day on the dining table, eventually hurrying to finish it to set the table.

My grandparents, parents and sisters (we were 10 and 14) completed it but her vulva was missing. We all stared glumly and rather confused until my Scots grandmum shrieked "Bloody hell- where's her twat???"... we began to hunt around looking on chairs, under the table....until my brother pulled it out of his pocket and ran over, saying 'last piece!' We died laughing.

My dh loves this story and to this day will find a time every christmas to shout out "Bloody hell- where's her twat???" usually when he's stuffing a turkey or cornish game hen.

Can your family adopt me please? You all sound awesome

Me too, please!!!

Yes, this is a family I want to be part of too! (my parents had what sounds like a similar "Playmates" puzzle in a can, which they stupidly stored in a cupboard in the playroom - they were NOT happy when their elementary-age kids and friends found it and started to assemble it)

I hope you have submitted this story to one of Carolyn Hax's annual Christmas season hootenany chats. If not, submit it next year!!

Nothing will every top this. I clicked on the last page to start reading this thread, and I refuse to go back and read any of the other submissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work one year we did secret Santa gifts at our holiday party - the kind where you pick the name of a person out of a hat. This was a smallish/ medium size office that had 3 principles. The socially awkward coworker in the office gave one of the principles a viagra paperweight. It was the most bizarre gift and such a strange choice of a gift for a boss.

I had a former boss give me a Zoloft business card holder as a gift.

We weren't doctors and we have nothing to do with drug reps. But she's like OH I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THIS! I MEAN, IT'S FOR ZOLOFT!

I actually get this. I'd use it for my business cards. I work in a very visible position and it would just be so funny to be gladhanding/shmoozing at meetings/orientation/hiring events and making a show of taking out my card from my zoloft card holder with a shaky hand, all while assuring people I loved my job and it would be great working together.

I just looked on ebay for a zoloft card holder but only found viagra- that would be pretty great too (I'm a lady).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got this from co-workers when I was leaving a job. It's from japan and when the alarm sounds it says "wake up. Don't sweep your wife away. Mooooooo"

?

I would love to receive something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This story is just my family being weird: When my brother was around 11 or 12 my mum got him a playboy puzzle. She later admitted she thought it would be a sexy shot, not a completely naked spread cooter shot (she knew what playboy was but the outside of the box had only her shoulders/neck so she assumed that was all in the photo).

We were aghast/titillated but being rabid puzzle doers (For example, my brother always stole a piece from puzzles others were working on so he could have the satisfaction of completing it by running over with the last piece when you were hunting all over for it). We all worked on it all christmas day on the dining table, eventually hurrying to finish it to set the table.

My grandparents, parents and sisters (we were 10 and 14) completed it but her vulva was missing. We all stared glumly and rather confused until my Scots grandmum shrieked "Bloody hell- where's her twat???"... we began to hunt around looking on chairs, under the table....until my brother pulled it out of his pocket and ran over, saying 'last piece!' We died laughing.

My dh loves this story and to this day will find a time every christmas to shout out "Bloody hell- where's her twat???" usually when he's stuffing a turkey or cornish game hen.

Laughing so hard I’m crying. Thank you for sharing this gem

[Anonymous]

The strangest (or hazardous ) gifts I ever received were from the friend of mine. Food. Lots of expired food.
I never knew that individually wrapped chocolate bites (like Ghirardelly) could be covered in white hue (I could't see the color of the actual choc), hard as wood chips and smell like a stale vegetable oil.
Bottles of juice with artificial ingredients. Liquid separated to almost colorless water and some flaky crap on the bottom of the bottles, butter spread in a yellowed plastic tub - out of unhealthy curiosity I removed a lead and a membrane, and there was this awful smelling green goo inside, ugh.

It has been going on for years and than stopped. Later I learned that she food poisoned neighborhood kids at Halloween, and angry parents confronted her.
She did not give the same whatevers to her own kid. She knew, I am sure she knew what she was doing.
It's great that her own child did not any of her special treats, but feeding someone else's kids garbage is a crappy thing to do.
She began to send me junk from a dollar store and finally I very nicely talked to her about holiday gifts, and we both agreed that we are not kids anymore and a phone call or holiday card will be just fine.
Thank God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One year, either when I was in high school or early college years, my mom got me a Da Vinci Code jigsaw puzzle. I mean, I had read the book -- I read a lot of books, it wasn't a particular favorite or anything. It was so weird and I was so mad because it felt like she put zero thought into it.


Another year my little brother requested "funny shirts." He was probably like, 15 or 16, so I was in my early 20s. I bought him a bunch of t-shirts with super-bawdy, totally inappropriate stuff on them (probably from Abercombie or maybe even Spencer's)...I mean, I thought they were funny, but I didn't really think it through. So not only did he have to open those in front of everyone on Christmas morning, he also came out a couple years later. I'm embarrassed about those shirts to this day!

In your mom's defense, it was likely inadvertent. I did the same thing last year, by buying my freshman son a spanish verb book and spanish-english dictionary. He needed them for school and I thought it might be nice to have a couple of more things to unwrap. Nope. He was pissed! He said school shouldn't come anywhere near the Christmas tree. I learned my lesson!

Your kid always that rude?

[Anonymous]

A 3 foot teddy bear that sings “Sunrise Sunset.” For my daughter. We were meant to fly home with it. We didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This story is just my family being weird: When my brother was around 11 or 12 my mum got him a playboy puzzle. She later admitted she thought it would be a sexy shot, not a completely naked spread cooter shot (she knew what playboy was but the outside of the box had only her shoulders/neck so she assumed that was all in the photo).

We were aghast/titillated but being rabid puzzle doers (For example, my brother always stole a piece from puzzles others were working on so he could have the satisfaction of completing it by running over with the last piece when you were hunting all over for it). We all worked on it all christmas day on the dining table, eventually hurrying to finish it to set the table.

My grandparents, parents and sisters (we were 10 and 14) completed it but her vulva was missing. We all stared glumly and rather confused until my Scots grandmum shrieked "Bloody hell- where's her twat???"... we began to hunt around looking on chairs, under the table....until my brother pulled it out of his pocket and ran over, saying 'last piece!' We died laughing.

My dh loves this story and to this day will find a time every christmas to shout out "Bloody hell- where's her twat???" usually when he's stuffing a turkey or cornish game hen.

Best story ever! Made my day!

[Anonymous]

Regift from a friend - it was wrapped and when I opened it there was a note from the store that clearly showed she was sent the gift from another friend. She never opened it and just gave to us for wedding.

My SIL sent us a gift for housewarming. It was a Macy’s coupon card that was expired! She then called me a week later to ask how I liked the gift card and why I hadn’t thanked her!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL goes to the hairdresser at least weekly. For gift occasions, she buys me things from their gift area. A lot of it is accessories that are targeted toward older women trying to look hip. Think lots of animal prints and statement bracelets. In her mind my style is like the Mike Myers "Linda Richman" character on SNL, I'm over 60, and and I shop at Chico's, while in reality I'm 40-some and more the classic/preppy type.

Before the hairdresser, there was this older women's clothing shop she went to constantly, similar aesthetic, and all my gifts came from there. My DH agrees they were pretty bad. A couple years ago, he was on the phone with her and she told him that store had closed, and he immediately rushed to tell me the good news. For a couple years I got store gift cards and it was great. But then she found this hairdresser.

What is odd is that supposedly I am the favorite DIL, but she has always given my SILs gift cards to nice stores rather than fake-fur earmuffs and snakeskin-print bags from the hairdresser's. I do appreciate that she puts a lot more thought and effort into my gifts than she does into theirs, and try to see as much humor in it as I can.

She is also someone who grew up in the Depression and she and my FIL literally never threw anything out. They weren't hoarders, but they packed up (with lots of mothballs) and kept lots of things that should have been donated or sold long ago. Now she is in this phase of rooting through the house and unloading random stuff. Every time DH goes over there, he comes back with a pile of read magazines and at least one item she unearthed out of the basement. Old toys, old clothing, cutesy knickknacks from her former gift business, random piles of mismatched dinner plates. A couple of years ago, she gave my tween daughter her old bright green ski overalls from the 1970s and a pair of big wool mittens of the same era, all reeking of mothballs. Another time it was a bag of old Christmas lights. Last week DH came home with this creepy Christmas decoration with a Santa doll riding a bike, which is now in our front hall giving us the willies, but it has to stay there bc she comes here for Xmas. Again, she does not do this to my SILs. Their houses look like Pottery Barn catalogs. Mine looks more and more like a cluttered resale shop.

There is hope, DIL. As the interior designers say on on the DIY shows, edit! Donate. Save only what is workable and won't be clutter. So, a dinner plate. Wool mittens get air out and tied on a front door wreath. Old Christmas lights can be used as a garland, unplugged. Is the box interesting? The Santa...can you save his clothes only and use those in a display? Or is the bike alone worth saving? I'm a big proponent of taking things apart, putting it outside/making a wreath, part of a display outside...then tossing or donating.

My family room has a jumble of Christmas ornament boxes! that I got from my late grandmother in law. The boxes are 50s era and beautiful...

[Anonymous]

My ILs who live out of state and never call or make effort to see our daughter sent her one gift. A pillow that straps on to a seatbelt. Our kid is 3. She will be in a car seat for years to come. Meanwhile they texted pics of the other grandkids at their house surrounded by gifts. I’m beyond annoyed. Thank God my kid is too young to understand this.

[Anonymous]

Wedding gift: In-law gave a gift wrapped in Christmas paper (it was a May wedding btw). It was clearly regifted. It was a weird junk item that had no practical use, so I googled to figure out what it was. It was a like $3 item, not even worth the thank you card and postage. DH later gave it as a white elephant gift to rave reviews. Everyone said, “Omg that’s horrible. Where do you even find that?”